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Yeah bro. I wish you all the best, and feel free to hit me up with a PM if you want to ask any specific questions. Also what city do you live in? And yeah. Quality >> quantity with friends. That was one of the lessons my GLL mentor was really emphasizing that I did not follow at first. I was still hanging out with weird "non-cool kids" (not saying that to judge them, but rather that was how people perceived them). I was reluctant to change this because 1) it's hard finding a new group of friends and 2) its hard letting go of something your comfortable with. There's actually a ton of reasons you want to do quality over quantity, but for me the biggest things I've noticed are these 1) 95% of people you meet are through your current friends. 95% of the people your friends are friends with are the same 'quality' as them. You can't start with low quality and go to high quality because those people don't have any overlapping social circles 2) you pick up the vibe, slang, and social cues of your friends. That last one is super important. Cool kids and non-cool kids have completely different social cues. Pretty much every cool kid from every country I've ever met has about the same social cues. Yes, some shit is different, but there's this almost universal cool vibe they all have. I won't tell you these social cues because it will serve you better to figure them out yourself, but it sounds like you already have a good understanding of what they are 3) You get judged by your company. A cool person sees you with a not cool person, you will be viewed that much worse, so only being around cool people allows others to know your cool by just looking at your friends. The article I was talking about was this one: www.goodlookingloser.com/laid/index/shut...rookie-redshirt-year Pretty much the essence of this article is to not stress about your first year improving. Keep your head low and improve. You're going to fuck up. That's okay. Its a part of the process. Don't put too much pressure on yourself. To be honest even though I'm out of my "red shirt year" I still follow this article. In my experience, you'll know when you're ready. Things will just start to fall into place. You'll start to get dms from hot girls. This last weekend I had a super-hot girl I just met that night tell me I was the coolest guy she's ever met. Don't stress too much over this. Just make sure your setting reasonable goals and improving on them. The second concept that I think is important in this article (and I don't think this article actually says this, but its something that I realized after reading it a couple of times) is that you should not rush in anything ever. In life there's an optimal pace to do anything at. Losing weight, gaining muscle, moving up the career ladder, getting money. If you're anything like me you always want to get to the end goal as fast as possible, but that's terrible philosophy. It might work sometimes, but its going to hurt you more than help. Move at the "ideal pace." That's the pace that gets results, but it doesn't have you neurotically stressing about progress. For this it helps to have a mentor tell you what that pace is and help you set reasonable goals. If you want you can reach out to me over PM and we can talk over phone, so I can help you with your specific situation and what I think you need to do. I honestly owe who I am today to this community, so I super willing to give back. Lastly, some of my advice may sound shallow. Cutting out friends to replace them with cooler friends, moving up the social ladder in your city, etc... Chris talks about it in this article (See the part about the "star wars frat"). At the end of the day, I believe you have no obligation to be friends with anyone. You have an obligation to be loyal to those who have been loyal to you, and you should just be a good person. Don't lie. Never make fun of people. etc... That shits important. But as long as you distance yourself from your old friends respectfully (don't be a dick and ghost them. Meet up with them sometimes for food at first), you're not being a bad person. I wish I was more selfish growing up. I always did shit for other people. I always put other people first even when they never really put me first. That might be part of the reason I was so okay with cutting out my old friends (because they were not loyal to me), but there's nothing wrong with having some goal in life you want to achieve and changing your environment to achieve it.
The following user(s) said Thank You: Gabo, somethinggood
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Last edit: by GettinItAll.
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Lastly, I think I'm in a new chapter of my GLL journey where I am going to start posting again on the KYIL forums, so if anyone is interested I'll have some shit over there.
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First off, I really appreciate it. I live in Copenhagen. It is a good city, the girls a quite attractive. They do a lot to make themselves that way. Also, I have access to great party/event locales with music and lights, completely free. I am already arranging a party for the younger crowd in my vicinity/apartment complex. It is mostly students living here.
Now I cannot help but become very curios what these social cues are. I properly know some of them already, but it would be cool the hearing it from someone with more experience. But if you think it is best finding out for myself, that’s cool too. I have always adapted quickly to new friends/circle. I completely agree on all three points, I judge people myself based on these criteria. Always have. Plenty of times later in my life where I would feel slightly uncomfortable being seen outside with this and that person. Again, I like the red shirt approach, and again I agree, you cannot learn without fucking up. You are in uncharted territory and you will not be able to do things which you haven’t learned yet. Trust the process and that I will take a little while. Completely agree. As you properly guessed I am currently working on building a social circle. So far It actually seems easier than I thought. Properly because a have some of the basics handled. Even though I want to be able to approach on the street (which I sometimes can on a good day and I am becoming better) I have come to really understand the value of building a social circle. In fact, this is more important to me now. The other I am doing is just to build massive confidence to help me in my social life. I really like how you put it. You can be a genuine good guy, while still doing things that benefit yourself the most. This has also been my conclusion the last couple of months. I want to a be nice and a good person, but still be allowed to improve myself and social circle. I want to be nice to people, but I don’t necessarily want to hang out with a lot off them. Again, I agree, keep the ones that are truly loyal. Just visited a longtime friend that has been very loyal. I will always keep in touch and help him out if needed, but he is not very socially calibrated and sometimes It can be a real chore. I will limit my contact without ghosting. I actually don’t find It shallow letting friendships that is not good for you fade away (without being a dick) anymore. On the contrary I think it shows that one has good cognitive abilities that makes one socially adept/aware. That takes some brainpower. Yes, that would be fucking amazing. I will DM you with contact info. |
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Last edit: by somethinggood.
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Yeah. Don't get me wrong; I think approaching on the street works because I've seen it work with people, but even Chris said it himself, the key to the hottest girls (9/10s and 10/10s) is social circle shit. Here's a quote from Chris : "Swag Factor (Coolness) is the level that the general population perceives you to fall within the social hierarchy; and your ability to increase or reinforce your position." You need to be in a social circle to be in the social hierarchy (specifically a cool one). I don't ever cold approach nowadays. I've tried it, and its too much of a numbers game. Also society has changed a bit since Chris's days so now its an easy way to get yourself in trouble (socially and legally). Also, in terms of getting the most out of your time, it makes the most sense for me to put in the social circle work. Moreover, I am not interested with getting with a girl I consider less than an 8/10 at this point, and for the most part I only really want to get with girls that are so attractive that guys do double checks when they see them, so cold approach won't get me anywhere. But some dudes are super satisfied with the results they get from it, so its a personal choice (no shame or judgement on that choice). |
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Last edit: by GettinItAll.
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@somethinggood real secret to building social circle from scratch is to just meet people and go out of your way to interact with the same people of your target group over and over until they become familiar with you. I think @GettingItAllIn is talking from college POV.
Cool people? Like people that party, drink and do drugs, stay up late? What do you mean cool people? If you yourself are "cool" as per GLL's definition, you wouldn't have problems being introduced to new people ever. Doesn't matter who you're friends with. The important thing is that you don't have just 1-2 friend groups who all they do is smoke weed in their basements that you're attached to. That doesn't mean you have to toss those people aside. If you get busted chilling with an "uncool" person you knew from highschool while getting a burger, there's no consequences for that if you yourself are cool. If you asked out cute girls while out about your day (doesn't have to be PUA sarging sessions) + social circle + online dating, you'd increase the amount of lays many times over. But in my opinion having 1-2 regular girls beats rando lays any day. |
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Last edit: by abc123.
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I read this again and I found it very helpful. As you said, most people you know will be through your current friends. So if you have uncool friends, you will have uncool friends. You can't have cool friends if you don't have cool friends first. Basically, if you suck you suck. That's why I believe it's so important to cut yourself some slack. It's not easy to make friends when you're new guy in town. Most people stick to the same 2 or 3 group of friends for all their life. I'm focusing on making friends with the owners of a bar. But it's hard to get the attention of cool people. They are busy and they already have a shit ton of people trying to suck value from them. They are aware of the coolness principle (you get judged by who you hang around with). So they are closed off and don't want to be seen hanging around with a random guy with no legitimate background. That's how the world works anyway. Even if you look good, you won't stand out as a loner guy (unless you haver really really good genetics). Having good style is good because it shows an awareness of etiquette, but besides that, I think that looks maxing is overrated on this site. Coolness trumps looks by a margin. I have seen all my life chubby, short, ugly guys get more ass than me only because they were part of the in crowd. Nobody gives a shit about your six pack, and obsessing about looks has done more damage than good for me. Also, being "cool" as per GLL standards means jack shit. Nobody cares about your boldness, balls, social freedom etc. Timid, socially nervous guy with a solid group of friends that go out, will get lay more than solo guy approaching with no anxiety. It sucks but that's just the way it is, specially in the current climate. I like to believe the hardest part is the beginning and then it's smooth sailing. The hardest part about social circle is that it's hard to set milestones so it's easy to get discouraged. While cold approach is more like going to the gym (you can measure your improvement objectively by how many girls you're able to approach in x amount of time), social circle is more whimsical, like learning a language. As GettingItAll says, it's pretty much the same anywhere in the world, cool people behave in specific ways, etc. I think the biggest metric is: Are you capable of befriending the coolest person in your town? And that's where I am at. |
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I agree on the looks maxing and cold approaching, though not completely as in if you're in a big city, you'll get laid plenty. There should have been a fat disclaimer on GLL. Though, online dating seems to be where all the action is at now. If I could start from scratch, I'd have focused on money first or trying to build social circles. |
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I completely agree. I got a bit sidetracked actually. Cool or uncool don’t matter. What is it even? Is caring about being cool not being uncool. Aren’t you more cool by not giving a fuck about what others think off you, hanging out with whomever you want? Or is it cooler to obsess over who you hang out with to appear cool. I don’t know and I am beginning to not care anymore. Is reading and posting on a website how to meet girls and get friends not fucking uncool and a little bit autistic. I don’t know, maybe.
Note to Gabo Hang out whit whomever you want. Make as many friends as possible. Be true and authentic for a change. Most people are unhealthy, shallow and completely unable to form genuine connections because they have been warped by modern society. Gain freedom and become more human is way better. Not obsess over things modernity wants you too. There are no serious consequences for most things you do, unless they are completely crazy. Even in college. Every time you don’t do you, you are telling yourselves that you are not good enough and you will lose confidence. You need that confidence too approach girls, gain friends and a lot of other things in life. Also, I don’t find what you say to be true. I get way more attention from girls than a lot of the way cooler, more social guys with more friends, by just being better looking. Know other guys that does this too. Timid guy who gets a lot of pussy, all because of looks. I Think GLL nailed it on looks and it is not overrated, especially combined with a bit of social freedom or online dating. Also are you even sure these guys get laid that much. There is a big difference between hanging out with hot girls and fucking them. You cannot become cool by trying to be cool and befriending the cool kids. They will smell it a mile away, that you are trying to slither your way in. So called cool people (hate this term) are cool because they care way less about what other people think of them and do what they want and just try to have some fun. Other people will gravitate towards that and they will be “cool” and have lots of “friends”. If they are competent and good looking even more so. In my humble opinion you are way cooler by not caring about it. Be brave and yourself instead. Gain confidence and the right people will pick up on it and everything will become a lot easier. it is a cliché, but it is soo true. I still eat and train healthy. Work on my looks. Buy good looking clothes. I just don’t obsess over it anymore and I do what I want and hang out with whom I want. Hit on the girls I want. Feel much happier and freer, have more friends. Just my humble opinion. Also, is all this not just to learn, to form more and better connections with girls and people in general. Not just to fuck as many girls as possible. To form a family and a tribe. I think it is for most people and is what ultimately gives life meaning.
The following user(s) said Thank You: 1v1meKid
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Last edit: by somethinggood.
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It is not as much that they care about your social freedom, boldness. But these things will give you the ability to actually meet the girls/people and also to let loose and have some fun and be yourself. People care about fun. Women care about looks, attractiveness.
These people you talk about that only want to be seen around certain people are fucking selfish and misguided. Most people are now a days. It is only by modern society’s standards that they are soo cool. You wont even be happy hanging around these fuckers. Trust me. They are miserable themselves. The “cool” ones that are truly happy and usually the coolest in the groups, are the ones that are not trying that hard. They are just “cool” by being themselves, outgoing, freindly, happy and carefree. I see loads of “cool” guys hanging in the club with lots of friends, then going home alone. Spending all that money every night and getting nothing. The club owners are fucking laughing at them. These people are so worried about being seen as cool, as to not fucking do something. Hit on a girl and fail or talk to a group of people and get rejected. Who cares! Nobody. Try again. You will succeed unless you are complete dog shit. Be outgoing, happy and yourself. Face the rejections. You will make tons of friends and girls. People suddenly then want to befriend you. And you then don’t have to put on a persona. Something that never works in the long run. Just my 2 cents from experience. |
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Last edit: by somethinggood.
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Facts man. On the following advice: "cool this cool that... change the things you like so you can be cool... be cocksucker social climber who uses people and drops you if you're uncool" Thinking the above is the only way to get your 'cool' social circle is like someone discovering some cheezy strategy in a game and thinking that's the only way to win.
The following user(s) said Thank You: 1v1meKid, somethinggood
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Last edit: by abc123.
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somethinggood: First, I need to make a clarification. I don't believe that looks are overrated (they're still not that important compared to being cool and taking action tho), but looks maxing is. Being tall and having good facial genetics makes you stand out. But there's not much you can do about that, you can only marginally improve your looks by going to the gym.
Having said that, it's not that I like the fact that people are judgemental or that going to the gym makes almost no difference to your social life (unless you're really overweight). It's just the way it's. This is not about "not being healthy" or being "shallow". This is completely subjective and it doesn't really matter. It's about: who is fucking the hottest girls. "I Think GLL nailed it on looks and it is not overrated, especially combined with a bit of social freedom or online dating". Exactly, online dating, that's what most people here or on killtheinnerloser's forum are doing. Nothing against that, it's just: most guys aren't getting laid from cold approach. They don't even cold approach at all. Cold approach naturally involves a ridicoulous amount of rejection. This is something that isn't usually mentioned neither on the pua or gll community. Yeah, Chris talks about that, but that shit was in 2013. Conversions are much much lower now, for whatever reason. No one mentions either how emotionally tough it's to cold approach. Not once, but to do it over and over, on a consistent basis. It's really like a full time job. Social circle really alleviates the rejection a lot. Sure, you will get rejected, but it won't be 99.5% of the time. I know that guys here will rather muscle through tons of rejection than conform to the majority just to get some pussy. But that's the problem of being a lone wolf. The world works through connections. No one gives a shit about you unless they know you. Being isolated really fucks up your opportunities in life. I hear you, it may be inauthentic to try to behave in a certain way to belong to a crowd just to get girls. But for me, it's even more lame to pay for a bunch of photos, then pay for a boost, then spend time swiping on chicks and messaging without an answer 95% of the times. Maybe if you have an excess cash to spend that's the right move, but a lot of guy in their 20's don't have their financial shit figured out. Imo this "Don't be fake, don't be a sheep" mentality comes from insecurity of not being able to perform adequately on a social environment. It's just another form of social anxiety. Cool people may be superficial, they like to gossip, etc, but that doesn't mean they are bad people or that they are dumb. Chris has a very good take on this on his video "Be a hippocrite, not a follower". It's not that I care so much about what other people think, but I do care about getting results. Legit cool guys are getting laid for a fact. With hot girls, not average ones. I've met them online and IRL. I've only met one cool guy that does cold approach. It's typically guys from rough backgrounds that do cold approach (because they haven't yet been emasculated by the current era). One of those cool guys came to the forum, gave a bunch of advice, posted proof and made some criticisms to the gll strategy... and he got shit for it. I've only seen a handful of guys fuck legit hot SKANKS from cold approach. They live in huge megacities, with PERFECT logistics, they approach very high volume, like VERY, high, not 30/week like Chris suggests, but they immerse themselves in hudge stations for hours and approach 100+ girls 5 days a week. So really 10x+ the volume of Chris. And they are PUSHY, meaning they can milk an interaction and get a contact exchange or an ID (instant date) just by asking 20x times instead of ejecting. Also, they are dating and fucking girls the same day, since an overwhelming majority of the contacts and up ghosting. I don't think Chris was disingenous at all, if you read ALL of the posts of this site, he says that most of his lays came from the party scene, not cold approach. But for some reason, cold approach and online dating became the focus of this site. Maybe that's because the self improvement crowd is naturally individualistic, and cold approach is easier to teach. To sum this up, this is the real scenario: 1) Invest a bunch of money on a good camera or photographer, pay for boosts, invest some time on swiping and messaging tons of girls (maybe you can outsource this) 2) Move to a 3 million+ city and approach dozens of girls daily on busy streets, malls and train stations. Be willing to make a ton of work, to deal with varying amounts of approach anxiety during the first months and make drastic changes in your character. You must be comfortable with being an asshole, pushing through Nos, going against the political correctness etc. Be ready to face angry boyfriends/dads/brothers/friendzoned guys on ocassion. I've got close to getting into a fight. Some guys I know gut knives pulled at them. Some even got guns flashed on their faces (this is probably if you live in Texas or Florida. In Europe, Japan, etc your mostly safe). You will get kicked out of places, you may get called by cops or security guards. (if this happens to you, run, don't talk to them). You may get a reputation and a reddit or twitter thread a started with your face on it if you do this shit to often on a close environment like an university campus. Cold approach is the toughest method of all. I really wouldn't advice this unless you're the type of guy that has to prove something to himself. 3) Party scene/social circle. Probably the easiest once you get your foot on the door, but it has a high barrier to entry. It's not just about meeting people or making "friends". It's about making connections with key actors in the scene that will invite you to afterparties, etc. The downside is, you may have to compromise your values and spend time with people you don't care in order to keep your place in that circle alive. Lots of people there do drugs, which may conflict some guys. Either way you have to pay a price.
The following user(s) said Thank You: 1v1meKid, somethinggood
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Last edit: by Gabo.
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I do not disagree with a lot of what you a saying. But first off, I still disagree on how important looks are. I do not disagree that it very much comes down to genetics. Face is the most important part, and it is very much genetic based. Another thing is height, even your general build is genetic. Muscle insertions, shoulder to waist ratio, etc. Still there is so much you can do even with that, if you are all in and willing to pay the price. Zyzz proved that. Bad face, small body. He used modern medicine to remedy that. There are still genetics specimens that look better than him in the face. That being said he still made himself look way above average from way below, and counteracted a lot of his genetics with surgery, steroids and hard work. So I still disagree very much on, how having a "hot" body matters a lot to girls. Combined with a good face and most of your problems go away.
I agree completely with, cool superficial people, are not bad people. I become one of them when I go out and have fun. I talk to some of my more “intellectual” friends differently and sometimes get annoyed at them for looking down on people that just wants to have some fun. But why not do both, without changing your personality that much. Can’t you be a guy that enjoy both, because I do and am. Cold approach in Scandinavia is different than in bad cities in America, most definitely. Because of demographics. Yeah, I am a racist and I don’t care, because that is fucking facts. But it is getting worse in Scandinavia too, because we are also being replaced slowly by the powers to be. Scotty cold approached a lot, with great success. Chris did too. How hot was the girls? Don’t know. I never argued anything in favor of cold approaching. I am very much in favor of social circle, parties, nightlife and cold approaching at the right time and places to make it easier to succeed. For example, it way easier to cold approach at parties and the nightlife. Even more so if you do it with a friend/friends and just casually talk up groups of girls. Or talk up the bartender girl or some random in the bar. Bars is very much made so strangers can talk to each other easily. At the same time, I also think you should be approaching down in the supermarket or gym or whatever, when you are already there. Then it is part of your life, no extra time needed. Live an awesome life, then the cold approaches will be way warmer from the beginning. Example we are both going to the gym and looking hot, let’s talk a little first. Nice we like each other lets go out. What I am saying is that you can be cool and befriend cool people, while being authentic and yourself. Within reason of course. We all have learned behavior to some extent. But when it becomes to much, you are paradoxically limiting yourself while thinking you are doing the right things. Went to a bar last night with friend. Sat down with complete strangers. Good looking group of girls. Hour later we were having fun exchanging numbers and talking about meeting up again. No social climbing needed. Because we look good and have confidence and the ability to have fun and let loose. I work in sales and have rediscovered myself a lot lately. The more human, myself and fun I become, the more I sell. Because I can make genuine connections with people. Works the same with girls. Something even our sales coach told us. Some people will of course be better at it than others. Again genetics. Also, cool people as well as uncool people can instinctively feel very quickly if the person they are interacting with is genuine and also wants whats best for them. That is almost impossible to fake and a very attractive trait for most people. The more I do this, the more people I get to know and I will build up a social circle and a reputation of the fun, outgoing guy, that knows everybody and is always friendly and good to all the people. Way better. Don’t have to know key players to get in. Know everybody and the key players. Way better. Works for me at least. Do what works for you of course. Always go with results, I agree completely. |
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Last edit: by somethinggood.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.
Thanks again Chris, life would suck without you.
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