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Approach Anxiety Program
I will crush my AA

TOPIC: I will crush my AA

I will crush my AA 19 Nov 2013 10:40 #75401

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This is where it starts. I introduced myself yesterday so that makes this Day 2.

Today I did:
* sign the petition
* started my journal
* already started working on my dating profile, but I still need to figure out how to take better pics and get a haircut

I still need to listen to the Day 1 audio though. You can't believe how serious I am about this, it is the most important thing in my life right now. I'm also a person who will never quit once I decide on something, so even if I repeatedly fail, I will never tire, and I will continue until I have murdered my approach anxiety. I'm also seeing a psychologist bi-weekly and I'm on an SNRI medication so I'm feeling confident that I can do this. I'm also on The Juice (tm) which really boosts my confidence ;)

Here is what I've done in self-improvement as of now. In a little over a year I went from this...


to THIS:


With a 460 lbs squat max among other things. If I could do that, then surely I can do this program... right? And I'm even more determined about this than I am at powerlifting/body improvement.
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Re: I will crush my AA 20 Nov 2013 21:37 #75908

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Day 3

* Listened to the audio
* Did my dating profile
* Messaged some girls

Also some personal random stuff I did:
* Started a cutting diet.
* Talked to a girl at the gym who kind of made eye contact, and asked for her number. She declined but told me to add her on facebook, so I guess she was at least interested on some level.
* Loudly said hi to a girl I'd talked to previously, even though she was with a couple of male friends.
* Randomly started talking about goat milk to some guy. That was probably the weirdest encounter he's had in his life :D

Here's a link to my profile...
http://www.okcupid.com/profile/haukka

I'm not happy with the photos at all, but it doesn't have to be perfect immediately. I wrote the description in Finnish, but it loosely translates:
"Looking for a relaxed date who is interested in other things than herself. I hope your lifestyle is in order and you don't need 5 cm of make-up to leave the house. Bravely contact and we'll see how it goes from there."
It's basically almost copied from the guide but I had to change it a little in translation.
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Re: I will crush my AA 21 Nov 2013 19:54 #76207

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Day 4

* Did the time asking drill 7 times in about an hour. Two of them were saleswomen so I didn't want to count them. I also wanted to find girls of my own age group so it took a little longer. I also didn't dare to stop anyone so I had to find stationary "targets". I was quite nervous. I really enjoyed a couple of these little interactions. One girl even went out of her way to try to find her phone and it took her like +30 seconds and she missed her elevator, just to tell me the time, which I didn't even really need :D
* Listened to the audio

Other random stuff I did on my own:
* Talked to two girls, one at the dentist and one at the mall. Fun.
* Asked someone what she thought of my leather jacket.
* Asked someone whether she liked batman and then did the batman pose.
* Sat down next to two girls and started talking to them. Didn't go well but I'm proud of myself for doing it.
* Really rocked out at band reh and had fun. Bandmate commented how amped up I was.
* Wrote about my situation onto a lifting related forum and got great answers
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Re: I will crush my AA 22 Nov 2013 22:52 #76592

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Day 5

* Asked 5 girls for the time: 37 mins
* Asked 5 girls for the time - faster: 15 mins

Much less anxious than yesterday -  I even stopped some chicks while they were moving.

Bought some new clothes and actually went to a bar - sober. Talked to two chicks and got the other one's number and a hug! My first number ever, and I'm just starting at this stuff.
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Re: I will crush my AA 23 Nov 2013 18:19 #76754

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Day 6

* Did the day 6 drill. Today I stopped a lot of girls while they were walking towards me. I'm noticing I don't care as much what people think, I'm just executing. All in all it took about 1½ hrs.
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Re: I will crush my AA 24 Nov 2013 19:17 #77013

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Day 7

* Did 3 sets of the drill, but I was feeling really tired and crappy and there weren't many people at the mall on a sunday evening. I decided to just call it a day and repeat this day tomorrow.

Yesterday I went clubbing and got 3 numbers. All of them have answered my texts but I don't know whether anything will come of them. I'm not good at playing this game.. yet!
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Re: I will crush my AA 25 Nov 2013 12:57 #77223

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you're doing good, my finn brother! BTW, you look big, how much is your DL and bench?


I just read this thread from the beginning and I like how dedicated you are.

They also tried to put me on SNRI medication but I chose to become happy by myself.

you should practise talking on the phone with those 3 girls, shooting the shit, talking about how their day/week is going, throw in something about you but the majority of your conversation should be about THEM.

so, when they answer your ping text "hey cutie", call them right then and there, small talk for a few mins, and suggest meeting up for coffee to get to know each other like Chris lays out the plan in the phone+txt article.

Even if she won't meet you, you get more comfortable and confident talking to them on the phone which becomes crucial when you start approaching. I wasted many numbers by being too scared to call, so don't make the same mistake I did.

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Re: I will crush my AA 25 Nov 2013 20:36 #77336

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Day 7

* Did all the sets now. I spaced them out a little throughout the day. It's getting a little boring asking for shit I already know to be honest. Plus I'm starting to get paranoid of running into the same girls.

* Flirted with two girls at the gym and asked for their numbers. The other one had a boyfriend but the other one gave me hers. I'm already getting much more comfortable approaching girls and just being my crazy self. I've realized that getting numbers is actually pretty easy but I don't know what to do with them!
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Re: I will crush my AA 25 Nov 2013 20:46 #77340

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you're doing good, my finn brother! BTW, you look big, how much is your DL and bench?


Thanks!! My PRs are DL 177.5 kg x 5 and bench 90 kg for 5x5. Cutting right now,just tryna maintain those levels..

They also tried to put me on SNRI medication but I chose to become happy by myself.


Yeah I was at a very low point at that time and I was willing to try anything. It does help a lot with the anxiety but doesn't seem to make me numb in any way so I think it'll actually help me beat it. Then after I have a reasonable social life I'll ween off it.

so, when they answer your ping text "hey cutie", call them right then and there, small talk for a few mins, and suggest meeting up for coffee to get to know each other like Chris lays out the plan in the phone+txt article.


Hmm... maybe I'll try that tomorrow. I just don't want to scare them away either which is why I've been texting. What if they won't answer my call? Texting sucks though, it takes forever to get an answer and hard to think of anything interesting to say via text. One of them already texted she'd meet me but wasn't sure about when, and one of them said she wants to get to know me better before going on a date (but isn't that the point of a date to get to know each other???)
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Re: I will crush my AA 25 Nov 2013 21:24 #77359

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so do i understand correctly you dont know how to small talk or know what to say to girls on the phone?

the AA drills will help you with that. you'll get over your anxiety and learn that it's no different than talking to your guy friends (for a beginner). after the fear is gone, you're a social intermediate who can apply more stuff. But first - kill 99% of your SA/AA fear.

the purpose of txt is only to set up a meeting. her saying "she wants to get to know you before going on a date" really means "Im not attracted enough to want to meet you". she should know from your initial approach that she wants to meet you later.

but if you can't do anything with numbers yet, dont take them. just kill AA. you'll be a better man once that's gone.

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Re: I will crush my AA 25 Nov 2013 21:49 #77378

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so do i understand correctly you dont know how to small talk or know what to say to girls on the phone?


No, I don't know what to say to them in texts. I'm much better at speaking f2f or on the phone because I get instant feedback from their reactions and I can tell how it's going. Text messages are a guessing game. The reason I don't call is that I think they might be scared to talk to me because I'm a relative stranger, not the other way around.

the purpose of txt is only to set up a meeting. her saying "she wants to get to know you before going on a date" really means "Im not attracted enough to want to meet you". she should know from your initial approach that she wants to meet you later.


Then why'd she give me her number then? ;) And besides, for some reason she's the one who answers my texts the most eagerly.

I just wish I knew the rules to play this "game". Like when is it appropriate to ask for coffee and what to do when she doesn't answer and stuff like that. Of course the only way to get better is to do it, and I don't think having AA should stop me from trying to get dates in the meantime while working on it. I mean, I'm already approaching much more than the average guy.
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Re: I will crush my AA 25 Nov 2013 22:05 #77387

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No problem, you have beginner worries that go away with practise.

Calling is GREAT exactly for the reasons you stated.

Let me assure you, women in Finland pick up the phone more often than not when you ring them right away (eithin 5min) of receiving a text from them. If they don't, they'll txt you why they can't pick up now. Or if you dont hear from them, they're just not interested in you. That's my exprience.

Make sure to read:
http://www.goodlookingloser.com/2012/02/27/calling-text-her-how-to-do-it/
http://www.goodlookingloser.com/2012/03/03/calling-text-her-what-if-she-texts-back-but-wont-pick-up-my-call-and-mass-text-technique/

now you know the "rules" of the phone txt game.

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