TOPIC: It's my life, and it's now or never. I ain't gonna live forever.

Awesome experience Horny. It's refreshing to meet a women like that. Keep going m8

I have heard a lot of good stuff about russian girls. Sounds like a trip to Moscow should be on the to do list.

Thanks, Chuki.

Definitely do it before you die, axis.


19th May 2014 - 1st date with avg. big tits blonde

Day 36 of no-fap. At times I have bursts of great outrage at the world and bursts of wanting to kill the next person that walks up to me in the street or myself... not like I would literally do it. I don't want my heart to stop beating - I just want the death of all the emotions that are hurting me and making my life misarable.

At times I find it hard to cope mentally with the pain of involuntary celibacy and the difficulty that girls put me in order to just get fucking pussy and the harsh world we're in where every little thing you want must be hard-won by sheer aggression & effort and motivation and going for the kill & persistance and becoming more than you ever were and becoming smarter, stronger, biggerm faster, more socially connected, more social, skilled... where you're never quite enough for the goals you want to achieve and the life you want to lead... and it always remains beyond your grasp... but every day I man up and try to keep my thoughts on what I want and not on what I don't want.

I've never had such a hard time in my life getting numbers to translate into dates BUT...

today I had a 2h first "proper" date with a ok-face blonde with huge knockers (partly due to her extra BF) that I instadated last week.

We had a good flirty vibe. Everything good, rapport, familiarity, sexual innuendos, I look like I at least hit the gym regularly & have something to be proud of in my tight tank top, she invests & taks more than I do, kiss in a romantic place yada yada.

Then... she didn't wanna cum inside my house, so I got no sex. We still kissed and made out in the park, and then in the end she was a little disappointed that I didn't thoroughly answer her interview questions thoroughly enough like: "what do you do, what have you studied and where have you worked in the past". Hopefully that wasn't too much of a hinderance and she can trust me enough to spread her legs the next time.

Now for the first time I'll be trying my potent 40x Kanna extract (recommended by GLL member Dannn) sublingually for a bit of mood lift. Cautious first dose: 7-8mg.

EDIT: Shit, I think it works! At least my mood is noticeably uplifted after I went outside for a 20 min walk in my neighborhood and had a chat with this cool older gay guy about his Porche. Gay, straight, bi, swedish... as long as you're cool and have passion about something, I like talking to you. At the end of the convo he complimented me and asked about my hobbies and I didn't want to give false hope so I told him I'm going to see my chick but wished him all the best and said I dream of owning a fine sports car like that, and he thanked me for being interested in his passion and for the good conversation so hellz yeah - there's my good deed for the day!

Now whenever I'm down, I will call on my friend Kanna to uplift me and carry me through, to give me the power of the happy neurotransmitter serotinin and to make me feel normal again.

Keep running the numbers bro! I always love reading your stories. Sounds like the blonde is screening you for BF material though.

Horny wrote: Then... she didn't wanna cum inside my house, so I got no sex. We still kissed and made out in the park, and then in the end she was a little disappointed that I didn't thoroughly answer her interview questions thoroughly enough like: "what do you do, what have you studied and where have you worked in the past". Hopefully that wasn't too much of a hinderance and she can trust me enough to spread her legs the next time.

As a sidenote what do you typically say during interviews like this? My studying progress and job history has been abysmal so I hate talking about it too.

Horny wrote: At the end of the convo he complimented me and asked about my hobbies and I didn't want to give false hope so I told him I'm going to see my chick but wished him all the best and said I dream of owning a fine sports car like that, and he thanked me for being interested in his passion and for the good conversation so hellz yeah - there's my good deed for the day!

I like that. What could be better than a nice conversation with no hidden agendas and ulterior motives? Most people seem to love it when you randomly chat them up, because it happens so rarely in this country of ours. Nicely done!

Terminator: I have 2 standard phrases for her interview: 1. I'll tell you about it later and 2. Enough with the job interview. She persisted past those, and I got uncomfortable cos I don't wanna tell the truth which makes me sound like an unmotivated lazy-ass candy boy who doesn't know what he wants in life

Uplifting music that makes me feel nice & relaxed:



20th May 2014 - 2 number closes, 1 averted theft attempt


After gym and shower I took 11mg Kanna and went to hit on some Summer cuties downtown.

I was feeling meh on the way there but I walk around a bit, observing people till I feel compelled to talk to someone who looks nice, attractive or friendly.

#1
Turn out there's like this probably 5'10 exotic South-American / Finnish mixed chick directly in my path whose ass is speaking to me in those tight blackish jeans. Looks like she's there with a girlfriend but a second later but, like a predator in the wild African savannah, I follow them to a mall kiosk and just open with something direct. She's loving the attention and the 3 observations I make about stuff that caught my eye about her.

Soon after my strong open, she totally catches me off guard by saying: "I can give you my number if you wanna go for coffee sometime or..." I'm not used to girls closing me. In my mind, this would not be a solid close less than 2mins in and they don't seem THAT busy so I flirt with something like: "hey let's take this slowly... I'm shy and I don't do anything before marriage". After a few more mins of us getting to know one another I let her go with her friend and number close her myself, thank you very much

Here's what I love: after I'm done hugging her and I'm walking away like the action hero walks away from an explosion in the movies, she says: "hopefully you'll call me" and I'm like "yep". Awww, can you hear that, exotic Latin girl? It's the sound of my heart melting. I promise you I will look deep in your brown eyes, I will hold you close and kiss you passionately, I will finger your g-spot, I will lick you out and I will fuck the shit out of you in the summer heat of 2014.

She already texted me twice today all sweet and interested, but tomorrow I'll call her to set up a meet. I'm so glad that even though I wasn't feeling very "in state", I met someone as on and hot as her, I really am

#2
I cought a thick, curvy blonde with a cute face walking down the stairs and promptly halted her advance with positive masculine dominance and number closed her after a flirty little chat. This one didn't seem very on but who knows.


Take my shoes but stay the fuck away from my phone!

The asphalt is burning, the air is heavy and low-life thugs are searching for easy marks on the mean streets of the capital city...

There I am, exiting the mall, when I got suspiciously "hey bro"d by some tall African who was walking past with his smaller friend.

I only paid attention the second time he said that and told me he wanted to ask me a question. Now, I'm aware of the dangers of the world as I'm holding my high-tech mobile phone in my hand, and these guys are sus, so I go into self-defense mode by fully extending my arm, stepping back, putting my back against the wall right next to the door (so I can get out fast) and by commanding them to "stay there, and ask your question!"

1-2 seconds of hesitation from him tells me he didn't have a Q, he was just probing to see how easy I am to steal from, because where I'm standing is the #1 neighborhood in my city's crime statistics.

I'm not the hardest target, but I'm not the easiest either. I don't feel fear, I feel ready. I don't give anything up without a fight, cos most nice things I have, like my phone, I had to sacrifice something else to get it. The hundreds of girl's numbers in it I had to WIN with the sweat of my brow and the skill of personality, intelligence, charm and killer instinct.

As I'm walking away, still holding out my arm to claim my personal space, the smaller one tries to guilt/intimidate me by going mental and shouting: "that's the wrong attitude dude! that attitude is going to harm you!" His words fall on deaf ears. All I'm looking for is that they stay away, and then I go about my day and they walk the other way.

Luckily, they walk away in search of an easier target, and I go home happy with how I dealt with two opportunistic scumbag thieves.

Yo dude, You have android? you should get gmail contact backup app, it's priceless. Means your contacts are always backed up.

@Man_UP: Thanks buddy, all my contact are saved in my Google Account as soon as I save them in my phone, but my phone is always the most valuable thing I carry and to me, my phone is a more private part than my penis

May 22nd 2014 - 1st date with YES girl and hung out with Terminator - the test mutant experiment!


I feel like things are looking up. Today I had a fuckign awesome date with tall mixed Latina with an ass anyone would be proud of from May 20th.

I love her braveness cos she texted that she's nervous to see me but still came out looking GORGEOUS in a nice summer dress and make-up done, fake lashes done, hands and feet moisturized with lotion - even in the middle of the date, fingernails & toenails painted, everything....

TL:DR - We sat down for coffee, we walked to a park and lay down on the grass kissing a bit but no making out. The vibe was good between us and SHE kissed ME goodbye. I expect this one to be a YES.

She was shy and nervous cos she thought I was above her league which became apparent in some small things too, eg. she told me that she swears a lot with her friends and is the crazy one of the bunch, but with me she stopped swearing and acted sweet & feminine, just like I expected her to. And she would say that she needs a cigarette, and only pull it out after my response, subtly looking for my approval as a non-smoker to let her indulge in her bad habit. And I let her... cos FREEDOM!

I also waxed lyrical about FREEDOM of choice, and then somehow tied that concept into sexual freedom IIRC. Put sex on the table. Complimented her to open her up, make her feel that she's good enough for me and that I'm attainable to her. Kissed her pink lips again, probably making my lips a little shiny in the process also.

I also had us take turns saying what we're grateful for cos I think that's important. Then I broke the seriousness with some flirting or kissing when I wanted to.

---

#1 "Do what you want to do[/u][/b]". HELL YEAH!

I felt a strong fatherly figure vibe with this girl unlike with all the other girls who I've date who seem to have some attitude or "carry their own weight", idk... she just felt like she really leaned on & trusted me to lead her not just physically but also mentally and to make her feel comfortable and alleviate her anxiety. I think that was so sexy that she acted like a good little girl for daddy and leaned in for a kiss goodbye.

Then I met up with Terminator and we did some approaches and hung out like two strong, sexy beasts just hang out, wreck shit, hurt egos and intimidate blue-pillers all around us with our pumped-up muscles and thick & bulging testosterone-filled veins and dem Jimmy Struthers shoulder featherz!

Although lacking the element of "actually getting to know each other on a real level" a bit, he did one particular short approach that went really well and he got dem digits from a hot blonde who seemed very receptive to him and laughing at everything he said.

Cool cool cool, I'm cool, you're cool, we're all cool...

25th May 2014 - Candid reflections of my biggest weaknesses holding me back from getting girls...

Yesterday I got 1 workable number from a semi-hot girl out of 1,5 hours of pretty constant approaching at a big street festival -- can you believe that? So disappointing.

Today I texted about 4 numbers from the past week with the goal to set up dates, and the tall Latina brunette from May 20th said TUE will probably be good, so I have maybe 15% chance of a date coming up so far next week. Don't trust women's promises you haven't had sex with.


I'm trying to get ideas on how to improve my 3 main weaknesses, guys. Cold approach is low-yield in terms of dates&lays for me as a guy with:

a) mild-moderate depression issues, which 50% of the time manifests in lack of normal, disarming level of happiness and smiling during the approach ("scary"), and too much intensity [intimidating or mean-mugging] in my eye contact because my eyes are NOT smiling because I simply CANT. FEEL. HAPPY. for about 50% of the time because my life is EMPTY.... which brings me to

b) my life is EMPTY. I don't feel part of any social groups or to blue-pill society at large, I haven't found a mission, I have no groups of friends to spend time with because I don't like blue-pillers, I haven't found anything to fight for, I don't feel like making the effort to be charismatic enough to be perceived attractive/expressive/cool when socializing a lot of the time, I'm not compelled to make a career out of anything, I'm not motivated about anything exept working out, I don't really care about anything in life as much as normal people who are motivated to work 8-hour workdays day-in, day-out for decades care (yes - clear sign of depression).

This makes me not too concerned whether I live or die, or whether I live to be old... It's more or less been like this for years, and I've talked to psychiatrists about it but they're blue-pill losers and I won't touch the poison... er, "medicine" they try to put me on. I'll just continue with Kanna and Phenibut, thank you very much.

c) I'm isolated in my apartment all day long unless I go out and cold approach or set up dates. I don't like any blue-pillers in my life anymore (2014) and all my hobbies are loner-introvert hobbies such as watching Youtube, playing the guitar, reading about health, nutrition, pick-up, self-development, business and world issues all alone on my computer.

I mean, I feel "fine" by myself but I wonder... if only I could develop the mindset to actually be interested in blue-pillers enough to develop frendships and social circles with them for easy lays... but I'm not. They bring negative emotions to me with their undeveloped emotional control, superficiality of interests, negativity, complaining, immaturity, ignorance and stupidity. They bring positive emotions too when they accept my in their group, act friendly and interested in what I have to say, and alleviate my loneliness. Cool people only want to share positive emotions, but I don't know how to befriend cool people yet, sadly.

Easiest way to find cool people is to.first find what you love. What are things u enjoy horny.
MUSIC, ART, THEATRE, animation, drawing?
Also if you go to bars that is.a way to.potentially find some cool friends. However location is important. You gotta find a way to get happy brother. Finding what you love gives u something to fight for. Maybe getting a spirtual basic may help.
Just spouting out ideas.

respect horny.. i'm the same for much of that

Lack of motivation to do stuff - I'm very familiar with that. What I've found that I just have to keep forcing myself to do different things - even when I don't feel like doing them at all - and eventually once I repeat the action enough my natural drive to do it increases. The key here is to understand that the natural drive is just a product of repeating a certain action enough times so that your brain starts to want to do it. Once you get the ball rolling it becomes easier.

But it looks like you only have one problem (C), and all the others stem from it.

My perspective is this:
Almost all the people in the world are blue pillers, so we need them in our lives. When forming real connections with people, it is important not only to share the positive, but to also share the negative emotions together. That's what really creates a bond between two people. As long as the positive emotions overrule the negative ones, the relationship is beneficial to both parties. To befriend cool people you have to first befriend lame people and work your way up from there. I think learning to handle their negativity could be a way for you to grow stronger as well.

@Chuki: I used to enjoy music and was almost serious enough to start pursuing it as a career but my passion for making it has faded. I enjoy women, I enjoy becoming more spiritual in a way, I enjoy eating good food and I enjoy learning/reading about new, interesting things and sharing my thoughts with others who wanna read my posts or listen to my ideas in person (thank you, Terminator)...

@ssk08: I much prefer a quiet, non-extreme walk in the park near a pool of water with a cute girl, kissing on a park bench while enjoying the nature around us and hearing the birds sing. I don't want to try extreme hobbies. I don't actually have a job/profession. I live 10mins from the center but I've already gotten 2 warnings because of listening to music at night and I can't risk more, so can't host "parties" here.

@Omar: thanks for the support, man!

@Terminator: Yeah, you're so right about just doing what you know is good for you and necessary to get your needs met, like for example, going on these dates again is becoming easier the more I do it. And about befriending less than cool people: you're right, it's much better than loneliness, because that's proven to be lethal, to decrease one's lifespan. My isolated lifestyle is killing me, and I'm gonna do something about it.



26th May 2014 - happy 1st date with lovely little brunette I met during the day several weeks ago

Earlier today I got a response to a txt I sent out yesterday. After 3+ weeks of us texting and Whatsapping back-and-forth and 1 cancelled date last Sunday, Little Ms. Brown Eyes was finally available to meet me today

You know I wouldn't put in the "effort" (texting is not a burden for me) if she wasn't really cute... and she was. Tan soft skin, exotic-looking for a Finn, petite, lovely smile & teeth, sporty & fit but still with some BOOBS!

She was all smiles from hello. She's a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve so her smile is really authentic and disarming. I can tell that when she smiles to me, she really FEELS happiness. Realizing I make a beautiful woman happy like that gives me hope. It melts my heart, actually.

With a smile on my face, I called her out for playing a bit of cat-and-mouse game after we hugged, but she seemd sincere when she said it wasn't like that, and I think she apologized to me.

Don't worry hon, I forgive you when you're a hot lil thang...

So, I say "follow me " and off we go from our meet spot. She was happy to follow my lead as we got ice cream (she paid hers) and we headed out to walk and sit in a park. I used the command "follow me" several times.

Quite soon we came across people dancing some foxtrot / swing / ballroom type of dancing where it was just casual at the park and anyone could join. I took her hand and tried to drag her there but she resisted&laughed and couldn't quite muster the courage to dance with me so soon. I teased her about being a little shy and told her: "don't worry. I'm gonna help you open up and become more courageous ", but I wonder:

QUESTION: If I describe how I'm going to MAKE HER A BETTER PERSON in some way in the future or in the LONG TERM, is that giving off too much boyfriend vibe when all I want with these girls FOR NOW is to meet once a week max, have a date with her like movies/park/shopping/beach/swimming/cycling and then basically fuck her by the end of that date?

In order to not come across to agreeable and loving, I deliberately broke rapport flirtatiously several times, called her out for princess behavior in a COOL, FUN WAY by offering for "her majesty" to sit on my shoulders if she's too tired of walking and by physically pushing her to the side of the road. I think that should do to giver her a range of emotions and balance out my very loving nature and positive demeanor towards this sweet girl who is very much my type.

She didn't quite trust me in the beginning, and kindly insisted that I reveal my real age. I was hesitant at first as she looked 19 and I FEARED that saying "I'm 28" would turn her off but then I just decided to be honest, look her in the eye and tell her I'm 28. She responded positively, saying: "ahh, then you're not too fark from my age". I felt warmth in my heart for her Trust me when I tell you that this girl has taken care of her fitness and it's taken like 5 years off her age cos she really looks 19!!

She was quite shy in a way where she wasn't YET comfortable with hand touches, shoulder-touches or anything like that, because she revealed to me at the end of the date that I scared her a bit. Mind you, this was said with a full teeth smile from her, so I wasnt too concerned about it. Also, she's never met a man like me. I used the skill of humor to diffuse that comment in a way which I believe gave me +50 points in her eyes, and I think it's quite clear that underneath all her sweet & tender shyness is a little girl who's as fond of me as I'm of her awww....

I'll give her some time to process her emotions and write about it in her diary, and hopefully we'll meet again cos I really enjoyed my time with her and I also let her know that I enjoyed it - and then mercilessly teased her for not replying back in the same way


Spending fun flirty times with cute girls who also seem into me does more for my happiness, my peace of mind and my physical and mental health than any other goddamn thing in this world could do!

I hate to say it because we're supposed to have a bigger mission but girls mean the world to me, and I find it hard to imagine aspiring for higher things in life if I don't get to give one or more of them all the love & sex I have inside.