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I was reading Terminator's thread titled : How to Stop Hating women and user @Dekk posted a book called : Mode one by Alan Roger
Thing is I am an epitome of mode 3, it felt like reading about myself.
Let me quote the book (you can download full book here : forum.bodybuilding.com/attachment.php?at...1055621&d=1198995407)
Mode Three Behavior. I would have to say, that out of all the four modes of verbal communication, Mode Three is probably the most pathetic. At least when you exhibit Mode Two Behavior, you're usually confident enough to approach a woman. You just don't have the guts to really be yourself, and express your needs, desires, interests, and intentions in an upfront, straight-to-the-point manner. Many times, when you're in a Mode Three frame of mind, you're usually too timid to even APPROACH A WOMAN. Fear rides you like a horse. Just about everything about you is fear-based, and consequently, phony and wimpy. Mode Three Behavior is both weak AND ineffective.
Most men who exhibit Mode Three Behavior generally have a less-thanaverage degree of self-confidence and self-esteem. They are often perceived as either “shy,” “introverted,” excessively flattering, indecisive, “wishy washy,” and/or generally dishonest.
you have what I will call “The Timids”; “Timids” are those Mode Three men who have NO BALLS. They have so little confidence in their social skills with women, and such a low degree of courage, that they very rarely, if ever, even attempt to approach a woman. “Timids” are DREADFULLY AFRAID of rejection.
“Timids” are usually men who were probably considered "nerds" or "geeks" in high school and/or college. Their perception of THEMSELVES is so poor, and so weak, to the point that they really don't look at themselves as being romantically or sexually desirable in any way to women. Therefore, they just take themselves off of the playing field completely. They shy away from even conversing or interacting with women. The only women with whom they will halfway
interact with, are those women who basically approach them first, and express some sort of romantic and/or sexual interest in them first. Even then, they tend to harbor a "why would this woman be interested in ME?" attitude. Poor guys. "
Ok it was hard to read because it's basically about me word to word.
But how can I use this information in my favour?
I can't just erase my insecurities. I can't erase memories , I can't change my self esteem and confidence by just deciding to do so.
I dont know what to do. Work on every insecurity I guess ? But it will take me years if I ever even finish and not kill myself before..
I am insecure about my looks , about my body , about my dick ,about my socioeconomic status, about my childhood. I think I'm a boring person and dont have anything to offer. I sincerely hate my mother because she used to beat me like a dog and tell me that I'm worthless all the time. I hate my father too because he allowed her to do so
I dont know how to help myself even though I know I have to do this.
Sometimes girls smile at me or give me IOIs but I think exactly what is laid out in this book :
are those women who basically approach them first, and express some sort of romantic and/or sexual interest in them first. Even then, they tend to harbor a "why would this woman be interested in ME?" attitude
I'm much worse than that. I had a girl that I liked actually fucking grab my hand and I fucking backed off. Yes really. I wanted her. But I backed off. Why ? Because I felt unworthy. I felt unworthy. I told myself that she would see how shitty I am and dump me real quick so it's even better to not start anything with her.
Sorry for writing a post that is that long , I hope somebody will read it.
CoolGuy wrote: I had very dark thoughts. As dark as Deltsbrah if not worse.
lol wut i dont really have dark thoughts..
I've had the toughest childhood of anyone on this site.. Not the being dirty poor with meth addicted parents, getting no education and being bullied in school type of childhood.. in fact i had one of the most peaceful and nurturing childhoods ever in terms of having nice parents, getting the best education, having all my needs fulfilled etc.
But in terms of social interaction my childhood was bizarre as fuck. my parents isolated me from both mentally and physically from society and i turned into a complete social retard.
ironically my parents inadvertently set me up to fail hard in everything since as soon as i became an adult and went to college i crashed unable to deal with society. i almost flunked college and gradschool despite graduating at the top of my highschool, not because i spent my time there partying and drinking and getting laid like some people, but because i just stayed in my apartment feeling shitty and having no motivation to do anything for 8 years. lol
"I've had the worst childhood out of anyone here."
I don't understand how you're still a member here man.
Glad you read that book. That book shall hit home. He has other books too avaliable online about similar topics.
I feel your pain.
Firstly, the past is past. You are not your abusive mother or her words. You are what you are now but your fucking mind creates all this mental stories and lives in the past which result in making you suffer. Imagine you are a guy with a big rock on his back trying to climb a mountain. The rock symbolizes your past and all your mental stories. It's obviously a clutch and you should drop it since there is nothing you can do about your past.
Only thing you can do is accept it and move on. I don't even think you need a psychiatrist since I've tried some and are a waste of time.
Your self-worth shouldn't come from anything external besides from YOU!. Your worth is not determined by your money, your past events, your women nor nothing. You are enough as you are. Problem is that people think that they are worth shit if they don't have women in their life for example. It's a fucking delusion, like the Matrix.
You are happy because you don't want anything. No matter how adverse the situation, learn to keep your mind calm and composed. Do some sports and notice the feeling of 0 worries when lifting weights -supposing you are into weights-. Imagine how great would be to take this 0 worries feeling to other areas of your life. Fucking be happy.
Now the thing with insecurities I've been there and know how to deal with it. Basically the more you focus on how you feel the more deeper you will drown. So what I did was try to focus on making other people happy and this happens only when you are happy. What you feel, they feel.
An example: When I was hard on steroids I was all the time conscious about how I looked when wearing tank tops and showing off my muscle until a point where I literally felt like crying because everybody was looking at me. Super hardcore insecurities even though I had above average body.
Now I am a bit fatty (aprox 20%bf) and I don't give a fuck. I go to the gym and say Hi and smile to people and I feel much much better.
So yes. Focus on others. Don't be to egocentric because you will drown and get depressed.
"Your self-worth shouldn't come from anything external besides from YOU"
But isn't that some kind of wishfull bs thinking?
Everybody judges other people on their appearence , on their level of wealth , on their background -> in short on their value. More value you have , more people treat you nice and are good to you.
I've been fat but lost 30kgs and everybody treated me better and girls started smiling at me. What does it mean? That my value increased ,it's the only reason they were nice.
And it's objective , not in the eye of beholder or some other bs.
If 100 males were able to chose between living their life and switching places with Cristiano Ronaldo 95+ would chose to swtich with CR. By doing that they confirm that CR's value is objectively bigger than theirs.
So how can I feel good about myself if I'm not at least in the top 20% ?
And my face is (below?)average which is not even enough for an average girl
If everyday I see guys with girls that I can only dream of (not models but just a regular girls are out of my league) but know I dont have enough value for them. And never had.
And it's objective. , these guys are objectively better than I because they have something that I can't have and enjoy abudance while I only got scarcity and never even fucking hugged with anybody
I ll just keep cutting to 10% and working out my dick since why not , it's not a pain for me to pull on dick for 20 minutes a day or keep a diet. Maybe it will help me feel better about myself but even if not I ll still try since I think it's the only option, to try to increase my objective value.
While this Alan Roger guy described me perfectly it doesn't matter at all since he doesn't give any real solution or actionable steps.
And no " switch to mode 1 " is not an actionable step. Easy to tell somebody that hasnt even talked with a female 1 on 1 in years to switch to alpha direct approach mode.
sorry for negativity but it's true in my eyes at least
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I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
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Kratom is next!
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