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I know this doesn't bode well for me, but I may have skipped the day 2 stuff and simply went to day four. I know I'm not suppose to skip drills, so I am now amending my mistake.
Days 4-8: These days have been a lot of fun somehow. Most days in my life so many beautiful women have passed me by and I've felt so disconnected from the world around me, trapped in a bubble away from them. It has been nice to bring some of them into my world, if only for 15 seconds to ask for the time. I have talked to more girls in these few days, if only briefly, then I have in a very long time.
Overall the drills have been easy. I've noticed if the area I am in is super crowded I get nervous going up and talking to people as I fear getting in other people's way. It seems easy for people to ignore you when it's crowded.
Day 9: In contrast, today's activity I performed in the morning when it was still quite in the shopping centre I was at. This gave a much more peaceful, somewhat less rushed / personal touch to the interactions. I found I blasted straight through today's drills. I was particularly proud of one approach I did where I walked up to a fairly attractive girl and asked for time and directions. She had no idea where I was talking about and I said 'Do you like it', despite being nervous as hell and the question kinda not making sense. Even though the reaction isn't what you are looking for, she kept it smooth and gave a reply that I can't remember. This kinda made me think she was engaged in the conversation with me instead of seeing it as an inconvenience in her day as some people have shown.
Really excited for day 10.
To anyone else reading my journal, hi. Hope to keep this one going. I am currently in Australia so lockdown has been crazy. Trying to not let that stop me though.
Today's drill was as follows:
Time, is there a cinema near by,
Time, is there a cinema near by, seen any good movies lately?
Today was a lot of fun. It felt like I actually had some genuine engagement from the people I talked to. Again, I know the reactions don't matter, but it was still nice to see people respond positively to me. I approached all 15 people, I tried to make the 3rd person of each set someone reasonably attractive, but couldn't always. I actually found that the more attractive people responded better to me for some reason. They were more happy to be talked to, perhaps this is due to them being approached more in their life.
I blasted through this day, but for some reason the last set took me a really long time. I think this is due to me being really nervous about people seeing me approach different people and ask the same questions to them. I get really nervous about that. Perhaps something to work on?
I found the drill really easy, time, is there a cinema near by. This part was pretty standard and people where always happy to help. When it came to the third part, seen any good movies lately, I would give an honest smile and look them in eye. Again, I found the more attractive people where the most receptive to this question, like they wanted to help me or even just have a conversation.
I thought today was easier than day 9's drills as day 9 had the opportunity for the conversation to not make sense (time, do you know where [restaurant] is, do you like it) , which was a bit more daunting. Might retry that day and aim to simply ask the last question to everyone who says they don't know where the restaurant is.
Thanks to anyone who reads this. Excited for day 11.
nice work bro - good to see you're having nice conversations. The last set always is longer for me aswell definitely work on that little hurdle you've created in your MIND. Make sure to identify all of them (i identified some in my most recent post) and defeat them when you have the opportunity then report back here.
Would love to see you time your drills. Then you can also aim to reduce the time taken per person as you progress. I personally start a timer when I decide to start the drill and end the timer when I do my last interaction.
Keep up the good work and consistency. Enjoy your night.
Here's the drill that I had on for today:
Time, do you know if they sell any phones around here,
Time, do you know if they sell any phones around here, what phone do you have,
Time, do you know if they sell any phones around here, what phone do you have, do you like it?
Today ended up being a little crazy. I had a huge range of emotions go through me within the 30 minutes it took me to complete the drill.
To start it off , the first couple of sets went by really quickly. The first four sets went amazingly. The shopping centre I was at had a lot of young people around. Most people were happy to engage in conversation with me.
When first reading today's drill, I thought the 'What phone do you have' seemed like a really difficult/personal question and I thought I would freeze up when asking, however, the opposite was true. The first time I asked the question, the person was happy to tell me and seemed like they wanted to help me make a choice and give their input, this set the tone for the rest of the drills.
As I went through the sets, I noticed a trend that has seemed to continue on from day 10. The more attractive girls that I approach are generally happy to help me and even just happy to be talking to me, whereas the less attractive, or older, girls that I talked to seem a little weirded out by the question. Backwardly, the notion that I COULD be hitting on an attractive girl by asking random questions actually GAVE the questions meaning, but the less attractive / unavailable girls ruled that out of there heads, making the questions seem weird and creepy.
In regards to weird and creepy, on my very last approach I went and talked to an older lady as she was the only person around in the end and I wanted to finish the drills. When I asked for the time, she seemed annoyed that I had even gone up and talked to her, when I continued the question and got to 'What phone do you have' she looked really suspicious like I was going to hack into her Facebook for something, so I apologised and walked away.
That interaction really really made me nervous for a long time after. But the story Chris told today echoed through my head. The story involved him going up to a girl, asking a bunch of questions and getting in return 'What's with all the questions', he then turned around, talked to another girl, said the exact same things, and took her home.
This was 100% the case today. Some of the girls I talked to seemed really happy to be in the conversation. Even got some indicators of interest during conversation (in which I had butterflies for a while afterwards).
Overall a lot happened today. Noticed some trends, got varying reactions, and my first bad one (really glad this was the last one of the day as this may have ruined my whole mood for the drills). I'm even somewhat THANKFUL I had a bad reaction, get me exposed to it.
I've also noticed that near the end of the drills I get something like social exhaustion. Chris talks about social freedom, and I definitely get that as the first few sets fly by (and I'm really really nervous beforehand, but am fine during), but then, the last set rocks up and it's like I'm socially tired and just don't want to do it. Hopefully this is like a muscle and will get stronger with practice.
Thanks for everyone reading this. Learning a lot. These drills make me feel like I'm making progress for once and not just over-reading and making myself more anxious.
Good stuff, keep going! I also find that I get tired after a while and have limited social capacity. It is also the amount of new experiences that you gather during the program, it can be overwhelming. I think that is what a lot of this exhaustion comes from.
As you might have noticed, this forum is kinda dead. I encourage you to crosspost your AA log here and on killyourinnerloser.com for more feedback. There is 5 active posters over there who finished the AA program this year. The site is run by Andy who is a moderator here on GLL.
So cool to hear from you, I was just reading your entries the other day. I've now started posting to killyourinnerloser as you're right in saying it's more active.
I have a question about the day 14 drill (first one where you give high-fives). Any advice on implementation as lockdown has just ended where I'm at, I feel like this is a bit of a charged drill. Don't know how I'm gonna move onto harder drills with touching but still... Any advice?
Give 10 girls a high-five.
Guesstimate how long it took you and record it in your AA Log.
Repeat this 2 times today, you will high-five 20 girls in total.
Now, I'm in Australia and we have just exited a huge lockdown. Asking for high-fives at this point seems really really far out of the scope of socially acceptable. We are encouraged to social distance and there's hand sanitiser EVERYWHERE. Do you all think I should still shoot for the drill? It definitely feels like I should but am very nervous about it. Maybe I can figure out how to incorporate some hand sanitiser into the equation haha.
Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DON'T let her slip by)
Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, Leave
Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, I'm planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, Leave
Time, Random question-Do you know anywhere that sells nice candles?, I'm planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, I'm the sweetest guy ever, Leave
Repeat this 4 times today, you will speak to 16 girls in total.
Today was filled with ups and downs.
To start the day off, I had listened to the audio files whilst I was at home. Listening to the audio I felt like the last part was going to be really hard for me. "I'm the sweetest guy ever". I tried to keep that out of my head and move forward with the drills.
Getting to the shopping centre I felt really anxious / tired and was not in a good mood. I approached a few girls and got some standard responses, but once I got to the last part I just couldn't bring myself to say it. It just felt so random to add in at the end of the conversation. I think this comes back to the drill at the beginning of the week where you ask "Do you know where x is", "Do you like it?", This sequence has a chance not to make sense, and even though I did the drills, still feel a little hung up about that.
After mumbling under my breath "I'm the sweetest guy ever" and not really saying it to the girl, I decided my whole vibe was off and I needed to reset. My plan was to go to the gym after my AA sets for a short while, so I went and did this and tried to get my mood back up and try again.
Second time around was much more successful. After bringing my mood back up, talking to the girls felt much more natural, I felt like I was actually telling them "I'm planning a romantic dinner" instead of just saying what the drill says to say. This opened up a bigger opportunity to say the "I'm the sweetest guys ever" part of the drill. This worked a lot better, however, I was still pretty unhappy with my fluency in getting there. If the girl didn't hook into the conversation I would bail instead of finishing the lines.
Definitely going to de-do today's drills so that I can execute swiftly, might do the "Do you like it" drill as well whilst I'm at it.
My most notable interaction was the very last girl I talked to. The prettiest girl of the whole thing. I went up and asked her (might I mention, when my mood was improved, I was getting a lot better reaction IN GENERAL then when I was super anxious and just going through the motions) for the time, followed by where I can find candles. This girl was SUPER helpful. She wanted to help me find the place I was looking for, gave me advice on what to get and was in general a pleasure to talk to.
Brooo you'll be fine. I'm in Sydney and I'm going to do the high fives no problem with covid. People here are clubbing and shit - face masks are pointless at this point. Just do them and get rejected. I feel like the older people will be more inclined to reject you btw. Younger people dont give a fuck at this point.
You could be funny carrying around some sanitiser if you get rejected and offer it to them. Or just spray it on their face and laugh at them.
Yeah definitely do the high-fives. You might get more rejections than you would have pre-covid, but it's possible. I did it back when there were still mask mandates OUTSIDE UNDER FRESH AIR in the inner cities over here in Germany. I instead went to the parks where people were not wearing masks and not thinking of it so much. Other guys did them inside malls with masks on in the US. It works.
Overall I noticed that MANY girls use the covid thing as an excuse to not high-five you when they don't want to. The days I had a better mood and more momentum, way less girls seemed to care about covid . After it gets dark, covid also seems to get worse aka more rejections
Thanks to everyone who replied. I knew what the answer would be but it's still encouraging to get them!
As per everyone's recommendation, there is simply no getting out of a drill, so I'll have to power through some high-fives.
Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, Leave
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, I got a promotion at work/Passed my test at school and I want to celebrate, Leave
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, I got a promotion at work/Passed my test at school and I want to celebrate, What type do you recommend?, Leave
Repeat this 4 times today, you will speak to 16 girls in total.
Today was super easy even though I didn't get to finish the drills.
I finished the first two sets and went to the gym, once I finished I went to do the last two. I did not have time however for it's completion as the shopping centre was pretty dead. I decided to call it a day and finish the drills tomorrow.
Of the sets I did complete I was very happy with how they went. I felt like I was directly talking to / engaging the people I went up to, we actually got into conversation and most people gave me a 'Oh congratulations'.
I don't really have much else to write about today. I will finish the drills tomorrow and provide an update.
Before I move onto the day 14 drills, I do want to go back and redo two of the previous days (Candle store and 'Do you like it'). I believe my performance on these days wasn't that great and still have some anxiety surrounding them. Once these are done I will move onto day 14. I will be taking a day off on Sunday.
High-five 10 girls.
High-five 10 girls but faster.
I most certainly have NOT forgotten about the AA program and do not intend to quit.
As you may have noticed there is about 2 weeks between now and my last update. I have been feeling VERY stuck on day 14... and have FINALLY made some progress. I have not yet completed the drill to 100% and will be redoing it, however, it has felt so fucking GOOD to make some progress on this wall.
So, going back two weeks, the first time I was suppose to do the drill I went out as normal, and pretty much froze at any given opportunity to do the drill. This repeated the next day. I then spent the next two weeks thinking about going out and trying again, and getting scared and not even trying.
I recently remembered that I had intended to try out some of the drills again. I thought it might bring back some momentum. I chose to redo the drill where you ask for directions and ask 'do you like it' even when the girl doesn't know the directions. I was able to motivate myself to go out and re-do this drill. And I did. I even forced myself to ask for really obscure places and then ask 'do you like it'. I definitely got some weird responses and felt super embarrassed during / directly after. I also felt fucking good for forcing myself through that. The embarrassment was exactly what I left my house to face, and it's exactly what I got.
That was two days ago. Today came around and I was DETERMINED to ask at least ONE FUCKING GIRL for a high-five. I decided to change the drill to a fist-bump as it felt like I would get better results considering Covid. I believe that ended up being a good decision.
So I went out to a park in the city that has decent foot traffic. I walked around aimlessly for quite a while trying to get some balls. I almost went home after about 30 minutes, I really did. I then sat down at a bench and kept thinking 'embarrassment is better than being a pussy' over and over again. I finally go up to a group of three girls and said 'hey fist-bump'. They all look at me weirdly and shake their heads slightly. I say thanks and walk away. I kinda ran away actually haha. But man I was fucking happy. Like really happy. I almost went home again at this point. But I decided to keep going. Who knows when I would get the courage to try again.
After a few more attempts (all of them getting a weird look and a rejection) I decided to take a break. There where people playing chess at the park and I was able to join in. I actually had a lot of fun and was in a good mood afterwards. So I decided to keep going.
This time I took a new approach. Instead of just going up and saying 'hey fist-bump'. I sort of started engaging people a little more. I even decided to go up to guys and ask as well, cause I knew I was going to redo the drill and wanted experience.
I went up to a few people and said 'Hey, I know this is random, but can I have a fist-bump? (and extend my hand). This worked WAY better. It sort of acknowledged the weird Covid thing and gave people an out for saying no. And to my surprise, I got very little rejections from here on. I got a few, but mostpeople would think about it for a second, then say yes. It was fucking magical. I even went up to a big group of girls and got like 7 at once.
All said I think I got about 15-20 (including maybe 4 guys) and maybe 5-10 rejections. I feel so fucking good to have gotten some good result today after STRESSING about it for two weeks.
I will continue doing this drill until I'm super comfortable with it,. I have work / gym tomorrow so won't be posting, but hopefully on Tuesday I can get another chance at it.
Sorry for the long post, but today was much needed.
Hopefully you guys hear from me again soon
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I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
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To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.