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I didn't divorce until my kids were 17 & 18, but I can still remember telling my daughter that we were getting divorced. She said " what took so long". Sometimes your the last one too know how bad it really is.
IMO if your not happy, or at least moving in a positive direction in your life. Your functioning at maybe 65% of what your capable of. Just because your showing up for work and paying the bills doesn't mean prove much to me. I can do that at 35%.
Your future doesn't have to equal your past. The 12 years after my divorce have been the very best of my life. Without a doubt. I enjoy the shit out of my life, but I can vividly remember when I couldn't say that. There are no guarantees in life. You only live once. Why be miserable?
Bigdaddy23 wrote: I dont know where to begin. We have been together for 10 years and married for 6. We have two childer together and that makes it even tougher on me. In the past I was a college jerk who treated her like shit. Once our first chikd was born I grew up and became a man and treated her like a princess.
For my work I travel alot and have only really seen her and my kids 2 out of the last 5 years. She has not been faitfull to me at all. I kniw of at least 20 times she has slept with other people via fb messages and text messages. She has multiple profiles on sites like tinder, okc, meet me, and craigslist where she claims shes in an open relationship or getting divorced.
I have confronted her about this and she says its because she cant for give me for the past and has no connection with me. She wanted me to feel all the pain i put her through. To make things worse the guys she sleeps with are low lifes who do alot of drugs or just smash it and leave. I have never cheated on her. Infact, if I go out to bars or strip clubs im always in a bad mood and cant enjoy myself because I think about her. I have only dated two other girls before her and only slept with one other. Since all this started happening I have developed severe PE and cant last more than 25 seconds. I thought that was an issue so i purchased promescent and was able to last for 30 mins but she just laid there and complained how long it was taking.
She doesnt work and lives of the money I send her every month. We live in two different states due to my job and he wanting to be close to her friends and family. Emotionally i am depressed but cant say anything due to my job. She says we should get divorced but for whatever reasons, kids, our past, I can't bring myself to do it. I think im to scared to start over and look for girls again. Idk why as im good looking, fit, and intelligent with a great career.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I apologize for any spelling mistakes as my phone is not.correcting them and I havent slept all night.
I bolded/underlined the important parts that stuck out. While everyone says divorce, which you should divorce her, it doesn't solve the underlying issue: you are self-loathing and don't think you deserve anything you have earned. I assume you are:
1. White (likely with blue eyes)
2. good looking
3. high metabolism
4. Grew up in a blue state
5. parents are upper-middle class
I'm willing to be you were constantly reminded of your privilege. White privilege, upper-middle class privilege, thin privilege, male privilege, etc from all of your female/non-white/lower-middle class/overweight "friends" who were jealous of your success. The schools/TV/media/low-life parents convinced these people that their failures in life aren't due to their own laziness but rather it was the white/rich man's fault. On the other hand, those who are successful think they are only successful because of luck. For example when you got your job I'm willing to bet your friends told you "how lucky you are" instead of congratulating you for your hard work. I don't think you were a jerk at all in college. Instead you were just surrounded by narcissistic low-lifes with fragile egos. Your wife is a leech and lowlife who hates your guts. She's jealous that you were the college alpha while she was hates you because she was taught that rich men are the source of evil and fucks low lifes to spite you.
I would move to a more conservative or at least a state that doesn't support welfare or have a ton of feminists running around. Also shift your mindset to one of growth where your accomplishments are the result of hard work not mere luck.
Get divorced BUT FIRST, (talk to a lawyer) collect as much evidence as you can of her cheating on you, go to court for full custody of your children if you really care for them. Children need a dad as much as a mom, even though the liberal idiots say it is the other way around. I will go as far as to say that once they hit puberty both girls and boys need a masculine role model more than a feminine role model in their life, plus you don't want your kids living with your low-life wife, she WILL manipulate them to hate you, that is a fact (they may even hate you already, but you can always reverse that by becoming a caring dad)
before you divorce her, make sure all your financials are in order.
eg - take her name off anything she might be a beneficiary on (will, 401k, bank accounts, etc.) and after that's done, get a PO Box, get all your credit card numbers changed and new ones sent to the new PO Box - making sure you also tell them to remove her name from your joint accounts. Remove her e-mail address from your billing updates, if she gets notifications.
Take her by surprise when you do this because she will probably try to bankrupt you if you divorce her and you can't imagine how bad she could make it.
btw - you may find out you can't add a one of your kids (under 18) to your 401k while removing your wife..some kind of law in some places...but better to have NO beneficiary than her if you go through with this.
I wouldn't get a divorce just because a bunch of 20 year olds told me to on the internet. I'm not saying a divorce wouldn't be a good idea, but make sure you do some critical thinking. Good looking loser should not dictate a major life decision like that. A divorce might be a good idea, think critically though.
Lay Count: 21 [Taking Hiatus A From "The Game"]
Before GLL: Zero (Virgin)
She treats you like a bank because the fact that you act like one.
I cant see you saving this marriage if you continue to work away. Thats if you want to save it.
I think this is probably the wrong forum to ask though head to nomore mr niceguy..
I had a very similar situation. She cheated about 6 years into out marriage, claiming resentment stemming from 15 years ago and my search history on Facebook were her motives. I forgave her to keep our family together.
If you don't properly address these issues they will eat you alive and you will live with resentment towards her. If you want it to work and think she does to, try therapy. Otherwise my best advice is to walk away while you have your health and dignity. Because it will just get worse. These things just don't fix themselves.
Not meaning to pry or anything but what's the age of your kids?
How does your wife take care of them?
What's the legal regime under you were wed?
Go see a laywer , with all your legal documents and all , he'll prepare you for what's to come.
Don't act because some guys told you so on the internet.
Go clear your head , go to your kids , see how they feel about this situation.
And get a job near them.
Paternal presence is just as much needed if not more then money.
You'll need to be focused and precise with this otherwise it might bite you back hard.
And last , stop fucking your wife.
Go fuck other women.
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