TOPIC: Half of Me Wants to Live

GravyTrain wrote: Next, what value DO you have right now that we can work with? What do you do for work? What are you good at? What do you know that others don't know?

And also, if you give me half assed answers, I'm going to give up. I need you to give me a FULL, WELL thought out answer to each of these questions.

You can't answer "nothing bro I have no value." That's simply not true. You're just not thinking.

I can be negative sometime. It really just depends on my mood but I don't really see much of a difference when I'm positive. People just tend not to like weird, socially awkward people. Those people detract. Also pretty hard for me to trust anyone because so many people talk shit behind my back, then super nice to my face. Example, manager at work starting rumors about me that were outlandish and everyone joking about it. Didn't even know this was the case for 6 plus months, until another manager told me. Felt like such an idiot, because I thought I was starting to fit in there. Also people pretty consistently say that I'm weird, awkward, soft, weak, etc behind my back.

I have a dead end job, managing online sales for a pawn shop. It's a pretty easy, lax job and gives me enough to pay bills and extra to do whatever with. Someone I know makes six figures managing amazon companies accounts and suggested I do the same, which is in a similar field as my current job. Was also considering maybe going back to school for some kind of networking/security job but not sure how automation would affect this.

I'm not sure what I'm really good at to be honest. Anyone can do what I do for work. I guess I'm good with tech, building computers, and stuff. But that's not really that helpful.

Ok, well it's really bloody clear you don't want to die, or you wouldn't have bothered replying in so much detail to everyone.

So now your mission is basically what Gravy said: "I need to find shit that makes me want to stick around and keep on living."

Yeah, that won't be easy. But nothing truly worth having ever is.

You can feel this way and produce these thoughts all you want.
As long as you always make the decision to go forwards.

Sometimes forwards is simply keeping maintenance.


Look At it this way. You already suffer. You've been suffering. Tremendously.
You can bear longer.
You know this pain.

It's just discomfort. Pushed to the extremes.
Pain.

If you find yourself in a position where you'll be feeling pain no matter what you decide, you May as well decide to use this configuration to claim strenght and force of character.

Nothing Will build you so much than exhibiting determination in pure and absolute discomfort.


Accept that it sucks. Just Accept it.
Accept that it hurts.
Accept the fact you're ugly and people think so about you.

The truth is different because in reality you are producing this environment. These are self fulfilling prophecies.
If you'd taken care of your social freedom, killer instincts and looks, and had had sex with 50 women chosing to be a strong, mature man, you would create an absolutely different environment for yourself.
You would believe other things about you, have different self fulfilling prophecies. Useful and meaningful ones.


But right now yes, Accept it like it is. You can believe this bullshit that you're an ugly piece of shit all you want.
Go with the pain.
Rise through it.

RISE THROUGH THE PAIN.




Make a list of evverything you want to accomplish.
Make a precise plan.

Fulfill. Yourself



Be strong, resilient, dedicated and filled with passion and determination.


And when it's hard. "oh... Ok again the pain... Discomfort... Very funny... I know pain it's ok. I even thank myself for producing this... It shows me I can bear it... Already had..."

Enjoy it.


Run as well. Feel the discomfort and push further.
When you do sets and it gets harder. Push further.

You're conditionning yourself this way. Creating neural pathways where you feel pain/discomfort and push yourself through it.
The same with girls.
This process of EMBRACING DISCOMFORT has repercussions in every aeras of your life.
This bullshit and thoughts you have Will have less and less power on yourself.
Because you Will regain POWER.
You look At your fears and show them who's the BOSS now.

Don't just Accept pain. EMBRACE PAIN.
And I mean it.
There's a subtle difference. When you embrace it, you've accepted it already.

It's very important. If you aim to accept it you Will face resistance.
When you aim to embrace it you've already accepted it. Plus it changes your attitude towards this.
I promess you you Will really enjoy discomfort. You Will chase it.
At one point it Will smell like excitation.
And further it Will be almost only a pure flow of excitation.

When you decide to rebel yourself and face and embrace discomfort you produce very good energy.
And you get rewarded, left with a sweet afterglow for hours At a time.

Be strong.

KillYourInnerLoser wrote: Ok, well it's really bloody clear you don't want to die, or you wouldn't have bothered replying in so much detail to everyone.

So now your mission is basically what Gravy said: "I need to find shit that makes me want to stick around and keep on living."

Yeah, that won't be easy. But nothing truly worth having ever is.

I've known what I want the past two decades, but knowing and having it are entirely different things.

Andy, I hit you up on Skype. Messages wouldn't go through for me on this mobile site.

x

Jake da Dawg wrote: You acknowledged that your food issues are at the root of all your other issues, so if you're considering suicide over not being able to give up junk food then you may want to go see a professional as you might have a lot deeper and more complex issues than any forum can help you with.

I obviously have a lot of deep issues. I never said the source of my problem is food... I weigh 165lbs, not 300 lol. I just said that it's one of the few things I have that I look forward to, seeing I don't have any meaningful relationships, people to do things with, etc. It just makes it hard to cut and get really lean. Being ugly and weird are moreso the "root" of all of my problems.

x

Alright bro, you know nothing about my personal life or diet or eating habits. But yeah, you're right... all of my problems boil down to food. It's just laughable.

Hang in there bud. Check your pms when you get the chance

Is there a topic where you've posted pics of yourself ?
And another topic where you've clearly expressed your goals ?

Just wanted to say one more thing to try and help.

Read a lot of your logs and saw what you look like and I don't think you're nearly as ugly as you're making it seem.

Everyone before they work on themselves thinks they're ugly af. I believe that every person in this world has the ability to look good despite what your mind is telling you. Through hard work like you've already displayed you can achieve a look that girls will want.



You're spending 60 + minutes sometimes 80-90 minutes on a treadmill after a strength training session! You're spending 2-3 hours sometimes in the gym, not a lot of guys are doing that. You have the work ethic to transform your body. (I know how long arduous that can be, I've spent hours and hours, week after week trying to cut weight on a treadmill). My only criticism is maybe ramp up the speed and the incline a tiny bit to increase your BPM and make sure you're going hard in the gym. Hit lots of drop sets, go to failure on a lot of your sets, it will help build muscle.

This will take time, keep posting in that thread and make yourself accountable for it.

Transform your body, cause despite your mind saying you're ugly you can always transform your body. You can't tell me your body is something you can't change.

This is what I did because in my mind I thought I was ugly too but I knew I could make my body look the way I wanted.

I know you said you're still training but actually posting it will make you feel good about it.

1 workout each day is a win, piggyback off that. It should make you feel happy for that day, you were stronger than the day before. Better than the guy the day before. Post in your log to celebrate that win.

Times are harder right now cause we're all in quarantine and it can magnify the feeling of being lonely. Just know it's not going to last forever, and keep pushing each and every day.

My pms are open, hit me up on instagram if you want to, I always reply. <3