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Depression & Anxiety Discussion
I'm Depressed (General Depression)
How Do I Feel Like A Man?
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TOPIC: How Do I Feel Like A Man?

How Do I Feel Like A Man? 18 Dec 2019 23:30 #324640

For a while now I've had a lot of negative thoughts, like "I'm not good enough" & "I'm a freak"

I feel constantly stressed. I'm seeing a girl right now, but all I can think is when she's going to catch on that I'm some kind of "imposter" and end it with me.

I don't feel like a man. I don't feel worthy of any females attention - even though I'm fairly good looking.

I am not suicidal but I know that's where I'm heading.

What's wrong with me? How do I start to feel like a man who has his shit together?
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 19 Dec 2019 01:34 #324644

Same as the rest of us - sleep with new girls until that goes away.

You need to prove to yourself that you're worthy of female attention. Want to make the pain stop? Gotta hoof it on the same journey as the rest of us.

You can literally make this kind of thought a thing of the past. That's what GLL gave me.
Thanks for everything you guys. It's time for me to move on to bigger things!

So long, and thanks for all the fish!
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 19 Dec 2019 02:58 #324646

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Well you should feel blessed to be good looking. I understand where you're coming from though. I'm like 5'7, look way too young, not good looking, and don't feel like a man practically ever lol.
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 19 Dec 2019 04:07 #324653

"How do I start to feel like a man who has his shit together?"

By becoming a man who has his shit together. There's no shortcuts, buddy. You can't just delude yourself into feeling like a winner. You have to actually take steps to make it happen.

Good news is, all of the successful guys on here were once exactly where you are. If a loser like me can do it , there's no reason you can't too.

Get off your ass and make it happen. You can do this.
Andy / 32yo / Australia
How I Beat My Approach Anxiety
150+ lays / 22 threesomes / 1 foursome (MFFF)
KillYourInnerLoser.com
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Last edit: by KillYourInnerLoser.

How Do I Feel Like A Man? 19 Dec 2019 07:35 #324662

Be someone you can be proud of.

Do the most you can everyday and then you'll know you're doing your best.

If you can be proud of that then chicks will see it.
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 19 Dec 2019 17:11 #324666

I'd go to a doctor and get blood tests.

Also, you may want to get new friends, you haven't talked about your friends but when you have good friends (the really good ones, not the ones that act all nice and shit but are actually toxic) they don't allow you to feel the way you describe.
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 19 Dec 2019 18:40 #324668

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For me, being a man means being in control. You need to be behind the steering wheel, deciding where your life is heading. Confidence often comes naturally with being in control. Don't mistake this with being controlling.

Being in control means you're pursuing the career that you want. It means taking care of your body, finances, relationships. When shit hits the fan you have the strength to hold the line. If there is a project at school or work, you will be the one to step up and make sure it gets done right. You take responsibility for what happens in your life instead of being a victim.

Where do you fall:
1. Are you progressing with the career you want?
2. Do you have self-discipline?
3. Are you fit and healthy?
4. Do you have the type of relationships that you desire?
5. Are you satisfied with the quality of women you attract?
If the answer to any of these is "no" then make it a priority to fix it.
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 20 Dec 2019 19:32 #324698

Thank you for all the replies. It's a shame I don't have a group of friends like this in real life.

It's not like my life is terrible. I have a job with good future prospects, I'm alright looking (aside from being like 5'6), and have my own flat in the city.

I've just had a lot of rejections lately, and feel kind of worthless and alone. I find it hard to really express myself around people, and so come off extremely boring.

Killtheinnerloser - did therapy help? Did you find a way to treat your depression & anxiety without therapy?
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 20 Dec 2019 21:04 #324704

A lot of us didn't have friends like this in real life. I had literally zero friends and to make my own - read this for tips:
killyourinnerloser.com/surround-yourself-with-good-people/

Also don't forget online friends are still friends, man. I was (still am) mates with Bad Idea Bear and a couple other people on this forum - they got me through a lot of my self-improvement journey at a time when I had, quite literally, only 1 real life friend. Literally only 1 friend.

Try this: message a few guys on here, or start a thread saying you're looking for online mates/accountability partners/people to talk to and push each other - add people on Skype/Whatsapp/another messaging app and make friends that way. I talk to a few of my online mates every single day, even though they live across the globe.

Therapy helped a bit, but I did most of the work myself. I read a tonne of self-help books (literally hundreds of them - I was obsessed), turned my life around, reached out to my family and told them about my depression, and a few other things. I'm in the middle of writing this article for my site:




I'll post the link to it in here when I'm done. But for now, start by buying and reading this book; it was instrumental in me getting over my depression, and everyone I've recommended it to (2 family members, my current girlfriend, another girl I dated in the past, a bunch of friends) have all said "Holy shit this book is lifechanging":

You Can't Afford the Luxury of a Negative Thought


.
Andy / 32yo / Australia
How I Beat My Approach Anxiety
150+ lays / 22 threesomes / 1 foursome (MFFF)
KillYourInnerLoser.com
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Last edit: by KillYourInnerLoser.

How Do I Feel Like A Man? 21 Dec 2019 19:49 #324732

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If I may respond to the therapy question: I'm a big advocate of therapy. I don't think people give it enough of a chance. It's not something people should try a few times. You should commit to it for an entire year. It's fine if you don't connect with a particular therapist, keep trying new ones until you find one you like, but then stick with it. You have to put some faith in the process even it you feel it's not doing anything.

CBT (DBT is also becoming more popular now) is a good place to start as it is more focused and action oriented. You can have specific goals like, targeting depression, or improving your sleep. Tell them what you want to improve and create a plan together to address it.

Unless money is a huge concern, what do you have to lose? Even if money is tight, if you can get results, how much is that worth to you?
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 21 Dec 2019 21:33 #324736

Win Big wrote: If I may respond to the therapy question: I'm a big advocate of therapy. I don't think people give it enough of a chance. It's not something people should try a few times. You should commit to it for an entire year. It's fine if you don't connect with a particular therapist, keep trying new ones until you find one you like, but then stick with it. You have to put some faith in the process even it you feel it's not doing anything.

CBT (DBT is also becoming more popular now) is a good place to start as it is more focused and action oriented. You can have specific goals like, targeting depression, or improving your sleep. Tell them what you want to improve and create a plan together to address it.

Unless money is a huge concern, what do you have to lose? Even if money is tight, if you can get results, how much is that worth to you?


Could also try betterhelp.com this helped me a lot.

Basically online therapists that you can message and talk to 24/7.. It's expensive but you pay a monthly fee of something like $150 instead of seeing 1 therapist and only talking to them for an hour for the same price.
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How Do I Feel Like A Man? 26 Mar 2021 02:07 #333328

Well I told you I'd come back and post the article when it's done - didn't plan on it taking a year and a half...

How I Beat Depression & Learned to be an Optimist (My Story)
Andy / 32yo / Australia
How I Beat My Approach Anxiety
150+ lays / 22 threesomes / 1 foursome (MFFF)
KillYourInnerLoser.com

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Last edit: by KillYourInnerLoser.
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