TOPIC: I got attacked this morning - what is real violence VS slow-punch intimidation ?

This morning a man tried to verbally and physically provoke me into a fight, which made me think: what is the difference between "real" violence which means someone is all-out attacking you with punches/kicks and "intimidation" whereby the attacker doesn't really mean to get into a fight with you, just to get you to defend yourself, put your hands up, step back and feel scared - in essence just to demonstrate his higher status like if we still were a group of monkeys with alphas and betas?


What happened was, I was in a fleemarket at 9am on a Sunday today and next to me was this unkempt-looking middle-aged dude in a leather jacket about 2" taller than me and he was looking at some DVDs I wanted to look at too, so I asked: "hey, did you buy these?" and when I didn't receive an answer, I asked again: "hey, can you speak?".

That's when he look at me in a angry way, threatened to put me on the floor and I said "oooohhh" kinda mockingly and walked away, and at that moment he lightly slapped my cap, which would probably be enough to get some tough guy to punch him back but I don't have training in stand-up martial arts and I'm not ready to get into fights out of the blue on Sunday morning.

I also don't get provoked or run to the police because of the occasional shove, slap on the head, verbal threat or something not serious like that. I also read that real fighters choose to not fight IF there is an option, so I follow that.

But check this out: some 20min later I run into this guy at the same place and he looks at me angry, takes a few steps towards me, starts running his mouth, I tell him to "calm down dude, no violence" and then he does a slow punch towards my face. It was like a 1/2 speed punch or something which I guess is meant to intimidate me?? It made me feel the physical fight-or-flight reaction but mentally I remained somewhat centered cos this guy wasn't ACTUALLY fighting me, he was INTIMIDATING me.

Still, I didn't like him acting that way one bit. So I tell him "stop being so crazy, you want me to get security?" and he goes "yeah, go get them and you'll get into trouble" and walks off. I go get the security but we can't find him anymore.

I'm not used to situations like "slow punches" thrown at me. How should I have handled this when the only fight training I have is a bit of judo as a teen?

"tough guys" amuse me. I've been trained in the martial arts and have been a student since I could could pretty much understand instructions and walk. I'm a black belt as well as a concealed carry permit holder ( not at home in Cali but abroad in about 30 other states ) I know that at any moment I COULD end someones life whether it was with a gun or with my limbs but when it comes to confrontation I ALWAYS take the de-escalation route even though I might have to act like a "pussy". I honestly don't feel it's worth having to deal with the BS that comes with unnecessary violence just because someone decided to be a dick or because I had to prove my manhood. I don't have to prove shit to anyone because I know what I'm capable of doing, if anyone decides to push it too far they'll find out but I will ALWAYS do my best to avoid unnecessary potentially violent confrontations and will always ty to de-escalate.  No need to mock the dude by going "oooh" like a 6th grader or to ask him a question like "do you speak?" if they didn't answer you can politely ask again or just leave it alone.

I'm kind of the same way as the above poster. Been doing MMA/BJJ/Muay thai/wrestling for about 6 years now. Knowing how to fight has made me respond to situations like what you mentioned in a much more rational manner.  I wont ever make threats, but if some guy faked a punch at me I would flat out tell him in a calm voice that if he touched me, his face would be in the pavement very quickly. Most guys will continue to puff out their chest, but after a response like mine very few actually try to proceed with anything.

I think you handled the situation fine. Don't be intimidated by punks, but don't feel the need to start anything just to prove yourself. It's really not worth it.

Honestly, you were a little bit rude Horny.  He was just looking at dvds, minding his own business, and you got upset and pouted at him when he didn't respond to you.

im surprised he didnt kick ur head in

Honestly, you were a little bit rude Horny.  He was just looking at dvds, minding his own business, and you got upset and pouted at him when he didn't respond to you.

This. You did well on the no violence front, but what you said could be antagonizing, especially to someone with a dick up their ass. LMAO @ slow punch. What a fag. Glad nothing happened tho

Honestly, you were a little bit rude Horny.  He was just looking at dvds, minding his own business, and you got upset and pouted at him when he didn't respond to you.

This. You did well on the no violence front, but what you said could be antagonizing, especially to someone with a dick up their ass. LMAO @ slow punch. What a fag. Glad nothing happened tho

I don't think the guy was a fag because of the slow punch.  I think he just wanted to show Horny that he didn't like what Horny was doing, but he didn't want to hurt Horny either, because it was such a petty thing. 

I see guys all the time that act like they have something to prove, but they never really prove anything by acting that way.

My SOP is somewhat similar to Scotty:

No principles, if you FEEL like walking away, do it. If you FEEL like punching him, do it.

But then acting rational, usually lead me into a mild depression of having repressed my true will. And I don't value my life above my temporary will of the moment, that's why end up doing crazy shit.

People, especially in America seem to be scared to DEATH of "consequences".

I fake-slapped a girl's ass in front of some irish guys. I was drunk, could barely coordinate. They put me down, I don't regret it. Fuck karma and all that shit.

I used to be the guy trying to be spotless, clean, drug-free, super-safe, civilized, obedient. But the last couple of years I realized, life is too short for being the citizen of the year..

And the mandatory line: I'm not a role model! Haha.

Quoted for truth

I often struggle with knowing what the line is between 'banter'/and being plain offensive, and how i should react appropriately in a social situation where another guy disses me.. but in a situation like this where i'm touched by another man, all bets are off. I'd have to have seen the 'punch' to know how i would react, but if a guy was seriously pushing me i'd take him out.

@Curious: I like your mindset of de-escalation even though you have the capacity to kill a man. I can't exactly say I could do that if a situation arose. Is it tru that you can't truly know yourself if you've never been in a real fight?

@ArmyDude: Yeah, I tried my best to stay rational too, but the other guy was a somewhat irrational since he got provoked by a little cockiness.

@Shy: Yes, I was rude. People are rude to me sometimes too. Doesn't mean I'll put up my fists cos I KNOW that being happy is the best way to go about your day. I tell them in plain English what I think about their behavior or laugh or shrug off rude remarks like any person with self-esteem

@Streetz: You sound like you're from the ghetto, man. This wasn't a battle for Honor and Humanity, nor a duel between Life And Death haha

@Loves: Antagonizing? Sure, it could be, but it only got under this guy's skin cos he was an insecure loser. Cool alpha guys rib on each other all the time without anyone having to get mad over some petty words that have been said.

@ssk08: I wouldn't follow my feelings in high-pressure / risky situations. I'd trust my brain + instincts more. I would have repressed my true will if I didn't say what I wanted to say to that guy which was a snide remark.

I definitely dont want to be scared of imaginary "consequences". I wanna live life to the fullest, kill my fears and learn to deal with aggression, fears, threats etc.

@Omar: That "being offensive" line stretches for normal people with healthy self-esteem who can take a joke or who just tell you to "fuck off" and leave it at that, but for losers with frail ego, that line can snap more easily. That's why I and some Youtube pranksters get attacked / punched cos they're pushing the buttons of the wrong guy. But surviving it is good for strengthening your feeling of confidence!

Omar, do you have enough confidence in your fighting ability that you can actually take out a guy some 2" taller than you if he starts aggressing upon you?

yeah you were a bit rude, but so was he. he was being inconsiderate of people around him and then blatantly ignored you. ignore some of these other posts preaching indefinite, indiscriminate kindness. that's not the nature of man, and i don't consider it a virtue either. i think a worse way to have handled the situation is to have kept your mouth shut like a nice little boy waiting for that guy to move out of the way. i think you were plenty nice about the whole thing. after all, when he swung at you, you didn't lay him out, and you had every right to.

yeah you were a bit rude, but so was he. he was being inconsiderate of people around him and then blatantly ignored you. ignore some of these other posts preaching indefinite, indiscriminate kindness. that's not the nature of man, and i don't consider it a virtue either. i think a worse way to have handled the situation is to have kept your mouth shut like a nice little boy waiting for that guy to move out of the way. i think you were plenty nice about the whole thing. after all, when he swung at you, you didn't lay him out, and you had every right to.

Amen, brother.