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sweatervest wrote: * My "routine" has been to ask girls if they're single right after introducing myself, and bail if they say no. Some guys have suggested I shouldn't do that. My feelings are mixed on this, because I'm trying to stay focused on screening rather than "trying" to get numbers or dates or whatever with girls who end up being unavailable. However, I've never heard Chris say to do this, so I think I'm going to try not doing it, especially given the next point...
I feel like asking girls if they're single right away gives them an easy out that some girls might take even if they're available. Maybe it's worth talking to them a minute or two before asking? I am a big fan of asking girls to get a drink, rather than just asking for a number. Usually I get a boyfriend response when I ask them to get a drink with me after I've talked to them a few minutes.
colorado88 wrote: I feel like asking girls if they're single right away gives them an easy out that some girls might take even if they're available.
This is a newbie mistake we all make (god dammit I made it a tonne too). You're assuming there's a "perfect" thing to say, or some magical line that'll work on most girls, etc etc.
This is a numbers game; it doesn't matter if "are you single?" gets you 20% less girls or 30% less girls or 50% less girls because you "give them an easy out". Just talk to more girls.
A lot of us try to be more efficient and work on better lines etc - but it's not worth doing that unless you're ALREADY GETTING LAID A TONNE. (And by that I mean you have 3+ fuckbuddies, or you're banging at least 1 new girl every week consistently without fail). Guys like NoStringsAttached, ShanghaiBobby, Bad Idea Bear, Krishna, etc.
If you're not, the number 1 best thing you can do is talk to more girls.
At the start you've gotta just hustle and hit on as many girls as possible, and worry about efficiency/changing your lines/etc once you're already bringing in a tonne of girls.
This is conjecture at this point for me, but I suspect the more you do things aimed at pushing the girl to the next step (giving a number, agreeing to meet up, coming to your place, etc.), the more likely you'll end up "progressing" with girls who will weasel out of the next step. That leads to more flakes, more last minute resistance, more "oh by the way my boyfriend blah blah/I'm just looking for friends right now".
Get rejected more = Get laid more.
I'm actually trying to make it as easy as possible for them to get out, as quickly as possible. If she's out, I want her out in 10 seconds, not when she mentions her boyfriend while I'm texting with her, or when she's at my place telling me about how she "not that kind of girl". This is not unlike when companies put their new hires all in a room and say, "this is how we do things. If you don't like it, there's the door". Rather than put 10 locks on the door to discourage anyone from leaving, I leave the door wide open and ask, maybe repeatedly, "you sure you don't want to go"? The ones who stick around after all that are down.
I forgot to mention here, I actually went on my first date from cold approach last month. It was with hands down the hottest girl I've ever been out with, period. I was being pretty aggressive with her at the bar (stroking her hair, rubbing her stomach, etc.) but she wouldn't go home with me, so maybe she was a time waster. But of all the girls I've approached, she expressed the most interest (she texted me first multiple times, sent me sexy pictures of herself and even sent me a sexually suggestive meme). I asked her immediately if she was single and she said yes (this has been huge validation for me btw, to get that kind of attention from a girl who's literally hotter than 98% of the girls I see walking around). Meanwhile, when I was first starting this, a girl on a college campus agreed to give me her number, and as I was pulling my phone out, she said, "well, I should let you know I do have a boyfriend". She was gonna give me her number anyways, which would do nothing but waste my time. I'd rather put these girls under the least amount of pressure to move forward with me if they know already they're not going to sleep with me. Well, Dennis says, "they don't know what they want", but I think "maybe" girls are a waste of time when there's no shortage of "yes" girls out there. If a girl sees an "easy way out", why would she take it unless she's not DTF?
I may experiment with this, but I'm still leaning toward dealing with a lack of numbers by increasing the number of girls I talk to. I'd much rather get 1 number from a girl who I gave every conceivable chance to say no, but she still said yes, than to get 10 numbers from girls who might have only given them to me because they're too polite not to. And not out of pride or anything. I suspect I can get laid more frequently by lasering in on the girls who are totally down and will effortlessly follow my lead.
^ Damn straight mate. That's exactly what goes through my head right now; "How quickly can I get rid of this girl?" Hence the BDSM lines, "wear sexy panties for me", "Are you going to be a good girl for me when we meet tonight", I send EVERY girl a picture of Woody Allen naked on her knees tied up and blindfolded, etc. Saves time overall, even if it appears like you're "losing" a lot more girls.
"She was gonna give me her number anyways, which would do nothing but waste my time."
Yeah in this situation now I say something really aggressive like "Well I'm only looking for sex, no point wasting both our times if you're not interested in that".
I agree with you, "maybe" girls are a waste. I said this exact thing to Woody Allen a few nights ago when I was helping her find girls on Tinder. "Why the hell do you want to waste time trying to convince a girl who's on the fence... don't you want to meet girls who are REALLY into you and think you're irresistible & will make it EASY for you?"
100% you'll get laid more if you get rejected more.
LOL Schwifted did you mean to post that on Andy's thread?
Okay recap of this week. Didn't get in the target number of approaches, some other stuff legit got in the way. I had to install some shit in my apartment on Sunday, ended up taking most of Monday too. But I went to the gym Monday evening and hit on 3 girls, and got 1 girl's number. I also hit on the same girl I've already hit on, and she got annoyed with it. She was kind of bitchy the first time too. There's no way I'm gonna remember all the girls I hit on if I do it regularly and frequently.
3 girls on Tuesday at the grocery store. Got another girl's number, who texted with me some. She's out of town this weekend but said we should meet up next week. She remarked, "this is the first time I've ever been approached in the grocery store".
Wednesday was rest day. Thursday I ended up staying really late at the office to finish something important, and it was too late to go do approaches. Friday my office put on a beach party so I got drunk and danced with them in the later afternoon and evening. Was hung over and exhausted Friday night so I stayed in.
Yesterday I did some approaches at the gym (I think 3 or 4, let's call it 3), no numbers. Approached one more last night at the grocery store.
So total so far is around 9. There's still today as well. Far cry from 30-35 though. I had legit other stuff eat up my time, but I also (especially yesterday) goofed off.
I'm letting myself get distracted with other shit, and I need to refocus. Remember sweatervest: all that other stuff you want to do, it will be waiting for you after you get 50 lays and start winding this stuff down. The more you focus on this, the quicker you'll get there. It's odd that I have to convince myself to try to get laid right? But like I said before, I think the only thing that will really encourage me is to actually get laid. I really want to get one lay in for July.
I haven't been going out because I don't enjoy going out as much as day game. I love day game. Going out can be good, but it's usually obnoxious to me. Standing in line, packed crowds of annoying drunk dudes, staying up too late and feeling shitty the next day. A lot of that I think is solved by just going out earlier, instead of when everyone else there. I know some people (*cough* NSA *cough*) will tell me that's a bad idea, but I won't do night game regularly if I don't find a way to enjoy it. I can go out and get a drink around 11 then go talk to some girls. Also, back in May I came up against some AA regarding dancing with girls. It's still kind of hard for me to just grab girls and dance with them. There's this dance club around where I live, and I want to spend 3-4 weekends focusing on that. That's all it should take to totally beat it. I even developed some drills to help out if it ends up being challenging.
Online, I'm not fucking around anymore. This is the message I'm sending to every girl:
"Hey there, you're sexy! I'll be honest, I'm just looking for some casual fun, if you know what I mean. If you're down, let's grab a drink and see where things go".
My profile is pulling down a lot of attractive matches. I'm talking 40+ per week. I sent that message to 32 girls so far. One girl responded, "you're too ugly even for casual fun" , and it's good to know how sincerely I know that's not accurate, she's just upset I didn't offer to buy her dinner I guess. Only one girl responded positively, who I'm trying to get out for a drink now. So from all those matches, I have one prospect, which is pretty low, but that's what screening is for. However, it may actually suggest that my profile needs adjustment. It might be coming off too boyfriend-y (I put the text describing my interests in my profile, like "hiking, snowboarding, cooking") and universally appealing. That will get more matches, but most of them will be boyfriend hunters and other non-DTF girls. I may bring back that bandana shirtless pic and put something like, "will strip for Reese's cups" in the profile text.
"I think the only thing that will really encourage me is to actually get laid."
Yep. Once you get that first taste, the floodgates will open and it'll snowball. You already know this, obviously.
"You're too ugly for casual fun" I've had that a couple times, so has Woody Allen Girl. In your case it's objectively not true; you are WAY past most girls' looks threshold.
Reese's Cups are gross, americans are weird. (Says the man who likes Vegemite).
@Schwifted: Yeah I'm mentoring her BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO CHANGE. That is the only reason; she's actually very serious about self-improvement. Just like all of us on here mentoring each other... It's very easy to help the people who actually want to change.
Maybe at some point I'll show her these forums/the website, who knows.
killtheinnerloser wrote: Reese's Cups are gross, americans are weird.
That you would dare sully the name of the eternally divine combination of peanut butter and chocolate, in public no less... you, sir, have insulted my honor and I demand satisfaction *pulls out dueling glove*
Decided to make a video post. I committed my typical sin of talking wayy too long, so it's 28 minutes. I'll give the sparknotes.
SWEATERVEST GOT HIS FIRST TATTOO!!!
Cold approach and online dating are going "well", I am becoming very confident and comfortable with cold approach and women seem to be noticing (I get lots of, "wow I can't believe you just walked up to me like that" reactions, all positive, even from unavailable girls). But I haven't gotten laid, because I'm not following through. Same with running "direct" game on Tinder. Profile is doing great (30+, maybe even 40, I'm not counting, quality matches per week with Gold and daily boosts), but I'm not pursuing the leads with intent.
The final remaining obstacle is sexual apathy
I believe it is primarily caused by stress, which for me, luckily, is almost entirely self-induced. I need to relax, especially at work (my boss agrees). This needs to be my main focus moving forward, because it's the main (and only) thing holding me back at this point.
I also may be screwing with my sex drive by abusing SARMs. I am going to try to raise my libido with some aphrodisiac supplements, but if that doesn't work, I made a pact to quit my current bulking cycle. There is evidence from multiple times in my life that SARM cycles may be suppressing my sex drive, and I get the most horny and committed to getting laid when I'm not using them. If that's true, they are completely not worth it, because (anyone who disagrees with this, your opinion is duly noted and disregarded) I am past the looks threshold of more than enough girls and if working on maxing out looks kills my sexual desire I'm sabotaging myself.
Shoutout to Andy for sharing his low points and struggles with the forum here, those are the most valuable posts on here.
For those who want this to be a community, post videos, show your face, don't be anonymous, be vulnerable and tell us about the days that suck and make you want to die.
nigga got a tattttooooooooooo. Looks sick. Love the meaning behind it. The fact you look like such a fucking douchebag scumbag dickhead (compliment), but then you have nerdy tattoos, is such a
What's your accent? Can't pick it.
I also may be screwing with my sex drive by abusing SARMs.
Why not just go for a proper steroid cycle? Plenty of dudes on here who've tried it (me included).
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
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Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.