TOPIC: Radical AA control

cool dude- lemme know how it goes

Felt absolutely fucking brilliant for about 6 hours or so
- i burned about 4 grams of happy hippo 1 at lunch with a protein shake and then another 3 with coffee 5 hours later
- felt euphoric and fairly free of anxiety
- walked to campus to return some books and could literally not stop smiling
- only even slightly negative side effect was a numb tongue that lasted a few minutes
- cant wait to use this stuff for the AA program

Cant find the proper conversion table (for teaspoons and tablespoons) for different strains at the moment. Looking for it if anyone has a link

Day 12b

log
- redo of monday's drills - being a sweet boyfriend looking for candles
- did it quicker and easier than monday - took me around 40 minutes including the walk in
- only got one really good reaction out of both days, maybe i just can't convey sweetness well
- redid the last rep a few times cause i wanted to get that down properly

- took 1500-2000mg of phenibut about half an hour ago and am waiting on the effects

- 5 hours of not much to be honest
- just took another 2000 mg and am going out lets see shall we

Day 13

log:
- did the drills (time, anywhere that sells wine?, celebrating, what do you recommend?)
- was in town for like two hours
- weird lack of motivation
- i pushed through it
- hyper hippo kratom didnt really do anything

This is just me venting some stuff because committing things to words helps sometimes. This has no real need for an answer. Hell it may not even make any sense to anyone else! And yes this will be negative as I am trying to remove a harmful aspect of my life, so there's some bad shit to discuss.  But is important for me to get this down in writing now even if it's just so I can look back and laugh at it in a few months time. Consider it part of my log.

In this new attempt to achieve a rewarding sex life I am about to complete week 2 of the AA program tomorrow (hopefully) and have been reviewing how I have felt so far. I had started the AA programme before University had restarted so my standard social life was essentially on hold. recently though I was reminded of the length I still need to go. Honestly I am struggling to see myself achieving success with girls, even with Chris laying out this path and me committing to it.

It is hard to picture your goal when you have no real experience of what it is like. It feels like there is fucking canyon between you and the goal. Having had basically zero success with women thus far I can only liken this to trying to walk to some strange destination completely blind. I'm hitting and hoping with this and grasping any motivation or momentum I can as though they are small achievements in themselves. Clearly I have not had enough of them or I would not have just reached 21 so unsuccessful.

The fear that my AA may well be unbeatable for me is constant and nagging. I can't yet see the drills as really anything other than a slow grind against this at times. Feeling the social momentum does do away with that momentarily but it eventually comes back. If I keep feeling like I'm just grinding the drills out I fear I will lose motivation and quit. Not fucking happening though!

The moments that sparked these thoughts really happened on a  recent run of nights out and not during the drills. I realised that it is on Uni nights that all my approach and sexual anxiety hits me hardest. You seem to be expected to do shit and the alcohol has never helped me under this pressure. Phenibut was interesting but i wasted that feeling on a shit venue. Another realisation is that my friends have the potential to fuck up my mood more than they should. I am too dependent on them when it comes to enjoying a night out. Not only that but I don't have the confidence to approach girls in clubs for fear of fucking up in front of them. Even though I know they wouldn't mock me for it.

Essentially I hate feeling uncertain about whether this goal is achievable for me and embarrassed to be inexperienced in something I shouldn't be by now, given my age and the circumstances I have been in socially. I wish it was a fight to be honest, they are quicker and more exhilarating. A grind is a more apt description of what I am doing right now. I'm going to keep doing it.

Trust me, if you fight through it you will get what you want out of life.  Don't stop or give up.

Yeh i agree

Day 14a

log
- first failure to do the drills properly (high five 20 girls)
- did a frankly pathetic 5 reps
- none of the approaches refused to do it i just pussied out of doing so many of the available girls that walked by
- the reactions were mostly 'weirded out'
- i had picked the road walking to campus for the area but i might try doing this in an indoor venue like a shopping centre. - everyone just looked so miserable on this grey day.
- my mood went to shit and i  couldnt push through for the first time

Given that the next few days are similar i might be high fiving girls for a while haha

Day 14b

log
- this went better but still failed to do 20 instead completing one set
- i did 10 high fives in around 2 and a half hours
- the first 5 were ridiculously hard for me to push myself to do
- ended up making a pretext to talk to them (directions?, hows it going? etc)
- didnt do any where i just put my hand up
- had some good reactions. One girl did the high five then grabbed and squeezed my hand too
- most reactions were shocked/wtf?
- i imagine this would be piss easy on a student night out

This is just me venting some stuff because committing things to words helps sometimes. This has no real need for an answer. Hell it may not even make any sense to anyone else! And yes this will be negative as I am trying to remove a harmful aspect of my life, so there's some bad shit to discuss.  But is important for me to get this down in writing now even if it's just so I can look back and laugh at it in a few months time. Consider it part of my log.

In this new attempt to achieve a rewarding sex life I am about to complete week 2 of the AA program tomorrow (hopefully) and have been reviewing how I have felt so far. I had started the AA programme before University had restarted so my standard social life was essentially on hold. recently though I was reminded of the length I still need to go. Honestly I am struggling to see myself achieving success with girls, even with Chris laying out this path and me committing to it.

It is hard to picture your goal when you have no real experience of what it is like. It feels like there is fucking canyon between you and the goal. Having had basically zero success with women thus far I can only liken this to trying to walk to some strange destination completely blind. I'm hitting and hoping with this and grasping any motivation or momentum I can as though they are small achievements in themselves. Clearly I have not had enough of them or I would not have just reached 21 so unsuccessful.

The fear that my AA may well be unbeatable for me is constant and nagging. I can't yet see the drills as really anything other than a slow grind against this at times. Feeling the social momentum does do away with that momentarily but it eventually comes back. If I keep feeling like I'm just grinding the drills out I fear I will lose motivation and quit. Not fucking happening though!

The moments that sparked these thoughts really happened on a  recent run of nights out and not during the drills. I realised that it is on Uni nights that all my approach and sexual anxiety hits me hardest. You seem to be expected to do shit and the alcohol has never helped me under this pressure. Phenibut was interesting but i wasted that feeling on a shit venue. Another realisation is that my friends have the potential to fuck up my mood more than they should. I am too dependent on them when it comes to enjoying a night out. Not only that but I don't have the confidence to approach girls in clubs for fear of fucking up in front of them. Even though I know they wouldn't mock me for it.

Essentially I hate feeling uncertain about whether this goal is achievable for me and embarrassed to be inexperienced in something I shouldn't be by now, given my age and the circumstances I have been in socially. I wish it was a fight to be honest, they are quicker and more exhilarating. A grind is a more apt description of what I am doing right now. I'm going to keep doing it.

if u gotta speak ur mind then do it, ive had a few long ones in my thread where i felt like letting out some thoughts. I have almost 0 sexual experience and im 23, but ive had chances to fuck in the past that i just didnt follow through on so i know i CAN technically get some. U say u madeout with some chicks so its technically POSSIBLE for you too. And it is a grind, but what's nice with grinds is that after looking back weeks later u see clear improvement. I've definitely improved, i couldn't even IMAGINE doing the ABC drill at the beginning, then i knocked it out in one day.

Keep going brother. And stay positive!! 

The Hold Steady - "Stay Positive" [Official Video]