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I went through this period of time where I didn't pursue girls at all (per the advice of a guy called Brent Smith). During that time period, some women did go for me, and it was very easy to get together with them and hook up with them. However, these chicks were not really the ones that I really wanted. I want hot girls that are exactly my type, and no matter how much "not giving a shit/not chasing" that I would do, would never result in anything ever happening with the ones that I really wanted.
I decided to switch back to the mentality of pursuing the girls that I want. This site advocates this behavior as it is more masculine then passively letting the girls chase me. Cool.
Well, just as before (back when I used to constantly be the one doing the pursuing), chicks are very flaky, difficult to get to meet up, extremely non-interested, etc....
For example....here's a girl that I decided to hit up on Facebook yesterday while on Kratom. She made a post about how she wishes that she had a pool to swim in.
I commented, "I have AC, weed, and a TV"
She replies, "that sounds amazing!!!"
Me: "wanna join me?"
Her: "yes definitely"
Me: "message me your number"
She messaged me her number a few minutes later.
We got to texting...a short little interaction in which the plan was to "smoke a blunt around 7 or 8". She was apparently all about it. However, when I hit her up later to actually meet up, she never responded....no excuse or anything either....just nothing.
Now, this is a very typical and very predictable incident for me. This is why I fucking hate "working girls" via. Text/phone. It is also why I delete more bitches numbers than I actually meet with. If I can get a girl to hang out....I'm usually good, but getting them to hang out. Not so easy. This is why I gave up "chasing" completely for a year or so.
Now, is this just the nature of the game? Is there something I'm doing wrong? I look just like the picture in my avatar, and dress like that too.
Sounds like she may have been sarcastic in her responses... but then again, there are also girls who actually are up for meeting like that. I guess it would be better to keep playing the numbers game than to over-analyze what went wrong here, although I myself have a hard time accepting that someone ceases to reply and always want to get behind their reasons.
I guess it's always a trade-off that you have. because you can either a) act more socially desirable (careful) to avoid flaking, but if you do that then it happens at the cost of b) screening and seeing whether she's game or not.
its a slippery slope, cause in the event of pursuing girls, its real easy to find yourself being needy as a result....and Im not sure there Is one definitive answer to completely eliminate that from creeping in from time to time....just do your best job of keeping yourself in check & being aware of whats happening. It seems to come in waves, where every chick seems to be converting... then followed by 'flake city' for awhile......you gotta just ride the wave & learn how to accept it for what it is....if you choose to be active & play the 'game'.
I know Brent and those guys personally, and in my opinion what they teach is really not that different than what is taught here at GLL. A lot of guys get it confused when he says 'don't pursuit'. They think it also means 'don't approach'. Nowhere does he say not to approach girls. In fact, he's even said he and his guys approach girls all the time. And she's either down to hang out/bang, or she's not. They move on.
Pursuing to me is exactly what Chris on this blog has said not to do: texting a girl for days, facebooking with her for hours, waiting til date # 3 or 4 til she finally lets you bang her, buying her shit, etc. In other words "Hope she likes me" game vs. screening and either moving on, or taking her home.
The indifference part is very much consistent with what's taught here as well - you approach, screen a girl, and if she's a 'yes' great. If she's a 'no', great. You don't really care either way. I don't know Chris personally, but from all his videos I can see he's as indifferent/carefree as any guy I've met still.
This is just my interpretation of it all, and hopefully sheds some light
So I'd be open to the possibility that there's still some attachment you have with girls, even when you approach and screen. Truly letting it all go and not giving a fuck will make the difference I think. Approaching and screening with zero attachment in other words.
Thanks for the replies fellas. Glad to see I'm not the only one that this shit happens to.
As far as "needy" goes...to be honest, I'm not even sure what that shit means. Am I needy? I have no fucking clue. As far as the girl from the OP example goes:
- Commented on hot girls status
- told her to message me her number, which she did
- Texted her to make plans for later that night, which she said she was down for
- texted her later that night after I was done my BJJ class
- no response from her
- delete her number, next
Now sometimes I'll "try" one more time with a girl, but almost always these chicks do the same shit whether it's the first try or second try. Do I "need" them to respond? No. Would it be nice if they'd just be like "ya I'm down for hangin out", and then actually commit to hangin out? Yes, that would be great!
Does that make me "needy"? I dunno, but my tolerance for time wasters/attention whores is at an all time low right now.
As far as Brent Smith's stuff goes....Well, he advocates the complete opposite of what is taught on this site. As far as "pickup/meeting women" is concerned, He advocates giving out your number to women, and letting them pursue you. He says NEVER text a woman first (or else shit like I'm talking about in the OP will constantly happen).
He advocates "learning to be happy alone" and "learning to not want anything from anyone". If you do this, he says, then women will just throw themselves at yo constantly because they want a "carefree and indifferent" guy.
I've followed his stuff for a solid year (and yes, that included talking to tons of women, but just not hitting on them) and in my experience, the super hot ones that I really want just don't give enough of a shit to pursue me. Some mediocre girls will pursue me sure, but that's not what I want.
This site here advocates hardcore pursuing of women....put in massive numbers...be very aggressive...etc. This is the exact opposite of what Brent Smith advocates.
Anyway, that said...I think I need to put in a shitload more numbers or something.
...my tolerance for time wasters/attention whores is at an all time low right now.
This describes my mood towards girls some weeks ago perfectly.
Although it sounds kinda sad, I just got used to girls being flaky and therefore I don't really expect a lot from them. I do, however, hope that girls you approach during the day is a little less flaky but since I'm not cold approaching girls yet, I wouldn't know.
In the end though, all you can really do is hit the numbers and keep developing yourself and what you bring to the table.
I'm going through the exact same "girls flaking for no apparent reason" shit right now, and conversion from numbers to dates and from dates to lays is unbelievably LOW and I actually got laid faster/more efficiently in the first month of starting to approach in 2012 than I do now but I believe if I just keep improving myself in all ways and reflect on what I've done, I'll fix my shortcomings and solve this eventually on my part.... but girls will always be girls, everyone knows that lol
I have bad results from day game type shit. I've fucked one girl from cold approach during the day. 99% of the lays I get are from bars/clubs and primarily house parties. The majority of girls aren't down to meet up with random guys that they met during the day. They like to meet guys from their social circle, or guys that their friends at least know of already. I think if your only outlet of getting laid is through day game than you're fighting an uphill battle. Bars/clubs trump day game every single day and night. I primarily use day game as a way to keep my skills sharp and my anxiety low, not to get laid.
I realized now I'm a bit off topic. But ya dude, girls are flakey as a motherfucker. I'm so used to flake-type behaviour that I can spot a flake just by the tonality of the messaging between me and the girl. It's a feeling where I know that she isn't going to come through.
And ya, I remember watching videos of Brent Smith and not really liking him at all. His ethos is easier said than done. When you're swimming in pussy already it's easy to be non-needy and not to chase. You have to approach bitches and be aggressive. Be aggressive but also have self-respect. No 4-hour Facebook conversations.
I never heard of this brent smith guy but can agree with his advice on learning to be happy alone. I am prone to loneliness / neediness most definitley and I can say weed helps this a lot lol. Same goes for kratom. If im getting a lot of girls flaking on me ill simply smoke a bowl or take some kratom ( or both ) and take a long walk out in nature or read a really good book. When I do this im completely content being alone and actually really enjoy it. It seems to center me and gets my mind off girls for awhile ( this is good ) . Weeds definitley a performance enhancer for me in an indirect way.
I'm new to this stuff, but what works for me with girls I meet online is to talk for a week or so before the meet. I hate this shit because of all the pointless messaging I have to do when I could learn that shit about them when we meet. I have been using this method for a couple weeks after having 5 flakes in a row ( ugly chicks too) I knew they needed to know me better. I have met 4 chicks in a row with no flakes. Now I'm talking to like 10 girls and we either have plans or are making plans to meet. I think the messaging give them familiarity, so its not like meeting a strange guy randomly. I will follow up with this next month to let you know how its working.
Rousseau wrote: The majority of girls aren't down to meet up with random guys that they met during the day. They like to meet guys from their social circle, or guys that their friends at least know of already.ns.
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