TOPIC: Whole life on hold.Completely lost with 0 direction.

Hello fellow GLL bros,
I've been pondering a long time whether I should post this or not as I didn't want to come off as insensitive during this tough period However,I'm feeling so lost/demotivated lately that I do NEED some words of wisdom from people of same mentality/goals.

Anyways here's a few things about me:

-29 y.o(feelsoldman)
-mild to severe social/approach anxiety
-love bodybuilding(love lifting but like the attention too)
-currently work in healthcare(not passionate about it)
-had 7 year LDR(oneitis)
-now into another 1.5 yr LDR(developed oneitis again)
-limited experience(slept with 4 girls)
-emotionally insecure
-very prone to developing oneitis
-introverted,enjoy time alone
GLL was an eye opener for me because I could finally recognize the pattern of my behaviour when it comes to relationships.I met my first GF when I was 20 and because of being very insecure I put her on pedestal.She was really good looking and smart and I fell hard for her.We stayed together for 7 years,but two years in I had this nagging feeling that would just not shut up;it wanted me to break up and sleep around.However I chose to ignore it hoping it would go away.I tried to reason with myself as to why would I throw something so good away all for the sake of having sex with random girls.It seemed superficial and pathetic.However as the years went by,this urge only grew stronger while my relationship was falling apart because I barely initiated.I didn't want to break up partly because I didn't have the courage to face the unknown and partly because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.Then time came where she wanted to start a family and I just had to do it,I couldn't string her along anymore.I was single again and strangely very optimistic about what lied ahead.

Here's where I think it went wrong:I met a very pretty and kind girl and I got overly excited too fast.I wanted to keep her around at any cost so I rushed and suggested we get into a,yet another one for me, long distance relationship.6 months later this nagging feeling,that I though should have been satiated forever now, of sleeping around rears its ugly head again and I can tell its having a toll on our relationship.I've become distant and our sex life has worsened.De ja vu
All the above correlates to this aspect of my life,hence I need to fix my sex life first before figuring out how I should proceed career-wise.I've realised that my career decisions were heavily influenced by my relationships.In the early days,I decided to get into healthcare primarily in an attempt to impress my then GF in hopes she would never leave me(oneitis symptom).Up until February I was considering finding a job in the same industry I'm half heartedly in now,only to be closer to my current GF(again oneitis symptom).I have to reach a point where I put myself first without falling a victim of oneitis.
Discovering GLL early February,through Derek's podcasts with Chris,was initially such a good thing to have happen to me because I could FINALLY explain the reason I've been feeling/acting the way I did for almost a decade!It also meant I could set some GLL-inspired goals to finally tackle my issues.However,pandemic hit and everything went to sh!t.I'm stranded in my small city,can't travel to anywhere,everyone is masked up,zero social interaction,unempleyement on the rise,gyms are closed and my physique I've worked so hard for is deteriorating,I'm still in a relationship unsure what to do with,working a job I dislike primarily to save up for my pre pandemic plans...Only reason I keep working now is to pay my biils and maintain sanity.

I don't know what to do with my life at this point,I'm just going through the motions with negative thoughts spiralling out of control...

What should I do now that my #1 goal is on the back burner for what seems like forever?.Do you think I'm putting too much emphasis on the benefits,that getting it over with the get laid phase could have on my overall well being;maybe the source of my unhappiness lies elsewhere?

Thank you for taking the time to read through this wall of text.Any help is welcome and truly appreciated!

What should I do now that my #1 goal is on the back burner for what seems like forever?.Do you think I'm putting too much emphasis on the benefits,that getting it over with the get laid phase could have on my overall well being;maybe the source of my unhappiness lies elsewhere?

My uni just started distributing vaccine so I'd hope this will be over in a few-several months.

In any case, there will always be excuses to put a goal on the back burner. If you're #1 goal is getting laid (I didn't see you declare that loud and proud anywhere obvious), you can still use this time to set up an awesome tinder/hinge/bumble/etc profile - take tons of pictures.

I don't know if getting laid will help you overcome your mental hurdles. For one thing, most guys give up before they achieve their self-defined goals with getting laid because it's "too hard."

About being emotionally insecure, check out "No More Mr Nice Guy" if you want a light read or "When I say No I feel Guilty" (more technical but way better imo).

Also Models by Mark Manson is okay. The first half or so I hated but then there was some useful advice in the last half.

Looking from our perspective its quite simple. You are not ready to enter serious relationship, because you feel like you lack experience. Righteously so, there were no details, but I suppose the 7 years of your LDR are wasted years. Even you seem to realize that. So what is the solution? Drop the long distance bullshit, spend 1-2 years gaining experience, then take a conscious decision as a man with options - what to do next. Right now you are not a man with options. What person with options choses an option that doesnt even lives close?
Its not to late (you are still young and in shape I assume)to take a decision, but if you dont take it now, it may follow you till the end. Talk about pressure!

@RogerRoger
No more mr.nice guy was recommended to me so many times it's not even funny and here you are recommending it to me again.I've already bought but haven't been very consintent with it;gotta say it's a good read so far and as a matter of fact I intend on finishing it very soon.I can identify with being a people's pleaser and saying no just doesn't come naturally to me(thanks dad).

I really hoped 2020 could be the year I could break this vicious circle of putting women on pedestal and letting them dictate my whole life;I think it was Derek's video where I've heard the term "emotional security" for the first time and everything clicked.Then I did some further searching and stumbled upon chris' a.a program which could do wonders for my anxiety+abundance mentality

The reason I'm feeling miserable atm comes from the fact I've had this urge for so many years,which I've completely ignored,and just when I finally figure everything out the whole thing fell apart.Doesn't help that I live in small town of 100k people with no hope of moving with all the travel restrictions imposed on us.

Tinder's fine but there's not much physical interaction to it,not sure how it could help with anxiety/game.opinions?

S3nga wrote: Looking from our perspective its quite simple. You are not ready to enter serious relationship, because you feel like you lack experience.

It's not only that I don't want to commit to a relationship I don't feel like comitting to anything career-wise either.I can't logically explain why the get laid phase is such an obstacle to my overally progression.Maybe I've put it off for so long it has been blown out of proportion subconsciously?

Righteously so, there were no details, but I suppose the 7 years of your LDR are wasted years. Even you seem to realize that. So what is the solution? Drop the long distance bullshit, spend 1-2 years gaining experience, then take a conscious decision as a man with options - what to do next. Right now you are not a man with options. What person with options choses an option that doesnt even lives close?

We started off differently with genuine plans of living together,but her over the top insecurity and esteem issues put me completely off;couldn't not break it off because I didn't want to hurt her,thought I couldn't find anyone better so I dragged it out for as long as I could;a man has the balls to confront a situation but I was raised to cave in...

Its not to late (you are still young and in shape I assume)to take a decision, but if you dont take it now, it may follow you till the end. Talk about pressure!

Trust me when I read Chri's "lonesome bber"blog posts it felt like I was the one behind the keyboard,only thing different was me being in a ldr.Atm I'm trying to maintain what I've built,with gyms still shut,but I can't help but notice it has declined a bit which saddens me knowing how much effort I've put into it;it doesn't help that I'm getting overly conscious about my hairline either( been taking care of it since 25).

Don't know man I feel like my time(looks wise) is ticking and when I'll finally be able to live out my golden era I'll be unattractive to the girls i want to sleep with which really weighs in to my depressive state.

Man o man mother oneitis is a real bitch.

You absolutely need to learn how to mitigate it however. And yes, if you need to prioritise the girls stuff ahead of your career then that is what you should do. You need to get the monkey off your back before you can give yourself permission to go ‘all in’ with other meaningful areas of life.

Unfortunately, the more introverted and neurotic you are, the harder this is going to be. You and I are similar in this regard. You can read about my story if you like. In some ways it was probably easier because my ex-gf/oneitis was not like your very kind and pretty girl; thereby ultimately making it easier to end but also to develop stronger boundaries.

It is clear things aren’t going to end well with this girl because you are not happy with where your sex life was and is today. Don't let her suffer anymore because of it. Don't wase her time if you can help it.

I would consider choosing a number of girls of a particular quality to sleep with that you’d be happy with then go for it. And consider keeping the relationships open with little or no commitment. If you do make the decision again to be committed though, you should do it from a place of strength and outcome independence. Know you can replace her if needed, as brutal as it sounds.

If nothing else, don’t rush into a long distance relationship again. Very little good will come out of it.

Do you live in the US? I suggest focusing on your career and fitness first. As those go well, getting women just gets easier. I think it's best to find your identity and direction, like career and general long term goals. Women will naturally fall into place. They should be coming INTO your life, not the other way around. Get your life settled and then bring women into it. That's what they are looking for too.

I work in healthcare. Is there anything you want to discuss about it? So many women in that industry, so it's a good place to be. Lots of money and job opportunities. That provides freedom because you can always find a job, and in any city in the country. There's plenty to dislike about healthcare too, so I won't push you into it if you don't like it.

@Win Big I'm not from the U.S,part of the world I'm from physicians are poorly compensated which adds to my frustration and overall lack of direction.When I was 18 had no idea what working in healthcare really entailed and when i did the sunk-cost fallacy mentality kicked in so I kept going...

Trying to narrow down the source of my dissatisfaction becomes hard and I just end up getting lost in my thoughts.
The ONE thing that had made my feel happy and excited again was starting the A.A program and the thought of sleeping around;maybe I have overly idealized it who knows?.

I'm still in an LDR that I know i have to break off because I see no future even if the girl is nothing but super sweet to me but I keep postponing because I don't want to hurt her feelings...

What do you guys think I should prioritize while we're stuck in this social isolation era?I have nothing to wake up for anymore

Update:I've mustered the courage to break it off as I wanted neither of us to become more emotionally invested.I truly care about this girl so stringing her along was not option.I had to man up for once in my life even if it meant ruining something beautiful.

I did feel some relief but I'm also crushed at the same time,and my mood shifts from one extreme to the other.I'm not sure if that's my intuition telling me I've fucked up and should get back with her or it's normal process and things will get better eventually.

This thread is getting no replies so I'll use it as my personal log I guess haha,come back to it and reflect on my decisions.Anyways I'm not feeling hopeless anymore,just sad I've pushed a genuinely loving person away.