TOPIC: I Fucking Lost It Today...

Right... I don't know where does this post belong, but It's related with anxiety so I'm posting it here.

I think this is a rant... Sort of. I mean, I'm mad at myself.

If it's inappropriate, I apologise. I don't want to spam this board, I just really wanted to takes this off my chest.

I'm mad disgusted and in general feel like shit today. You know that feeling when you pussy out of approaching...

I mean, it's nothing special... Not the first time I'm feeling like that and most of guys here felt like it too. It's just that I haven't felt this disgust in a while. Though to be honest, I have lived pretty cushy life for the past 6 months when it comes to approaching.

Don't get me wrong. Cushy not because it's easy for me and I'm slaying, but because I isolated myself and worked on money. So, I had good times with anxiety because I did not put myself in situations where that would be an issue.

Further, more what fucks with my head even more is that for the past 2 weeks or so I started loosing my concentration and want for working on money and my desire and lust for pussy... More specifically intimacy with a women... Skyrocketed and I can't keep these thoughts in control. My number one fantasy became NOT to fuck that nice bubble ass jogging on a treadmill, but to take a full hand of her hair and fill my nostrils with her scent...

These are normal urges, I get that. I'm a man and I want a women. Cool.

What kills me though is that I can't get one. It's a feel, you know, a state of mind... That feel of loserdom that builds up the stress and...

Today I fucking lost it.

For the past few weeks my want for a woman grew, but honestly, I also felt like my confidence snd social ability grew too.

I was chatting up every female customer at work and for the first time I struck a conversation with a chick at the gym. Some, generic gym small talk...but whatever.

I felt good. It was like, I'm not concentrating on this right now, but I am still making some baby steps every day towards that "social freedom".

Maybe I'm just lying to myself... Fuck knows.

Anyways, I lost it today.

There's this chick that works in the gym that I struck a conversation a few weeks ago. Actually, she approach me to use a squat rack, but I did have some more small talk afterwards with her. And then I had some small talk with her a different day... Anyway, point is. Today I chickened out to approach her and have a conversation. And what kills me more, is that it's not even a cold approach and I still pussied out.

Fuck...

Sure, I can come up with excuses why that happened: I feel stressed from life in general, she's anxious (I can see that much) and that threw me off... Whatever.

That's one more thing. I can see that she finds me attractive and wants me to approach her... Fuck... Knowing this makes it more difficult on my psyche. She keeps creeping at me and when I look her in the eye she reverts the gaze etc. Sure some of it cold be in my head, but hey... I rather think that she's 120% into me than convince myself that there's a chance she's not.

Anyways. I did not approach her today. And that pushed me to this state I'm now. I got back home from gym and I felt so fucking disgusted, like a loser, I fucking broke down and cried.

No, in before there comes "you have a oneitus", I don't. I didn't cry because I couldn't approach HER, but that I couldn't approach. I cried that I pussied out from something I was sure I will do. I cried because I let my real inner loser win, I let myself down.

Now, I don't want pity or "you go girl" chants... Or maybe I do, I don't know... I guess some reassurance would help.

I do know what I need to do. I need to start AA program. That's a fact. I need to put effort into this and I will fix myself... But I'm scared.

I'm not scared to start AA program...though yeah, I do have anxiety about that, but that's a good/normal anxiety. Anxiety of starting something difficult, but eventually rewarding.

No, I'm scared to start a log on here. Because, that means that I have to do it, I have to stick with it. And especially it's scary because I already worked on AA and I quit.

The idea of quitting again terrifies me. I don't want to quit again, but I'm not feeling strong enough to know that I will go through with it. I guess that's the fear of failure or something.

Fuck... I feel so stressed. I don't know what I want more now, to sleep or to cry some more.

And I feel even more pathetic that I'm 27 and I'm crying like a bitch.

One more thing that makes me uneasy is that, I promised myself that this time I will not stop until I'm making bank. That this time I will achieve my money goals before anything else... But my focus is slipping. I don't want to betray me, but I do want to fix myself...

Anyways... I would love that someone would tell me what to do, even though I know it's my decision. "Do what YOU want to do" that's the motto here... But... I don't know what I want.

And what pisses me off is,that I keep jumping between these two things... Money, bitches, money, bitches...and I can't commit. And I make minimal progress.

That's what you get growing without a father, I guess...

Dad: Do this and don't stop until you are done. Got it!
Me: YES, sir!

Fuck... That be so much easier. My indecisiveness is killing me.

Whatever... I guess that's it. I'm done. I really needed to vent and get this out of me.

Cheers

Hey bro i feel your pain trust me i know the feeling when you want to be intimate and have sex with a women and your not getting it, it can mess with your head.

I was feeling this way yesterday but eventually the urge subsided.
It doesn't sound like you have an issue with pornography or compulsive masturbation which is good, but if you do stop as best you can.

I know for me that has helped significantly. I still go through ebbs and flows, but I am determined to get this handled.

The good news is I can approach just about any women on my radar ,but the challenge my indifference and burned out from getting number tho limited dates, number no bang.

Which made me start to re evaluate where my head is at, and what do i want most.
Ultimately i want to travel and live in a location centralized to attractive women( i'm 28 still parents in suberbs) ideally in international locations.....

Ok SO NOW I make that my goal, that my mission, that my mustard seed of hope, that gets me through the tough times.

I tell myself It's OK if i'm not getting laid right now, because what I want most wants me, I just need to get to it, and make myself available to it and it available to be me.

I also go through the ebb and flow with money. Always focused on the money, but the honeys i want their nectar also. The money is just a tool, but the true goal is is the lifestyle. Strive for the lifestyle my young eagle brethren.

All the best

What the fuck man

Are you my clone lol?

This sounds exactly what I was thinking about these days.

Also don't know what to prioritize: financial freedom or social freedom. I decided to go with the latter and make money secondary.

I'm also a loser but what helps me going is thinking that it is a process, a process I need to master. Right now I am somewhere in the beginning, my social skills are very underdeveloped. But I'm way further than where I used to be 2 years ago, and now I need to put effort to go even further, and 2 years from now look at this memory and laugh at it.

We'll make it.

First, I definitely know what that's like. Just keep going and there will be moments when you will feel like the king of the world. Hard work will get you results.

You need a definite goal? Here it is: chase pussy . All pussy. You're not trying to get a GF or a partner but what you want is to get lots of sex and validation. Treat yourself. I'm not saying that these feelings will go away, in fact they won't but that they will not be as strong. You're still young, not even in your prime (28-33 for most men according to Chris) and you'll have plenty of time to get rich after that one year.

Personally, I'm not going to chase pussy in the next 6 months or maybe even more because I'll be working on 1) my looks and 2) money. I couldn't be this focused 2 years ago when I was a virgin. Sex and validation is what helped me feel better and helped me get focused. BTW, I still need to go a long way but I've definitely am in a better place now than I ever was in my life. And, the future looks very fucking bright.

jackmehoff wrote: Which made me start to re evaluate where my head is at, and what do i want most.
Ultimately i want to travel and live in a location centralized to attractive women( i'm 28 still parents in suberbs) ideally in international locations.....

Ok SO NOW I make that my goal, that my mission, that my mustard seed of hope, that gets me through the tough times.

We have the same goals Traveling and fucking international women. Hey man, I'm 39 and just recently getting my shit together. I'm building a lifestyle that I'm hoping will allow me to travel for a solid month, several times a year. I expect to have it in place in about a year. I've already completed the most difficult parts, including a degree last year. Now just getting a little job experience and saving some money.

Get in touch. Who knows, maybe we'll go rent a villa together and bring home the pussy. Do you live in the US?

Win Big wrote:

jackmehoff wrote: Which made me start to re evaluate where my head is at, and what do i want most.
Ultimately i want to travel and live in a location centralized to attractive women( i'm 28 still parents in suberbs) ideally in international locations.....

Ok SO NOW I make that my goal, that my mission, that my mustard seed of hope, that gets me through the tough times.

We have the same goals Traveling and fucking international women. Hey man, I'm 39 and just recently getting my shit together. I'm building a lifestyle that I'm hoping will allow me to travel for a solid month, several times a year. I expect to have it in place in about a year. I've already completed the most difficult parts, including a degree last year. Now just getting a little job experience and saving some money.

Get in touch. Who knows, maybe we'll go rent a villa together and bring home the pussy. Do you live in the US?

Hey Win Big, glad to connect with another like minded GLLer. Yes yes I currently reside in the U S of A, In Texas. I've been wanting to travel international for quite some time, but this year I am finally in a place where that will be possible. Even just as a means right now, I've considered teaching English overseas in some countries, working 3-4 hours a day 5 days a week, with this methodology I can still live in a cool pad and have food and entertainment, without having to tap in money saved.

Not to mention only working 20-25 hours a week in a place of my choosing surrounded by sexy international(spanish, asian etc) women, who actually want to meet a guy like myself. Sounds like a win win!!!! What about you are you currently in the US also?

@jackmeoff

Yeah man, I know… as I said not the first time feeling like that. Time does mend all your wounds.

I did feel better the next day. Though I’m more prone to sadness when I’m tired, so yesterday at the end of my shift I did get the same feels back. But it was manageable.

No, I don’t have a problem with jerking off. I do it 1-2 a week after my Jelqing and BM session, that’s it. What is a problem though that Jells and BM is my entire sex life right now (and or the past almost a year). That… that is a big problem lol

Weird thing is, I kid of lost interest in porn and jerking off.

As I mentioned… my sexual day dreams for the past month or 2 are not “pounding that thick ass doggy style” but… Intimacy.

Grabbing a chick by the back of her hair and shoving my nose behind her ear to smell her. A chick running her finger through my hair. A chick laying on my chest and circling her finger tip on my patchy chin fuzz.

You know… romantic faggy shit lol

I’m jealous of your ability to approach. That’s my issue I need to fix. I mean, at work (I’m a barman) I do have small talk with chick and dudes and I'm OK. I have no anxiety doing that. But I do run of thing to say… quick. What I mean is my “small talk” consists of 2-3 comments and than my mind stops. Most of the times I do want to continue but I just feel to slow coming up with things to move the conversation forward.

But hey… I might be just misinterpreting things and it’s simple anxiety.

Yeah… so… AA program should defo help with that.

@ALL

About the goals… Yeah my goals are those 2. Money and Women.

Well… it’s not even a specific amount of money, but rather I want to build a business. I want to “plant a tree and build a house” so to say.

And when it comes to women. To be honestly introspective here… I don’t care that much about fucking 50, 100 or whatever number of chicks. What I do want is to take control of my anxiety (and other feeling) when it comes to those settings (approaching, relationship, social interaction, etc). Simply put: I want to achieve that “social freedom”. Or in practical terms… finish whole AA program and be a “social pimp” as the guys who did: Scotty, Chris, BIB, Termi, Rosseuss (spelling?) and others.

But… point is, that I just keep stopping to pursue them when it gets hard.

#1 Goal — #1 Priority

Right?

Well… when it gets hard I change my goal.

Even though I do think that approach is legit (#1 — #1), I’m seeing in my own life, that it’s not working that great. Or at least I’m not using it correctly (?).

Anyways… point is, it seems that I do need to use “Deload” periods. Like with gym. To recuperate form the fatigue and stress an whatever… and let me to “absorb” what I learned.

Whatever… that’s it. I’m starting to uncomfortably steer toward mental masturbation here. I rather stop.

Thanks dudes for the comments. I do feel better, if you’re interested to know lol

I’ll give myself a few days to figure out when should I start AA program and in general come in peace with this Money/Chicks shit.

See ya,

Cheers

Based off First post

"I fucking broke down and cried."
So you cried... like a little bitch. Good. Remember it. These are the sort of memories that will fucking forge you into the person you want to be.

"I started loosing my concentration and want for working on money and my desire and lust for pussy"

"Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." - Abraham Lincoln

Your mind is the axe and right now, it's blunt as fuck. You need to solve this problem and focus on pick-up and realize that doing that is ACTUALLY going to help you with your other goals. You need to get rid of this "loserdom" first before you can move on to your financial goals.

Anywayz, i felt like i should say something because i was in the same position. Decided i will focus on pick-up for a min of 1-2 years because it will ultimately help me get to my true goal.

"No, I'm scared to start a log on here. Because, that means that I have to do it, I have to stick with it. And especially it's scary because I already worked on AA and I quit.

The idea of quitting again terrifies me. I don't want to quit again, but I'm not feeling strong enough to know that I will go through with it. I guess that's the fear of failure or something."
Dafuq. You already know what you got to do. So do it. Also, just go at your own pace.

"That's what you get growing without a father, I guess..."
Uh... what? Anywayz man, you need to stop blaming things. I use to (sort of) years ago and then i played LoL. When i stopped blaming everyone/everything i went from Silver to Diamond and then i basically applied it to life and ye, pretty much feel like i can master anything because of it. It sort of takes that "helplessness" away. It's also where i learned that focusing on one thing is how you get to places too.

When I started the AA program in the summer of 2014 I was scared that I would give up.

I THOUGHT I had the mental fortitude to make it through, but I wasn't SURE of it. It was always hovering in the back of my mind: "maybe you'll get halfway through the program and bitch out"

Sure enough, I got about halfway through and bitched out.

Summer 2015, I started all over again. I'd come so close, nothing was going to stop me at this point. That's the thing about this Girls Stuff: you have unlimited tries.

I do remember the feeling you describe. Just wanting human touch to remind me I'm worth something. Wanting a girl to give you love, and pay attention to you. It feels pathetic when you're going through it, but fuck does it ever hurt.

I haven't had that feeling in nearly 2 years. I beat the AA program and started hitting on girls in real life. It got REAL rough for a while – I was constantly questioning my physical attractiveness and self-worth – but when I broke through it ended my loneliness forever. Loneliness seems like a distant memory now. It seems like I crawled out of my Dan skin and was reborn as a new person. I feel invincible.

Take that in for a second:

I used to be suicidal, and now I feel invincible.

You can have everything I have, but you have to make it a priority. You have to CRUSH you approach anxiety so you can walk out your front door each day and claim that pussy.

You know what you have to do. You KNOW you have to beat the Approach Anxiety Program.

Are you gonna waste one more year? Do you want to endure 365 more days of bittern emptiness? Or, do you want to FIX YOUR PROBLEM FOREVER?

BIB can you be my big brother? Adopt me, it's okay you're younger lol

That's what happens when you build your ego on an outward factor (in this case the ability to approach chicks) instead of having a solid foundation of self-esteem. Whatever skill you have, whatever you possess, whatever you look like, you will eventually lose it all. So you really don't want to base your ego on something that's transient. Otherwise you'll have to keep proving shit to yourself constantly or you'll break down like this.

In fact, as long as you keep being ego-centric outward factors can harm you. When you get a dry spell, all that feeling of invincibility will be forgotten. You are neither as miserable or as grandeous as you think. You are merely an insignificant part of the world, acting on an imagined feeling of self-will while largely powerless over your own actions. Maybe the feeling of value should come from your daily contributions to the welfare of others instead of wanting to fulfill every single want and need that you have over women.

Man, I'm in a similar position than you. I'm 28 and I had only two girlfriends for not that long. And I regret so many things. In my past I've been approach by many many girls from outside or inside of my social circle if I had used those opportunities I would have at least fucked 15 girls (only the obvious ones, not cold approaching). But I always did nothing. In the past if I knew that a girl was into me, I always had the feeling that this was enough validation for my ego, additionally to that I was super shy and the result of this was that I NEVER took action.

There was a situation in my past about which I have to think almost every day. I was at a bar with some friends where later some other friends joint us with a very beautiful girl. I was just sitting at my seat and that girl out of nowhere came over to me and started to talk to me (this was immediately after they arrived at the bar and shortly after that girl saw me). She sat next to me and wanted to talk, but I didn't do ANYTHING I said some things to her but mostly talked with other friends and drank one drink after another without paying attention to her. Everyone around obviously saw that she was into me. After a while when she noticed that it was hopeless with me she left her seat and went to her friends again and then they left the bar.

I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR THAT ALMOST EVERY FUCKING DAY, THAT GIRL WAS ONE OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRLS I HAVE EVER SEEN AND SHE WAS SO OBVIOUSLY INTO ME AND I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. Also she was kind of high in the social hierarchy and I was always the shy good buddy who had not much to do with women. I was super depressed after that and it depresses me today.

There was also another situation that I can remember clearly. There was a girl that everyone in my social circle wanted to fuck (and she almost got together with one of my friends). And they always said ahh someday I will fuck this girl blablabla. But in secret that girl like me very much. She showed me hot pictures of herself and one day we were joking around on some old school instant messenger and she said "do you want to fuck ?...just joking blabla". Then some other day I was bored and I just asked her if she wanted to do something. THEN she herself said oh ok let's watch a movie at my place. So I went to her and we were lying on her bed and she said "oh should I rearrange your pillion?" and she bend over me were close to my face. But I said it's ok it's ok really, then we watched the movie and at the end she suggestion that I can sleep at her place if I want to, but again I said it's ok it's ok. So again I hate myself for that.

Other situation (short version): My friend and me where at a party. And some girl at that party said "hi you are very attrative blabla", I said "ok you too thx". Then later at that day one of her female friends said to me "why don't you try to kiss her?". Again I did nothing.
A girl at a club out of nowhere said to me "you are very attractive", again nothing.

There were many situations like this, and I ruined every one of them.

BUT SCREW ALL OF THIS, SCREW MY FUCKING PAST LIFE AND ALL THE PEOPLE OF MY PAST FUCK THEM. Today I'm a much more different person thx to places like Good Looking Loser and the PUA community (who introduced my to all this women stuff). Today I might not be as good looking as in my past, due to baldness (I always thought that I'm ugly also in my past) but still today girls look after me, smile, look me in my eyes want to talk to me. I didn't have any lay out of cold approaching until now, but I dated a couple of really hot girls out of cold approaching (that went nowhere except for one girl, with the other girls there were difficulties with logistics, they were exchange students). At least this is a bit of remedy for my shattered soul that can never be put together as a whole either way my life will continue. I also broke up contact with a lot of friends of me that never helped my with anything and made me depressed and that I felt were poisonous for me. For example after I kissed a girl on the dance floor (because she was super aggressive) I told it my best friend and he said "oh I bet she was drunk", they never helped me with anything not with girls not with anything, they were psychopaths who only looked for themselves and were envious about any little success I had. So your situation could be worse, but just keep going, there is also nothing much other things you can do, just keep going.

Sry for bad english.