TOPIC: Approach log + going out solo

I went out last week on Friday and on Saturday (01-02 April)
Friday was nothing special, went out with a friend to two clubs, both studentparties which are generally shitty here. Hit on some girls, but couldnt move forward with them.
On Saturday I met some friends and were drinking together. There was a girl there I saw before in a party and she gave me lot of eye cotacts. I didnt talk to her then, on that night I barely talked to any woman. Anyway I found out, that she was an ex of one of my buddies. She were into me, she was cool and was easy to speak filrtatious (with sexual innuendos) with her. I wanted to go out with one of the guys. The others wanted to stay, I changed number with that girl, but Im ot sure if Im gonna call her.
I dont remember the night mostly, I became drunk as fuck and took some ecstasy too. At one time a guy bumped into me with his shoulder. A big steroid fuck. I was high and just said I know you did it on purpose and just left him there. Later two bouncers come up to me and say that some girls were complaining about me, so I have to leave. First I was like wtf, but then I didnt argue with them, wished them a good night and left. And then outside this guy was waiting for me, who bumped into me. I didnt recognise him first so I stopped as he started to talk to me. He asked what the fuck was that inside, I said oh yeah Im sorry, then hue just slapped me in the face and I left without swearing. I felt ike a pussy just leaving like that, I dont know what should Ive done. I think he was a staff member or something. At themoment I shook it off pretty fast and went to somewhere else, spent more money, drunk more, but didnt hook up why any girls. Im probably not too attractive when Im that drunk. I have to strop drinking. I became sick the last days and it definitely doesnt help.

On Sunday I woke up in the afternoon, and had a date. Thats the only thing I did. I met this girl more than a month ago, she ignored my texts two times before. I just texted her randomly last week and she replied and we set up a date for today.
I was still a bit drunk as we met, but indeed in a good mood.
She was a 30 year old blond polish girl with realy big breasts. Definitely my type. We went to my place (She didnt know that until we were at the entrance, its hard to say no for them in this case). She didnt want to drink, because she was with car, I opened a wine for me. We had a good conversation, I talked really sexual to her the whole time, partly because I was drunk. She let me caress her hand, her hair, I stroked her thighs but she didnt let me to kiss her or move forward. AT one time I pulled her hair stronger then he said she needs to leave. She said, that Im probably drunk. Well she was right. I walked her to her car hand in hand. At the end not even a hug, she just jumped in her car. I think I wont see her again. Im gonna text her on the next weekend.
I became pretty cold, lack of sleep and drinking didnt help a lot. I felt shitty in the enxt couple of days.
I did some approaches on monday and on tuesday but didnt really feel it. But on Tuesday I was standing at Warschauerstr. on the bridge, just chilling, planned to go home soon. I was waiting for some girls passing by before. There was a girl passing by who checked me out. I looked only after that at her but I was sure about it. She was really receptive I told that a friend just flaked on me, and Im figuring out what to do. She says that shes just walking around. A ballet dancer from NY and moved hererecenlty. A philippine girl, firm strong body, but no breasts. I said lets chill together, she agreed. We went to east side gallery. Thats the remaining part of the Berliner Wall. It connects the Warschauerstr with Ostbahnhof (my station). It runs next to the River Spree where you can sit around and chill too. Its a really good spot for me logistically. So we go to Ostbahnhof and just sit next to the river drinking club mate. I dont touch her too much, I dont feel its necessary. After 40-50 mins of talking I suddenly kiss her. she kisses back. We stay there 10 more mins, then we get up and just start to walk (to the direction of my place) I take her hand and say I wanna drink something stronger, she agrees. We go right to my place, we drink some wine, we kiss some more, then I bring an almost full bottle of whiskey. We drunk out both the wine and the whiskey. It was great. I love girls who like to drink.
We couldnt fuck at the end, because she was on her period. I offered her to take a sexy bath, but she didnt want to, saying its her 4th, the worst day. At the end she left her number on a piece of paper. Honestly I dont really want to call her, I wasnt into her that much, and it killed it, that we didnt fuck. It wouldve been round that way. It would have been my first from approach direct to sex experience.

Yesterday I woke up at 3 pm, did some approaches but spent the time mostly at home.
I dont feel motivated lately. Today I would just lay in the bed the whole day and do nothing.

I owe with an update. I finished my first goal for the yea getting 13 lays between September 2015 and September 2016.

11. of April, Monday - Lay 12
I wasnt feeling good in the last days, didnt even take too much action. Today I did 7-8 approaches (which stopped, generally there are always girls who dont even stop). I was kind of sad during the day. Just wandeing around, not many girls. I approached one girl, who was also so moody like me. I held her hand, and she just said dont hold it and took it away. I would say its a bad sign, but apparently didnt matter. I grabbed her hand later and she let it.
I like to do this: Hold her hand at the beginning until she lets it. Small talk, and at the end I say good bye, I need to go, shake her hand, then hold it and then say, that we should hang out sometimes, and ask for their availability right there. (If I have time, I always tryto set up for the same day. I lost many girls because of the long time constraint. Theres always something going on, so we cant meet, and slowly her interest dies). I think its betterto not touch them too much. I used to caress the girls hair or stroke their arms etc (in the first 2-5- minutes!), but I find its sometimes too much, always wanting to touch her looks just too eager and needy. Depends on though, but usually its unnecessary. Just my opinion
Anyway we changed numbers and talked about to meet up today, she wasnt sure. But she was here for 3 weeks so she had nothing to do really. I texted her later, and she said why not.
We met at the station next to my place. We were drinking wine, listening to music. Its already like a routine. I have a couch so we sit always next to each other. We kiss, and touch each other, I escalate her slowly ask her to stand up, I push her onto the bed right after, but she gives me big LMR. Shes on her period, and she wants to fuck on another day. I say I dont think there would be another day. I take back and forth a little. I offer her to take a shower, but she doesnt want to. I go on her again, were still in clothes, I dry hump her, and try to get to her pussy, I cant go in from forward, but I can from behind. I start to finger her, and hen I tell her to go to take a shower, stand up and give a towel a slippers in her hand and literally push her to the bathroom. I have blood on my fingers. She comes back in 10 minutes in the towel wrapped around. I really like it, theyre clean and still wet from the water. Big turn on.
But the sex was a diasspointment from now on. I just didnt enjoy it at all. I didnt like the girls looks enough neither. I just lost my erection after a while and couldnt manage it anymore. I didnt even care. She wanted to stay over, I let it. I wanted to have sex in the next morning, but I was thinking about her bloody pussy, and didnt want to go for it. She bleeded my bed and my floor. Well it happens, I sent her home.

16. of April, Saturday

I was kicked out from a club (Soda). The bouncer said because there were some complaints, and because I was just walking around hit on girls and touch them even when they didnt want it (thats not true). Anyway this was a really interesting night. Even though I was drinking 15 hours with a friend the day before and felt like crap, I was really killing it. I kissed only one girl, and didnt have sex or something, but I was doing approaches on all the girls I wanted to, and had a weird vibe, but in a good sense. I got so many attention from the girl, got eye contacts all the way around. Girls were checking me out and let me touch them with their boyfriends next to them. One guy pushed me away, I just laughed and said its all right I didnt know and left, the other guy did nothing, but talked to the bouncer. After that I was kicked out. I need to be aware how I do this approaches, I was too obvious. Anyway I wait before I go there next time.

19. of April, Tuesday - Lay 13

I approached a girl two weeks before. She was checking me out, I was already on my way, then I went back to her. She looked stunned, that I was talking to her, handholding the whole time. Her girlfriend came and was cool enough just to stay behind and watch. I talke 90%, then we change numbers and I go. The girl said later, that her girlfriend was asking the whole time after, if I already texted her.
Shes really enthusiastic during texting, we set up a date for Tuesday but she flakes an hour before. Her grandma had an accident and she has to go to the hospital. I believe her, no problem. We rescedule the date for the next week on Tuesday. She comes over, we drink wine. A 19-year-old girl who plays video games, listens to metall, goes to cosplay events, (wearing wigs all the time, I asked her to bring a pink wig with, but she forgot..), she doesnt count it any more, how many guys she was sleeping with and one of her eyes was made of glass. I couldnt tell the eye thing until it got darker, and one of her pupills didnt dilatate. She had a sickness when she was younger.
She said, that she wont fuck on first date, I said of course, and I would be pissed if she would think otherwise. Then we fucked. No LMR. A small girl with tight pussy. She didnt have nice teeth.
Then she left, she had to wake up at 3 am. She was about to sleep 3-4 hours max. Its funny that girls when theyre interested cancel other activities, and make effort to meet up with you and then there are girls who flake on you with bullshit excuses, like she had to go to the hairdresser. Clerarly theyre not interested enough.

So I reached my goal with the 13 lays. Since september I doubled my lay count from 13 to 26. Its incredible, that after two two-year-long and several couple of months long dry spells, since august the worst I had is 25-30 days. Actually every week pisses me off, when I dont get laid, but its still a huge improvement. I was scared to set the 13 girls as a goal, because it seemed to be so much compared to my former successes, so its still hard to believe. The school started this week, so Im not gonna have too much free time. Im happy when I finish with 20 girls until September.

23. of April, Friday – Lay 27 (14/13)

I went to the bar in my dormitory. Literally the first girl I was talking to. A cute tiny black girls ordering a shot at the bar. Im with my friends, but I go in. „Youre nt supposed to drink a shot alone” whatever, she smiles we talk, then she walks back to her friends. I go back to my friends too. I talk with other people, then I saw this chick, she winks at me, I go up to her and we drink another shot, hand holding. Her fat girlfriend comes up and wants to bring her back, but then she started to hit on me instead. That Ive a nice smile and sterted to pull me onto the dance floor. I pass haha.
The next time when I see the small chick, I bring her to the bar again alone, we drink, and we make out. We go back to dance a little (where her bag is), shes grinding to me then I give her her bag and I pull her out to the fresh air to talk. I take her hand and just bring into the building and up to my room suggesting that we should get some wine and get back to the party in 10 mins. We get to my room, I pour some wine, turn on some music, we chill and we have sex then. No LMR. I had a hard time to get it hard, and then I was throwing out almost on her lol. But I managed to go the the bathroom fast. Not so sexy, but she was pretty cool with it. Also with that that I didnt have a proper boner (we fucked for a couple of minutes and lost it).
She slept over, but I was not in the mood in the morning. She left. She forgot her jacket in the bar yesterday, so she took my coat. It means we have to see each other again.
First black girl. Ive been with a half black brazilian before, but this was the first 100% black girl. She was small and had a pretty tight pussy.

Next week school. I had a presentation on Tuseday. I went there but came home before presenting. And with that I sort of gave up on school this semseter too. The thing is I have the feeling, that I dont want to study architecture anymore. Its really painful, because I wanted to study this since I was 15, and now when I finally got there, I dont want to do it. I would need to focus 100% on this, and couldnt do anything else, just working and studying. I did that in the first two semester. One of the most unhappiest, unsatisfying period of my life. I cant and dont want to commit to that now. Maybe in a couple of years, maybe never. The thing is that Im scared as shit without that. I have no idea what I want to do instead of that. Its hard to commit to chasing pussy too. I cant walk around the streets for hours a day. I did that and didnt like it at all. If I dont study I lose the safe ground from underneath my legs and dont have any outlook on life. I could chose another major „okay lets study IT” but wouldnt be grounded and it doesnt make sanse that way. I couldnt commit.
Of course I would like to run an own business like everybody else, but I have no idea about stuff like that, Ive never been interested in such things yet. If I give up on school, it should be because I have the desire to do something else, but its not the case. If I give up on school now, it means I dont have any other plans.
Besides studying is free here, so I have the feeling I really shouldnt throw it away. And I dont want to lose my studentstatus. I live in a dormitory, and students have advantages also in work. I dont have to pay taxes, or pension insurance or social insurance. So it means I dont have to work that much.
All right I cant figure it out right now, so I give myself one more semseter break. I only take spanish classes and getting to A2. I lose one semester with that though, because its not an official break when I take classes, so it counts as a full semseter.


29. of April, Friday

I went to this dormitory bar again. I didnt go out lately, just to this bar last week and now. Sometimes there are no people at all, but Fridays seem to be good lately, and logistically this is the perfect place for me. Its open to the street, so everybody can come in, which sometimes is good, sometimes not. There are a lot of guys, like 65-70% male to 30-35% female ratio. But I think it really doesnt matter, because a lot of guys do nothing and the rest sucks anyways. Its really cheap, a beer costs 1 euro and a shot 70 cent. Easy to get wasted.
I was talking only to a couple of girls (3-4). The first one was an american exchange student, She stays next to the wall on the dance floor, I saw she was approached by other guys before, but really the majority of the college kids look so shitty and have no idea what to do. I felt like I stand out of this crowd.
So I walk up to her „hey you look cute, my name is..”. Shes really receptive, I say that its too loud lets go outside, I take her hand she follows. We talk a little, here literally I should have been more straightforward, touch her more and go for the kiss. I had the feeling shed be into it. But I didnt, it was too cold so she wanted to get her jacket. I talk to some friend, then she comes back, so we go out again. And I didnt go in for the kiss again. She wants to go inside because soon theyre leaving, so I go in for the kiss anyway, she partly gets her head away, but it was okay.
I drink some more, talk with friends, this girl leaves with her friends, one of my friend offers me some speed, I take it. Were about to go to some club. Here it looks pretty dead.
There was a hot girl, who was always checking me out when I passed, but was always with 1 or 2 guys around, I didnt bother myself. Once we passed we were touching each other. Another time we passed she was holding a guys shoulder, and when she saw me she stopped to touch the guy immediately. I should have just barge in and do something but I didnt care that much (and also cant really handle other guys I guess), we wanted to go somewhere anyway.
I stay at the dance floor, when this girl comes up with a guy next to us, and she passes and literally „accidentally” just falls into my arms. I hold her and pull her in close immediately, we talk for a minute, and then I take her out, she doesnt want to hold my hand, because we are passing her friends, but she follows, and holds my finger.
We get out, we hold hands now, we talk and I start to walk her to the entrance of the dormitory. „Its cold, lets get inside”. I shouldve do the same with the first chick. We walk in, and then I push her against a pillar in the hall and we make out. The I go further in the direction of my room, to „get some wine, well back in 10 minutes”. She hesitates a little saying, its too fast. I say relax, we just get the wine and come back, and please promise, that you dont make moves on me. She laughs, we go upstairs. I pour wine, turn on music, same thing as usual. Backa and forth, „we are not going to fuck” „of course not”, and go further.
She was a really pretty but a really insecure girl. I turned her on, fingered her, and finally she wanted to grab my dcik, but I couldnt get hard. Again. I took speed, did PE before, drank and just couldnt do it. She started to cry, because she thought she didnt turn me on and wanted to leave. I calmed her that Im the malfunctional impotent dick so dont worry. She stayed over. In the morning I had a hard on, my penis was in her for one minute, but then I lost it. I dont count it as a lay, even when I was inside of her, Im not satisfied with it. She lives here, and we agreed to meet up some other time. Well see. She seemed to really like me, even though I couldnt fuck her. I was really nice and cool to her actually.

My biggest problem in life is the ED and I dont adress it enough. Im so used to it, that it doesnt bother me enough. The problem is, that a lot of times I dont even enjoy sex, its just boring, and the pussy doesnt feel that good like my hand. I was truned on for years by visual stimulation and I dont react to intimacy at all. And the thing is, that probably I dont even know, how real sex and intimacy should feel normally. Its so fucked up. It has to be my main goal, but Im not serious with it enough. I dont watch porn, but I always relapse with masturbating. I dont ejaculate, but still touching myself and fantasizing. Its almost like porn, because in my head Im just an outside viewer watching myself having sex in some mostly liked positions. SO its not about the feelings. The hardest after when Ive been with a girl, and when Im hangover. I just dont have any self-controll.

1. of Mai, Sunday

There was a festival in the city, but I went to the gym instead and wanted to go later. The black girl calls me from last week, she wants to hang out. We meet, and Im about to meet my friends, but she says, that she asks me if we can fuck first. Funny. So we buy some drink, go back to my place, have sex and chill. She needs to get up early in the morning so she leaves, I cook something and go to bed.