TOPIC: I'm in a bad place

My advice:

get out of there asap man. Once a negative relationship pattern is locked in like that, and they have a negative opinion of you, especially when you're around each other 24/7, it's going to be very hard for you to get into a better place mentally/emotionally. Because they will just keep reminding you of the negatives of the situation. Also, constant rejection and disapproval is VERY BAD for you (at least when you're in a state of feeling weak and vulnerable - and you're letting it in), it's like poison to your soul, as cheesy as that sounds.

Can you stay somewhere else for 5 weeks so you can maybe enjoy your time there as best as you can? otherwise, just bail and start fresh. You can always go back to the US later on. There's no point is putting yourself through suffering just because you had an expectation of how things "should" have gone.

That's just my advice based on my own experience. Hope it makes sense and gives you some perspective.

Nick

Thanks for the reply man, it pretty much confirms my line of thinking that getting out of here is the best thing to do for me. I was going to book flights for tomorrow but thought I'd give it another week. Unfortunately i'm finding myself unemployed and moping around the apartment all day, not interacting with anyone and even when the girls get home from work fuck all is said between us.

Do you have any experience of getting jealous over people and letting your anger show in the form of calling them names etc? And if so, do you know how I can stop that way of behaving for future reference? I wish I could adopt the "not give a shit" attitude that seems to be second nature to most guys. Unfortunately me as a person I've been the type who is overly negative, analyzes the shit out of everything, and generally not coming across as happy with myself and with life for at least the past 6 years. I'll have some really good days, usually when I'm drinking where I can come across as a really cool laid back kinda guy.

Unfortunately there is no other way I can stay here for 5 weeks other than being here with these girls. I know going home is the right thing to do, but sadly I also know from my overly analytical nature that as soon as I get home I'll be depressed as fuck because I was looking forward to this for months and it has just panned out pretty terribly

Thanks for the reply man, it pretty much confirms my line of thinking that getting out of here is the best thing to do for me. I was going to book flights for tomorrow but thought I'd give it another week. Unfortunately i'm finding myself unemployed and moping around the apartment all day, not interacting with anyone and even when the girls get home from work fuck all is said between us.

Yep, sounds very unhealthy. End that asap.

Do you have any experience of getting jealous over people and letting your anger show in the form of calling them names etc? And if so, do you know how I can stop that way of behaving for future reference? I wish I could adopt the "not give a shit" attitude that seems to be second nature to most guys. Unfortunately me as a person I've been the type who is overly negative, analyzes the shit out of everything, and generally not coming across as happy with myself and with life for at least the past 6 years. I'll have some really good days, usually when I'm drinking where I can come across as a really cool laid back kinda guy.

That hasn't been one of my challenges, so no specific advise on that. I can say it would be beneficial for you (and everyone on the planet) to learn meditation and develop mindfulness.

see this thread for a good program you could learn:

http://goodlookingloser.com/forums/index.php?topic=4408.msg41380#msg41380

Unfortunately there is no other way I can stay here for 5 weeks other than being here with these girls. I know going home is the right thing to do, but sadly I also know from my overly analytical nature that as soon as I get home I'll be depressed as fuck because I was looking forward to this for months and it has just panned out pretty terribly

change your story. You're creating a negative experience for yourself by what you're telling yourself. Start being aware of this, and telling yourself the opposite story. Also, get a big goal that you're going to put all your energy towards when you get back, that will help you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and telling your sad story about "how you fucked up in the US, blah blah". Realize that's what it is, basically a way of beating yourself up and feeling sorry for yourself. Realize it, and stop it, replace it with something positive and constructive. Awareness is the first step, changing the pattern is the second.

Hope it helps

I know the problem very well, had it You feel jelly cuz of one girl, you feel like you fucked up, you feel that you need to hold on.

You know why? Girls are something special to ya. I guess it's because you didn't have too many in your life, huh?

So yeah, let go. Plently more fish in the sea. Get out and get with more girls. The more you get into it, the less important the individual girl will mean to ya and you will see 'em as normal... hopefully, that is.

The only girl, that should take up a big portion of your concerns is the one you will commit to, and not a single other

Yeah never had too many girls in my life man only had sex with one, fingered a lot of girls but obviously it ain't the same as fucking.
Relations improved a small bit between us but still I don't know if being here is healthy for me? Basically I'm unemployed and just hanging around the apartment doing nothing all day every day, 3 nights a week we go out and the nights out always end the same. I get left standing there while the former friends with benefits chick gets with any lad that will look at her pretty much right in front of me. It doesn't feel sensible to stay but it's a hard choice to leave

Were it me, I would stay there and weather the storm. You'll laugh at this story one day.

You're on holiday bro. Don't quit it cos you have uncomfotable feelings around a girl.

Sounds like the worst they are doing is not talking to you and likely bitching about you behind your back. That sounds like normal female behaviour given the circumstances you described. Own it man. I'd even confront the girls and admit you weren't cool back there. It's unlikely you'll turn it around with words, but stay there anyway.

Get up, get out, go walking, take bus rides around, talk to homeless, get  bit of work if you can, see the sights. Your story about your recent US holiday should contain more than how you got jealous, got angry then got sad about being jealous and angry.

Unbook your tickets, stay there with the girls. If it's too uncomfortable, make them leave before you do.

Holidays don't come around often enough bro. You're a pussy if you let discomfort like you talk about cut it short. There is also the possibility the US won't be so tourist friendly one day. Stay there and own your actions.