TOPIC: Wasted years, Regrets, Wasted Potential and Fear of ending up alone

Thank you guys, you rock. I want to get started right away, it's difficult right now since I'm (finally) moving out, having exams and trying to treat my depression all at once, but I'm determined. I'm affraid I will fall into the trap of consuming too much material on here without taking action, so could anybody point me to the first steps? What should I read, what program or article applies to me most?

You are still a virgin right?

It sounds to me like addressing that should be your first step. Follow the GLL "lose your virginity guide" to a T.
You can also start a log and post anything (including questions) in there.
Once you've lost your virginity, then maybe you can think of working on other things like the AA program.

I strongly second this^

It will give you a purpose/something to look forward to.

Then once that's taken care of, you could look at treating your depression (if depression is a big problem for you, that is. If you're just generally unhappy, that's actually different from depression). Getting bloodwork is the first step for that, so you can fix any physiological causes.

Thank you for the suggestions. I hope to lose my v-card next week, maybe by the end of the month, but we'll see. In the meantime I've been going crazy on online dating apps, haven't managed to take professional pics yet for a solid profile, but I'm on it.

Don't despair. Focus on one main issue at a time to start with.
I think as other guys have already said you need to focus on your sex life a little bit first.
Don't rush it; the great girlfriend and love and all that stuff you want comes AFTER you learn how to meet women and be good at sex. It's actually the advanced stuff. Work on the basics now.
You need to build the confidence and outcome-independent mindset first before you will be someone that women want the way you want women now. You also need the skills and confidence to be able to find and select women who are truly right for you instead of just hanging on desperately to the first girl who likes you. If you are desperate women will smell it on you and never treat you with respect.
If you have many sexual options and you know it women will value you, and you will have the blinders off and be able to see attractive women for who they are as people instead of pedestalizing them in your neediness. This will allow you to actually get a good girlfriend and have a better shot at a decent relationship.

Thank you once again. I will get to work right away. What I'm finding at the moment, however, is that I just can't get over this oneitis-girl. I just can't accept having lost her, even though I never really "had" her. The thought of her sucking some dude's dick right now makes me so mad I can't even believe it. It's not the first time I've felt this but it's the worst one by far. I hope some experience and options will alleviate this pain a bit...

VitaminF wrote: Thank you once again. I will get to work right away. What I'm finding at the moment, however, is that I just can't get over this oneitis-girl. I just can't accept having lost her, even though I never really "had" her. The thought of her sucking some dude's dick right now makes me so mad I can't even believe it. It's not the first time I've felt this but it's the worst one by far. I hope some experience and options will alleviate this pain a bit...

Think of it from her perspective. If you were her, would you suck your own dick? If not, change yourself to the point where you'd happily suck your own dick if you're a hot girl.

Field experience is king. My story is almost identical to yours, except I'm 5'9 and Asian. The day I had enough, I went balls deep cold approaching on the streets and clubs, solo. It took me over 8 months to fuck a 5.5, and the next 6 came about 4 months after that. I put in an average of 15 hours per week for my abysmal 2 lays in my first year following the useless advice of RSD monkeys.

I'd recommend listening to Mike Cernovich's podcast on ego, expectations, and entitlement. In the politest way possible, if you truly wanted to change, you wouldn't need success stories. You just need a dream and the will to make it happen.

I promise you, that feeling of regret will diminish with each new lay.

Personally, after about 7 lays, that feeling of regret was 90% gone and was no longer eating me alive.

Thank you... right now that regret is debilitating as all hell. I know I'll be fine if I work on myself every day but I can't shake the feeling I should've done this a long long time ago. How old were you when you lost it? Are you happy now?

I actually see threads like this all the time. I don't even know where to start, because I feel like I have enough to share with you to fill a book. When I was 24 I was living in my mom's place guzzling down vodka n beer every night pissing into buckets because I didn't wanna wake her up stumbling to the bathroom. I was stealing her cigarette butts and smoking them in secret from my window. I also weighed 250 lbs fat. I had anxiety attacks, stomach pain, constant dry heaving, heart palps, painful oedema etc. I was basically sure I was about to drop dead any day. No friends, touchless virgin, no job etc. The only time when my life was bearable was when I was drunk. My alcohol consumption was upwards of 85 beers per week which felt like I was almost sober.



I'm so weak that I couldn't take that anymore so I figured I have to either kill myself or change my life somehow. I quit drinking, started trainin', lost 100lbs in 7 months, then started bulkan'. Popped steroids like candy, came onto GLL, did the AA program and started getting laid.

However, did that make me feel better? In terms of honesty I have to state that not entirely. I'm still left fighting the same damn head that I started with. Even though my life improved, my mind didn't. I had to hit rock bottom again with drugs such as speed. Despite having friends and the ability to get laid, I still felt like a complete failure, completely unable to receive and give love, isolated from everyone. It's only now that I've attended Narcotics Anonymous and worked the first step that I'm starting to feel a modicum of serenity for the first time in my whole life. In a way I feel like I would've needed NA before I even started drinking for the first time at 18 years old.

If I had to do it all over again, would I do things different? I believe I would. I would stay a virgin and at 250lbs, and learn to accept myself then, before starting to make any changes. Because if you base your happiness in success, you will never be happy. You have to find happiness and acceptance from within. My drug use has simply been a symptom of the fact that I've never accepted myself, always hated myself, and thus hated everyone who liked me. I pushed myself away from people, especially girls, which is the whole reason that lead me to becoming a virgin and a recluse in the first place. I believed there was something wrong with me that made me unattractive to girls, and it was that belief itself that made me unattractive. It's these roots that one has to tackle, not the symptoms. Right now I'm happy if I can stay clean, train, play some guitar, see some friends. That's good enough for me. My life doesn't have to be so grand.

I'm sorry if this came off as depressing. But sometimes depression is fine too. It leads to improvement.

About the regret, though... just give it up. Let go.

Thank you. Your story has me hopeful but more depressed as well. How do I go about accepting myself then? Therapy mainly?
Another question: Did you ever get a girlfriend? Did you even try to? I don't know if getting laid all the time is even what I want, I really long for a couple of lays and then quality time with girlfriends... some belonging, you know?

Thx
VitaminF

VitaminF wrote: Thank you. Your story has me hopeful but more depressed as well. How do I go about accepting myself then? Therapy mainly?
Another question: Did you ever get a girlfriend? Did you even try to? I don't know if getting laid all the time is even what I want, I really long for a couple of lays and then quality time with girlfriends... some belonging, you know?

Thx
VitaminF

You know, that's what I always wanted as well. I had 3 girlfriends along the way and a bunch of chicks that I kept screwing for a long period of time. The thing is, you've never had a GF and you're basing your yearning on looking at other people and imagining how happy they must be in their relationships. The truth is, those people would be happy single as well. It's easy to look at one particular flaw in onesself, such as the lack of GFs in your case, and imagine along the lines of "as long as I get this thing fixed, my life will be good".

When I gained a GF, I was happy for a second, but as soon as the rush of achievement faded I thought to myself "That's it? What's so special about this? I'm still not happy." The thing that I thought for sure was gonna make me happy never did. And the same pattern repeated itself time and time again. I thought if only I looked a certain way, I was gonna be happy. If I only gained this and that, I would be happy. But it never came true. I was chasing dreams and empty promises and in desperation I finally turned to drugs because they were the only thing that let me get free from myself.

I'm not saying this will necessarily be the case for you. I'm sure some people can just get that GF and then their life will be complete. I don't have an answer for you my friend, except that as long as you keep trying to improve in some way, life will eventually make everything clear for you. I only have one story to tell and this is mine. You will be fine bruh.

Edit: Also, people are not as happy as they seem. It's just that when we feel bad, we tend to play the victim and fall into self-pity. The truth is, everyone's got problems. It's selfish to think that my particular problems are any worse or better than anyone else's. They're just different. People don't post to their Facebook wall how they had a fight with their GF just as they don't small talk to acquaintances about their drug problems, debts or how they hate the bus driver for being late. Don't let that fool you.

To answer your question on the surface, yes you can absolutely gain a good love/sex life. However, there's a lot of truth to the wise saw: "Happiness is a state of mind."