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Update on my situation with women
None of the 20+ girls in my mass text list collected over the last month respond to "hey sexy". Those numbers are pretty much useless. 5h LMR girl ain't responding after our sexless date last week. The first girl I laid is meeting up with my on Saturday at my place for wine and... cheese Like Chris said: any girl you fucked and she wanted to stop seeing you there's a chance she will come back when u just shoot her a hey sexy txt her sometime. That's what I did.
Even though I spend too much time online and my life still doesn't have a solid direction I've been feeling pretty good lately, which for me means that my old friend depression doesn't have a hold of me. So, I will start doing Chris's new AA drills when they come out and cold approaching with the emphasis on insta-dates/pulls, because NUMBERS AIN'T SHIT. When I'm brave and stylish enough, I'll venture into night game, where there are new and exciting emotional/social/sexual difficulties for me to conquer.
GLL community... I admit that I have occasional difficulty controlling my porn use, I have a porn addiction. And it is directly linked with my emotions which crave sexual pleasure, but when I'm not getting it from women, I'm liable to have days when I go ape shit on an internet porn binge and feel bad about it... like today.
Let's go back to October 4th when I got my first GLL lay. That's when I decided to minimize porn and masturbation to orgasm so I can focus on nailing real women. I thought the best idea would be to limit myself to just watching some naked pics to help me get a full erection with the Bathmate. That's been working well, I even learned to do without them last week as I got more comfortable with my Bathmate Hydromax and didn't masturbate more than twice a week.
But last Saturday I lost self-control and I fell off in a big way. I had all this pressure which I released 3 times, watching HC porn videos like it was my last day on Earth, not caring about the mental and physical ill consequences. Then I managed to hold off on PMO until today... November 8th, I just couldn't control my emotions and I bought a little wine bottle, got drunk at home and jerked off 3 times while watching various online porn videos again. Those moments felt so good, but I know they harm my brain's natural reward system and my sexual response with women by giving me supernatural stimulus.
I believe I will learn self-control when I'm getting my sexual and emotional needs met with women instead of porn. That is one of my primary goals and I will figure out the steps needed to get there. A couple of nymphomaniac fuckbuddies that enjoy sweaty, uninhibited & psychotic sex would make my life a lot easier
All chicks read that book, I heard it's nothing compared to what we (at least me, makaveli and Zuberi) do with the girls in the bedroom haha.
Yeah my ex girlfreidn told me once that she wanted me to tie her up and beat her/rape her. unfortunately, at the time, i was suffering so much from "nice-guy syndrome" that i didnt have the balls to do it. She was sooooo sexy too, what a golden opportunity that was that i missed out on...
Im back. I'm putting myself through the AA program. No more excuses.
Ok Amir, I'll go more for the non-safe game = touching them until they stop me. But first, I'd like to do the AA drills Chris gave you. I'm also in the process of reading the forums on yourbrainrebalanced because lots of guys have interesting and motivating accounts of giving up PMO.
ssk08, thank you but this is too easy for me. I went through all the AA drills that I could find on this site: everything from "whta's the time" to Mr C. creeper drills and "I wanna lick your nipples". I'm just looking to try the new ones I haven't tried yet.
Oh, and I will also put Brad P's "social freedom" exercises on my to-do list. He has some cool ones like moonwalking around a group on people or having like 3min conversations with baristas with people in the line waiting and looking at you all angry haha
ssk08: I can do that. I've done that on one Friday night at 10pm on the street, and one woman told me to not grab women by the hand (I apologied), and the other one yanked her hand off.
I sometimes have difficulties "being loud cos people can hear me" like u said in your post, and doing rapid-fire machine-gun approaches BAM-BAM-BAM in succession where the girl I last approached can see me approach the next girl. I have a tangible concern/fear of long-term social consequences such as getting banned from malls, clubs, bars.
In my life I have been kicked/escorted out of a bar 6 years ago for giving a overly friendly hi-5 to the bouncer in a divebar and a month ago I was given a polite lecture/warning by a girl working in a clothing store for approaching girls who ended up walking out of the store because of me. My approach was the standard one, btw - no sexual innuendos and just a handshake, but the girls were young, maybe 17-18 so they were scared of me for no good reason. Honestly, I hated feeling like a creep, pervert, predator after that, and those are some feelings I need to "release" or accept, so to speak.
Tonight I'm planning to go attend a club night for free at one of the top clubs in the city where I'm on the guest list because I am on the club's e-mail list. Drinks are free between 10pm-11pm. I'm just gonna go there despite all my fears and anxieties around night game, and talk to people normally and try to be friendly, maybe express safe-man interest in some girls, but not expecting a pull or anything. Just try to relax, have fun, maybe dance to relax my body and mind.
I just wanna get comfortable with night game and overcome my anxieties and traumas about it. My negative beliefs that hold me back are stuff like: "these people are cooler than me, they dress better, their lives are better, they make more money, they know how to relax and have fun, they have better social skills to manage in this socially competitive environment, they will dominate me and my frame, I'm so serious and uptight and stiff in my bodylanguage, I don't belong here, I'm smarter than these people, I don't need alcohol to have social freedom, I'm too thin compared to these muscle dudes here, I'm alone here".
Just came home from my first club night in 7 fucking months! PS. I never liked going to clubs, but this was a special night with free cover and drinks between 10-11pm. I was dressed in a black v-neck t-shirt, a dark brown kinda cool wool vest, diesel jeans, black military boots. Decent, but not super cool or anything. I haven't learned to accessorize much yet, but I always wear a watch.
Results - 40-50 direct approaches from 10.45PM to 2:15AM, 2 makeouts, a lot of grinding. Mixed feelings and a headache (no drinking, thou). Outside the club I got 1 number close from a Czech cutie after the busride home
Friday night at one of the top 3 venues in my city. I heard it was a superficial "celeb" place. I did see like 5-6 celebs there and I know there are a lot of others I didn't recognize cos I don't watch TV. Honestly I was apprehensive and anxious going in there for the first time, but I did what I had to do - I failed forward.... A LOT. And most of my anxiety went away after I got some momentum going and noticed that there are no bad consequnces for girls "blowing me off" and the bouncers are not likely gonna kick me out and I didn't get into fights or anything. But I wasn't happy to be there or really enjoy my stay at any moment.
I had no social momentum going in, which in hindsight was a bad move. As I hadn't done more than 5 day approaches in the last 2+ WEEKS, I could barely hold a convo with girls at the beginning of my night. But I started casually chatting with 2 cute girls in the que, then expressed interest as we went inside. One of them told me I was good-looking, but she disappeared after I bumped into her a few times. Not DTF.
First thing I see when I step into the club is a hot blonde with big (fake) boobs and skin-tight clothes whose job it is to guide people to the coat check. I think "Jesus! This place is like high-class!" and I feel intimidated. I feel like a fish out of water in this kind of luxury nightclub as it is so different than the normal, chill daygame that I'm used to doing omg!
I didn't come in time for the free drinks, so I just got water and started walking from one end of the club to another, screening a lot of girls. But trust me, I wasn't smooth and I wasn't cool. I was probably the ONLY man mass approaching at that level in the club, and I just made... a lot of mistakes. But at least I was AGGRESSIVE. You can't take that away from me. I was creepin' on chicks left and right and had maybe 8 of them tell me "you're so aggressive": no matter if she was sitting or standing, if I could squeeze myself close to her, I would do that, touch her hands/waist/shoulder/arms/body right from the start and hold her hand as I say to her ear "you're sexy/cute, who are you/I wanna talk to you" and just bullshit something. Most sets are over in a few seconds as the chick just distances herself from me, showing that she isn't DTF and I move right on to my next prey.
Reactions varied from visible disgust and "move the fuck away" to moderate excitement/happiness. Longest set 10-15mins: grinding, dancing, making out on the dancefloor, but then she decided to find her guy friend and head to another club. Meh.
One girl manipulated me: she acted super friendly on approach, touched me back like she fucking LOVED me, held my hand, established some commonality/rapport with me and gave me compliments like "every guy should be like you" as we walked around the club as I helped her find her friend. Then this "friend" turned out to be some guy that she ditched me for... right on the spot turning from HOT to COLD in a millisecond and saying to the guy she's never spoken to me. Ha, what a bitch.
I paid attention to the top 1% guys in the club. The players, the tatted muscleheads with mean faces and visible jobstoppers, the ones that looked coolest and had the hottest chicks. They were of course the rap artists performing in the club, hanging out at their own VIP section where I could get a glimpse of the life I dream of but don't know if I can ever have. And then one guy with neck tattoos which show that he would never work a day in his life in a "respectable job".
I don't understand nightlife. I don't understand what I saw and failed to see about this competitive social dynamic, what I experienced, and how to succeed there. Please help me understand.
ssk08: I want to hang out with you too for sure. If I knew a guy like you in person, seeing you exercise your social freedom would motivate me to go much further than I would brave on my own. And I started beating my AA about 5 years ago when I started doing AA exercises I read about in the PUA community. I was in such a bad state that for months I just couldn't greet random people with "hi" without feeling bad about myself after. Some things I tried back then to beat SA/AA: dancing in a crowded metro station, cold approaching a few girls per year in daytime and panhandling. Unfortunately, I would do the AA drills for a short time, then quit again and again throughout the years. I had zero friends in real life all through my adulthood until now, age 26. I happy to have established my first adult group of friends/acquiantances in 2012.
Ages 21-25 I would go to clubs/bars alone like once a year and try to run some PUA routines/natural game lines that I had written on a piece of paper. I had HORRIBLE style, fleemarket clothing (I still have some fleemarket clothing), I was thin as a board and big eyeglasses making me look like a nerd. Every time I would face defeat and lose motivation to talk to women... until I'd try one time again the next year.
Needless to say, going through all the AA drills I found on this site this September and after that - 200 full approaches - changed my life and made me experience many things for the first time (although I wasn't quite a virgin).
Simple update on my "girls": No new cold approach leads. Why? It doesn't matter why, I have other projects/priorities too. LMR girl won't respond. My one and only GLL lay had sex with me last Saturday for the 3rd time and it was the best, man - we went at it in a dozen different position for an hour and a half starting with a lot of pleasurable oral in 69! It's probably over now cos she sounded pretty convinced on txt and phone that she wants a serious relationship with a person who can devote more time&attention to her. She admitted that she really had fun all the times that we spent together, but she respects that I'm too "busy" in my life to have a relationship with her so she's looking for someone else. Meh, it don't bother me none haha!
I took the time yesterday to take good/attractive shots of my face with my phone cam and process them through the Instagram "magic tool" which makes me 5x more aesthetic, so I'm ready to set up my POF profile and see if there's any Finnish DTF girls there pretty soon. For full-body/clothing pics I'll have to wait till next week so my photographer buddy can help me with his Canon.
Simple update on my porn dependency: Yeah, I still watch porn almost every day. I do my best to not wank though. But for me it's not a HUGE problem cos like I said, I was able to get it up with a real girl that's no more than a 6 on my scale and bang for 1h in different positions. While I go soft sometimes when we changed positions to her on top, that's fine. It'll get better with experience. But the less I PMO, the better my erection will be, so I'll taper down the porn usage and wanking.
Somewhat related - the past week I've spent too much time looking at escorts online. I just can't help how exciting it is to look at their pictures and think "Damn, I could fuck her today. I wonder how well she sucks & fucks. Hmm... is she worth like 120$ for 30mins? Then again I could use that money for cooler clothes and go screen some real pussy. But the time investment in that... oh no"
After reading reboot accounts (ssk08, journey to freedom, redpill, theunderdog etc.) on Your Brain Rebalanced forums, I have come to believe that PMO is messing up my brain chemistry, disconnecting me from my real core personality, preventing me from enjoying a good sex life and robbing me of the joy I used to feel in life. So, I formulated a plan today:
Starting November 18th I will completely abstain from watching porn videos and pics (except small thumbnail pics of escort listings) and from masturbation. My goal is to make it to 1.1.2013 without PMO. That would be 44 days. My previous record is 14 days. By making it there, I can prove to myself that I am capable of self-control and self-discipline. These are essential qualities of a MAN that I must develop to get anywhere in life. I feel like I need to be able to have real DISCIPLINE to call myself a man.
SSK, do you think I'd benefit from starting a thread over at YBR?
Now, let's be serious for a moment, please bear with me with this long post, this life discussion is very important and I won't theorize any BS with you
Think about the realness of this message:
So, this is what I want in life: to be not financially well off, undersexed, not following my passion, not many fun social events etc. WTF? Apparently I want to masturbate more than I want to fuck vagina. Apparently I want to struggle with money more than I want to have it easy and buy anything I want to buy. Apparently I want to stay home miserable rather than have fun partying with friends. Apparently I want to immerse myself in internet entertainment like fucking Youtube videos for several hours a day instead of focusing on HOW TO BECOME RICH AND GET LAID LIKE A MOFO.
Well, I'm sick of it! If I truly want to change my life, I need to change what's important for me: let's put it simply, do I prefer my hand or a vagina? Don't give a fuck what I say, look at how I live my life - right now, the answer is: I prefer my hand to a vagina.
Lost manhood in our society
This porn+masturbation addiction is actually part of a bigger social issue: we forgot how to be men. This society and our fathers didn't teach us how to be men. Let me ask you guys, why do we need this website (that is a valuable resource for all men, might I add)? Why do we need to be here? What made us not have the (sex) life we desire? Why do we need to take big steps and invest a lot of time+money to work on our looks, style and social freedom? Cos this feminist society does not encourage/teach men to be men, my father didn't know how to make me a man, and real men role models like Chris are RARE as fuck to find.
It comes down to: are we getting looks+style+social freedom for women? Or because we believe in improving our body and mind as part of our own enjoyment of life? If we are "getting muscles for women," then who is really dictating why we do what we do? Do we want to be men defined by ourselves, or by someone or something outside ourselves? A movie, a corporation, a brand image, a religion? Do we try to meet women's expectations, or do we try to meet our OWN expectations to live exactly the kind of life WE want to live? Let's discuss.
"We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same." - Carlos Castaneda
"On this team, we fight for that inch. On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch"
Wow Horny great couple of post my friend. Truly inspirational. Fuck man I'm in a very similar spot, I recently have been looking at porn agian too. My excuse was, I'm broke, gas tank is on below empty, stress with school and having to take a test for this new job I can't go out and meet women. Not to mention the last few girls i have screened, not ONE responded. Feel like everything is building up where my only option was a temporary release from porn. Can't get to the gym because my gas tank won't allow it. Not really depressed,more or less apathy. Least I got my guitar. Thing is if i can Ace this food test I will more then likely start making some good money at this new job in downtown. Good job in downtown+being surrounded by beautiful women=Study my ass off, stop wasting time and get to work.
Thing i notice with porn is the first day or two is the hardest, especially after the first wank the compulsion sets in. As i have been taking DAA i don't really get the energy drain from porn like I used too. If I can manage to get out of the fucking house today I am going to screen some girls, even if that means taking a walk. Fuck im 24 yrs old and still in my mothers house. Finally got a car, now i need to get my own spot in the city. TIME TO STOP MAKING EXCUSES!!!!! Thanks for the pick me up and inspiration. I had over 50+ days of no PMO and fell through. I know i can do it again.
Thank you for the wise words, Amir. Yeah, I spend too much online and on this forum. Thank you for the motivation.
-Yesterday I tried my new direct opener once while shopping: "Good afternoon (good afternoon, hehe) guess what? I love to fuck... to bang, to bone, to screw, you know? (really? well, if we're talking about sex, I prefer making love) oh you do? I like that too, I like that too" Now, this 5/10 chick took me by surprise cos she was all smiles when I said this to her. I should've grabbed her number but I haven't tried this opener even before so I was unprepared for her reactions and didn't know what to say. Of course I could've continued with the standard GLL line.
-I will quit Bathmate Hydromax for the duration of 44 days and instead use the SizeGenetics which I'm gonna order soon with the VLC tugger because I don't need to fap/get erect for that.
-I have a date for this Wed with a czech girl
-I will call 2 "maybe" girls today that I've talked on the phone with to try and setup dates
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.