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Hi everyone new to the community. I'm currently taking the year off from college after 3 years of engineering undergrad. Honestly college felt like a blur: I isolated myself a lot of the time. A bad acid trip was the final straw. So now I'm home living at my parents.
The thing is I am so sick of formal education, yet I now have 23k in debt and no degree to show for it. I am currently making ok money on ebay (>1k a month) and am scaling up my reselling business. I do not want to go back to school yet my traditional father loses his mind when I tell him this. I appreciate my parents for allowing me to live rent free at their house but I am very sick of this town as I grew up here.
I wrestled for 8 years in my youth and lift 2/3 days a week and want to get this up to 6 days per week. I also want to make at least 2k profit a month reselling so I can support myself and do not need my parents to support me. Therapy seems like the next logical option as I have had self esteem/ self image issues for my whole life and feel stuck in negativity so there are definitely deeper things going on in my psyche. My meditation practice has fallen off the wagon for the last few weeks so I want to notch up to about an hour a day which I was doing consistently for a while. Money is the biggest thing that I want to get in order in my life. Pay off the debt and support myself.
I find it really hard to relate to people in a long term way. I have gone on about 10 dates in the last year yet the girls always end up stopping responding to me. It's like I repel them. All of my high school friends are away at school yet I think I have outgrown them so that is a good thing. I want to find a supportive, positive group of people. Also the relationship with my father is pretty strained so I'm not sure how to handle that. I feel like I make posts like this once a week on reddit ha so perhaps I should start volunteering to get my mind off of my situation. I want to get to know people in this forum so hopefully hold me accountable and because it seems like a positive place.
Update 4/1: I just started psychoanalysis this past week which will hopefully help me understand why I have a hard time connecting with others. I got a job at starbucks and may utilize their free online college program. I've been going to the gym consistently. I've stopped drinking coffee, and alcohol. If you are fed up with your situation like I am then do something about it. Anything really. If you change your situation then more likely than not your attitude will start to change.
I too have a strained relationship with my father, but for me it's because i don't work and haven't held a job in over six years. So i get the whole strained relationship, living at home with no bills thing. I have self image issues too and have harbored suicidal ideation for twelve years. At least you're making money online. I'm making no money. You've been on ten dates. I've been on no dates...ever. I say focus on fitness and growing the online income. You seem to be intent on changing things which is more than can be said for a lot of people who end up living the same lives until they're in the grave. The income will help a lot, just make sure to get that debt paid off first so it doesn't follow you for years. I wish you the best of luck. What are you reselling by the way?
Hey man thanks for the reply. I go to Goodwill, buy stuff, then flip it on eBay: mostly shoes, printer ink, electronics and toys.
Me and another member of GLL have been vidoe-chatting for the past month or so. He also also dealt with depression and anxiety so we all have a lot in common. You should join us next time for the skype session.. what's your email?
For anyone reading this you're also welcome to join us so drop your email if you're interested and I'll keep you in the loop.
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