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I had written a whole explanation on what confidence really is. But because everything is questionable, I wanted to know from YOU guys, what do you think confidence is?
Because when I see people giving advice to others about girls this one thing keeps returning:' just be a confident scumbag, girls find that attractive. They don't like nice guys.' Everyone has their own explanation of every single word because of our own personal and unique experiences. The meaning I give to open-mindedness might be completely different from yours. And this also counts to 'confidence'. If you're a nice guy, always respecting possible social boundaries (example of a social boundary: you don't approach strangers, unless it's urgent or because you want to sell something to them), never saying your mind because of the possibility of confusion which could result into anger in the other person.. you might interpret confidence as simply not respecting ANY boundaries and trying to make the other person angry -> so really being a big asshole ( =?= confident scumbag). For this person, it might seem like he has to invade people's privacy and not respect their boundaries up to the point they become angry, in order to be confident and ultimately to get girls. So to YOU, yes, you! What is your definition of confidence, try to describe it as closely as possible, and please with A LOT of examples. (examples explain so much better). This way we can truly pinpoint what it really is you have to do or be in order to attract girls. And to figure out if this single word 'confidence' can indeed include all of that information up to the point we can simply say: 'be confident' and the answer to 'how do I become better with girls', is in fact truly answered. We'll also find out that some people's definition of 'confidence' probably barely has any effect on attracting more girls or not, and to those it might seem that saying 'be confident' is the stupidest and most incomplete thing to say as advice. |
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no dependence on the outcome
sure of your abilities self-worth and content a master of one's domain confidence is going in for a kiss confidence is approaching a random girl confidence is placing a girl's hand on your cock confidence is attempting something crazy confidence to me really is being sure of yourself. "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others remains and is immortal."
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confidence to me is auto-pilot baby.
when i'm on auto-pilot, anything is liable to happen. like mack said, no dependence on the outcome. NONE. going into *intense* detailed conversation about what confidence is won't really benefit me… this wouldn't correlate to results for me (maybe it does for you?) sometimes i don't want to know how things work, this is one of them. too many things contribute to confidence to pin-point what really cultivates it and what you think cultivates it confidence = auto-pilot for me that being said- i do like some of your thought-provoking threads. i just don't like over-analysis. leads to taking no action future hall-of-famer
Burt Reynold's grandson If you hungry - you healthy SQUEEZE THE GLUTES, MONO! =) |
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Last edit: by KingKratom.
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That actually makes a lot of sense.
Many of these people at school, form groups whenever the class is over/when there's a 15min pause. I'm pretty sure they form these groups on autopilot (with confidence), they don't think about it, they just naturally form. But I simply don't know how this works, how forming a group works. And unlike 'approaching girls', it's not something you 'just do'. You don't just 'form a group', because it requires participation of other people as well, whilst approaching a girl only requires your own participation (completely in your control). I also agree, that over analysis leads to not taking action. But Atm, at least for me, it doesn't. I feel like I've been over analyzing often in my life and everytime, I've just 'let it go' and kind of 'didn't stick through'.. Now I feel like I want to stick through until I figure something out.. or until I'm DONE with it, and not because I've avoided thinking through taking action/feeling emotion. I'm thinking, but I'm also still taking action. (In times I'd normally watch movies, I'm thinking, so it doesn't 'waste' time I would and should take action, as I wouldn't take action anyways) I'm trying to figure out, what action I have to take and want to take, which will affect me the most -> is most beneficial for me. to go back to confidence: what do I do to form groups and/or become confident forming groups or joining groups of people (in school)? I don't think I can do it on auto pilot as I don't think I have a clue how it works (neither consciously nor subconsciously). Or can I ? Can I do something confidently even if I don't understand it at all? Can I learn how to form/be part of groups, in every moment like others can? If the answer is what I think it is: you'll have to try it often, and you'll feel nervous and insecure, but eventually you'll figure out how it works and how to do it, and then you'll be confident on how to do it. Then it means confidence is indeed something temporary, and is achieved in every single different situation, and achieving confidence in one situation, does not affect other situations in the slightest. => confidence is not something to be achieved and then is 'a part of you forever and in all situations'. After struggling and being insecure, you can eventually achieve confidence in that area, but it'll only be in that area. Is this the case with everyone? or do you guys actually achieved confidence in one area and were then confident with everything you did next, even if it was something new, you didn't understand at all? |
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Confidence to me is similar to courage, or related to it.
I see them related in that courage is the thought but confidence is the action. Cause and effect. Whether the action was successful or not, doesn't matter - the act is what matters. The more you act the greater your confidence levels become. The key to building inner strength/confidence/whatever you want to call it is simple - don't stop and keep going. Personally I'm never confident doing an improvisational piece of music whether alone or on stage. That is where I'd assume a combination of faith (self confidence built from past experiences, not necessarily related to the event) and experience takes over, and everything always turns out fine more or less. Whether certain variables like note choice, phrasing, staying in key, etc. were the right decision is up for debate. I'm not going to worry over one or two goofy notes/phrases over the span of an hour where thousands are played. Especially when the only people who actually know my mistakes are 1.) me 2.)other musicians 3.) a non-drunk person who actually focuses on what I'm playing and strains their ears doing so. Of course confidence can be an emotion too i.e. "He acted with confidence...", etc. but this is more of a philosophical post anyways. Links :
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Last edit: by swandive.
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For me I define confidence as just reasonable certainty about something, which can be gained by both rational analysis and/or repeatable, confirming life experiences.
Reasonable certainty meaning a deeply held, supported belief consistent with your reality and life experiences, thoughts, etc. that you are prepared to act upon, disregarding extreme meta philosophical semantics on wether or not it is possible to truly be certain of anything, etc. For example, if you are significantly above average in many areas and you screen/escalate with enough chicks, you can be CONFIDENT (reasonabaly certain) that you will get eventually get laid. If you are average or below average and you do not talk to girls, you can be CONFIDENT that you will hardly ever get laid. For any given girl, I am not confident about what is going to happen because there are a million factors at play that I am unaware of and have no control over. However I still approach those undeterminable situations exactly because the result is unknown to me. As long as I know that I don't have a 100% chance of her wasting my time by turning out not DTF, I know that I might have a chance to fuck her and that is all I care about, because the smallest percentage multiplied by a large amount of approaches still converts to lays for me. Another example is that before in the past when I have been with some girls I have been able to make them feel great and enjoy my company and have amazing orgasms, so I am reasonabaly certain that I will able to do so again for some more girls out there and therefore I am worth their time. When you are stepping up to the girl, she is seeing if you are confident aka reasonabaly certain that you have something to offer her, because if YOU, who knows yourself better than anyone, aren't then why should she, who knows little about you, believe that you do. That being said, when you are delusionally confident with no actual proof to back it up, like a PUA student who believes that he is good enough for her when he actually isn't because she can easily get significantly better men, then you will just come across as socially retarded and see that confidence alone is not sufficient to attract a women. When people say "just be confident" what they mean is go out and improve yourself so that you have something to offer to women if necessary; accept and acknowedge that you have something to offer and realize that if you offer yourself to many women eventually you will get one who is available at the time and can't do better without making more effort than it would be worth to her. "If you're a fucking shredded, sick cunt, you can get away with anything. That's what the revolution is. None of these fuckin' sad cunts. We're all gonna fuckin' make it brah, that's it."-Zyzz
"I teach you the Overman. Man is something to be overcome. What have you done to overcome him?"-Nietzsche |
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Last edit: by Ubermensch. Reason: typo
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Ubermensch
even though I like what you said about not knowing for a 100% that the girl is not dtf, therefore worth the try.. I don't agree on what you said at the end. When people say 'just be confident', they say just that. They don't say what you said behind it, therefore not giving that valuable lesson/perspective. YOU gave it. When people say 'be confident' they do not explain what they mean, therefore not saying anything at all.. I think most that say it, don't even have thought about what confidence means (for them) and just say it, to say something (safe). With 'be confident' they literally mean 'I don't know/don't wanna explain to you'. Also, I don't think PUA students in general are delusionally confident,, every single person has something to offer to the world (and to a girl),, but there might indeed be some guys that actually haven't figured out EXACTLY what ONE thing is they have to offer. Good you have figured out ONE thing you have to offer: orgasms. It's good to be able to hold on to that when in doubt. proof. But it's not necessary to know what you have to offer, as you naturally offer what you've got (animals also naturally offer what they got to the ones they mate with). I, for example, know I have LOVE to offer. I know what love is and I am capable of loving unconditionally, but I know people that are more confident than me, who can't love, and who treat their women like shit, so I know that it doesn't matter what you have to offer.. as long as you act like you have something to offer -> which can be genuine (either consciously known, or subconsciously/felt within) or a lie (when a person thinks he has nothing to offer, but still acts confident). Most douches BELIEVE they have nothing to offer, but still act confident.. If only they trusted in theirselves, that they indeed have something to offer, the world would be a better place -> they wouldn't be douches anymore. done. |
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Last edit: by Change.
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I always hated that saying "be confident". And I'm like uh...how? To me, confidence is not something that can be taught. Confidence is something you develop within. People aren't born confident. Confidence is self assurance, belief in yourself and your abilities. Confidence comes from stepping outside your comfort zone, doing things that challenge you and enable you to press on without fearing the outcome. A lot of things intimidate me and still do, but I'm learning that the more I put myself out there, the more risks I take it becomes as easy as breathing air and whatever fears I had at the time seem trivial and irrelevant.
Formally known as Max_500
Anhedonia Never Give Up Be easy, Makaveli. Your pimp skills will never be forgotten. |
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Last edit: by Tiredofbeingbeta.
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I think this thread is/should be about YOU. What you need. As illustrated above^ Why do you even give a shit about these people and their groups? Is there a specific value you seek? I always had the same thing, I did not fit into any group in high school or college, I also did not give a shit. I talked with the individuals that interested me. I had many friends in many diverse groups. I had my own thing going, was pursuing my interests, likes and goals. which fits into being value giving rather than value seeking. If you are needy people can sense that you are seeking to take value. I think most of us have experienced that guy or girl who is always trying to glom onto your group but only takes value and contributes nothing. The more value seeking you are, the less anyone wants to hang with you. That kind of person is a social pariah. Social groups are value sharing. You must be giving value freely. So BE VALUABLE. BECOME VALUABLE BY VALUING YOURSELF, PURSUING YOUR OWN INTERESTS AND GOALS, EXPANDING YOUR EXPERIENCE AND KNOWLEDGE BASE, DO THINGS, LEARN THINGS AND YOU WILL GAIN VALUE YOU CAN SHARE. When you exude value people will seek you out, even if you are the "outsider" (I am speaking from personal experience here). and as I said in one of your previous threads and I will say it again here: Indifference (being outcome independent) is more useful than "confidence". CONFIDENCE=I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. ( For example, banging your dad's house guest by inviting her into your room as soon as she stopped by and not taking a shower, boldly going for what you want immediately in the moment and not giving a shit about whether you needed a shower, or what your dad might think, etc) What I detect in your posts is too much concern with what other people are doing. Do for yo bro, do for you. peace.
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