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My name is Xiao-ping. I'm 16 years old and live in the Netherlands. I've struggled my whole life with fitting in and making friends. I feel like people don't really take me seriously as a human, if that makes sense. People in my class call me ''ding dong ping pong'' because of my asian name and because asians are supposed to be good at ping pong. And when I go out to a club or something (I'm forcing myself to put myself out there) girls around my age say stuff like ''OMG LOOK A CHINESE'' and I honestly have no clue how I'm supposed to deal with that. I've put up a self improvement plan but I feel kinda hopeless to be honest. I know high school is just a phase, I've read the highschool page on this site. But I have a lot of trouble developing social skills at this rate. I've never had a girlfriend or a kiss before and I feel like there's this time bomb that's ticking away reminding me how I'm not the person I want to be. I'm 6''1 and don't think I'm bad looking although I've been told otherwise multiple times by both guys and girls.
My self improvement plan is to lift, after lifting for a year of so dressing edgy (I think this is the best to defeat Asian stereotype?) and developing social skills. I’m struggling with this though.
Yeah dude, start lifting but more importantly start fucking standing up for yourself. I don't mean to be harsh, but it wasn't until I stopped letting myself getting walked all over by other people's words that I actually gained some respect. No one will respect you if you're a walking punching bag.
Next time a dude call you ding-dong ping-pong call him the fuck out bro.
I know a couple of Asians who have an exotic name like yours but they usually pick their own, Western sounding name to avoid situations like this.. Also because it's easier when dealing with silly stuff like restaurant reservations etc. Keep that in mind when you're out of school.
In the mean time, start lifting. It's the single most important thing you can do right now. You're tall; fill out your frame. You're also 16, your body is most likely booming with steroid-level testosterone from puberty... The time is now.
I was thinking of changing my name to something else when I move for college in a new city. For now it's not an option though. Anyway, the next vacation I was thinking about getting some ''cool'' clothes instead of the graphic t-shirts I wear right now. Maybe some earrings as well. Should definitely help a bit.
Last year I was in a different class I actually felt like it went pretty well for once but this year completely shattered my confidence again as with a whole new class of different people they just seem to not like how I act. I am going to the gym 5 times a week (super dedicated) to try and build some muscle. Then cut down body fat to get a lean face (I'm skinny-fat) and six-pack abs. By the time I'm 18 I'll expect to look pretty good.
I have a lot of free time. Is there anything else I can do in that time that'll help me?
First of all don't get pissed off when someone calls you ping pong or uses any kind of Asian joke. Why take yourself so seriously, instead crack jokes back at them in a lighthearted way.
New clothes and earrings isn't going to help if you don't change the attitude of the guy wearing them. If you want to know how alpha males behave you have to be around them... so go join an MMA/MT gym and dedicate yourself to that (in addition to your school studies). People are going to go off of Asian stereotypes, why not let it be one of the good ones like Martial Artist. This will save you time and money you would have spent trying to get a coordinated wardrobe since you will be wearing track suits / athletics gear etc most of the time. The broads would rather have muscular athletic guy that wears tracksuits and tank tops every day over a skinny fat boy who wears a different outfit every day of the week, everything else being equal. And guys would rather be friends with the former - substance over style.
Stay away from PUA forums, stick with the mens self improvement triumvirate : danger and play, bold and determined, and good looking loser. Follow their instructions.
Don't pick your own nick name, once you spend time with the right crews they will give you a new name that actually fits.
You got lots of time don't waste any of it: playing video games, trolling internet forums, jacking it to porn.
6 ft 1, living in a free country, know at least 2 languages and you found GLL at a young age, dude are way ahead of the game.
quick fixes to mistakes I see a lot of Chinese guys making everyday:
- stand up straight
- keep your mouth closed unless you're eating or talking
- get a normal haircut not the bowl style
- don't laugh at your own joke
- don't put White women on a pedestal
Great advice, thanks a lot. I've tried before but there seem to be no gyms of the ''legit'' fighting styles of martial arts in the area. There are a lot of judo/taekwando/kung fu gyms though. Should I try that? If not, do you have other suggestions for hobbies? I know I should do something that I enjoy but I'm not doing anything except going to the gym atm (just quit playing volleyball) so I'm open to suggestions and trying everything.
Alternatively I can also ride the bike for like 2 hours there and back to a MMA gym in another city but tbh I think i'll get discouraged very easily if i have to spend so much time getting there and back. Won't get to drive a car until I'm 18 but then I'll be moving to college and can maybe join an MMA gym there.
There isn't a bus or train? Find someone to give you a ride to the gym and help them with gas money.
If you can't do that just train judo in the meantime but keep looking, talking to people, asking about sambo/bjj mt mma clubs there might be one nearby that you don't know about. If your school has a wrestling program see what you can work out.
edit: you shoudl also do the AA program and buy a bathmate
One of my friends turns 18 in one and a half month and he said he'll drive me to the MMA gym so that's great. I'm also taking guitar lessons now so I don't spend too much of my time doing nothing.
Don't you think it's too early for me to do the AA program? I don't want to make excuses but when I do it I want to really stick with it and finish the program. So I would need to set up a dating profile so I don't get discouraged (PoF and okcupid is 18+, I tried tinder but 80% matches I got were from germany and belgium because I live near those countrys.) And there isn't much population here in the area so half of the people I see when I go out to the club are from my school or other people that I know. Bathmate is a no go as it's pretty expensive and I'll have to get my parents permission to buy it even if I collect my own money for it (my parents are pretty strict). I'll get one when I go to college though. Kinda seems like a lot of things I want to do will only be possible after I finish high school, move away from my parents and go to a more populated area in Holland (~2 years)
Send the BM to one of your friend's houses. You want to start using it now when you have more free time and privacy.
Start building up your cardio for mma now:
Stretch after your cardio not before.
Start doing wrestlers bridge, and learn the basic escapes from guard, side control, half guard.
Post a picture in the members only we can help you with your style, and a video intro in case you have any speech problems.
I work at a snackbar taking orders. This gives me a little bit of anxiety at the start of the day but it soon goes away. I work for an older couple of about 50 y/o when it's busy. I talk with them a bit and sometimes the older people that take orders start a conversation as well, but the younger people (like under 20) dont. I made a thread on members only.
By the way, will I be able to combine MMA and fitness (to look good), or will MMA make me look good enough?
You need to make conversation with the young folks.
Lift weights to change your body by getting strong and putting on muscle.
The purpose of MMA training and being in that environment is to challenge yourself mentally and physically, it will help your growth as an alpha male/aspiring douchebag.
Don't let your grades slip a single letter after you start training or else your Chinese parents will put an end to MMA.
Read Danger and Play, Good Looking Loser and put in the work (follow the instructions and take note of results, repeat).
And read the Way of Men by Jack Donovan ($6 ebook) to understand how to 'Be A Man'
edit: so lift weights AND train MMA. You will be exhausted at first but you will adapt to the work load as long as your mind forces your body to do so.
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