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Before I dive into my past, I will shortly answer the "mandatory" Questions.
For anybody else that is interested In my personal Story, just read on.
Where you are from?
Originally Macedonia, Lived almost all of my Life in Germany. Now I'm stayin in Bali a couple of Months after living in Australia for one Year.
How old are you?
* What are your goals? (specific goals- I want to bang # of chicks in 2012)
I want to Bang over 100 Chicks before 2018.
I want to create a business so I can finally stop workin on fuckin Construction Sites.
I want a Healthy Bigger Dick.
I want to travel Asia, New Zealand, Kanada and finally make my dream come true and get to the US.
* If you could accomplish ONLY ONE THING in the next 12 months.What would it be? (be specific)
Obviously, beating AA and "Getting good with Women" aka "Becoming the best version of Me" bla bla (you heard that stuff a million Times before)
Otherwise I wouldn't be here.
I want to finally understand what the fuck I'm doin and build a Lifestyle that I can be proud off. Live up to my full potential, and don't get crippled by fear.
* How long have you been reading self-improvement stuff? Pickup/dating material?
I started Reading about it in 2010. Started applying it, Got all Kinds of STDs, Broke my Dick, Got into Drugs.. BAD..
and than i Was a cripple for pretty much 3 years where I wasted my Youth away (I will explain later, If you are interessted read on)
* What are you main blockages? (if you don't know we'll figure them out)
Through Illness and Sport Injuries attained Social Paranoia / anxiety, Injured Dick.
* What's your experience level, more importantly- what's your dating/sex life been like over the past few years?
Due to my History of PHISICAL Illness over the last couple of Years my Sex Life dropped from Banging 3 Chicks a week to Zero.
In the Last Year I build it back up to having a (now EX-) Girlfriend, and having some Drunk ONS and couple of Gangbangs.
+ Where'd you hear/find GoodLookingLoser.com?
The Internet, While looking for a Solution for my Tiny Cock.
Now It was 2009 and I just finished my Summmer Definition Phase (On Test Prop and Tren A) and I was ripped and Jacked as Fuck.
I also started doing some MMA
(This was the first Time in my Life that my Ego started to crumble because I had to realize that my Muscle won't protect me of getting punched in the Face).
I started a new cycle on Dianabol and Test E and felt like a "SUPER SAYAN". Like a God. I HAD to do something.
The Dbol got me Super Active. My Blood was boiling.
So I started To Party Hard every Weekend. Really Hard. On Amphetamines, MDMA, Coke etc.
Me, Coked Out:
I quit my Day Job, Broke up with My Girlfriend and started to Train Like an IFBB Pro all Week just to get totally fucked up on the Weekend and hit on Chicks.
(After Seeing the MTV series JERSEY SHORE couple a Years Later, I was convinced they followed me and Copied my Lifestyle back from 2009, LOL).
I had couple of success storys with the Ladies but Again nothing spectecular.
The Best part about those years was my Fuck Buddy.
We where getting it on for almost a Year
with the -till this very day- sickest Sex I've ever had. We experimented with everything (Anal,BDSM,Pissing,Toys. The good stuff).
I Felt like I found my Place In Life. I was the leader of a group of goodlooking Juice Heads. I was very good looking at that Point. The Bouncers knew me.
Girls Liked Me.
I didn't fuck a lot of em.
But Still I had Sex daily, and I was Living 'my Dream'.
After Half a Year of Horror I finally came back to Somewhat normal. My Test Levels where alright again.
gettin normal again
I was still Off the Juice, didn't make any big Progress in Game, and started smoking weed like Bob Marley himself.
I was stoned 24/7.
Again, to finance my addiction I started selling weed.
It was January 2011. Just couple of days after New Years eve, And I hooked up with a Girl that I banged In 2010.
It was less than a Girlfriend Situation but more than a fuckbuddy situation.
I really liked that Girl.
We spend our Days smoking Weed and Fucking (Biggest Trap in the Universe).
I quit my Job again.
Started selling Speed and couple of other Drugs to survive,
and when Spring approached, I started to party again.
Needless to say, back on Drugs.
I came back into Shape. I wastn't that JACKED anymore, but very Lean almost Model Looking. At that Time I even got offers to star in Porn.
My Ego came back to Normal again.
off the juice
I was ripped, had daily Sex, had GREAT Weed, and I was partying my Ass off. Who needs Game at that Point.
I even hooked up with couple of other girls and reached a Point where I was fucking 3 girls a Week.
Which felt awesome at that Time.
It was the Summer of 2011, I was 24 Years Old. I felt Like a true Freedom Fighter.
All my gym buddies followed my lead and went off the juice. Everybody was into Weed, Partying and Gym as a Life STYLE not as LIFE - Mindset.
On Top of that everybody started diving into Conspiracy theories (mainly because I had hourly long rants about that subject at the time)
I was talking about the New World Order, Drug Laws, The Illuminati, Meditation and the Mayan Callendar (obviously totally stoned lol)
and People(GIRLS) where listening.
I totally dived into a Parallel Universe with that Shit. We had this new Social Circle of Hippy like Ravers
(that includes cute druggy chicks)
I started Meditation, Yoga, Lucid Dreaming, Out of Body Experiences and continued puffing a Shitload of Weed.
My Birthday Present to my former Trainingspartner, and to this very Day Still BEST FRIEND, was a 'Do-It-your-Self-Magic-Mushroom-Growkit'.
(Two Years before that It was 3 Vials of Test and a Insulin Pen.. Times Change LOL).
Weekend was Party Time where I was doing a lot of XTC ( up 1 GRAMM of MDMA and shit like that).
To finance that addiction.. you know it already.. I started selling XTC.
Again I reached a Point in Live where the Bouncers knew me. I could sell my shit in their clubs and make couple of Grand a Night.
Which was a lot at the time, and actually still is.
In Those Rave Circles you meet a lot of (Junky-)"Friends" and you hang around in weird Clubs, Afterparty warehouses, Flats and Toiletts.
It's a fucked up scene where you should be on the lookout. a lot of Sick Cunts.
Anyways, I had the Time of my Life. Sex,Drugs&Techno. It was the best. I don't regret Anything.
Maybe One thing.. NOT USING CONDOMS.
It was February 2012 (I was already sick for over half a Year) and I was Limping away from the City towards a Bridge.
-It Fuckin ends here-
I stood on the brink of the Bridge and got ready to Jump.
"Good bye World..!"
- My Phone -
"God damned what a Timing. Fuckin Phone"
I was about to throw the Phone off the Bridge just to see it fall. But it was my best friend calling.
He kept ringing so I answered.
BF: "Heeeey Brooo what's up!?!"
Me: "Nothing too special. I'm about to Kill myself. How bout you?"
BF: "HAHA Nah Man.. Don't do that! Remember The Magic Mushroom Grow Kit you gave me??"
BF: "THE HARVEST IS READY MAN!"
Me: "Fantastic. I Couldn't care less bro. I'm Jumping off a bridge. See you on the other Side.
BF: "DUDE. You NEVER Tripped in your Life. You really wanna die like that? BORING! Lets trip the fuck out, and if you still feel the need you can Kill your self afer!"
BF: "Common Dude I'm waiting for you at the River!" (it's one of the last spots in the City that leads away from civilization and into Nature)
Me: "Alright Asshole you got me"
BF: "See ya in 15 min bro!!"
This Call literally saved my Life.
I draged myself into my Car and managed with my last power to drive to the river .
When I arrived my friend was already waiting for me with one of those big Tuppaware Boxes, that we used for Rice and Chicken back in Bodybuilding days.
Today it was filled with something different. It was filled with literally HUNDREDS of Mushrooms.
It was an unbelievable Site.
Even Me, the depressed suicidal Maniac, had a Big Grinn on my Face.
At this Point in Time My friend Had no Psychedelic Experience, neither did I.
So he asked Me (The Guy with ZERO Experience) how many Shrooms we should eat.
"They were way Bigger when i picked them! Now they look tiny and shitty. I Think I fucked it up. I think they won't work!" Said my friend.
I decided quickly that we just should split the box in two portions and eat them already.
(Now I know that they just dried up, which is totally normal. they are still strong as fuck)
"FAIR ENOUGH" answered my Best Friend.
I didn't eat the whole day because of my depression (the effects are way stronger on an empty stomach)
So I was actually looking forward on eating something. The Ammount that we decided to eat was almost unbareble to swallow.
The Volume of Shrooms was comparable to an Superrsize Meal.
Anyways, we fought our way through. Flushed them down with Water, and started our Journey into Nature.
We had absolutley no clue what to expect. So we just kept on walking. Away from the City towards Nature.
I'm Not gonna describe the whole Trip here. If anybody should be interessted, I will make another Post for that.
To Describe it shortly, I saw the Ecosystem of the Universe, had the realization of Oneness, Had an Ego Death, Loss Of Identity, Was cought in an eternal Loop,
Went into a scizophrenic phase .. and came back!
I was sitting comfortably at my friends House. We just came down from the Trip.
And i realized that for the first time in half a Year I had no pain. So I took off my pants, just to check.
I couldn't believe it. It was a miracle.
My Leg was back to normal. And i wastn't fuckin paralyzed anymore.
Even my lymphknotes looked at least 200% better. WHAT THE FUCK!?
I Found my MEDICINE!
The First Part of the Trip was fun and Beautyful. THe second half was horrifiying. But the Endresult was Unreal.
I had to realize that i wastn't depressed anymore.
Killing myself was the last thing I wanted to do at this Pcoint (Mainly because I thought I died on my Trip. "That shit can wait" I thought to myself.)
So I decided to trip again next Weekend.
Again, my condition got dramatically better.
After 5 Trips I really got the hang of it and started to do shamanic rituals.
I would have my Ritual 12 Midnight in total darkness and silence and would meditate through it.
I encounterd a lot of different Dimensions and Beings in my altered State of Concoussness.
But again, this shouldn't be the Topic of this Post here.
Point being, I got pretty Healthy again. I started to work again, to do MMA, hit the Gym, and to sell Drugs again.
Even My Cock started to get straighter and thicker again.
[b]comming back from the dead[/b]
It was unbelievable. A true miracle. A real PLANT MEDICINE.
I got healthier and healthier, but I still had accasional Herpes Outbreaks and problems with my Dick.
The doctors couldn't really do anything about it. the only solution they had was a surgery, that wouldn't even guarantee succes.
There was even the risk involved that they would damage my penis further.
So I continued To trip and like with everyhting else in my life I totally over did it.
It helped me a lot with my diseases but i dived deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.
Until I totally forgot my Identity. I was smoking a lot of weed again.
My new Mindstate was that I have to heal my self first with all those plants before I can "live" again.
I was 100% convinced that I will eventually be back at 100%.
So I started just going through Life. Everyday Life was just a blur.
I would go throug the motions of Work (Had a new Job,isolated in a warehouse), Sport (Lifting Weights, and punching each other in the face)
and Tripping Balls on the Weekends (Communicating with Aliens).
The Trips/Rituals where the only Time I felt alive and productive. In those states I was achieving healing.
The rest of my life beacame just a soap opera of little humans where I played the part of the allmighty observer.
I wouldn't interfere thoug.
Again, My social Skills declined tremendusly. I was socially and spiritually Isolated.
I stopped to talk to Women.
In general. I only talked to couple of friends about tripping and my health status.
I had episodes where I needed to talk to a female cashier in the shopping center and I would shit my pants.
I had couple of situations where girls actually started flirting with me and I fuckin freaked. In my mind I was OUT.
For all I knew I would never fuck again. I saw my self on some weird Spiritual Journey, where I had to pay for my behaviour towards women in the past,
where I sacrifice my Youth and loose my Hair, so I look like a Monk LOL.
I stopped tripping for a while, just to see how my Health would progress/digress. I got heavily involved in Dealing again.
Anyways, after getting into serious trouble with some local gangs and getting almost convicted to 10 Years Prison I decided to go at it again.
I rented out a House in the Netherlands and tripped out for a week on mushrooms and LSD with my best friends (former gym buddies).
It was 2014 by now.
I had the biggest Dry Streak of my Life. I wasn't even trying to be with girls anymore.
I just wanted to Heal my self first.
To be fair, I had great results. I wastn't paralyzed anymore. Was/Looked healthier. Could do sports. And my Penis was back to 80%.
"Maybe some day I'll be Ok" I thought.
Fact was: I was 27 Years Old. Missed out on my golden mid 20s. And I was bold.
After a week in the Vortex of the Universe. I came up with a solution;
I have to leave Germany. It was crystal Clear.
I had this Major Epiphany In one of my Trips that I have to live by the Beach to fully heal.
I spent one month in Macedonia in the Mountains. Running with wild dogs, Do Yoga and Meditation and Trip out 3x a Week.
From there I left to Australia. To live at Bondi Beach, Sydney. To follow my Vision.
(It always was my dream to travel. I never had the balls to go through with it. The Mushroom kicked my ass and MADE me do it.)
Don't pm me asking questions if you are not going to message me back with a thank you after a lengthy answer or if you are going to debate with my experiences. If you can't say please and thank you, ask your mother to teach you some manners.
While reading this I realized holy fuck why am I making a big deal out of my situation, looking at your past, mine has been pretty good. Also realized that I need to get a life lol you have had a tons of experiences. Anyways man great post, you seem like a cool dude and very inspirational. I hope everything goes good with and you are able to get where you want to. Cheers
I just realized that the picture quality turned to shit while upolading.
I'll try to fix that.
What are your views on life?
Wow that's a pretty complex question bro.
Do you have anything particular in Mind?
In general I can say that I'm thankfull for every Day that I can move freely, every day that I,m Healthy.
I appreciate Life as a unbelievable experience where it's up to us to get rid of our Bullshit and make it a Life worth remebering.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.