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18. Dec - Friday
I arrive in the evening. I went by bus, but I had a wrong ticket and had to buy a new one, change busses 3 times, and it took 24 hours instead of 12. Im really tired and didnt sleep anything since yesterday.
19. Dec - Saturday
About 6 approaches. the first one was really hard to do. Got two numbers. I meet a friend and his girlfriend in the evening. We drink a little and they leave after that. I go out alone. I got to some bars but nothing significant, then I go to a club called Instant. I dont remember how many women I talked to, I was pretty drunk. I made out with one girl. Thats it.
20. Dec - Sunday
Im using tinder here, and I get much more matches than in Berlin. I arranged a date with a girl but at the end she asks how tall I am. She was 2 inches smaller than me, but said that she wouldnt feel ladylike in higheels next to me, so we shouldnt meet.
21. Dec - Monday
I have to do some stuff, I really dont want to do approaches, I do only 3 in the end. One number. I got two other numbers from tinder. the problem is, that a lot of f these girls go back to family for christmas and theyll be out of town. I arrange a date for tomorrow (a number from saturday)
22. Dec - Tuesday
10+ approaches today. Im not really counting them, so I can only estimate. 3 numbers, I shouldnt count them neither I think. I dont approach a lot of girl who check me out. Its because I see so many beautiful women, and the ones who are checking me out, not necessarily those. Same on tinder. They text me and I dont even answer them. I should find/ (scren) those girls who want to fuck me, but I always looking for girls Id want to fuck madly.
In the evening the girl I meet is gonna be late. I call her, so we arrange another place right where she lives. Perfect, I buy a bottle of champaigne (because she had that in her hand as we met first) and go there. On the way I make eye contact the whole time with a girl in the metro, and she gets out at the same stop like me. I approach her, but my date sees the whole thing. I still close but I got only an email adress.. So the girl is mad, but shes still there and she lets me stay really close to her (our faces are really close) so I feel that its still on. I tell her, that it wasnt appropriate from medoing that in front of her, and I understand that shes upset, and dont want anything from me. (I didnt say it in a way, that Im sorry and didnt try to beg for her pardon.) But I said, since we met we can drink something friendly and talk a little, if she knows any bar or something near. She said she doesnt know any, so I suggest to go to her place and drink this champaigne but no sex of course, and I leave after we drunk it out. At first shes like what, but then she says ok.
We walk back to her place, we listen to music, drink, she has another bottle of champaigne, so we drink the both bottles out. I keep her touching, no resistance at all. We kiss, she asks me if were going to fuck, because she is on her period and she wants to clean herself. I say sure, go to the bathroom and shave yourself too. She comes back and we fuck. She says that im too rough with her, and her pussy hurts. I really enjoyed it she was a small girl with bracelets. Like teenporn (she was 23 though). I couldnt cum because I was drunk. I stay at her place and try to fuck her one more time, but she didnt want to, so I slowly say good bye and leave. Lay 19 (6/13 since september)
26. Dec - Saturday
I went out tonight. I drunk way too much. I made myself ridiculous. I cant control drinking. If I start to drink Im all about drinking.
27. Dec - Sunday
Today I had a Tinder date. We met next to her place, but she was much fatter than on her pics. I hate it. This is the second occasion. I feel scammed. They show a completely different image about themselves. But probably the most people are guilty in it. Guys do the same. Even me. But still she looked significantly different. I dont know how doesnt she feel it like cheating. Maybe she does.
We sit at the train station. I dont want to go over to her place. (And I have the feeling, she wouldnt even let me.) I leave with the next train after 30 mins. I call the gril I met on Tuesday and sleep at her place.
28. Dec - Monday
I got home in the morning and I didnt leave the house today. Not even the bed.
So how did the last week look like:
I drink heavily if I go out and am uncapable of doing anything.
I sleep either too little or wake up too late
I barely eat.
I didnt work out since almost two weeks.
I started to fap again after 3 months. Today I fapped 6 times.
I played fucking games on my phone the whole day. (really 8-10 hours. I fell asleep at 6 am)
I dont want to meet up girls or people in general.
I dont feel the urge to do anything about my sex life, or about my life right now.
Im a lazy fuck and dont want to give any effort.
This is my current state. Just for accountability.
Actually I try to overdo these things now to get disgusted.
The thing is, probably the former ones resulted compoundly in the latter ones
sybo wrote: I see so many beautiful women, and the ones who are checking me out, not necessarily those. Same on tinder. They text me and I dont even answer them. I should find/ (scren) those girls who want to fuck me, but I always looking for girls Id want to fuck madly.
I like your mentality sybo. I am in this too. That's the ''GLListic'' mentality:
"We don't like every girl. In fact, we dont like any girl who likes us. We want to fuck only the slutty horny girls that burn our mind and body''.
But sometimes, especially for the wannabe losers, it a bit difficult. There is a girl in my local grocery store. She likes me for sure, anytime i go shopping she always initiates conversation and I take looks from her. But she is "nice" girl, huge relationship seeker....., cute (HB6 - HB6,5 i would say), not a lot of horniness. I don't know. I dont think i am so deep in the stone-cold "cold approaching". I think i prefer work as much as possible in myself, put my "product" out there, wait for "customers" to come in and then make my choose. But how much to wait until finding the ''proper'' girl? That's the bad thing.
I didnt post in a while. I came back to Berlin and I was busy with moving to an other dormitory. It has a better, more central location.
I didnt get laid since last time I posted and didnt have any dates neither. I had sort of a funk lately, but am starting to put things together again.
-13 lays until september (6/13)
I want to do the things a litle differently. It brings me down creeping the whole day in the city stalking girls so Im not going to do approaching more than 1-2 hours a day. Im gonna try to integrate it in my daily routine and talk to at least five girls a day. I think its more effective to do small amount but consistently. With five girls a day Im still going to talk to 150 girls a months. With that I expect to get laid at least once a month.
Short term goal: get laid once in January.
- Gain 6 kg until July
Im currently 74 kg and 178 cm. Im lean with a small frame, maybe 10% bodyfat. I want to get up to 80 kg in 6 months. It menas 1 kg/ 2 punds a month. Im not sure if its to be expected. Is it possibble? Im not a total newbie. I did 3 cycles of the Candito 6 week program and do generally powerlifting since more than a year. Now I started the Linear Program from Candito (Strenth/Hypertrophy) and want to to that until I hit a plateu. I didnt work out for 3-4 weeks and became really weak (also didnt sleep and eat much). After that I want to change the program. I thought about Wendler's 5/3/1. I started to work out again last week.
- Eat 3000 kcal a day. Its related to the goal above. Maybe this is the hardest. I dont like to eat and Im often not hungry at all and need to force myeslf to eat. I cant go directly up to 3000kcal a day so I start off with 2500 or even less. I have to start to track it correctly. I use the myfitnesspal app. But its hard to measure if I cook ( a little amount from lot of ingredients). But maybe its enough to measure tha carbohydrates and the meat in it.
- PE: gain 2 cm in length until the end of 2016
Well its not even an inch so hopefully Im gonna kill it. I started the Ultime Newbie Bathmate Routine last week. I really like it. I did some jelqing earlier but just a couple of times. I consider myself as a total newbie. Anyway I want to go further even if I already reached the 2 cm.
I have ED and didnt watch porn and jerked off between september and december for 3 months. As I got back to Hungary for vacations in one week I had 20+ GB pron (although its not much with HD) on my laptop and fapped several times a week. SO I relapsed. Even thoguh I dont think that I got back to zero. It doesnt work like that, that you touch your cock one and lose all the rebuilt brianconnections in your head. It wasnt the same for me neither. Anyway as I came back to Berlin, I deleted all the porn, but didnt stop to jerk off. Until yesterday. Funny thing is I have a fuck buddy (sort of, would come over, if Id call her) but Id rather jerk off than call her over haha. She is between 6-7 and I enjoy her company but I dont have any desire to fuck her. I want new pussy.
So I stopped to jerk off again (hopefully not too early to say that). Thheres only one problem, the jelqing. I kind of have to jerk to maintain an erection. I dont watch porn or stuff like that, but still, its the same effect. Im gonna try to solely focus on my dick and my gains, and to on the pleasure.
- FInance: staying under 600€ a month
I pay 210€ rent, 80€ insurance, 35€ telephone and internet. So I have 270-280€ a month to spend on food and partying. Maybe I can afford 1 new stuff a month. Now its seems impossible to me haha but Im gonna try it anyway. In January I already failed, because I had to buy a bunch of new stuff because of the moving.
-New job: bar or clothing store. Yesterday I gave in 9 application to different clothing stores personally. (I tried it online before, but the majority didnt even reply). I know 9 is nothing, next week Im gonne do another 10. A lot of stores doesnt accept it though. Somebody any ideas with that?
- Learn at least one architecture program proprely until september
Im gonna need at least 6 months for that. I did 4 semseters at the university already, but in the first 2 we only draw with hands, in the second to I didnt attend such courses. So Im behind with that. Im pretty behind with my whole studies anyway.
In my introduction I mentioned a couple of other goals too (
- 3 fuck buddies. Its irrelevant for me now. I tihnk 1-2 is going to come along the way anyway. I dont shoot for the three yet.
- get better at sleeping. Its still a goal, but I dont put too much focus on it. I try to wake upwith alarm clock as often as possible and dont spend time in bed except sleeping (7-8 hours a day) or fucking ofc.
- start boxing. I atended 3 trainings. I still really want to do that, but the gym is more important. No time for that now.
- stop drinking alcohol: its related to going out solo, which I stopped doing. Its bad, and I really want to get better with that. I dont mind drinking if I go out with friends, onl that its expensive. But I really like it. The problem is only when I cant controll myself (like in most cases). I met some cool people in the new dormitory and I want to build a social circle here. So I rather go out with them and drink. The things listed above are more important now, and cant focues on too much things. I still want to do that later (go out alone sober, not necessarily the program)
- study one year in Colombia and visit 3 europen country: it seems so far from me now. I dont even think about it.
- boost up online dating:I will write about it later.
So the 3 most important:
13 lays until september (7 more, 1 in januray)
gain 6 kg/~12 punds until july (realistic?)
PE gain 2 cm in length
Its all related to women, but I cant think about anything else anyway. So other stuff can wait.
I didnt write anyting about improving my looks and sex appeal. I dont have money for clothes now anywyy. I think I have some cool clothes, and Im gonne start a style log too, when I have money to buy a mirror.
Im gonna try to update it in every 2-3 days. Im writing a diary too. But maybe Im gonna post only in the forum from now on.
7 approaches. 4 of them didnt even stop.. One gave me her number, we arranged a meeting for the evening.
So I met with this girl. She lives in the same dormitory like me. (So I had a date though, I posted before I didnt have any. Im copying from my diary now.) She was a 5. I had to force myself to like her. We met in front of my room but we didnt fuck eventually. She was a little drunk, I tried to be drunk too. So we were listening to music and we dance a little. (show me how you grind). I like it its like in a party except you can fuck afterwards immediately. we start to kiss, I push her against the wall take off her blouse the I bring her over to my bed we, my hands are all over, I start to finger her, but then she stopped me. Maybe it was bad for her. I dont mind I didnt even really get a boner even though I took a pill before (Seldanifil). I didnt find her attractive at all. But I guess in this situation I shouldve a boner anyway. I said then we should go to sleep slowly (everybody at his own place). So she left but wanted to meet me tomorrow. Nope.
jan 09. saturday
approaches: 7 who stopped. 4 numbers. One of them was a deaf girl haha. In the evening I go to IKEA and approached a scottish girl on my way. She was on vacation. Have came with me to IKEA (I didnt even asked her, I just started to go and she came with) I bought some lamps and a small table) She helped me carrying them. I bought a wine too. Her hotel was next to IKEA so we went there, but she didnt want to go up to her room. "its a mess", "I dont know you" king of bullshit. So we sat in the lobby drinking wine. after 10-15 minutes a decide to go. we stand up I hug her a thank her for the helping, then I kiss her. But only on the mouth and the let her go. She helps me carry out the stuff to the tram. We kiss there one more times and we set up a meeting for monday. Her phone doesnt work here, so we change emails.
In the evening I went to a party with my ew flatates (they are exchange students and go out often) I drunk a lot but it was a pretty cool night. Nothing serious happened with girls.
I was hangover the whole day. I still go to the gym, and did the five approaches. 1 number, she lives in the dormitory, but I think shell flake.
jan 11. monday
Im still hangover a little. I can see that how I become older, a couple of years ago something like that would have never happened
The scottish girl from saturday flakes out. Yesterday in the evening it was still on, but now in the morning she says that "shes gonne meet some folks for dinner" its her last day here. It pisses me off really.
5 approaches, 0 number. I sucked today. I wasnt in the mood at all.
jan 12. tuesday
5 approach, 2 numbers. Until now the contacts all flaked, but fortunately I always have 1-2 new number, so it doesnt disturb me. I watch a movie in the evening. I douclnt set up a date from the former numbers. Always like next week or so, or no response at all.
jan 13. wednesday
They call me in for work in the morning so I go there. I approach 4 girl on my way. All went good, only 1 number though ( she texted me on the next day, that she really liked that I approached her, and we should meet the next week if I want to. I texted her on next sunday (today), she read my message but didnt respond) . After work one more approach. No luck.
I set up a date with a girl from yesterday for tonight. She also lives in the same dorm where I live. But before that she flakes out fast. She offers the tomorrow but I have to work. Later she apologises again, and says that we can definitely meet up in the next couple of days. ( Well I texted her later on saturday and on sunday too, and she didnt respond at all. I hit on her from ec and had handholding the whole time, I had a good feeling about it..)
jan 14. thursday
5 approaches. Ididnt give my heart in it. I did it just for the sake of the approaches. It doesnt make much sense doing that way.
jan 15. friday
Stressful day. I had to go to a lot of places, and was in a hurry, and was upset the whole time, because I slipped my scedule. 3 approaches alltogether. It was almost only one, but in the end of the day I pushed myself a little. The second girl was a really hot bulgarion girl. I approached her in front of the library. I played with her hand the whole time, deep eye contact. But who knows. Exchanged numbers. One more approach. A girl checked me out from inside of a starbucks I got there. But she shows me her ring.
After that I went to work in the evening. There was a cute spanish girl there, we worked close together. As we passed by she always kept eye contact and smiled. Didnt talk too much. I was working at a different section of the hotel. At the end I called her to an isolated place and said that shes really cute and lets drink stometime outside of the hotel. She agreed, we changed numbers.
jan 16. saturday
I went to different clothing stores a let my cv there. Looking for job. I did approaches the whole time. 10+, I didnt really count them. Today I didnt eat too much unfotunately but still I felt really balanced and social the whole day. I smiled a lot and felt confident. The most girls werent availbable. And I felt that it didnt depend on me. I was good, I looked good. So its not me at all.
At the end I got 3 numbers. Two of them wanted to give it to me voluntarily, the third one was with a girlfriend and didnt really want to give it to me.
I met a bulgarian girl today, I hit on in december before I went back to Hungary. It was on and we exchanged numbers. But now as I got back I texted her a week ago, and she said that she had a boyfriend now. (I think its bullshit). Anyway I met her accidentally and she told me, that I hit on her best girlfriend yesterday. This waThat sucks. She didnt really want to talk to me, and probably the other one is fucked up too. Im gonna text her tomorrow and elts see.
In the evening i got really tired, I even slept a little. I still want to go out, but I drink a protein shake, then I eat some pasta, then drink another protin shake and eat a banane. I drink a beer on that and I feel really fucked up. I went to a bar, but felt sick the whole time I went home without approaching. I approached a girl on the way though, whom I approached last week too. She had a noticeable haircut with pink lights so I recognised her. She seemed to be creeped out a little. I asked her but she didnt want to give out her number.
It happnes so often that I meet the same girls. Its really fucked up. I dont want to have a reputation. I do approaches at 3-4 different places. which are the most crowded places of the city. There are 3,5 million inhabitants here, why does it happen so often? Sometimes I meet girls 3 times.
jan 17. sunday
Every stores are closed, the streets are pretty empty. I did two half-ass aproaches. The both made awkward faces. I went to gym. After the gym I saw a slutty dressed asian looking girl. She was not so hot, but looked slutty and it made her really sexy. I approached hershe smiled back, we started to talk. She wanted to change clothes because it was cold and lokoed for a toilette. We got to a public toilette at the sbahnstation, and I asked if I should wait, we can talk after that. She said ok why not. I waited pretty long, then she came out and just passed by in a hurry and said that she had to go. I walked with her a little and asked what up, but she went totally cold. So I left her alone. It was annoying. I did two more approcahes but I wasnt in the mood anymore. No numbers today.
I texted the bulgarian girl from the library and 3 other girls from yesterday, but couldnt set up a date for tonight. The bulgarian girl didnt even respond. I texted the spanish girl from work. She didnt respond neither.
5-6 approaches. Varied feelings. Sometimes I felt good and in a minute I went into analizer and felt messed. Got two numbers today, two asian chicks. The both of them at the end seemed to be uncofortable. With more than one girl happened this: I say "hey, stop" or something like that. They stop, I smile they smile back I tell them whats the deal (you look cute, I wanted to say hi) and they are just walk away. Maybe I do it too weak. But these were chicks who were walking by, and didnt gave me eye contact. Usually when a girl passes by and Im gazing her and she doest show any interest, then she is really not interested as I hit on her. It makes sense haha. I just dont want, that I need to wait for eye contact for approaching. I feel like I give her the controll with that. But maybe its alright. When I get ec, it usually goes really well and I feel more confident too, because I know, that she likes me. It wears off the pressure.
I asked 3 girls out for tomorrow. One of them (earlier number, flaked on me a couple of times. Always said " now its not good, but next week" - like always throwing a bone for the little puppy just to keep him around. Fucking time wasting) says she has a bf. The two others said, that they cant meet tomorrow, but later in the week is ok. Oh well I heard it before. Lets see. And Im gonna text the two asian girl tomorrow too.
I dont know whats up with that. I use 3 different applications: Tinder, Lovoo, Badoo. Unfortunately all three are (sort of) match based I cant mass text girls without a match. And I dont get any matches. In tinder as Ive been in Hungary I got in the first couple of days 10 matches a day (new city) and 1-2 week later also like 5 matches a day. SInce I came back I get 3-4 matches a week. I swipe only on the right, so I dont even get matches from the ugly and fat girls. It seems useles. I still swipe it every day two times. I uploaded my pictures earlier on the forum, and I got positive feedbacks. So it shouldnt be the pics.
6 approaches. I didnt want to do them at all. It was hard to convince myself doing them, but in the end I felt great that I did it and wanted to do more, but got to get home. 2 Numbers, a milf, who is probably over 40 and a 18 year old blonde rocker girl.
Neither of the asian chicks responded from yesterday,but I expected this.
7 approaches. There were grils who just creeped out. There was a girl I approached from the front smiling. She looked at me and started to frown her forehead and made a circle avoiding me. With her hands showed like hush-hush go away. it was funny.
Two numbers. EC both. One of them an around 40 brazilian milf, the other one a 17 year old girl, who has a child haha. I approached a girl in the gym too. She didnt gave me her number in the end but it was a good feeling doing that in front of everyone.
6 approaches. I got lot of eye contacts, but there were girls, who didnt even want stop after eye contact. One number. A realy hot modell girl from Hamburg. Shes here for the fashion week working. Hand holding the whole time, but probably a no-go. Shes here for only one more day. I need to start to approach girls with a game plan. Because in a lot of cases I could go further with the girls. Anyway I was on scedule so it doesnt matter.
I had a date with the Milf from tuesday (jan 19.). We met at the station close to my place. Now its a more central station 3 minutes walk from my dorm. We meet, she asks where do we go. I say Just to get somewehere warm. As we arrived I said well its a dorm, I have some wine. No resist. We get to my room, drink, I took my seldanifil, so I just wait until it kicks in (1 hour or so). We just chat I touch her sometimes, rub her shoulder play with her hands, some kisses on her head and cheek. Then after an hour I just kissed her. we made out on my bed, I escalate with my hands, start to rub her pussy through her tight. I feel that she became really wet so I go in and start to finger her (she didnt have underwear on). Then she stops me and says she should go. I dont push it. Then we agree to go to a bar now and drink something, but there is a back and forth game the whole time. She gets her coat on, but the I push her against the wall make out with her start to rub her pussy again, I put her hand on my cock, she starts massaging it, I take off my shirt and then I pull out my cock haha. She starts to stroke it. Then I grab her and throw on my bed. She says turn the lights off. I do that, then I get on her, and the bed just fucking falls apart. No wories I lay the matress on the floor, she sucks my cock (really bad) and we start to fuck. Lasted like 3 minutes, whatever. 20
After that I wanna mee tup a friend but I have time before so we go to a bar, and drink something. We just talk. Then she leaves and I meet my friend and we go to a party. Nothing happened there. I talked to a lot of girls, but no luck.
0 approaches today. I was laying in bed the whole day hangover. It was my day off from the gym and from bathmate, so I jst stayed home.
I called the model girl from yesterday, but she said she goes to a dinner. She calls me when shes in Berlin the next time. bs, doenst matter. I had a date already set up for today. I got laid again.Lay 21. Wee met at the station next to my place. She asked before where are we going to go, I said to a warm place. As we get to the dorm, I say I have some wine so we can drink here at my place. No resistance. The way was icy so I took her hand and we walked hand in hand the whole time. In my room escalation, always two step forward, one step back. We sit on my bed Im behind her, and kissing her neck, massaging her pussy through the pants, but she always stops me. She says she needs to stay a good girl tonight. Then I chill down and we start to talk about sexual stuff, I ask about her sexuality and I find out that she has a decent sexual history. She has been in foursome with 3 guys, made home made videos. She has a so called master now. some subordinate roleplay shit. She didnt want to tell these stuff so easily, but I was really nonjudgemental, and was truly interested in it and it eased her up. Then I went for it again a bit more aggressively, and suddenly no resistance anymore. She even helped to get off her clothes. She had a panty liner on, she said because she becomes really easily really wet. We fucked for 20-25 minutes. This time I couldnt come. It was really good, but at the end my cock fucking hurt. I overdid bathmate yesterday and it hurt the whole day.
After the we drank some more wine, we talked a little bit more, then I walked her to the station and she took a taxi. I went to the bar in the dorm after that. Not too much people there. I just tried to socialize and talk with as many people as possible.
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