TOPIC: Feeling like I'm not here

Not strictly depression but idk where else to put it. Is it just me or has anyone felt this too?

I feel like I'm not here. Of course I have a body and shit, I don't have psychosis or anything, but I generally feel zoned out of reality, unable to connect with the environment and especially other people. It's like I'm either timid or way too abrasive. Aggression levels and general liveliness either absent or badly calibrated to the situation.

This is fucking up my sex life badly. I went to bang this girl today, she was decently attractive, I was pretty hyped up beforehand, but as soon as we met I just didn't have any interest or feeling at all. No desire to do ANYTHING. Wasn't nervous or anxious (at least consciously), just aloof and dead. Couldn't get it up after trying for like an hour. On some deep level I knew I wanted it, it just couldn't get through to the surface. I just awkwardly left after a while. This has happened with several girls in the past. It's like I'm watching myself in a video game and unplugged the controller.

Shit isn't just during sex. For example, when people block my way and I want to say "excuse me," I'm either so timid that they don't react, or aggressive to the point of being like "get the fuck out of the way." I feel it's very difficult to be anywhere in between. It's kinda hard to articulate, but generally makes it hard to naturally go for what I want. It's like the opposite of I see black people naturally saying things like "watch out brotha," I simply can't access that level of fluidity and naturalness. Feels fucking horrible.

I don't want to see a therapist until I get real input from the realest mothafuckas on the internet. Does AA program help with this? Simply getting out more/banging more girls?

More importantly, anyone felt this shit before? Makes me feel like a little bitch. Or a pile of inanimate bricks.

That sounds like anhedonia. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia

Best advice I can give is to force yourself to do things, even if you don't really feel like you're having fun. That might "zap" you back into feeling better. If that doesn't help, give yourself permission to feel isolated for a while. If after that, it doesn't get better after a week or two, then I'd get professional advice.

Yep, I'd say that's about half of it, though some of it is general inaction. Forcing myself to do things might work in some cases, but like I said, it leads to miscalibrated responses in some situations.

Have you had experience with this btw? Not trying to hate, but I'd rather hear from someone who's actually dealt with this (if there are any on here).

I went through something similar, I was using phenibut and kratom at the time and occasionally acid or mushrooms.
My experience was almost like I was in a dream or computer game too, I had been exploring consciousness at the time and became interested in chaos magick, trying to bend reality.
I had some fun with it I was convinced I could change things with my mind and I had days where I would drive during rush hour but the roads were the quietest I'd ever seen them and also other things happened like production at work would change as though I had willed it in my mind I'd play computer versions of scrabble and words that were not previously accepted would be become accepted..
I got scared by it all and I'm not saying all those things happened (rather they were more in my mind)

Some things that may help
build your confidence do something that scares you each day
hit the gym (heavy weights will make things feel real)
Cut out caffeine and any other stimulant that you may take
Earth yourself . walk barefoot in nature in fact get out in nature as much as possible
Conscious breathing exercises
Have fun socialise, go to comedy nights etc
Bioenergetics. Look up this up on YouTube Elliot Hulse ,Devaraj Sandberg.
Activating your vegus nerve grunting groaning shouting loud as possible (good in a commute if you drive solo)
Hitting a punch bag or sledgehammer on tyre etc

This is fucking up my sex life badly. I went to bang this girl today, she was decently attractive, I was pretty hyped up beforehand, but as soon as we met I just didn't have any interest or feeling at all. No desire to do ANYTHING. Wasn't nervous or anxious (at least consciously), just aloof and dead. Couldn't get it up after trying for like an hour. On some deep level I knew I wanted it, it just couldn't get through to the surface. I just awkwardly left after a while. This has happened with several girls in the past. It's like I'm watching myself in a video game and unplugged the controller.

Damn, it's kinda like I feel myself every single month... maybe even every single week. Don't know how it comes, but it's annoying as hell.