TOPIC: Half of Me Wants to Live

I'm probably going to get roasted for posting this but oh well. I'm just getting near my tipping point. No friends, no real dating opportunities, socially awkward and weird because of how I've been treated, pretty ugly, treated like shit at work, etc.

It's just getting pretty hard to manage it all and just keeps multiplying. Half of me really just wants to go overdose or shoot myself. Not really sure if there's much that can be done for me.

I go see a psychologist, have been working out consistently the past few months (many times 2-3 hours a day), and go to my job. My diet sucks because it's basically the only thing in my life that I can look forward to... I don't go crazy with the calories, but just makes it hard to cut.

I think my biggest issues are being ugly and socially awkward. I've been told by a lot of people about how ugly I am. Could dropping weight help, of course, a bit. Is dropping 15lbs enough to make a huge difference, with all of my other looks issues? I doubt it. And because I'm ugly, it makes me very unconfident and act weirdly/socially awkwardly. I mean, I get why people don't like me... even when I'm at my most positive.

Just not really sure what to do anymore... wish I could just be content and accepted more than anything but it's starting to feel like that is never going to happen.

Since you mentioned suicide, I'm going to copy-paste stuff from an article I haven't finished yet called Don't Kill Yourself. Bare in mind it's rough - it's not even a finished first draft yet.

---

Hey you.

I know you’re feeling pretty fucking shitty right now – and you’ve been feeling shitty for a long time. In fact, maybe you can’t even remember a time when you didn’t feel shitty.

You look around at everyone else and they all seem happy – which only makes you feel worse. Why can’t you be like them? Maybe you’ve long-since given up hope you ever could be like them.

I know life sucks – I’ve fucking been there. I’ve been on the brink of suicide – for years – constantly trying to work up the courage to actually fucking end it… but unable to work up the courage to take that final step. I know how shitty it feels to want to die; to feel that at the very core of your being, a feeling that’s with you 24/7, and is only temporarily dulled by distractions like video games, alcohol, time spent with others (pretending to be happy so you won’t be a burden to them).

I also know it gets better if you make it better. I know there’s a way out – it doesn’t have to end the way you think it will.

I can’t promise to make you feel better in one single article, or one single video, or with one book. I can’t promise you the words on this page will fix you. But I’ve been in your situation before and the one thing that made it better was knowing there was even just a tiny sliver of hope – even though that sliver was fucking tiny.

So all I ask is you go through this list, read and watch everything I link to, and wait just one more week before you end things. Just wait a bit – that’s all I’m asking.

Start with this:



Some of the comments on that video are quite important. Read them.



Then buy this book (if you can’t afford it, email me and I will personally PayPal you the money to buy it):

You Can’t Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought
kyil-extra.com/recommendations/#luxury

Work your way through that – just read a couple pages a day. That book went a hell of a long way to pulling me out of depression and making me feel like maybe, just maybe, there was a way for me to be truly happy.

Then read my thoughts on depression, suicide, hopelessness, feeling like it’s too late for you, failure and trying to reach your goals:

killyourinnerloser.com/hopeless-and-helpless/
killyourinnerloser.com/my-transformation/
killyourinnerloser.com/dont-be-a-cunt-to-yourself/
killyourinnerloser.com/discipline-willpower-dont-matter/
killyourinnerloser.com/you-are-here/


If you want step-by-step instructions on improving yourself and turning your life around, start here:
kyil-extra.com/recommendations/#slightedge
killyourinnerloser.com/surround-yourself-with-good-people/
killyourinnerloser.com/i-cant-get-laid/
killyourinnerloser.com/tinder-guide/#24-...-the-most-difference
kyil-extra.com/how-to-start-anything/
kyil-extra.com/how-i-lost-weight/
kyil-extra.com/sleep-is-paramount/
killyourinnerloser.com/write-a-daily-action-plan/
killyourinnerloser.com/how-to-get-strong/
killyourinnerloser.com/give-yourself-permission-to-suck/
killyourinnerloser.com/tinder-guide/
killyourinnerloser.com/how-to-start-hitting-on-girls/


I’m also available for counselling if you need to talk – I’ve worked with several clients who were depressed, and helped them gradually overcome it. If not me, then I’d encourage you to talk to someone – a friend, a family member, a helpline, a counsellor, someone you trust. Don’t tackle this shit alone.

Most of all, please stick with us. I promise you even if it feels like nobody else gives a shit whether you live or die, someone does.

I do.

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Advice specific to you, Masonv:

Change shit, starting right now. You need to think of suicidal thoughts as a fucking battle - FIGHT them and BEAT them. This is a war you're raging against your suicidal ideations; you really do need to declare war on them.

Socially awkward: Start the approach anxiety program.

"Is dropping 15lbs enough to make a huge difference" Yes, shut the fuck up and lose it.

"I get why people don't like me..." Do people not like you, or do you just THINK they don't like you?

I also never push this on people, but stop fucking around and hit me up for another coaching session. If you can't afford it, I'll give you a discount rate that you can actually afford.

"Just not really sure what to do anymore" I've just given you several tasks. Go start at least 2 of them.

Also, I just put a tonne of effort into this reply to you. You owe it to me to start working on yourself. I have a million things I need to be working on and I chose to help you because you're clearly in pain and clearly hurting and I don't want anybody to hurt or feel alone. So be fucking grateful and fix yourself - if not for yourself, then for ME.

You need to become self aware.

What do you want out of life?

What are the biggest things you dream of doing, if money, looks, whatever weren't an object?

When was the last time you were HAPPY and hyped up about something? What was it?

What are your core values? What MEANS something to you? What are things you REALLY care about?

Answer these questions and report back.

The chemicals in your brain are just that. Chemicals. They can be manipulated so you don't feel like this. Don't do anything stupid. You're gonna look back on this as a VERY dark moment, and guess what? That makes for an even doper story once you do achieve what you're on the earth to achieve.

GravyTrain wrote: You need to become self aware.

What do you want out of life?

What are the biggest things you dream of doing, if money, looks, whatever weren't an object?

When was the last time you were HAPPY and hyped up about something? What was it?

What are your core values? What MEANS something to you? What are things you REALLY care about?

Answer these questions and report back.

The chemicals in your brain are just that. Chemicals. They can be manipulated so you don't feel like this. Don't do anything stupid. You're gonna look back on this as a VERY dark moment, and guess what? That makes for an even doper story once you do achieve what you're on the earth to achieve.

It's basically been like this since high school off and on but has gotten worse as time goes on.

I'd like to not be a social reject, have a bit of a social life where I'm actually valued, even if just a little bit. Be able to date, have a real relationship down the road. I don't really have huge ambitions, but running some kind of online business. Can't really remember the last time I was actually happy/hyped about something.

It's okay dude! For different reasons I won't go into, there was a time where I wasn't sure if I wanted to live or die. So I worked myself to the point of collapse and before I did collapse I suddenly realized I really didn't want to die.

The fact that you say at least half of you wants to live gives me hope.

I'd really encourage you to get your log back going and ot post every day. Even if it feels like you're just spinning your wheels, having some person-person interactions (even if digitally) might help you feel a bit better.

Keep in mind a major philosophy on here is tough love (as you hinted at). Whenever, someone replies to you, keep in mind: they replied because you matter. And because they care.

I'm only replying because you had a solid log going and I believe you can turn this around. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't waste my time.

Every life matters. One of my favorite movies is "It's a Wonderful Life".
It's a classic.
Give it a watch if you haven't seen it before.

And keep your chin up, soldier.

RogerRoger wrote: It's okay dude! For different reasons I won't go into, there was a time where I wasn't sure if I wanted to live or die. So I worked myself to the point of collapse and before I did collapse I suddenly realized I really didn't want to die.

The fact that you say at least half of you wants to live gives me hope.

I'd really encourage you to get your log back going and ot post every day. Even if it feels like you're just spinning your wheels, having some person-person interactions (even if digitally) might help you feel a bit better.

Keep in mind a major philosophy on here is tough love (as you hinted at). Whenever, someone replies to you, keep in mind: they replied because you matter. And because they care.

I'm only replying because you had a solid log going and I believe you can turn this around. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't waste my time.

Every life matters. One of my favorite movies is "It's a Wonderful Life".
It's a classic.
Give it a watch if you haven't seen it before.

And keep your chin up, soldier.

Thanks man. I have been working out, about 60-70 sets a day on average, 5 times a week. Just not keeping a log. It's funny that you mentioned It's A Wonderful Life. I have a different take on that movie. I get why people like it but if that was me, there would be no difference in the world. The main character mattered a lot, I don't.

I messaged you Andy. Thanks.

I would say look back at where you used to be and where you are now and look at how you have improved. Socially awkward is tough because it typically means we didn't get it when we were younger. But we can get it just have to take it day by day.

Being happy is tough but the less you think about it i think the happier you'll be. But time to find something that makes you happy and excited.

Try to listen to the part of you that wants to live and try to look at the other side and decide that's not what you want. It's easier for you to fix where your at now than you think. You can accomplish it just have to do one thing at a time. I believe in you think good thoughts.

It's basically been like this since high school off and on but has gotten worse as time goes on.

I'd like to not be a social reject, have a bit of a social life where I'm actually valued, even if just a little bit. Be able to date, have a real relationship down the road. I don't really have huge ambitions, but running some kind of online business. Can't really remember the last time I was actually happy/hyped about something.

Let's break this down here.

First and foremost. The REASON it's been like this for so long is because you haven't figured out your calling. You don't know your path yet. You haven't had the smack in the face realization. That's fine. We're gonna help you find it.

Why are you a social reject? From my experience, people that are rejected socially bring relatively low value to any situation.

Why would I invite someone to my party that DETRACTS from the experience? I wouldn't. I'd only invite people who IMPROVE the experience.

The ways to add value are endless. It does not matter what you look like. Not how much money you have. It matters your attitude.

Answer me this. Are you a NEGATIVE person that gives off NEGATIVE vibes?

If the answer is yes, I can almost guarentee you, no one valuable (cool, rich, attractive, funny, etc) will want to be around you.

If you bring someone elses mood DOWNWARD, HOW IN THE FUCK can you expect them to put up with that?

I'm currently moving out of my house because of this. My roommates are NEGATIVE. Nothing that comes out of their mouth is uplifting, positive, and surely doesn't push me forward.

They make mountains out of mole hills. They fret over shit that doesn't matter. They want to bring ME DOWN to their negativity.

I'm paying upwards of 5 grand JUST to move. I don't have to. I WANT to. Because that 5 grand means nothing to me in comparison to a negative vs positive environment. It's a no brainer.

When you socialize with people, ARE YOU NEGATIVE or POSITIVE? Answer me this. From there, I can help you.

Next, what value DO you have right now that we can work with? What do you do for work? What are you good at? What do you know that others don't know?

And also, if you give me half assed answers, I'm going to give up. I need you to give me a FULL, WELL thought out answer to each of these questions.

You can't answer "nothing bro I have no value." That's simply not true. You're just not thinking.

Do you drink or do drugs?

I'd recommend that if you do, to quit them or severely cut back.

Even if they're not the biggest contributing factor to feeling down and out, it will make it easier to deal with your goals and the reasons why you're getting depressed.

This worked for me. Was like a switch. Quit drinking and felt infinitely better after.

Dashedhopes wrote: Do you drink or do drugs?

I'd recommend that if you do, to quit them or severely cut back.

Even if they're not the biggest contributing factor to feeling down and out, it will make it easier to deal with your goals and the reasons why you're getting depressed.

This worked for me. Was like a switch. Quit drinking and felt infinitely better after.

Drink very very rarely, only socially. Maybe one or two times a year. Used to smoke weed but quit that awhile ago.