TOPIC: MAJOR FEAR

Pfff
I don't know what to do.

I have this major fear for speaking in a big group.

It doesn't seem to be when I'm in front of a crowd, or behind it (in a classroom).
The big fear arises when I'm in the middle / in the circle.

Then I am completely terrified when talking.

And I've done this a couple of times now.

And every time again, I get terrified and I cannot calm down until I'm not interacted with anymore.

And this is causing me to subconsciously connect all these people in my class with this fear. I can feel it happening.
Because they are probably doing it too. In their mind: "why is this guy freaking out? I'm not bad?! We're not bad?! he shouldn't be afraid!"

When I look at classical and typical remedies are: revealing to the group I have this major fear.
I already told this to one person, but he's more of a leader, so he won't be spreading the word (too confident and independant)

It's so fucking weird to ask the attention of the group, just to say I have this fear.. right?
Also, I could do it on the facebook group, so everyone sees, but that seems very coward like.

So HOW THE FUCK DO I DEAL WITH THIS, before it gets worse?
Before I alienate everyone, and having to end up bailing out of school because my brain is constantly making the neural pathway TERRIFIED = SCHOOL.

Hey Bro - first of all this is not uncommon at all - i dealt with a similar issue and i'll tell you what worked for me.

I also had a big fear of speaking in groups and would get bad anxiety when i was thrust into that situation (sweating, heart beating rapidly, thinking of what to say ahead of time trying to plan it all out to sound cool and normal). Its really kind of a normal thing but not in the capacity which you and I deal with it. There is really no one fix-it-all step i took that worked, it was really a combination of a few things over time. Today I have no fear of speaking and actually welcome and cherish the opportunity to share my experience/thoughts/opinions with others because I know THEY HAVE VALUE NOW. Now with that being said i'll tell you what helped me.

The problem is that you lack confidence is some respect to be comfortable enough WITH YOURSELF to own this problem. Confidence really is only attained through good and bad experiences over time in life and how you overcame/dealt with them and ultimately grew. (IT TAKES TIME AND EXPERIENCE) How and why you feel this way (why it is happening , why did i get this way, whatever - is NOT that important. You can waste valuable time coming up with reasons why when the real answer is that it doesn't matter but what am I going to do about it now?, is.

The first thing that worked for me was to realize what a silly, insignificant problem this was in the grand scheme of my life. Really - what does it matter? We will all be dead someday and how ridiculous is it to waste time on this bullshit (this i told myself and after really accepting this realization and internalizing it the power the problem had over my mind was somewhat relieved. In other words, look at how much it really doesn't matter in your life (this thing that sucks) and the choke hold it has over you will start to loosen.

START DOING WHAT IS UNCOMFORTABLE - probably the single most important thing. When i had to speak I would tell myself, fuck it. This is so stupid. Who cares what people think , I'm just going to walk through my uncomfortablity. And I did. It worked. But i did it FOR ME, not for anyone else. Literally just walking through my fear like a man. Now it didn't come to me overnight. It happened gradually. But one day I realized, wow. I actually welcome what used to scare me.

STOP RESISTING WHAT IS AND IT LOSES ITS POWER. Accept that this is happening and take ACTION and fix it.

I know you mentioned that you didn't want to admit this to others besides the one dude you did but i'll say that probably the moment you do speak up and say, " hey guys, sorry if i sound a little anxious/nervous/whatever but i'm not good speaking in a group like this but i'm working on it, or try and word it in a joking manner to alleviate any seriousness and convey to others how silly it really is. "Hey guys, I still get nervous sometimes even around you assholes but i'm working at it (continue with thought or statement)", etc.. or something appropriate for the situation at hand and your fear will lose some power over you it will start to dissipate.

When you release this into the universe, its no longer yours to burden.

Yes it might be uncomfortable for like TWO FUCKING MINUTES of your life lol. but isn't it worth it if thats what it takes to save countless other moments of anxiety?

I hope this helps a little bit man..
Stay glorious and message back anytime if you wanna talk brother..

ps look into this book - it significantly changed the way I look at and approach life :
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (highly highly recommend)