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Hey guys, I am new here at GLL. I read the articles and found them very insightful and different and actually seems like they come from somebody who knows what he is talking about. Anyways, I am in high school right now senior year and I am having a serious lack of social connections and especially friends.
MY BACKGROUND- if it helps
I am from an East African country and I just moved to Maryland 3 months ago. At my new school, I am really having trouble getting to know people and have friends I hangout with. The first 2 weeks of school I didn't have somebody to sit with but after that I found people from my own country and I sit with them at lunch (all girls and one dude and they are sophomores). Back in africa, I was semi popular. I had many guy friends I hangout with(Wasn't good with girls though) But here I don't know why but I can't get friends. I have read the one high school article on this here and I am going to relentless work on my appearance. I came in late 3 weeks to school so new people had alerday made friends too.
Anyways, Anytime I see these guys with these thick beautiful girls, It just hits me and I can't ignore the fact I'm an outcast. I did join a team (soccer) and made some friends there but they aren't that deep friends that invite me out or stuff. We greet and hi five each other but not more than that. The only thing that makes me happy about life now is my family and the prospect of starting over in college.
So sorry for the long intro, These are my questions to anyone that was a bomb in high school, Chris, or anyone that has improved in HS. I need serious help so please be as descriptive as u can.
1) How can I change my reputation( even though I had only 2 months of school with these new people) from that silent kid to a social and sexy man? Can i? Be truthful. I literally can't find a partner in most of my classes and am akward when people go into groups. I will change most of my class and teachers 2nd semester so I might have a semi-startover, what can I do better then?
2) Are high schools girls all about looks or status? I Consider my self slightly above average but acne and skinnyness are killing me.
3) I am black with semi rough hair any hairstyles you know of or clothing that is cool and suitable for HS black guy? Where can I buy cool affordable clothes? Are Macy's and Jcpenny good enough?
4) How can I balance school, gym and nutrition to gain mass? Lunch ideas...
5)Specific: Like I told you earlier, I hangout with my African group because no one else accepted me. In this group, I really have this Boner for this girl. She is like the hottest girl in school without any makeup yet she is cool and doesn't associate herself with the fake chicks. She a sophomore tho. I don't no the culture but is sophomre-senior dating common or is it unacceptable. Even though she is in my group, I never really initiated contact with her. Sometimes she just calls me out and says stupid stuff like "Ur short" smiling and I am like "huh, I am 3 inches taller than u". But other than that we don't say hi to each other in hallways nor bus stops(I feel like she deliberately avoids my eyes) which is confusing to me. Because I am not popular in the school nor social in my group, I believe that is hurting my chances; if I have a chance. She also likes this guy from another school Anyways again sorry but background info is invaluable, what do u guys recommend? Tips? Steps to take? Or give up on her?
6. I think I have major conversation and overthinking problems. These are my believed problems: Dull Voice, Trip up some words sometimes because I am not used to talking in english, Eye Contact makes me feel tension and awkardness, I sometimes sweat slightly when I don't have answers right away. My major problem though is I can't relate to things to talk about. Like with Other people they talk about football, parties, ... and stuff I can't really relate to. And with my group they are all talking girl stuff like who's cute and who asked out who... and I can only talk to them moderately when they talk bout other stuff. How can I relate to different people? Study them or wat? How do I jump from polite conversation to deep, funny and friendship building conversation?
Most importantly, Thank you in advance for anyone helping me out.
Yeah I have read that. I actually am good looking except that I am skinny and some acne. I will try to gain as much as weight and muscle as i can by the time I get to college. The article was actually motivating. Other websites gave vague advice while yours was practical. Anyways, the problem is I have 0 cool friends and the friends I do have are average girls from Africa.
Better appearance will surely make me more desirable but I feel like I need more social proof that is why I was asking you those specific questions Chris and if you could answer them.
And Thx for the quick reply
BTW, it is because of the SAT that by writing is getting better.
Here's the best advice I can give you based on my experience becoming popular in high school...
Focus on becoming friends with 1 popular guy. You don't need to be close with a lot guys. I made this mistake for a long time. Once I got one close friend who invited me to parties everything changed.
How do you get a close friend?
That's a difficult topic that I can't help you with much. What I can tell you is: You need to see him on a regular basis at first.
Not necessarily meeting up with him but you should run into him and talk almost ever day.
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