TOPIC: Approach log + going out solo

I finished the AA program before a month, and here is the time to start an Approach log to keep myself accountable. I became a little bit discouraged and not feeling satisfied with my performance at all. In November until now I made approximately 110 approaches, but with the most I couldnt even start a conversation (they walked away). I dont think that I do that in a half-ass way, maybe something is wrong with in my attitude. On the other hand, there are days, when it goes really well. From all of these approaches I got 17 numbers, only 3 dates (+2 instant dates) but got laid 2 times out of 3. I changed numbers with both of the girls on the same day.

A started the going out alone program as well. Although I went out alone before, and had pretty good nights. I decided to make the program because Im not there where I want to be and it can definitely give me valuabe stuff. At least it lets me get off of my ass. I finished lately the AA program and its hard for me to start another program. But I need to learn how to get out of the mood if I feel powerless and antisocial.

Nov 8 – Sunday, week 1 – day 1
I went to a club called Maxxim. ( I live in Berlin.) I boosted up myself before with listening to music and reading GLL forum. Its really motivating. I also chatted with my flatmate, made me more social.
I get in to the club before midnight and its almost empty. As I left later it was on its peak with around 40-50 people.
I felt pretty good, I didnt feel such social pressure like last time I went out alone (yesterday). I did all the drills except the challenge. They were easy. I stayed a little while, I talked to all the girls I wanted to (4 girls). One of them was the local dancer. She was really nice, but flew away as I pushed her arm („youre pumped”). It was not necessary to touch her, I just wanted to talk to her, not screen her.
It was my whole attitude, I wanted to make friends with people, I felt comfortable and social. At the end I was only dancing. Its a sticking point for me. I didnt dance in clubs in the last 2 years. I need to practice it. I was relaxed with it at the end.
It didnt bother me at all, if people thought, that I was a loser. I even enjoyed the thought of it. I did the whole night mostly what I wanted to.

Nov 12 – Thursday, week 1 – day 2
The drills are pretty easy, but at the end I didnt feel well. I watched jealously, how other guys hook up with girls. And when some body gave my eye contact I just looked away out of pride. I didnt desire pussy. I did the challenge though.

Nov 13 – Friday, week 1 – day 3
I slept 3 hours last night, so after working today I got some sleep. Its not the best way to get in state.
I read GLL forum and went out.
The drills were easy, but at the beginning I didnt ask the bouncer, how is he. People were just flooding in, I didnt have time to stand there and talk to him. I asked the lady at the warderobe, but she didnt respond. Probably didnt hear it. Therefore I ask the cleaning lady at the toilette. After that the rest of the drills are easy. I didnt do the challenge. I tried it on two grups, but the girls bent away. In both cases I stayed there to talk with them. I should’ve tried more. After the drills I did some approaches, but they didnt lead anywhere. After that I got in my head and didnt aprroach anymore.I have to learn to enjoy myself more.
It was annoying to see, how other guys flirted with girls, who rejected me before. But maybe they were friends or met already earlier. Shouldnt even bother to wonder about it. I wore insoles. I was 5’ 9” – 6’ with them. Normally Im 5’ 8”. It was a good feeling, I felt the height difference, but its hard to decide if I got more looks than usual. I didnt open to a lot of eye contacts. Fuck it, I should focus on those girls.
I was blocked at talking a little. I was so fucking bored even asking them the same lame questions „where do you live”, „what do you study”.
One thing to mention: I didnt have any sexual drive the whole night. I couldnt imagine fucking those girls I was talking with. I didnt even think about it. I need to be more sexual and I need actually to want it.

Here is a picture about my from that might and the chalenge.

Nov 14 – Saturday, week 2 – day 4

I slept 4 hours and went to work. After work I had a date with a really pretty jewish girl. The date was kind of lame. We met 3 stations from my place. I said lets go there, there is a coffee at that station. It was full, I said, lets go then to my place, we can chill there. She says she doesnt want to come, because she doesnt know me. Fuck it. Then we walked to anotherplace. We ordered some tee. She didnt let me hold her hand constantly, she subtly pulls it always away. This and that she didnt come over killed my enthusiasm. Meanwhile she is talking about, that she made all of her boyfriends happy before, blabla. We talked one and a half hour.
I dont know what to do with it. It looked like shes interested, but didnt let me touch her. And she wanted to meet me. It honestly killed my attraction towards her.

after the date I go home and sleep a little. I really want to stay home but reading GLL, I become envy and motivated by others successes and go out.
This was my best night since I started the program. I almost fucked up the first drill (introducing myself to the bouncer), because, there is no time standing there, when people coming in behind me. But right after I asked an other bouncer. I ask his name, gives me some bullshit answer then asks my name. I say my name and go in. Its a fancy club called The Pearl. There is a PlayBoy Tour, its full with Playmates. The other drills didnt cause any problems. Except asking the bartender for water. One said she’s not allowed to serve tap water, I ask another, she says the same. But then she gave me a glass with ice, and said I can fill it at the toilette. She was cool. But i didnt have the refill.. Does it count? I transfered the saying hi, and eye contact drills into approaches. The program says nowhere not to do that. I got eye contacts, I wore the insoles. I dont think, that it makes a big difference, there are a lot of people who are taller than me anyway. Im in Germany. I dont stand out at all with my 5’9”-6’ height. But I still feel better with it. At least Im taller than most girls. I had like 8-10 approaches. Sometimes receptive, sometimes not. Just a couple of sentences, just for the sake of talking. I tried to pull out 1-2 of them to a more quiet place, but they didnt want to leave thier gf etc. In that case I always leave them there rather than staying. Maybe I should stay and try again later.
I watched the guys in the VIP area with really hot girls and it was frustrating. But after that it became rather motivating and I thought that they are not necessarily better than me. I just have to work out my skills.
During the night I had some mood changes but altogether it was good, I didnt feel like a loser at all.
I could pull one girl out to another place (in the club), but on the way she didnt let me to pull her hand any more, just followed me. As we sat I started to touch her hands, hair. She became shy, said the she has sort of a boyfriend and left.

A pic about me and a video from the party
vimeo.com/146626699

Nov 20 – Friday, week 2 – day 5
I went out alone tonight. I finish it, but right after that I go home. I did the introducing to the bouncer twice. I was in 2 bars. The drill with the bouncer was much easier here, than in a club. One of them introduced himself, the other didnt even shake my hand (just his shoulders). I felt awkward the whole night. I didnt get into state before at all. I didnt enjoy the night. I wanted to go home. I had to work the next day.
This was the first day, that I wore accessories (necklace and armbands), they made me feel unconfortable. I never wore them before in my life (just some armbands sometimes)
Nov 21 – Saturday, week 2 – day 6
I got a flaked date today, and after that a friend flaked on me as well. So I decided to go out solo. (This week was managed really badly and couldnt go out 3 times. This is the 2nd time.) I try to get in state (reading my dairy, reminds me what I’ve done before). It sort of works, I go the The Pearl and the fucking bouncer doesnt let me in. I think because of my pants ( this is the second time, they dont let me here in and I was in the same pants. Its an elegant club and I wore perforated Jeans.) But I started to doubt my whole looks afterwards. I wont wear those pant again if I go there. I could do the first drill with another bouncer there, who stood at the exit. He shook my hand but didnt say his name. I go to another club and here the bouncer checks me out as well, but let me in. I became insecure and my state is gone, so I didnt do the drill on him. But I did it before. The drills are not so easy today. I ask the bartender for water, he refuses, I ask if hes not allowed to give water. Then he changes his mind and give my a glas of tapwater. I drink it out and ask him again smiling. He refuses again (I have this awkward feeling, that I dont want to make him upset. How lame, who cares), but then I say please and he gives me then a refill. With the ’saying hi’ drills I try to keep a conversation, but they dont go well tonight. But there was a Milf, she was receptive, asks me if I go to dance with her. Soon I pull her out holding her hand to a quiet place. We talk a little but she says shes taken and need to go back to her friends. I kiss her lips, then she laughs and leaves. 1-2 more approaches, I finish up the drills and get home. End of week 2. I didnt do any challenges

The problem is, when I dont want to go out, I dont fucking want to go out, and wont feel good about it. Thats what I need to change.

Here are 3 pics. The first one is from day 5, the second to from day 6. On day six I looked shitty. I feel wearing those necklaces try-hard.

Nov 22 - 23

Didnt do shit. Went working.

Nov 24

Approached 13 girls. Zero numbers. I need to figure it out. I even fucked up the girls who liked me. I didnt even want to do approaches. I need to figure it out
I had a date with a not dtf girl in the evening. We were at my place, and we she didnt even let me ti kiss her. I tried like 6-7 times. We had body contact the whole time. I massaged her neck, leg, stomach, whispered in her ear how would I fucked her teased her a the whole time. She hit me all the time and called me an asshole, but you know this tipical hit. Its a good thing. I know, that I made her excited with my sex talk, she rubbed my abs, my arms, she even grabbed my cock. But then didnt let me to kiss her. Then she wanted to go, we went to the train station hand in hand. I went for the kiss again, but didnt let me.

I drunk alcohol tonight the first time after two months. No regrets. I wanted it and had a lot of fun. What is important to me, no drinking during doing the solo program.

Nov 25.

1 or 2 approaches. No significant I dont even remember. Went to work.
I planned to go out tonight, but I got home at midnight after work. It wouldve taken me 2+ hours to get to a club. I passed it, bad decision maybe.

Hey good work on the bang a couple days ago.

I know you didnt ask, but I cant help myself, your t-shirts look to be just a bit too small man.

Yeah I just bought 3 new T-Shirts and they all have this size. Actually most of my T-Shirts are similar. One size bigger tshirts look lose on me.

Nov 26, Thursday - week 3 - day 7

I did approaches the whole day. It didnt go well, but then I read somewhere on GLL a topic, and it helped a lot in my head. Im not going to count how much women I was talking to, it only brings me down. I need to forget the rejections right away and go to the next girl.
I went out tonight doing the solo program. I went with a friend, but he is a loser like me and we barely met the whole night, so I was the most time alone. It was a little uncomfortable at the beginning, but felt pretty good at the end. The drills werent hard, I transfered the most drills into approaches. The conversations die fast, because I still can not get in the same mood, as Id be drunk. But its in progress.

Nov 27, Friday

Approaches in the afternoon. I wont do it longer than 3-4 hours anymore. I become very inefficient with that. And I cant enjoy it longer than that. I did around 10-12 approaches in 3 hours which is really few in so much time. It shows that the most of the time Im just walking around doing nothing just getting in my head.
I fell asleep at night and get up at midnight. I go out, but they dont let me in that club again. Fuck that, I did look good tonight. Is it possible, that because Im alone? The conversation was like this:
-hey
-hey
-are you alone?
-yes
- not tonight, sorry
- why, because Im alone?
*thinking* - no
I leave.

I go to another club, and they didnt let me in here neither. Wtf. They didnt let in nobody else. They said we look different. To foreigners they said germans only. They didnt even let girls in (hot girls).
At this point I want to go home, but I go to a third club. But it sucks. There were just a few people and most of them seem to know each other. I start doing the drills, but couldnt finish them. I go home.

Nov 28, Saturday

Some approaches during the day. At the evening I got a tinder date. My first date from tinder. We met at the train station (5 stations from my place). I bought a wine, just to have a reason to get back to my place. "its cold here outside and I have glasses". We go to my place. Drinking wine, slowly I started to touch her (Already on the way slightly). Hand, shoulder, hair, thigh, then I hug her, our faces are close and we start to kiss. I push her back onto my bed, and I undress her. No resistance at all. And we fuck. It wasnt too good. I couldnt last too long, and I always had to pull out my dick to prevent to cum. She was not so good either. She twisted her hips in such a weird position the whole time, I had to push it always back. She didnt want to suck my dick either. Too bad. But she was a cute girl, it was nice talking with her. We fucked one more time and then she left. She was a 6, I didnt like her body.
Im glad, that was my first online date, and lay as well.
Lay 17 (4/13 until September)

I didnt go out tonight. It was one hour after midnight and became really tired. I regretted it, couldnt even fell asleep. I accomplished only one day this week. That sucks.

thanks for the feedback Chad

Nov 29 - Sunday
Stayed at home the whole day. Bad weather and the shops are closed on sundays. No fun to go out.

Nov 30 - Monday
A lot of mental masturbation.

Dec 01 - Tuesday
Better day. Maybe because I set my mind better before (GLL infield videos). Got only two numbers (from 10-12 approaches). A lot of girls dont give out their numbers although they obviously like me (body language, how they look, how they speak, or Im just stupid).
I hear it more often that they find it so weird talking on the street with a stranger like that. But german girls suck in that case anyway (I dont want to use it as an excuse, if youre good, it shouldnt make much difference I guess). I didnt have too much doubt in myself and in what Im doing. I didnt feel like a top-shelf guy, but neither like a low-shelf one.
In a lot of cases the girls leave immediately. It should mean that something is wrong with my looks or with my presence. I know that its not the looks. I know I look above average (even if slightly). So it must be my vibe.

2. Dec - Wednesday
Good day. 25-30 Approaches. I felt sexy today and had numbers game mentality really. Got 9 numbers. I féld good constantly and was proud of myself.
In the evening I text with a girl on badoo, and we find out that we're neighbours. We meet up, 20 mins talk, then I leave. I wanted to go out, but instead of we arranged another meeting later for the night. I bought a wine, we met up at about midnight. We go back to my place, taling, drinking wine, touching, kissing, massage, huge LMR. I was trying for hours literally, but couldnt get through. She jerked me off and I slapped her face with my cock haha, but she didnt want to blow me and couldnt pull off her pants. No solo program tonight.

03. Dec - Thursday
Worked until 2 am. No solo program.

04. Dec - Friday
I felt fucked up today. 5 hour sleep, I woke up one hour before my shift started, so I couldnt take a shower or eat breakfast. I hit up the numbers I got the week, but almost all of them flaked (like 10 flakes). I got one date tonight although. I didnt even like the girl, but for one fucking why not, I was not too enthusiastic. I bought a wine, but she immediately said that she want to eat some sushi. Here I lost the control didnt know what to do, so we went to a sushi bar. My mood was completely fucked because I felt I lost my gameplan and didnt know how to move forward and I sat in a fucking restaurant and give out money for something what I dont even want to eat. Totally not what I wanted to do. After that we go to a Mcdonalds I dont know why. She wanted to eat a mcflurry. I went just with the flow so to say. It really annoyed me, that things doesnt happen my way, that she decides, but I couldnt say, no we wont go to fucking mcdonalds. I tried to touch her but it came like from nowhere and was weird for the both of us. I didnt touch her since greeting her.
Probably I was a dick with her, but I had this mood the whole day. I couldnt fuck the girl last time, so many flakes, fucked up date tonight and didnt do the solo program again Zero progress with that this week..
I got back home and instead of whining and bitching I wrote to that girl from badoo from Wednesday. My mood got better and we arranged that she comes over in an hour. Great. My new bathmate arrived yesterday, here is the time to try it. Its a lot of fun, but didnt get a pump after that.. The girl comes over, Im still a little bit moody, but the alcohol helps. A little teasing and we fuck. Obviously she came over to have sex with me, even I was the one who gave a little LMR (didnt kiss her, if she wanted, said that no way, that were going to fuck, wasnt necessary but built up a little tension, and the sex was more enjoyable). We had sex two times and in the second run I couldnt come. Finally, it was so annoying, that I always cum before I want to, and now I could fuck as long as I wanted to. It was really satisfying even thoguh I didnt cum. The girl was nothing really impressive but I saw how much she enjoys it and it made me excited too.
Lay 18 (5/13 since September) Its great that even so bad days can turn pretty good.

05. Dec - Saturday
was hangover from the night before, didnt do anything. In the evening party in my dormitory. I ended up throwing out in my bed. First party since two months where I drink.

06. Dec - Sunday
Really sick. Really mad at myself. Such a waste. Went working.

06-10. Dec
work every day. Some day game approaches.

How can I make this topic private?

On 10th of December I had a tinder date. She was more obese than on the pics. We went to my place, wanted to be drunk, maybe I want to fuck her, but not, she discuted me a little instead.. I think she wasnt dtf anyway.

11. Dec - Friday
I went out with my flatmate. He is far from a player, but a cool guy. I just wanted to chill. Nothing serious happened, I drunk. Couple of approaches, one kiss. Asked 2 girls for their number, but neither of tham had a phone. Sure haha. It doesnt make any sense to go out, without any game plan. Im jsut wandering around and cant move things forward.

Unfortunately I pretty much gave up on the solo program. Its not my priority now, I dont even care somehow. I know its bad. I still want to do this, but not in this period of my life. In a couple of months maybe.

12. Dec - Saturday
I become sick slowly and dont want to go out at all. Not even during the day. No approaches today. I call my neighbour over and make her suck the jizz out of my cock, then she goes out. I stay home. Never came from blow job before.

13. Dec - Sunday
I cant arrange any dates. I dont have any live numbers and online game sucks lately too. So I call my neighbour over again. We fuck to times. We do anal. First anal sex in my life. Didnt really like it, it was too dirty..
I tried fake tan today. I find it too time-consuming and doesnt last too long. But I look much better with that. On the next days I got more eye contacts than usual.

14. Dec - Monday
Shopping christmas presents. 5 or 6 approaches, got 2 numbers.

15. Dec - Tuesday
Really demotivated. I got a lot of looks but still. I dont know whats going on lately. Maybe because of the sex or maybe I have a flatline (stopped watching porn since ~3 months) but it sucks. Only 3 approaches. I ask out a girl from yesterday, but its not good for her.

16. Dec - Wednesday
5 Approaches, 2 number but tomorrow Igo back to Hungary for 2+ weeks, so..
I go out tonight and Im drinking, I dont want to do the solo program. ( As said I gave up on it, and I want to do it sober anyway). I went to a techno club with a friend called Suicide Circus. Made 5 approaches. Tried to pull away 2 girls. They werent in. Maybe its jsut too early, I dont really feel, when would be the good time to pull them. Its something I need to calibrate.
The we go to another club. There ware onl 12 people, 4 girls out of them. All taken. Wednesday sucks.

17. Dec - Thursday
I travel back to Budapest.