TOPIC: Hit rock bottom last week, not sure how to explain what happened

I don't really know where to start so ask me anything and I'll answer your questions one at a time.

Let me start with some easy shit

-This was my first week back at the gym after a month. Hopefully I can keep a consistent schedule this time. I know for a fact that my numbers were going up a little the last time but I don't think I looked any different.

-I grew up thinking that it was normal for women to be antisocial and perpetually offended, and that it was disrespectful to check them out. They were probably getting gangbanged while I was beating myself up just for being a man. I can't think of a woman who raised me who wasn't a control freak or a feminist. Now I think if most women knew what was inside my head it would scare them away.

-Last week I got kicked out of my aunt's house because she found out I was suicidal. I don't get it either. She seemed like the only one who was actually helping me get my shit together for a while too. Now I'm in wisconsin but I'm going to have to go somewhere else in a month or 2.

-I'm going to try and quit porn again. I hope it helps as much as people say it does because right now that's all that's available.

I hope those bullet points made some kind of sense. I'm really not enjoying anything right now, even video games arent all that fun.

Hey bro -
Settle your housing and emotional situation first before dealing with porn and girls. If you are seriously depressed consider therapy or medication to get you over the hump. (I was on Wellbutrin for anxiety for 8 months and it helped me tremendously) With that being said, the only thing that gave me the motivation to change my life when I was going through some of what I hear you describing, was the pain that came with the depressing situations. I'll say again - pain was my motivator.

I got so low that the only way was up.

Kratom is a life-saver. Look into it on this site. (Chris lays it out)

Keep talking about whats going on. The last thing u want to do is isolate. Not now and not ever. No man that you want to be like operates all alone.

Embrace the struggle brother - this is a glorious time in your life bc it just might be the seed being planted you need to grow.

ps dont over-analyze the gym either. Lift Consistent and eat right is all you gotta do.
Hope any of this helps dude. keep posting..

What do you mean she found out you were suicidal. Other than that your post is a mess, makes no sense. No beginning or end, just "ask me anything and I'll answer" which is a little.. fucked up. Pretty much an indication of your state of mind. No real hunger for improvement, you'll get generic responses but you're probably not here to solve your problems anyway just a "need someone to talk to post.". So yeah, speak to the people in your life, be crystal clear, say what you've been keeping in, your feelings, tell them why you have been having suicidal thoughts, cry and let things that need to be let go of go, then pick yourself up. If you are not comfortable then write it down on paper and give it to whoever you want to speak to. New day, new year.. whichever way you wanna look at it, take your first steps. Whatever happens, you'll be alright. Take action once you have let go of your troubles

The ask me anything shit was because I couldn't organize my thoughts enough to post everything at once MY aunt found out because I told another member of my family what happened and said tell whoever you need to." I think my aunt thought I was trying to manipulate her even though I hid it for months.

The suicidal thoughts themselves are probably not coming back now that I'm out of there. but I'm still pretty shook up that I got kicked out. What happened was I put a belt around my neck just to see what it felt like, didn't seem like a big deal at the time but later I got shocked that I'd done that and decided to come clean.

I also don't think most of my family would like the kind of man I want to be. I can kind of see where they're coming from but either way it limits what I can tell them.

Time to give you some tough love dude..

U know what is ur problem?!
U got too much free time..That's what.

If u got time to watch porn & play video games,its obvious.

If ur actually working 8 hours a day,sleeping 8 hours a day and hitting the gym for a hour,that is 19 hours gone just like that..include traveling time,bathing,brushing,eating,cooking,PE,approaching girls offline and online etc etc and u will be pretty much done for the day

Are u working?...If not start doing so and get some cash in.
Are u hitting the gym regularly?...If not start.
Do u want a bigger dick?..Start PE
Do u want to get laid more?..Start Approaching.

if u didn't know it yet,This is a Self Improvement site,Not a Self Pity site...So go and get some improvement done bro.
Peace

I've hated women for 8 years. I thought I could harness it somehow but it's become constant and all it does is drain my energy and I can't talk about it with anyone without pushing them away. I can't even remember why I hate them and I think the only reason I'm holding onto it is so I don't go putting them on a pedestal. I don't want that shit anymore. I just want the right mentality for positive, benevolent patriarchy.

On the plus side I can't even bring myself to masturbate

phoenix2327 wrote: Time to give you some tough love dude..

U know what is ur problem?!
U got too much free time..That's what.

This. And I know this because I've been there myself several times. Once I lived for 3 months straight in my apartment, curtains down all the time, playing playstation, drinking beer friday+saturday, hit the clubs after that (got some numbers during that time, but nothing that led anywhere), getting a kebab and coming home in the morning with no other company than my hand. (3 years ago)

I started at a technical college doing more practical stuff and meeting sober people (clubs are an act, a masquerade). It took a few days for the depression to disappear, but it happened once I got something to do. You can go insane from not doing anything.

Dude, hating women is not the right attitude to have...hate comes from lack of understanding and feeling isolated from them. Just know that they're a different type of being and operate on different emotional logic (non-logic) than we do. Just accept that they're different. I feel like a lot of the rok/red pill sites have legit women haters preaching to the uneducated masses - and it's completely fucking them all up. Instead of saying "Oh you can't get girls? You're probably an unattractive loser that needs to change" they go around blaming every woman in the west for being a filthy slut and fucking everyone BUT them. It's like, "Dude, you're a 42 year old overweight computer programer who's paler than a polar bear and has severe social anxiety. Is it really that hard to get that you're not attractive?"

You just admitted you hit rock bottom, you're not in a place to be picking up girls right now. You need to work really hard and get your life in order and THEN you can focus on girls.

1) Look into some natural depression supplements. 5-htp, st. johns wort, l-theanine, etc to see if anything like that can help you. If not, talk to your doctor. This is the #1 thing you have to get sorted out and it all starts with you. Make that conscious decision that 2015 is gonna be the year where you get your life back on track and go with it.
2) Keep hitting the gym. Buy some protein powder for $25 and drink 2 shakes a day, one in the morning & one after your workout. If you can't get to the gym try going on a light run, do sit ups, push ups - whatever. Important thing is you're either building muscle or losing fat or both. Also, endorphins are gonna kick in and make you feel a little better. If you stick to this you'll start looking better eventually (it takes time, so keep at it) and you'll get a confidence boost when you look in the mirror.
3) If you don't have a job, apply at every restaurant that you can get to. Either as a server or a busser. You'll be getting a paycheck every week and going home with cash in your pocket. For a job that has literally zero barriers to entry - you won't find a higher paying one.
4) Realize that you'll be happier once things start going your way. It may seem pointless to you right now, but when things get going you're gonna be feeling a helluva lot better and gonna be on the right track to living a fulfilling life.

Best of luck to you my man, don't be a stranger - keep us updated.

I'm flying back to california tomorrow. There's an MMA gym doing freebies until the end of the month, one that's over I hopefully can afford to keep going (I promised myself I'd dip into my savings so I could get started ASAP.)

Edit:: anyone know anything about these guys? They look legit at least
lavinmma.com/

Keep your head up.

Gucci wrote: Keep your head up.

Funny thing is, I'm no longer sure whether I actually hit rock bottom or if I still have a ways to go.

phoenix2327 wrote: Time to give you some tough love dude..

U know what is ur problem?!
U got too much free time..That's what.

If u got time to watch porn & play video games,its obvious.

If ur actually working 8 hours a day,sleeping 8 hours a day and hitting the gym for a hour,that is 19 hours gone just like that..include traveling time,bathing,brushing,eating,cooking,PE,approaching girls offline and online etc etc and u will be pretty much done for the day

Are u working?...If not start doing so and get some cash in.
Are u hitting the gym regularly?...If not start.
Do u want a bigger dick?..Start PE
Do u want to get laid more?..Start Approaching.

if u didn't know it yet,This is a Self Improvement site,Not a Self Pity site...So go and get some improvement done bro.
Peace

This advice may be good for some (i.e. your typical sad average dude), but may not be so good for OP, who by the sounds of things may be suffering from genuine depression (judging by the fact he was suicidal). Unfortunately for people with this illness, 'tough love' can actually inhibit their progress, and make them feel shitter than they already feel. The main issue with people that are depressed, is that their desire for 'self improvement' goes out the window and the whole world appears grey and meaningless. Getting to sleep can, for some, be impossible and even simple tasks like applying for a job can be a nightmare. It's easy to think that someone that is feeling sorry for them-self is just lazy and has too much time on their hands, but for some people it's not as simple as just snapping out of it and hitting the gym. Whether this applies to OP or not I don't know.

OP, i'm not entirely clear if what I described above is what you are feeling from what you wrote, but just know that what you are feeling will pass. In the meantime try your best to set goals (no matter how small) and aim to achieve them. But like everyone has mentioned, if you can apply for a job, do it. If you can hit the gym, do it. But don't put too much pressure on yourself to do all these things at once.