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Legendary wrote: Well... here I am.
Not really that certain how to explain myself but i'll do my best.
Basically the reason i'm here is i've been a lurker of Chris' youtube channel and on this forum.
I'm 26 years old, 2 days ago i called a suicide hotline which i've never done before. I pulled over in the middle of traffic and looked it up on my phone. I was having very very serious thoughts about putting a bullet into my brainstem. I also have other outlets for ending this existence as I have thought them out in detail if the time does come where I'm out.
As awful as this sounds let me explain,
When I hit about 19 years old, my best friend overdosed on narcotic pills, he layed braindead in a hospital bed for over a week while his parents begged god that he would come back. I knew better.
After that something in me snapped, i looked at this world as a much different place. It was not much fun anymore. I found myself having a hard time to truly enjoy myself. Idk how else to describe it but this undertone has stuck with me for about 7 years.
I'm not blaming i'm just telling you my experience.
I've been in college for about 7 years as well. Attempting to finish a bachelors degree. Idk who the fuck takes that long to do a 4 year degree but here I am. I'm actually in the middle of a semester as we speak (what could be my last one as i'm almost finished) but my classes are not going that well. I'm taking a heavy class load as I thought i could handle it but that's definitely not the case. I've got maybe one class i'm passing the other's i'm not. I might be able to get the grades up but when I really have given up it's hard to find that motivation. I have been diagnosed with ADD and did take meds for about 2 years; during this time my grades were heading up and I was having delusions of grandeur that maybe some day I would be something i'd dreamed of. Then one day I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair was thinning out a bit. Blamed in on the ADD meds and stopped them cold turkey, slept for about a week straight as my CNS recovered and went back to the way it was before.
I have no had a girlfriend or sex in a few years. I've read books about relationships and watched some of the pickup stuff on here and other you tube channels but just really don't care. There are a few girls in classes that i'd planned on getting their numbers but as my grades and chances of passing decline so does my view on myself and with that goes what confidence I had in asking for numbers.
I just recently moved out of my parents house to live with a friend, he's a good guy. No complaints there. It did not fix anything as I hoped it would. Big surprise right?
I used to train seriously in the gym but about 4 years ago; during the peak of my serious lifting and dieting my trainer blew his brains out with a shotgun. Was a wonderful time in my life as I looked up for him and he was the one who introduced me to meditation and other eastern trains of thought. After that i've never had the same drive to be fit or add muscle mass to my frame.
Here I am. This is what i've become; I'm to the point where i have no fucking clue if i'm going to snap and just end it. I do think about it a lot and I have several options. I'm not making this a final message. I'm just looking for some advice from maybe someone who can relate.
Thanks for reading.
I can tell u this...if u care about getting ass u cant reveal these types of problems to women because they will be extremely turned off...and no piece of ass will make u feel better the only way to find out if others can relate 2 your story or situation is to record your troubles and express them to other on facebook or youtube...but be warned there will be hecklers that would want to see you do harm to yourself but you can also be saving a life by showing someone who relates that they are not the only person going thru some ruff shit...
Other then to say I -cannot- relate to what you've been through. Do you really want someone else out there to have gone through the same thing? I understand that you want that, but you shouldn't. I haven't been through anything even close to that traumatizing, and I don't want to anytime soon either.
That being said, do not kill yourself man.
You say you've known about GLL for awhile, ok.
What was the spark that made you finally create an account on here, and open up to the GLL community?
My initial assessment would be that that is is a major step in the right direction.
I think the best place for you to start, as Captain Ramius mentioned, is to look into kratom.
All information on it can be found under the "Get Enhanced" portion of GLL, and the forum will have a wealth of feedback as well (start under the "get enhanced" section to build your knowledge base first). First thing you need to work on, even before getting back into the gym, is your mindset.
I wish you the best, pimp. I'm willing to bet the best thing for someone in your position to do, is to just talk to people. GLL community will listen, and will genuinely be there for you. That is a fact. as long as you're not in an endless cycle of depression and you show progress in adopting the GLL mindset and lifestyle.
i have no doubts that you'll be a man of action
Kratom can be a big help, but it's not a solution.
Even though it seems it, we never actually feel our circumstances, but feel what we think. (check my signature, that's why it says that).
This creates our experience, it's how the human mind works. A book called The Inside-Out Revolution by Michael Neill (I highly recommend it) explains all of this and more. And how as humans our mind's default is actually well-being, and it's all this social conditioning about making money, getting girls is what makes us miserable, not the actual getting of the girls or making the money.
Don't get me wrong, I'm into getting girls and making money, but to think it will make us happy fundamentally, is totally backwards. I don't care what anyone says. At the ripe old age of 39, take my word for it.
Maybe hard to see this from where you are sitting, I get it, but finding out the fundamental truths of well-being (this is why mainstream psychology/psychiatry is super-fucked up, they have no clue how the mind actually works) is the only way to truly being happy. Then making money, getting girls and being it good shape is icing on the cake, but the cake is always great.
We live in the matrix. A thought-generated one. See it, be free of it.
Legendary wrote: I believe what you're referring to is that the minds EGO will never be satisfied, it is always looking for something/wanting more. One of the main ideas behind being "present" or in a meditative state is to take the ego out of the picture and appreciate what is.
I can agree with your statement on psychology being fkd up as i went to a shrink for over 2 years and after much arguing with me he just wanted me on meds. I said I can tell you that i'm not deficient in ecitalopram or any of those compounds.
meds aren't such a bad thing. I've taken them many times when i was younger and they completely eliminated my depression.
even if ur not deficient in anything, theres a good chance they will help you.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.