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The abbreviated versionof this message is that I need to find my game again, am feeling damn sorry for myself and am hoping for a suggestion or two for pulling myself out of this damn hole.
The story: I'm mid thirties, came out of a relationship about a year ago that pulled my balls off. Now I'm in a new place, but still don't feel like I've made more than a couple of good male friends. I had some success with the game about 5-8 years ago, felt good about myself, felt attractive, was enjoying getting 'the look' fairly regularly. Now I feel like I'm back almost at square one. By moving I lost a lot of my social circle, and have failed to integrate myself well at the new place. I spend a bit too much time in my own company, and I'm struggling to motivate myself. I'm at university studying a busy degree which I'd rather keep anonymous for now, but it means I'm tired a lot of the time and I don't have much free time. I also have to be a bit careful not to do anything that could get me into any kind of legal trouble so I'm a bit more aware of risks than I used to be, which might be an excuse for my current anxiety.
On the other hand, I am really amazingly lucky to be studying at this point in my life. I''m loving it and I'm more or less guaranteed a hugely satisfying job at the end of it. I've got my own place, I'm free to come and go. But socially I am too isolated for my own liking. I have plans to go to local meet up groups, next month I'm rejoining the BJJ gym which I expect to help give me a bit of inner strength. When I re discovered game I got excited because I remembered how it felt, yet I'm struggling to connect wth any of the activities. I got Roosters guide for POF and have played with it but not wholeheartedly. I message about 15 girls a week and I'm not sure where I'm going wrong but I rarely get a reply. My pics aren't that great and that is one of the things I want to work on. This is kind of a negative reinforcement for me, I can feel my confidence slipping away.
I also want to do the AA programme and grow a backbone, eventually being able to go out and game during day and night but I'm struggling to find the time and energy. Then there are are a couple of meet up groups I could visit. But what I'm finding is my energy ebbs and flows and seems to come in at just the wrong moments. Academically I'm enjoying myself and doing well, that's when my energy is in. But socially it isn't working. I know I need more social activities, to get a bit braver again. At one point I was about to get my testosterone levels meically checked to see if that was what's up, but I don't really want to go down that channel of a lifetime of synthetics.
So I guess looking round I can see plenty of inspiration here. If I start being more disciplined with myself in the social side of my life, start believing in myself like I used to. My feeling is reread Roosters guide yet again and follow it to the letter, and maybe then start pushing the drills. Stop thinking about it and start doing it.
That's all really, it's Sat night here and I'm about to go to bed and try and sleep. There is a to do list in front of me. Sorry I'm coming across as yet abother moaning pussy, I guess by writing this I'm kind of trying to build a kind of momentum to start doing the things that I subconsciously know will make me feel better.
If anyone has been in this place, gone from good to bad and then turned it back again I'd appreciate hearing from you.
And I have one little question: self-hypnotism tapes to boost a little manly confidence(I'm thinking Hypnotica). Anyone tried? I wonder if it would help change some of the thought patterns that have been holding me back. Anyway thanks and good night guys.
Much much better thanks for asking chilled. After a crappy couple of months; new uk legislation which means a certain southeast Asian herb I'd been using for motivation is no longer available, plus a load of other crap, I'm actually feeling naturally good about life again. I was trying pof and tinder and I think because I was down they weren't working, which was reinforcing bad feeling, so I'm away from that for now. I have two weeks before I break and I'm feeling good about beginning the approach anxiety Program again, lifting weights is great, music giving me goosebumps once more, enjoying time out of the house, etc. So yes, I'm optimistic. How about yourself?
Yeah pretty good. I too was sickened that kratom got lumped in with all the 'legal highs'. Because its genuinely not like any of them. Its just like coffee with an uplifting effect minus the jitters and quite mild. I still have a few grams but it sucks that I might not be able to buy it again for a long time.
You're UK too then? I think the legislation seems to be full of holes and from what I understand the US has a similar policy, which obviously hasn't stopped the trade of kratom there. So maybe it'll be back soon. Until someone is caught trying to import it we don't really know what the penalties are, and it's not something I'm prepared to risk.
Either way it was a good/bad thing for me. I'm thankful it was there during hard times; it motivated me, made me feel better, kept me from drinking (which I'm sure is worse physically). But.. tbh I was using too much of it too often, and it made me too passive and numb eventually. Now that it's gone I'm feeling better, clear headed, brighter, and I'm sure it was suppressing my t levels. I do miss that funky tasting shit though.
Hey man shit changes in your mid 30s. I relate to what you say... it's like you lose a little bit of that natural edge and social instinct that you have when you're younger. I started the AA program when I was 35 and no regrets... I'm not some sort of major player but there is a lot of good shit on this website and I continue to make changes. Good luck
Sory for the late reply. In response to Chilled's post, yes absolutely. Too often and for too long, and I don't blame anyone or anything else for my lack of willpower. The effects were much better when it was a 2 or 3 times weekly pick me up and there weren't any sides either. Anyway I could see myself enjoying it again if I happened to travel abroad.
RP1 wrote: Hey man shit changes in your mid 30s. I relate to what you say... it's like you lose a little bit of that natural edge and social instinct that you have when you're younger. I started the AA program when I was 35 and no regrets... I'm not some sort of major player but there is a lot of good shit on this website and I continue to make changes. Good luck
Thanks for your comments RP1, nice to hear you've managed to succeed. I've finally got 4 weeks free to put my goals in action and intend to make some serious changes, and I haven't seen a better program than the one on this site(big thanks to GLL for a workable program that actually makes intuitive sense). Would you say the natural edge you speak of is in your head or something real? I ask because I was questioning whether my dip in confidence is due to just getting older (ie. testosterone levels will decrease I know), but also there's a little voice in my head that's telling me that I'm too old to be hitting on twenty somethings in bars any more. I know that that's social conditioning and bullshit but it's still a bit of a barrier. Anyway congrats on your changes. This site continues to be a source of inspiration for me.
What I mean is this... when I was in college and right after I had a lot of youthful energy and swag. So I'd go out several times a week, get drunk a bunch, have a ton of friends, meet girls, go to concerts, chill at parties, etc. etc. etc. Also had a cool style and was just living life. Even in my late 20s had some of this. Problem for me was 30-35 I just eased into a more laid back lifestyle and got out of touch. Didn't have much of a social life and didn't have much fun. Just wasn't as cool either. Life started to get miserable until I found GLL.
I haven't succeeded just yet... it's a job halfway done. I did beat AA and I have gotten some results but I really need to get more pussy and have a good time with it. Girls in their 20s are absolutely fair game and a very real option. Be that douchebag that hits on younger girls. I've already fucked a girl that was 23 (I'm 36). There are guys in their 40s that can also get with girls in their 20s. Realistically for me 18-22 is a longshot and unlikely, 23-25 def possible, and 25-29 there is no doubt I can get with these girls. Looks and style do matter and I'm working on that.
Here's the thing: IT'S NOW OR NEVER. You're in your mid 30s and there is no time to waste. There are some older guys on this forum really going after it so it can be done. Good luck man
I can really relate to that. I was coasting up until a year or two ago, then I woke up to realise I'd let things go that I'd prefer to have kept (social confidence, any sense of style, attitude, balls). I do recognise what you're saying with the now or never too. Time becomes more and more precious. Thanks for your kind words.
I'm in the same situation as you. I can't speak on building the amazing social life as thats something Im also working on. In my personal situation its just purely because Im in another country with types of people I generally dont get along with so I don't think its plausible unless I move.
However when I started GLL a few years ago I really went balls to the wall with everything (my life was literally in shambles). I did the 30 days of discipline, would get up at 5AM do my excersizes, meditate, and listen to positive affirmations for an hour. This really did a lot for my confidence and I feel like it helped a lot. During the next year I had sex with some women who I would have only dreamed of before and began my university degree with much gusto.
I really think achieving anything you want in life comes down to focus and preperation. If you want to do these things you can do them all it takes is focus. And if you're in a shitty enough situation hopefully you will have this focus to push you out
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Kratom is next!
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