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Okay people. Its official. I've been feeling like shit for the past few weeks. This past year I really turned my finances around and was serious about life and my goals. And I felt great. I was always making progress. I was always motivated. I had a physical job as a mechanic so I was in killer shape and felt good after work from all the exercise. Above all I had an emotional and psychological transformation and felt capable, that I could take on the world, that I can make it money wise, that I was a man, etc.
The problem is that even though I've got over $30,000 in the bank I've gone back to old beliefs and insecurities. I feel worthless, that I can't make it, that the world is going to eat me alive, etc. It's like all the internal gains I had have gone. I don't feel any better than I did a year ago with $670. Even though I've obviously come a long way. It's hard to express how sharp the drop off has been for me emotionally and mentally I went from feeling great and on my way to a failure again.
The bigger problem is I'm not doing anything about it really. I'm living at home to save money which isn't ideal. I have no real plan for the future. I have a job offer in sales on the table, but I've hesitated to take it. It's a mix of reasons. I'm scared and don't have any experience. I'm not sure how I would handle the pressure with stress and anxiety. And worse of all I don't feel like I WANT IT ENOUGH. If I just wanted to win at sales bad enough and was willing to do whatever it takes it would be over. I'm just not that motivated.
Another factor for the indecision is... I kinda feel like taking a little break to sleep with some new girls. This last year has been tough because literally all I did was work and I didn't fuck any hookers like my coworkers. Now that I got some money saved I feel like I need an intermission. I feel like I want to meet some women for awhile and then go after money. I'm turning 40 and I don't feel like the "sleep with girls" is out of my system. At least not enough to succeed in sales. So part of me wants to go back to live in Thailand like I have before, meet some nice young thai girls plus hit on a bunch of hot euro girls on vacation. Just do that for awhile. It seems irresponsible as fuck from a financial perspective, but I'm drawn to that.
So right now I need to really start making progress. Start exercising again, build good habits. Make a decision about the future and then go for it. I really see how much I need goals in my life and how I have to work for them.
Feel you man. I went through the same thing. I guess try to find a goal that motivates you again. I haven't been able to recapture feeling good but since finding a new goal (it took a long time) I've at least been productive and making progress again.
Worst case scenario know that there's MAOI's (parnate or nardil) which are pretty effective for many people and may be worth trying.
Best of luck. Try not to spiral, a few weeks is nothing.
- By 2020: Reach 190lbs, <18% BF (@ 155lbs est. <10% BF)
- By 2020: Lift Goals: Bench - 270lb, 1 Arm Row - 150lb x 3, Leg Press - 450lb,
- Do some looks/edge maxing
- Start and complete the Going Out to Bars program
- (Done) Quit daily kratom
"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee." - Friedrich Nietzsche
If I have enough money and enough time I have a life of options. I have free time to build the lifestyle I want and money to be able to do it. The problem with this past year was I had enough money but no time. No time for girls, hobbies, travels, nothing. And I got kinda burnt out.
The problem is to get enough money and enough time... it requires a huge sacrifice of time to focus only on money to get that straight. The world isn't designed for you to get rich quick or easy. It takes a ton of effort. I actually kinda regret leaving this past job because of the insane progress I was making on the money front (especially because I can't just go out and replace that savings potential). I kinda feel like I just should've "outsourced" my sex life to hookers like a lot of people in the maritime industry do. My situation was even worse since I wasn't on a typical 7 months on 3 months off schedule or some variant of that that most sailors have. I was literally full time all the time at my company.
But I quit because 90% I was scared of injury and because my elbow pain worried me and I would NEVER lift through pain like that at the gym. 10% I quit because I was burnt out/saved enough money to chill for a bit/and insecure because I hadn't had sex in a long time.
The question is what to do now. If I want with my savings I can go back to Thailand and chill for a bit (few months) and then teach again there. The thing about teaching is that it gives me enough money and enough time. I make enough to live a nice life there with spending money and enough free time and vacation time to do what I want. The problem is teaching is kinda lame and I'm generally sick of it and it doesn't pay nearly enough to get ahead. But I get the lifestyle I want.
The other option is to chill a bit and then come back and GRIND. Try to really get ahead and build a much more robust financial picture. The idea I have in my mind is $300-500k invested/saved. That much would really give me the options I would like to have and the ability to live off of dividend income in a 3rd world country like Thailand. Then I would have true freedom, true options and an abundance of time and money (at least by my modest standard of living). The only problem is the EXTREME effort and sacrifice it would take to get to $300k. I think a decade.
The problem is at this last job I'm convinced that SAVING $50k a year was a real possibility for me this next year and beyond. So I was literally 5 years away from this goal. But I was beat the fuck up physically and I don't know how I would've made it. I really need to give myself a break and move on. I guess I'm just insecure of the money situation since I don't feel like I can get back and do it again. Or I'm just scared of sales... a field where performers get paid.
The whole point is to get past this down time and depression. Good news is I'm taking a USA road trip with a girl I've dated in the past. This will be a blast and I'll smash after a long time off. After that I for now think I'm going back to Thailand to at least enjoy the lifestyle there and get set up for a bit. I can earn some money there if I want also. Since I'm turning 40 soon also I just want to enjoy the girl options I have there. I was there a couple years ago and it really is much easier to get laid. Especially with girls under 25. When I was 37 I dated a chick in the USA that was 23 but realistically I have less and less under 25 options in the USA. And truthfully there is nothing better than young chicks for a guy approaching 40 lol. I kinda feel like I gotta go and at least sleep with a few girls, even though my real focus is landing a really young chick (18-21) and keeping her as a quasi girlfriend while I'm there. Hell the last time I was there I landed a junior in college which just made my year. Anyway.
But long term I still don't know.
And I'll tell you guys what.... turning 40 does change things. There is much more urgency in the finances just because of less time. And also urgency in the dating... since the younger options start to disappear. 40 is way different than 35. I still feel like I'm in decent shape though since I do have savings, I can get laid some, I'm in good shape, and I don't have debt or kids/child support. So my life is actually pretty sweet.
In terms of the depression I just need to build better habits and also just pick an option and go for it.
But long term I'm still searching for a goal. Something that I'll give 100% to get.
"The problem is teaching is kinda lame and I'm generally sick of it and it doesn't pay nearly enough to get ahead. But I get the lifestyle I want."
Can you do the teaching gig for a while (say, 12 months) while using your free time to start building another income source?
You're making all this very binary. "Either I work incredibly hard to the point where I hate my life. Or I go do a stupid teaching job that gives me free time but I hate the job."
There are 10,000,000 other options for making money out there. And you can do MULTIPLE things at once (eg teaching while also building up another income source that will eventually allow you to quit teaching).
Everything I'm hearing is just objections/doubts you're working through. You have an objection to everything. "I want $300-500k but that'll take a decade". How do you know this? You've just invented this assumption of "It'll take a decade". Go Google examples of people who've made that much money in 5 years. Then go Google examples of people who've done it in 2. Then go find people who've done it in 1 year. Figure out if you can replicate what they've done.
Point is a TONNE of people have hit your goals in a reasonable amount of time. If they did it, you sure as shit can do it too - you're likely more intelligent than they are, wiser, more experienced with life, etc. They were nothing special, I promise you.
"turning 40 does change things. There is much more urgency in the finances just because of less time."
Yeah, I get this. I feel this a little already at 32. But even if you're 80 years old with only $5,000 to your name, what will that matter? It's only money. You think when you're lying on your death bed, you'll think, "I wish I'd made more money"?
Read this, because a lot of it applies to you:
You're delaying your happiness and telling yourself, "I'll be happy when I have x, y, z. I'll be happy when I have lots of money and lots of time". Why can't you be happy - or at least just ok - right now?
Hey man thanks and good points. It's true I am working through a lot of doubts and objections I have and I put in place myself. I'm still hesitant to go and give myself persmission to do what I really want to do next. And with the money thing I have no regrets over the past. I know guys from college who have a lot of money but who have spent the last 15 years in a cubicle. Money is always out there to be made... and yes I know an older friend who worked and spent a lot of time with elderly sick people and hospice patients and NONE of them ever said they wished they worked more. Turns out a lot of people felt like they spent their best years and their best effort doing things they didn't really want to do and living a life they really didn't want to live. Plus living a life I really don't want to live IS FAILURE to me.
Good point on postponing happiness also. I really think my life is actually pretty sweet... it just doesn't FEEL that way now because I have down/ in between time and I'm not driven like I was last year. Anyway... I'll get through this and keep building the life I want for sure.
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