TOPIC: Not advice-just my story and take on things

Zuberi- you are allowed to give advice that you feel comfortable with, ive taught you about 80% of everything I know related to most of the topics here.. which is more than anyone on the site.. including Scotty (he teaches me stuff more often)

yea cool for sure. I do post my thoughts on stuff every now and then if I feel that I can really contribute you know. Still got lot to learn ofcourse but I appreciate it. Will do 4 sure

cheesy as it all sounds, I noticed that once I started writing down things Id be more relaxed-the chaos in my head was organized on paper and by doing so I also made my goals and dreams more tangible because I finally got a clear picture of what I wanted by doing so. Cant recommend it enough tbh

Makes sense to me, and these days especially I don't discount anything regardless of how cheesy it might seem at first. Even some of the goofy PUA inner game stuff occasionally has some usefulness. There's a guy named Stephan Erdman who has some decent videos on youtube, he sells the expected books and programs, but I've actually applied a few of his tips and I'd be lying if I said they weren't at least somewhat helpful. 

It's weird how you can make reality out of your own skewed perceptions, there have even been times when I knew what I was thinking/feeling was complete nonsense, and yet I couldn't think any other way. Writing things down is a habit I need to keep, admittedly I go through periods when I neglect to do that.

-Dump all the garbage people

Just to touch on this a bit more...  What has been your experience with those people after you dumped them, have you noticed them behave differently to you after you've made improvements, or have you cut them out of the picture entirely?

I have some old "friends", most of the guys I went through high school with actually, that I see maybe once a year. When I do see them, it's usually fairly brief and that's my choice. One of my biggest regrets, and I'm curious if you feel the same, is that I get annoyed with myself for being too loyal. I feel like I gave way too much time to guys that never encouraged me and only undermined my confidence. Today, I look back and know why they were like that, obviously they weren't content with where/who they were and were afraid to take steps to improvement themselves so it was easier to criticize and keep me down instead. I know you're supposed to leave the past in the past, so it doesn't bother me really, but I think it's helped me realize where a lot of things I'm dealing with today came from.

I find this to be a valuable post. The writing exercise seems useful. Thank you, Zuberi.

cheesy as it all sounds, I noticed that once I started writing down things Id be more relaxed-the chaos in my head was organized on paper and by doing so I also made my goals and dreams more tangible because I finally got a clear picture of what I wanted by doing so. Cant recommend it enough tbh

Makes sense to me, and these days especially I don't discount anything regardless of how cheesy it might seem at first. Even some of the goofy PUA inner game stuff occasionally has some usefulness. There's a guy named Stephan Erdman who has some decent videos on youtube, he sells the expected books and programs, but I've actually applied a few of his tips and I'd be lying if I said they weren't at least somewhat helpful. 

It's weird how you can make reality out of your own skewed perceptions, there have even been times when I knew what I was thinking/feeling was complete nonsense, and yet I couldn't think any other way. Writing things down is a habit I need to keep, admittedly I go through periods when I neglect to do that.

-Dump all the garbage people

Just to touch on this a bit more...  What has been your experience with those people after you dumped them, have you noticed them behave differently to you after you've made improvements, or have you cut them out of the picture entirely?

I have some old "friends", most of the guys I went through high school with actually, that I see maybe once a year. When I do see them, it's usually fairly brief and that's my choice. One of my biggest regrets, and I'm curious if you feel the same, is that I get annoyed with myself for being too loyal. I feel like I gave way too much time to guys that never encouraged me and only undermined my confidence. Today, I look back and know why they were like that, obviously they weren't content with where/who they were and were afraid to take steps to improvement themselves so it was easier to criticize and keep me down instead. I know you're supposed to leave the past in the past, so it doesn't bother me really, but I think it's helped me realize where a lot of things I'm dealing with today came from.

Pretty much cut them out completely or started ignoring them which made for some awkward situations. I dont care though, I do what I think is right for me and so should u. I know what you mean with being loyal, I often just feel bad for the person and meetup again, just for show. Hardly do that anymore but still got lots to learn here. thing is, you don't dump them like that, you just dont initiate contact anymore, decline chill sessions etc. after a while they give up and get the message.

like they say, if you dont wanna catch flees dont sleep with the dogs;)

Since I can't sleep anyways and was browsing on the GLL forum I figured I might as well just write a bit about this stuff because I cat help but relate to most guys out there dealing with 'depression'. Maybe it helps I dont know, I just realize now that i did a lot of things that can probably be applied by anyone to get out of a depression

A year ago
About a year ago when I found out that my (ex) girlfriend fucked four or five other guys within a week after we broke up and also had sex with my best friend at the time I basically got very close to rock bottom mentally speaking.
I was 21, had no hope for a good future, felt very lonely and felt I hadn't found 'my place'. I didn't click with most of my classmates, I didnt like the city I lived in, I didn't like the people, I didn't like the girls. All I really cared about was hitting the gym and doing my thing. I was extremely depressed. All I did was working out, going to college, work, and watch series.
Somehow I just wasnt feeling myself anymore. Im naturally pretty gifted with people I'd say, extroverted, confident and someone who likes to take risks and discover new things. Ambitious. I just lost that 'guy'. I didn't knew how to get out of it. And to make matters worse, I was broke as fuck.

Right now
Though my life (n my eyes) is far from perfect, its pretty obvious to anyone why knows me that the pendulum shifted completely to the otherside bringing out the best of me. Yes we all have our mini 'ups and down's, but generally speaking, Im pretty happy with how Im living my life right now (and I contribute a lot of that to Chris).
Right now Im at a point where I have a really hot fuckbuddy, and hooked up with a couple other really hot chicks. Im seeing super hot girl right now and like her (but obvously well see where it goes). I have no AA anymore and social anxiety is gone for 95%, maybe 99% I dont know.
I'm at the top of my class (business and entrepreneurship), and actually really like my study. I just started setting up my own business and Ive done some investments that turned out pretty well. Physically speaking, though this was never an issue for me, Im in the best shape Ive ever been (196lbs, 12%), working out 5 times a week, jogging twice a week. I read about 4-5books a month, have a cool job and a social circle with friends thats so massive it just gives me headaches at times 'managing' all the friendships so to say. People always call me to chill, I hardly ever call them and i think thats a good sign. Lot of people find me inspiring and that in turn motivates me even more.
Best part is that I just burst with energy, optimism, and ambition. I truly believe this is just the beginning.

What happened
Basically I talked a lot with my dad about how I was feeling at the time and at one point we went to the beach where I asked him how I could ever have hope and faith after dissapointment and failure, again. He said something that for some reason really stayed with me"you just need to have faith and hope that there is more for you out there despite all the hurdles youll inevitably come across. It was an eye opening moment for me.

I found out that in that particularly dark year in my life I never had set any real goals. I figured my life needed some direction so I wrote down what I wanted, put it in this japanese wooden wish box and immediately felt relief. Life  is like jumping in a river. If you don't know where to look for, where to climb out on the shore, you'll just go where the river takes you and as you know-it always leads to a waterfall and fucking terror. Instead you need direction so you know when and where to climb on the shore before the river takes you to deep valleys.

Another thing that really helped me was writing down everything I didnt like about me and my life on the left side of a page, and writing down how I wanted to my life to look like on the other side. I went through lots of introspection which payed off tenfold later on. After that I wrote down everything I was scared of, and one of these things, was talking to chicks.

I always felt deep down I needed to be more proactive in my life, especially when it came to chicks but I never did anything. I would always overanalyze stuff, wanting to make it perfect (theoretically) before actually doing it. Funny enough, at some point I came across this book called 'fuck-it' which was a bestseller at the time I think. Now, you can buy it but you dont need to, I didnt either. The whole message is contained in that title: just say FUCK IT more. And so I did.

I started screening chicks eventhough it was a near death experience at first-fuck it
I started dumping all the garbage people in my life-fuck it
I went to places I never went to before-fuck it
I did impulsive stuff more-fuck it
I worked out even more even though most people said I was crazy to give up beer for working out-fuck it
I could go on and on but the point is, I TOOK ACTION. I still do.

My mindset has changed, I used to want to do everything perfect and plan ahead. Now I just do stuff and figure out my next step on the go based on what happens next.

I took action. I did that consistently. Doing that allowed me to gain momentum. Gaining momentum give me confidence. Confidence led to bold actions. Bold actions led to results. Results led to empowerment.


My biggest tips for dealing with depression
I'm not the biggest player out there, I still got a lot to learn. Im not the richest, funniest, most intelligent or most succesful guy out there. I know I can and will get there though. I also know that Im happier that Ive ever been before. Here are the biggest tips I can give you If your dealing with depression

-Write down your biggest fears-then confront them head on and do this for the rest of your life
-Put yourself in difficult situations so you can learn from them
-Take action and do it consistently
-Write down your goals and tweak your life so that youll reach them asap
-Watch motivational videos-cheesy as they might sound to you
-Read, listen and interaction with people that inspire you-whether its by reading a book, listening a tape or talking on the forum here
-Sleep less-do more. All succesful people sleep far less than normal people. Make it a habit of sleeping 6hours tops
-Start  bodybuilding. Hitting the gym and doing this stuff seriously will teach you a lot about life and youll look n feel better
-Say FUCK IT more
-Dump all the garbage people
-Go to new places
-Listen to music that gets you pumped more
-Step out of your comfort zone as much as you can-then abandon your comfort zone entirely
-Realize that you cant hit it off with everyone
-Dare to dream bigger

Thats it. I could write a shitload more about this stuff but i already feel that its a long post. Point is this, you need to
take action, dream bigger, and fuck everyone who's keeping you small. Will the real you please stand up. Thats what I said, will the real Z please stand up. And I did.

Some of my favorite motivational videos:
HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT PT.II

The Best Motivation Video

Motivational - Will Smith Gives Advice on Success

Heavy topic I know. but important nonetheless

Fantastic zuberi..

could you elaborate on a couple of things

1) what happened with the best friend?

2) how did you improve your social circle

2) how did you improve your social circle

Yeah, good question. Would love to hear Chris's thoughts on this too sometime. (sorry if it's been covered already)

One of the side effects of my dumping the haters has been a greatly reduced and almost non-existent social circle, besides a few acquaintances from work that I have little in common with. Especially after I moved to a city 1.5 hours away from everyone I knew before. Definitely one of the hard parts of starting again.

Sorry guys- didnt notice the questions untill today.


@silverspoon

Not sure what you mean by what happened with my best friend. Did you mean what he did or what eneded up becoming of him?

To answer your question though- in short what happened was that me and that girl at the time were seeing each other exclusively. Though we did not verbally discussed so-both parties implicitely knew what was up. I helped her out with a lot of stuff, one of them being her financial situation and a place to live since she was moving out of the apartment she was living in with her boyfriend (I was her 'lover' but they didnt like each other anymore anyways).

My best friend had a vacant room and I helepd her out moving into that place. She moved out after like 5days because she felt she was too lonely.

When she broke up with me and I heard that she slept with truckloads of guys I went beserk. What really affected me however was that my best friend, whom I helped out getting his life on track, with whom I shared all sorts of secrets and moments and what not with, had slept with her. This was 1day before we (that group of friends I chilled with at the time), all went to dinner because it was someones birthday. I just couldnt believe that eventhough both knew I had some very painful experiences previously with girlfriends and best friends they still did it. Were sitting there at the table-Im thinking all is well ,meanwhile those two have this secret and pretended nothing ever happened for months. I remember she was all cuddly evenythough her lips were wrapped around his cock not 1day ago. The very lips that I kissed goodnight in the evening and goodmorning after waking up. That really pushed my down a deep black hole.

When I heard this I ran up to his house in the middle of the night with the intention of completely destroying him. I wanted to kill him. I had 3 joints on me and smoked them - in the end we ended up 'talking' for 3hours or so and fists clenched, I didnt punch him in the end which I thought was the wiser decision. I still regret that decision haha. I walked away and enver saw him again.

last thing I heard was he is living pay check to pay check with huge debts, no job, no friends no girl but maybe things have changed for him I dont know. The thing I like most about myself is that my drive is insane-others fall in deep holes and never crawl back out but I do because I got the fire burning deep inside me that not everyone has. It comforts me to know that Im going places and they are ruining their lives as we speak. Hhaa whats funny is that my ex is engaged to this guy now, some big fat guy.

2nd question:
Good question. I basically started meeting a lot of people via work. After I got myself together and was reborn so to speak I was radiating and I think that people could sense that and were drawn to that as vague as that might sound. I started visiting new places and after a while the ball gets rolling and you meet people via via and it becomes too much haha. Because of my job at the time I was able to build a social circle.

2) how did you improve your social circle

Yeah, good question. Would love to hear Chris's thoughts on this too sometime. (sorry if it's been covered already)

One of the side effects of my dumping the haters has been a greatly reduced and almost non-existent social circle, besides a few acquaintances from work that I have little in common with. Especially after I moved to a city 1.5 hours away from everyone I knew before. Definitely one of the hard parts of starting again.

this is definitely true but youll realize after a while that that social circle was just an illusion. Also, being by yourself for a while can be a very good thing because often we spent so much time with others that we dont even know who we are anymore. Its not untill your all alone that you really get to know yourself when it comes to that I think

Damn that's fucked up.. I'm a bit confused tho, did she cheat with Ur friend, or they hooked up after u guys broke up?

Regardless.. inspiring story bro

well they fucked couple days before it was 'official' but to me thats just not done. Maybe they hooked up again aftwards I dont know nd I dont care anymore haha.

glad to hear to inspires you-that was what I had hoped for