TOPIC: Approach log + going out solo

jan 23. saturday

5 legit approaches (legit approach if she stops, and we can talk, not just running away) I wasnt in the mood at all, did a lot of half ass approaches. Only 1 number.

jan 24. sunday

Only 2. I did six but only 2 legit. The last two. I didnt have time and wasnt in the mood. But the last one was an incredibly cute italian girl.Handholding the whole time, I hope she wont flake.

jan 25. monday

7-8 which were legit. 3 numbers, 2 of them probably flake (didnt let me hold their hands etc) but the last one was good. a tall swedish girl. She was taller than me. I rubbed her hand and she rubbed mine. It doesnt happen too often.
I got a lot of eye contacts today. I felt I look good and I had a sexy voice.

jan 26. tuesday

4. And not even legit. It was a bad day. I barely slept, 9 hours of work, gym, in a hurry the whole day. They are just excuses ofc. I could have done it.

jan 27 wednesday

5 so to say. But they werent all legit. But I was pretty aggressive today. I dont think thats necessary during day game. Only one number, but probably off. She liked me, but I had to convince her to change number, cause the situation was weird for her.
I keep 4 different logs now Approaches, Training, PE, Finances (actually 3, Im ashamed even to look at the finances. Im already over 1000€ this month isntead of 600.)
I need the discipline now, because I dont have the motivation lately. I didnt accomplish the 5 approaches in the last days three times and today I just wanted to get through with the gym (it didnt make me any satisfaction). On the other hand this daily activity gives me a lot mentally. Sometimes I even start to believe in what I am doing. I have to start to work on the screening, because slowly (atl least i feel it at the moment) I start to realize, that its not me, if the girl rejects me (mostly my looks) and things dont go the way I want them to go. Im only responsible for achieving the daily goals. Every day counts and the result will eventually come.
I finally move out this week, so its busy.

jan 28. thursday

5 legit, 0 numbers. I did also on really hot girl. Handholding the whole time, our faces 30 cm apart, but she was engaged.

jan 29. friday

5. I dont know if I really had it. Anyway 0 numbers. There were some really hot grils among them. I didnt always have the patiance for them. I have to appreciate the available girl, not the hot girls. Ofc ideally they are both at the same time.
I fucked up the evening. I went to the dorm bar I wasnt really in the mood, but it was eventually pretty good. There was a girl,a social butterfly dancing around with everybody a little. Some guys are hovering around (its a lot, there were like 20 people alltogether in the bar.)
I talked to her a little when she got off the dance floor, we sat down, nothing special. She wants to go to dance, I dont want go go with, I say have fun. later two guys start to argue about her then she comes up to me and kisses me. Then she leaves the bar in a rush with her girlfriend. Funny.
And then there was a vietnamese girl. She was really into me, but then I got too drunk and I went really heavy on her tried forcingly kiss her etc. Really not attractive. She even said you were so good, dont fuck it up. Well I fucked up. I dont care so much, because I wanted to fuck that night and she wasnt dtf I think. But anyway if not that day, maybe later. So if I see its a no-go I dont have to push it. But I was drink, couldnt think about it.
And on the next day I hit on her during the day and I didnt even recognise her haha. Well it didnt help neither. I asked her - you mad (bro)? but she just left saying shes in a hurry.
After that I went to a club really drunk, they didnt let me in, then to a bar, but nothing happened. Whatever.
I fuck the things up with drinking. I have to drink with limits. Really like I say Im gonna drink 5 bottles of beer tonight and no matter what, thats it, or I mustnt drink at all.
And if Im hangover Im mentally so fucking weak, I dont care about my goals at all and dont do shit. And I cant eat properly neither.

jan 30. saturday

7 but 0 numbers. I was more aggressive today but I reekd from alcohol and didnt even feel good at the end.
I had a flake today from the swedish girl. I dont reply, she apolgises in the evening again.

jan 31. sunday

0. Moving the whole day. I even cancelled a hardly set up date. This was a 17 year old MOTHER I tried to hook up since one week with. She is easily an eight for me. Really slim, tight body, cute face. Shes taller than me. Later in the next week I offered to rearrange the meeting but "Im busy" bullshit reply.

feb 01. monday

6 approaches, 1 number. It was hard to get in. I got some intensive eye contacts (like starring) but the girls generally werent appreciative today. Not even the ones who checked me out. Then I got another flake today. I rearranged the date with the swedish girl. We had to meet at the station close to my place. She had to work longer she was late. It was okay I was still at the gym and could do some approaches. Then she etxts me to meet somerwhere else when I was already at the station. She says make "some effort booy". Well fuck it, I went home. Its not really a flake, but fucking around. It brings me really down, when I have some expectations, that we meet up at the station and go to my place, and then Im supposed to go to a fucking bar far from my place and "talk and drink" there. I have no chance to pull it from there. Actually I wouldnt mind it, if it was planned, but I had completely different expectations.

feb 02. tuesday

6 approaches, 3 numbers. None of them legit number I think. Didnt let me hold their hands etc, but why the fuck are they giving their number. I even told to one girl. "but we dont have to change numbers, I can see youre not into it". She said no its okay, I want to. Ofc she didnt reply next day. Another one immediatly blocked me on whatsapp haha. The third one said shes out of town for the week.

feb 03. wednesday

8, but 0 numbers. It didnt go well today. I had a bad mood too. I even got a flake from a girl I met a couple of times before. But shes not dtf probably anyway Although if she now agrees to come over she surely knows what to expect.
I feel needy and desperated lately and Im sure it comes through.

ferb 04. thursday

7 approaches, 2 numbers. I had a bad mood the whole day. Then I went to the gym and it brought me back to the surface.
Its incredible how much the whole world changes around me depending on how I feel (what my thoughts are). I look the same but how people react to me (not just girls) is completely different. My behaviour changes and how I speak changes. And mostly how I view the same situation changes. I feel much more powerful. Lately I could reinforce it willingly sometimes. Today I couldnt, the gym did though. Its simply attitude, but so important.

feb 05. firday

5 approaches, 2 numbers. Didnt feel it went well today.

feb 06. saturday

I didnt even asked for numbers. I approached girls with the only purpose to try to get an instant date and maybe more. It was worthless.
In the evening there was a party at my dormitory. It was a good night, but I didnt hook up with anybody. There was a beautiful latina girl. She had a boyfriend and I wasted the whole night on her. She was really into me, but I couldnt pull it through. If I couldve isoltae her and bring her to my room I dont know. Well I didnt do that.
I was touching her the whole night, as we were talking in a group, she stood next to me, I massaged her neck,(rubbed her ass through her pocket, secretly so nobody can see) she didnt resist at all. After that I dont really remember, but there werent many other girls and I went home.

feb 07. sunday

Stayed home the whole day. Didnt do shit. Tried to set up a date from former numbers but nothing..

feb 08. monday

6-7 approaches. 3 numbers but such bullshit. They didnt really let me touch them, or had boyfriend etc. I admit it Im really needy lately. I feel every week is a failure when I cant get laid or cant even set up a date. Also through the interactions im not too cool. Im suggesting to meet up today and stuff, try to touch them all the time (its easy to overdo)
I became impatient and I need to calm down. I didnt enjoy hitting on girls today at all. I was wandering around and thought fuck why am I doing this shit, it wont get me anything anyway.
I notice that Im really negative today, but I didnt have a single date in the last two weeks, and I feel that I approach differently lately. I have to focus on my thoughts during approaches.
Okay one of the numbers seems legit (meaning theres a chance shes not going to flake 100% based on the interaction. I can tell it in a lot of cases now. Except when I can not.)

I gave up on online dating lately. Tinder sucks for me, I get 3-4 matches a week. I played thematching game every day twice for 1,5-2 weeks but Im not consistent with it anymore. I should try other apps.

feb 05. firday

5 approaches, 2 numbers. Didnt feel it went well today.

feb 06. saturday

I didnt even asked for numbers. I approached girls with the only purpose to try to get an instant date and maybe more. It was worthless.
In the evening there was a party at my dormitory. It was a good night, but I didnt hook up with anybody. There was a beautiful latina girl. She had a boyfriend and I wasted the whole night on her. She was really into me, but I couldnt pull it through. If I couldve isoltae her and bring her to my room I dont know. Well I didnt do that.
I was touching her the whole night, as we were talking in a group, she stood next to me, I massaged her neck,(rubbed her ass through her pocket, secretly so nobody can see) she didnt resist at all. After that I dont really remember, but there werent many other girls and I went home.

feb 07. sunday

Stayed home the whole day. Didnt do shit. Tried to set up a date from former numbers but nothing..

feb 08. monday

6-7 approaches. 3 numbers but such bullshit. They didnt really let me touch them, or had boyfriend etc. I admit it Im really needy lately. I feel every week is a failure when I cant get laid or cant even set up a date. Also through the interactions im not too cool at all. Im suggesting to meet up today and stuff, try to touch them all the time (its easy to overdo)
I became impatient and I need to calm down. I didnt enjoy hitting on girls today at all. I was wandering around and thought fuck why am I doing this shit, it wont get me anything anyway. Tried to set up a date without any results.
I notice that Im really negative today, but I didnt have a single date in the last two weeks, and I feel that I approach differently lately too (weaker). I have to focus on my thoughts during approaches.
Okay one of the numbers seems legit (meaning theres a chance shes not going to flake 100% based on the interaction. I can tell it in a lot of cases now. Except when I can not.)

I gave up on online dating lately. Tinder sucks for me, I get 3-4 matches a week. I played the matching game every day twice for 1,5-2 weeks but Im not consistent with it anymore. I should try other apps.

feb 09. tuesday

6 approaches, 1 number. It went better today

feb 10. wednesday

10+. 4 numbers. Today I looked pretty good, and felt much better too. They called me today if I can work in the next 4 days, 12 hours every day. I took it but its gonna kill my weekend, so it has determined that I wont have pussy this week neither. At the end of the day I met a greek Milf ( she said 32, I think she was more). She seemed like a bad girl, earlier Id have been scared of her haha. Black hair, solarium-tanned skin, piercing, tatted up (even her pussy, didnt see tough).
She was a tourist and I ended up making out with her. (She asked me if I want to go with her buying shoes, we went to a shop, then I said lets drink something and took her hand, we went to starbucks, bought a coffee and chilled there).It was her last day here and she was about to meet a friend. I tried to convince her somehow, to take that fucking train and well be back in a half an hour, but we should check out something. But she wasnt down for it. Convincing a girl with arguments doesnt really work anyway. So I said good bye and went home. Its insane that if Im with a hot girl, how many eye contacts I get.
I went to the dorm bar in the evening. There was a russian girl, she was here with couch surfing, so actually alone. As we talked she said that she is a muslim and not really into sex. (for eg she meets up with guys from tinder and she just leaves them without a word, just to fuck with them. wtf) Any way I didnt care about her anymore and talked to another chicks. SHe was looking a lot, so later I went up to her and whispered in her ear, that I really like you but you dont like sex and gave her a half cheek- half mouth kiss. She wait not here, so I said lets go out. We went out made out, pulled her through the entrance of the dorm, but I couldnt manage to come upstairs with me. So I just left her again. I drunk a little bit more, all the hot girls left already so I went home.

feb 11. thursday

I had to work only 8 hours instead of 12. I approached 5 girls through the day.The last one wasnt legit thoug. Got one number from a really hot romanian girl. She was so small except her breasts, but leaves ina couple of days and was busy with scool stuff. She didnt even replied to my text, but I kind of expected it.
All the other numbers from this week need to wait until the next week, which icnreases the flake rate. Nevermind. I have to work now, cause Im financially in a fucked up situation. Since months I spend more than what I earn.

feb 12. friday

12 hours of work. I had an hour break lunch but I was dirty and didnt really want to approach, just eat something. 2 approaches though, neither of them talked back to me haha. I didnt feel it today. After work I approached one more girl who checked me out and we walked together to the train station. She was nice but said if I can stop touching her. I said sure and I stoped to talk to her too. Then we said good bye.
I took another job monday until sunday the next week. So I work now 11 days in a row. I mean Im booked for 11 days, maybe I dont have to work every day. But still. So February seems to be a dry month for me.

I was working a lot lately and was inconsistent with the aproaches. I workedas a host in a big event, and I felt really really fucked up. There were a lot of hot girls there, but I felt so antisocial the whole time. I was so anxious and felt that I have the worst social skills in the whole place. I know that its not true, but theres is some truth in it. Im much more cooler with a girl one on one so to say, than within a gourp (girls or mixed). Partly because I have difficulities with the language, but I think thats just an excuse. At the beggining as we meet, its totally okay, but after 1-2 days, when everybody get to know each other better, I just shut down, and analyze every shit. I was like that in my whole life, but I didnt think that I still had it in me so strongly. (Its because I dont really have a social circle, especially with girls) so Im just not in such situations too often). It sounds fucked up for me and felt like I didnt improve anything in the last 1-2 years.

19. feb
7 approaches and had an instant date. A pretty but conservative girl, but I needed some love already. I felt really bad lately, so it was good and healthy for me talking with somebody who likes me. I felt much better after that.
I got 3 numbers today.
One of them was a vietnamese girl, I approached her after ec and smile. In the evening I text her to meet up. She refuses because she has a headache haha. Whatever I wish her good night. Im watching a movie and planing to go the the dorm bar, when she textsme, if its still on, because shes sad and cant sleep. I say yeah lets meet up in 30 mins. She lives close so we meet up 5 min walking distance from my place. I take a bath and meet her.
She looks good, I take her hand and start to walk to my place. I dont say where we go, probably its obvious. It distrubs her, that I hold her hand so I letit go. No big deal, but still. We arrive, she doesnt drink, but I open a bottle of wine for myself.
Shes 30 and ahve been with two guys in her life. As the time goes on I kiss her, but she doesnt even open her mouth. I stroke her, we talk about sex, how cool is it in Europe and nothing serious. But slowly I give up, I cant get forward with her.
I go to pee, I Im thinking that I send her home now and go to the bar. I got back, take her hand and she stands up. We are face to face I kiss her again and then I push her onto my bed. I get on her and it becomes wilder. We do fucking moves (still fully in clothes) I start to rub her pussy through her pants, she starts to kiss wilder too. Less and less clothes, she holds my dick and says me to turn the lights off. Sure, after that I get fully naked. Shes shy, she didnt shave her pussy. ofc I dont really care. I finger her and try to fuck her, but her pussy is too tight and too sensitive. She says that my dick is too big and shes afraid of it lol. Its not big at all. I put in the tip but cant go deeper. I have some lube so I put it on my dick and tell her to sit on me. I sits in it fully once, but it hurts her and she stops it. I say her to at least suck my cock, she does that, but its not too good. I had worse though. Slowly I lose my erection and stop her.
We lay a little longer then I walk her to the metro.
Well does it count as a lay?? I think not.
Anyway Im happy, that I could break through. She was really conservative she wouldnt think about sex without a relationship. So a conservative girl is not necessarily a lost case. Although her condition helpd probably too. She just broke up with her bosyfriend recently who cheated on her a couple of times and they still live together and she didnt want to stay home.
After that I went to the bar bat it was already 3 am, and there was no pussy.

20 feb. saturday

I went to work, 0 approaches. I got home late didnt go out.

21. feb sunday

Only 2 approaches. One of them was a girl in the mall, where I go to the gym. Sha asked me to change numbers and meet after the gym. Well I couldnt reach her and didnt reply to my text.
The girl I had an instant date with didnt reply neither, and 2-3 another girls didnt reply neither. Tough luck. I set up a date for the night though. One girl apparently got through. I met her 2-3 weeks ago during the night in the metrostation. She has a boyfriend, but we agreed to drink a friendly beer.
So we meet up and go to my place. I bought some wine and beer and we drink. But the whole thing is set up differently somehow. Knowing that she has a boyfriend makes me standoffish. I mean I didnt touch her really, we were just talking. A cool girl by the way. Later on the night I start touching her hand but she always pull it back. I stroke her hand sometimes and stuff, but I get the feeling, that its not gonna happen. So I just whisper in her ears that I think shes really sexy and I would want to push her against the wall and fuck the shit out of her, she creeps out a little, and says immediatley that probably she needs to go haha. I say sure, I take a pee, as I come back shes already in her coat. I dont feel awkward at all, and the situation isnt awkward neither. It didnt just come out of the blue, I showed my intentions the whole time to her. it was just the tip of the iceberg. As we go out, she says that I dont have to alk her to the station. Actually Im holding her both hands as we talkn but then she goes. A half an hour later she texts me that she enjoyed the night and she actually kinda likes me. I text her me too, but I think she can get lost anyway. Maybe when shes horny shes gonna text me or something.

22. monday
Im hangover as I wake up. Great start off for the week. I go to the gym do 5 approaches. Got one number. I set up a date with her for tonight, but she flakes an hour before.

I was working a lot lately and was inconsistent with the aproaches. I workedas a host in a big event, and I felt really really fucked up. There were a lot of hot girls there, but I felt so antisocial the whole time. I was so anxious and felt that I have the worst social skills in the whole place. I know that its not true, but theres is some truth in it. Im much more cooler with a girl one on one so to say, than within a gourp (girls or mixed). Partly because I have difficulities with the language, but I think thats just an excuse. At the beggining as we meet, its totally okay, but after 1-2 days, when everybody get to know each other better, I just shut down, and analyze every shit. I was like that in my whole life, but I didnt think that I still had it in me so strongly. (Its because I dont really have a social circle, especially with girls) so Im just not in such situations too often). It sounds fucked up for me and felt like I didnt improve anything in the last 1-2 years.

19. feb
7 approaches and had an instant date. A pretty but conservative girl, but I needed some love already. I felt really bad lately, so it was good and healthy for me talking with somebody who likes me. I felt much better after that.
I got 3 numbers today.
One of them was a vietnamese girl, I approached her after ec and smile. In the evening I text her to meet up. She refuses because she has a headache haha. Whatever I wish her good night. Im watching a movie and planing to go the the dorm bar, when she textsme, if its still on, because shes sad and cant sleep. I say yeah lets meet up in 30 mins. She lives close so we meet up 5 min walking distance from my place. I take a bath and meet her.
She looks good, I take her hand and start to walk to my place. I dont say where we go, probably its obvious. It distrubs her, that I hold her hand so I letit go. No big deal, but still. We arrive, she doesnt drink, but I open a bottle of wine for myself.
Shes 30 and ahve been with two guys in her life. As the time goes on I kiss her, but she doesnt even open her mouth. I stroke her, we talk about sex, how cool is it in Europe and nothing serious. But slowly I give up, I cant get forward with her.
I go to pee, I Im thinking that I send her home now and go to the bar. I got back, take her hand and she stands up. We are face to face I kiss her again and then I push her onto my bed. I get on her and it becomes wilder. We do fucking moves (still fully in clothes) I start to rub her pussy through her pants, she starts to kiss wilder too. Less and less clothes, she holds my dick and says me to turn the lights off. Sure, after that I get fully naked. Shes shy, she didnt shave her pussy. ofc I dont really care. I finger her and try to fuck her, but her pussy is too tight and too sensitive. She says that my dick is too big and shes afraid of it lol. Its not big at all. I put in the tip but cant go deeper. I have some lube so I put it on my dick and tell her to sit on me. I sits in it fully once, but it hurts her and she stops it. I say her to at least suck my cock, she does that, but its not too good. I had worse though. Slowly I lose my erection and stop her.
We lay a little longer then I walk her to the metro.
Well does it count as a lay?? I think not.
Anyway Im happy, that I could break through. She was really conservative she wouldnt think about sex without a relationship. So a conservative girl is not necessarily a lost case. Although her condition helpd probably too. She just broke up with her bosyfriend recently who cheated on her a couple of times and they still live together and she didnt want to stay home.
After that I went to the bar bat it was already 3 am, and there was no pussy.

20 feb. saturday

I went to work, 0 approaches. I got home late didnt go out.

21. feb sunday

Only 2 approaches. One of them was a girl in the mall, where I go to the gym. Sha asked me to change numbers and meet after the gym. Well I couldnt reach her and didnt reply to my text.
The girl I had an instant date with didnt reply neither, and 2-3 another girls didnt reply neither. Tough luck. I set up a date for the night though. One girl apparently got through. I met her 2-3 weeks ago during the night in the metrostation. She has a boyfriend, but we agreed to drink a friendly beer.
So we meet up and go to my place. I bought some wine and beer and we drink. But the whole thing is set up differently somehow. Knowing that she has a boyfriend makes me standoffish. I mean I didnt touch her really, we were just talking. A cool girl by the way. Later on the night I start touching her hand but she always pull it back. I stroke her hand sometimes and stuff, but I get the feeling, that its not gonna happen. So I just whisper in her ears that I think shes really sexy and I would want to push her against the wall and fuck the shit out of her, she creeps out a little, and says immediatley that probably she needs to go haha. I say sure, I take a pee, as I come back shes already in her coat. I dont feel awkward at all, and the situation isnt awkward neither. It didnt just come out of the blue, I showed my intentions the whole time to her. it was just the tip of the iceberg. As we go out, she says that I dont have to alk her to the station. Actually Im holding her both hands as we talkn but then she goes. A half an hour later she texts me that she enjoyed the night and she actually kinda likes me. I text her me too, but I think she can get lost anyway. Maybe when shes horny shes gonna text me or something.

22. monday
Im hangover as I wake up. Great start off for the week. I go to the gym do 5 approaches. Got one number. I set up a date with her for tonight, but she flakes an hour before wihtout giving any reason. So I do the laundry instead.

Didnt write since a while. There are a couple of things happened since then. Februar as I predicted was a dry month. I didnt get any pussy (except the vietnamese, but it doesnt count as a lay). I havent been consistent with the approaches. Lack of motivation, and swinging moods the whole time. I stuck in a bad mood for days.
But March started off good, well sort of.

1. march - thursday

I went to a club called Matrix. Its only one station far away from me, so logistically it is a relatively good club for me. I drank a beer on the wy there just to get relaxed. There inside, at the beginning it was hard to ease up, but then I got eye contacts from girls, which always help me to get in the momant, and I start feeling good. I did 4-5 approaches, no dice. Then I was standing on the dance floor, and looking for eye contacts. Three girls are dancing next to me, and one of them just grabs my neck and pulls to them. I dont like her, but I like her girlfriend and I start to talk with her. Usual stuff, you look cute, my name is.. They are tourists from Italy, the girl I like doesnt speak english too well, but we understand each other. Red colored hair and piercings and hipster glasses. She has a sexy mouth. 2-3 mins talking then I grab her and want to take her off the dance floor. She doesnt want to leave the dance floor there so I tell her girlfriends to sit down for a while. They all three come. I talk a little with the others too but I focus on my girl. Hand holding, touching. The two other girls get bored and want to go back to dance. My girls asks me to dance with her. I say I dont want to dance, shes hovering there so I pull in her head and make out with her. Then we go to dance a little, after a couple of minutes I can finally pull her away from her girlfriends. We sit down and talk like for a half an hour and then I suggest to get some drink outside its cheaper and then we can come back, 30 mins. She hesiteats because of her girlfriends but finally agrees, we get out our coats from the garderobe, and the two fucking girlfriends are there and take their coats out too.. I say oh fuck it, its gonna ruin the whole stuff. I also started to argue a little with one of the girls about some bullshit. I step back a little and jsut stay there, theyre talking. And then one of the girlfriends asks me if I want to go back with them to the hostel. Wow no cockblock and she even supports me. Never happened before. So we take a cab, we get to the hostel. No problems at the reception we just simply walk in. We get in the room, there were other people sleeping there. It was a room for 8 people. Nobody really talks, the two other girls just go to bed and I get in the bed with the red haired girl. We make out, start to rub her pussy, then I take her hand and bring her to the bathroom.
Well we had sex, but I think this was the worst most awkward sex in my life and it was on me. I couldnt get a really a hard on just for like 2 minutes and it was also only a semi-hard erection. So technically we had sex but it was awfull. I didnt really know how to do it. It was hard to push her against the wall and to it that way, and I didnt really got a hard on. I had to take a shit, I was holding my asshole the whole time and I took the Seldanifil just a while before. I think it didnt have its effect yet. We fucked a little in doggy style, but after like 15 minutes awkwardnes I stopped it and we went back to the room. I went to the reception for a beer and to take a shit. I didnt want it next to their room. Apparently it was just some huge farts. Then I got back, but the situation is killed completely. Were just laying next to each other, and I was corious how is she going to get rid of me. Then she start to talk about, that she just recently broke up with her boyfriend and shes thinking about him and cant do anything with me, hopefully I understand. haha I so knew it was coming. I made one more attempt, we were kissing but she stopped me. I say no problem I can understand and took on my clothes and said good bye. Im so sure that shes gonna tell her girlfriends that she had her worst fuck ever haha. It didnt let me down at all, but it wasnt a good experience. Lay 22, not a prideful one.

03. March
Two dates, both from day time cold approach. One of them was a little bit lame, I didnt really like the girl, we drunk a coffe. Maybe I try to fuck her later. After that I met with a milf. She is 35 and has a 12 year old kid. I approached her two days ago after eye contact and she texted me first already hinting at a meeting with me ("next time you have to tell me how you pronounce your name"). So we met up in the night next at the station next to my place. As we greet each other her face is like 10-15 cm away from my face, as we walk I touch her shoulder and she wraps her arm around my waist. It was so on from the first minute. I could have fucked her right after we walked into my room, witout a word. But I wanted to relax, drink a little and wait until the shitty seldanifil hits. I took 3times more then the last tim. 150mg instead of 50mg just to make things sure. We were talking about sex and former hook ups the whole time, she was literally crwaling onto me. Then when I feel, hat the pills are kicking in, I go for it, we start to kiss I put her on the bed, get dressed off and we fucked. And I have to say this was the best sex of my life. We fucked the whole night, two more times in the morning. She complimented me the whole time on how good I was, and I also felt that way. She even texted me two days after, that shes still impressed. I really needed it after the last case. Lay 23.

In the next couple of days I felt somehow really depressed, probably because of working and a lack of sleep. I went out on Wednesday, but I felt pretty lame. I was just sitting alone and drinking beer in the first 40 minutes and wanted to go home. But fuck it I didnt pay the fucking entrance just to go home, so I did a couple approaches, but didnt find any dtf girl. I wasnt dtf neither I think.

10. March - Thursday

Went to Matrix, I wasnt eased up at the beginning and was hard to leave the house, but I eased up pretty fast as I got to the club. I talked with a lot of girls tonight, and felt great. I felt that I was really screening. But I still assuming a lot of things and therefore I dont approach. I find some excuse, why theyre probably not dtf, instead of just talk to them. I made out with two girls, but they were not dtf.
It was already after 4 am,and there werent too much people left. I already wanted to go home, but then a guy I was talking with before invited me for a drink, so I stayed for a while. Then saw a girl, I didnt even notice before. She looked nerdy and not a really impressive face but her body was really hot. I approached her the usual way, Hey you look cute, I wanted to say hi. Handholding, arm stroking, I can pull her pretty fast to sit down. She drinks out my fucking drink and asks me to get her a new one. I say forget it, I dont even have more money. But we get along pretty good, I escalate her we make out, she kisses really intensively and surpisingly good regarding her nerdy looks. She has a great firm and thin body. We start to talk about sex, and se keeps saying such things lets go to fuck to the bathroom, who needs a bed. I thought pkay this girl is just bullshitting, and keep saysing to her, that youre a full of crap haha, talk too much. She says why would she bullshitting around. She leaves me because I dont invite her for a drink. I talk with a guy, next to them. She asks a guy to buy her a drink he does. Theyre standing there around, I grab her hand she holds it but we both talk with somebody else. Then I look at her and pull her to me. We make out again and I bring her to the garderobe I say lets go outside to get some drinks, I say I can invite her because its cheap. I took actually a seldanifil earlier just in case. she doesnt want to leave cause her girlfriends are staying at her place and she says lets go to the toilette, I cant believe is it real? I say yes lets do that and we just walk in. Its pretty late, so there are not too many people anymore and its empty. we just go to one of the toilettes. and start to make out, she pull off her pants, me too. But fuck it its disgusting and really uncofortable we cant get off our clothes off, because its fucking dirty everywehre. And of course I couldnt get a real boner. Fucking shit. She starts to jerk me off and start to suck my cock too, I finger her, but nothing. Then she says that I look like I didnt do that before and giggles. Then she wants to go back to her girlfriends. Fuck it, sure whatever. She goes out first, then I go out later, but I dont want to go to her anymore. I drink one mroe beer and talk with a guy then I leave. On the way home my cock feels really numb and hurts. I cant fucking believe it. My biggest problem is this ED now and I dont really address this problem. I do all this effort and at the end Im not even capable to fuck the girls. I need so much experience. Really I need to practice. Ive been with 23 women, but with all of them except two only one time. Thats not a lot of sex. The problem is that it doesnt annoys me as much as it should. I almost didnt feel bad at all afterwards, well its not true but I couldnt go down on myself even though I wanted to. I can get the biggest motivation in my deepest moments. I need to handle this fucking ED with all effort Im capable of. But as Im writing it I already jerked off today (didnt come) I just couldnt resist. I could manage it from September untilDecember without any problems. But no Im doing PE and I need to touch my dick for that, and I drink to, which as bad on the next days, because Im horny as fuck and lose controll. I lost one lay with that.

But I also want to give some credit for me: Im gonna reach slowly my first goal of the year, which is having sex with 13 new women until my birthday in September. I need three more, then celebrate and shot for 20, but I also want to focus a little on other things,and doing less approaches, because this day time wandering eats up a lot of time. But I know that Im absolutely not there yet where I want to be, but Im not there where Ive been a year ago neither.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You're doing pretty good mate.

Thanks for the support.


11. March - Friday

Went to a club at the evening, its called Soda Club. I would say so far this is the best club where Ive been in Berlin. Its huge with 6-7 dance floors and like tousand people. Logistically its a little far away, but theres a possibility for bathroom sex (I wish I could do that). This time I went with a friend and I was sober the whole night. I talked to 20+ girls, but I didnt even have a kiss. It was still a great night. I just became really fast tired ( third night going out, and didnt drink) and couldnt even speak. Got 2 numbers at the end, one responden later, but not amyore when I suggested a meeting.

12. March - Saturday

Honsetly I dont remember if I did any approaches during the day. Anyway I went out in the evening. There was a dormitory party in my last dormitory. There are new exchange students. It was nice, I drank whiskey, which I didnt drink since a while. I really like it. It was nothing special.
One thing to mention though: Night game lately gives me a lot of power. I get so many eye contacts. Yesterday as I walk through the club, I got it from so many girls. But I couldnt really speak so couldnt really use it out haha.
And today also, as I went there, girls immediately started to talk to m "hey, whats your name". Funny. It really makes me confident. We went to a a club,Watergate, but they didnt let me in. I blame my drunk persian friend on that. Unfortunately oriental guys ofen cant get into clubs. Whatever, we try some other clubs, but it was already 5 am. Then he went home, and I went to this Matrix club. There were like 20-30 people there. I was pretty drunk, I dont remember everything, but I made out with two girls. I was with the second when the club was closing, I went to the bathroom, and didnt find her after that. But she was with friends, so I dont think I couldve managed it.

13. March - Sunday

I did approached girl during the day for a couple of hours. I didnt feel bad, but I must have come through a bit creepy. A lot of girls just walked away.

14. March - Monday

Day time approaches. I got 5+. I arranged a date with one of the girls for tonight. We met up at 19:30 at the station (Ostbahnhof) next to my apartment. She asked a lot before vie text what are we gonna do, where are we going. I said Just to get some drink, dont be afraid. So we met up and got to my place. Usually they dont know that we go to my place (although they can figure it out, if theyre not stupid) and as we get there I just say go that direction, its a dorm. Thats it, nobody refused to come in since I live here. So I we drank, but I didnt really like her. She wore weird clothes (tipial berliner bullshit hipster style, sometimes even disgusting) and SHe had more weight on than I suspected. Maybe a 5.5, the face was okay. The conversation doesnt go smooth, there are silences a couple of times I dont feel really excited about her. Then I just say hey, look at me, and kiss her. We make out, I escalate her, put on the bed, she stops me twice, but I go in again, but as I touch her body, I lose all the enthusiasm, I really dont like it. SO I think, if she stops me again one more time, I just gonna kick her out. So she stops me again, I stand up go to the bathroom, come back, and walk her back to the station, almost without a word. She was actually down, Im sure i couldve fucked her if Im persistent, I just didntwant to fuck her anymore. She even said on the way back, that sh wouldve into it and maybe she missed it out. I make out with her one more time, I dont really want to hurt her feelings. I wasnt upset, jsut disappointed.
I know that I would need the experience, but I just cant fuck girls I dont find attractive enough.

15. March - Tuesday

Day time approaches. I didnt do too muh but I was effective with them. I got 3 numbers and I arranged a meeting with two of them for tonight. One was a russian girl and I arranged it for 19:00 later the other one was an ukranian girl (but was born here) and arranged it at 20:00.
With the ukranian girl we were sitting face to face on the Sbahn and made eyecontact, and smiled, then again, then again. It was really in. There were a lot of people there, so I waited. Where I had to get out, I say her I need to get out here, you? She saiys no, I say get out then just for 2 minutes. She follows me. It was so funny, Im really glad, that I can do such things staying completely calm. I felt my heartbeat little intense though. But its not anxiety, its excitement. So we just start to talk, handholding the whole time and we arrange a meeting for tonight.
I found the ukranian girl more attractive, but I wanted to go for the sure thing, so when the russian girl confirmed the meeting, I cancelled the other. It was a bad feeling, Im not used to cancel dates. Im too needy and worried about losing these girls. Happened before.
So I meet up with the russian girl, we go to my place. Shes a weirdo, like russian girls often are and she actually has a boyfriend since almost 10 years wtf. I really think I screened her properly as I approached her, I was touching her she let it, I stood really close our face were really close, I gave her this Im gonna fuck you eyes, she was checking me out too the whole time and responded well to my touching. So I was so to say sure about this thing. As we get to my place I pour wine, then later she refuses it and didnt drink more. I touch her really hardly, because I wanna make this thing sure, but she is always a little bit standoffish. Sometimes shes in sometimes not, I massage her neck since 15 minutes, my other hand is all over hed body, then she says she has to leave. I say cool, just leave then. I ask, why did we meet then at all? Some stupid answer, that she thought that we were gonna drink, I said we were just doing that, but you didnt even want to drink. Silence. She gets on her coat, I walk her to the door, and just shut it after she gets out. I said bye though. It made me fucking furious. It would have been so nice to meet up this other girl. Fuck it. ANd I feel bad about the russian girl too, I found her really attractive. This was the last time in the week, when Im not working in the night, so Im not even able to meet up girls until Sunday.
But now I dont take it so seriously anymore, and I should not take the girls granted. I dont mean being insecure, but I ahve to keep in mind, what i it doesnt happen, and what am I gonna do then instead. It would save me a lot of headache.

Last week I had a date with a Belarussian tourist. We went to my place, I escalated until she didnt have anything o the bottom, but couldnt manage to get rid of her pants. I was trying for more than three hours, but hughe LMR, and couldnt get through. It annoys me, because I think this girl was deep inside dtf.
On thrusday I went to a party but nothing significant. I worked on the weekend.

28 March - Monday

Gym, approaches. I approached a really hot italian girl. She was into me, let me touch her, we arranged a date for the evening. She didnt come, didnt respond. I was pissed, because she woudl have been the hottest girl so long, Id had a date with. But lately I dont let myself to get too enthusastic about any girls. I try to not thnik about them. It was hard this time. At the gym I was thinking the whole time about how am I gonna fuck her. I hate thinking about girls, because if things doesnt work out, it lets me down. So I thought about it, what if shes gonna flake and not coming, and made already other plans in my head. Shopping, cleaning my room, whatever. I tried to text other girls too. I have a lot of numbers in my phone, but they are mostly bullshit. They keep texting me, but bullshitting with the meetings all the time. Well one girl came through and was ready to meet me, but not at my station, because "she doesnt know me and doesnt go to any place, she doesnt know". Well its a bad start, but I thought, Im just gonna chill, and have a good night, no worries, if we dont have sex. I was on my way, when she cancelled it 10 minutes before. Fuck these bitches. Both were italian by the way.
I didnt want to go home, so I went to a bar, I met an old friend there, but he stayed only for 20 minutues, so I was drinking alone. I talked with some people, then went to a party alone. I was drunk and mostly rude and couldnt really talk. I was actually really social the whole night, but then I drunk too much and my butthurt feelings came to the surface.

29 March - Tuesday

Lay 24
Background: An approach one weeks ago. An arab syrian 30 year old woman. She didnt speak any english nor german so we used google. translate, which is really shitty. She lives here since 1 month, maybe a refugee? We texted each other back and forth, but we couldnt fucking understand each other, so I lost my enthusiasm. She texted me every day, and apperently she found another way, because her english became better, and she understood me better too. She texted me every day, and one night I suggest a meeting for the next day. She says that she is an arabic muslim girl, and that is not a good idea. I dont want to waste my time so I text her, that Im looking for sex, so probably its really not a good idea. She wishes me a good life haha.
And then she texts me in the next morning. For me after my message it means, that shes dtf. We text a couple of days longer, I suggest some meetings, then finally she agrees to meet me today. We go right to my place, I pour her some wine. We chill, we kiss, she doesnt use her tongue. I have been with a muslim girl before, and she didnt know either how to do that. We talk about sex, shes been only with one man, he was her husband in Syria then they divorced and she hasnt been with a men since years. At leasts she says so. She also said, that she never masturbated, she didnt know how. She says, that she really wants to have sex, but shes on her period, and its not nice. I offer her to take a shower, she agrees, I give her slippers, a towel and a razor and I let her fresh herself up. She comes back wrapped in the towel, I put her inmediately on my bed, little foreplay and we fuck. I didnt last long. I pulled out my cock and tried to hold it, but it was too intense. Whatever. As I finish, she gets up goes to the bathroom, gets her clothes on and wants to leave immediately. Haha maybe it was that bad. I walk her to the station, good bye kiss.

30. March - Wednesday

Its really hard to get up. Its a kind of a day, when you feel, that youre not gonna do anything today. 0 approaches, 0 motivation. It happens often, that after I had sex, Im in a melancholic state, have such low energy for 1-2 days and dont want to do anything. Tried to set up a date at least from older numbers but nothing. Two more lays and I reach my first goal.

I went out last week on Friday and on Saturday (01-02 April)
Friday was nothing special, went out with a friend to two clubs, both studentparties which are generally shitty here. Hit on some girls, but couldnt move forward with them.
On Saturday I met some friends and were drinking together. There was a girl there I saw before in a party and she gave me lot of eye cotacts. I didnt talk to her then, on that night I barely talked to any woman. Anyway I found out, that she was an ex of one of my buddies. She were into me, she was cool and was easy to speak filrtatious (with sexual innuendos) with her. I wanted to go out with one of the guys. The others wanted to stay, I changed number with that girl, but Im ot sure if Im gonna call her.
I dont remember the night mostly, I became drunk as fuck and took some ecstasy too. At one time a guy bumped into me with his shoulder. A big steroid fuck. I was high and just said I know you did it on purpose and just left him there. Later two bouncers come up to me and say that some girls were complaining about me, so I have to leave. First I was like wtf, but then I didnt argue with them, wished them a good night and left. And then outside this guy was waiting for me, who bumped into me. I didnt recognise him first so I stopped as he started to talk to me. He asked what the fuck was that inside, I said oh yeah Im sorry, then hue just slapped me in the face and I left without swearing. I felt ike a pussy just leaving like that, I dont know what should Ive done. I think he was a staff member or something. At themoment I shook it off pretty fast and went to somewhere else, spent more money, drunk more, but didnt hook up why any girls. Im probably not too attractive when Im that drunk. I have to strop drinking. I became sick the last days and it definitely doesnt help.

On Sunday I woke up in the afternoon, and had a date. Thats the only thing I did. I met this girl more than a month ago, she ignored my texts two times before. I just texted her randomly last week and she replied and we set up a date for today.
I was still a bit drunk as we met, but indeed in a good mood.
She was a 30 year old blond polish girl with realy big breasts. Definitely my type. We went to my place (She didnt know that until we were at the entrance, its hard to say no for them in this case). She didnt want to drink, because she was with car, I opened a wine for me. We had a good conversation, I talked really sexual to her the whole time, partly because I was drunk. She let me caress her hand, her hair, I stroked her thighs but she didnt let me to kiss her or move forward. AT one time I pulled her hair stronger then he said she needs to leave. She said, that Im probably drunk. Well she was right. I walked her to her car hand in hand. At the end not even a hug, she just jumped in her car. I think I wont see her again. Im gonna text her on the next weekend.
I became pretty cold, lack of sleep and drinking didnt help a lot. I felt shitty in the enxt couple of days.
I did some approaches on monday and on tuesday but didnt really feel it. But on Tuesday I was standing at Warschauerstr. on the bridge, just chilling, planned to go home soon. I was waiting for some girls passing by before. There was a girl passing by who checked me out. I looked only after that at her but I was sure about it. She was really receptive I told that a friend just flaked on me, and Im figuring out what to do. She says that shes just walking around. A ballet dancer from NY and moved hererecenlty. A philippine girl, firm strong body, but no breasts. I said lets chill together, she agreed. We went to east side gallery. Thats the remaining part of the Berliner Wall. It connects the Warschauerstr with Ostbahnhof (my station). It runs next to the River Spree where you can sit around and chill too. Its a really good spot for me logistically. So we go to Ostbahnhof and just sit next to the river drinking club mate. I dont touch her too much, I dont feel its necessary. After 40-50 mins of talking I suddenly kiss her. she kisses back. We stay there 10 more mins, then we get up and just start to walk (to the direction of my place) I take her hand and say I wanna drink something stronger, she agrees. We go right to my place, we drink some wine, we kiss some more, then I bring an almost full bottle of whiskey. We drunk out both the wine and the whiskey. It was great. I love girls who like to drink.
We couldnt fuck at the end, because she was on her period. I offered her to take a sexy bath, but she didnt want to, saying its her 4th, the worst day. At the end she left her number on a piece of paper. Honestly I dont really want to call her, I wasnt into her that much, and it killed it, that we didnt fuck. It wouldve been round that way. It would have been my first from approach direct to sex experience.

Yesterday I woke up at 3 pm, did some approaches but spent the time mostly at home.
I dont feel motivated lately. Today I would just lay in the bed the whole day and do nothing.