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So, I started a thread regarding the OTHER program, the going out solo program, and I kind of realize that it isn't really a problem for me. As strange as it sounds, I am totally comfortable going out alone at night, since I have done it many times since I am in the same boat as Chris (Good looking lifter with no social life.). I am comfortable with approaching women and guys, starting up conversations, and making "friends" faster than most people. Where I live had a complete down-pour last night, and I rode my bike to the bar that I chose to hangout at, so I was stuck for much longer than I anticipated, which forced me to stay longer.
I chose to start that go out to bars program since I was looking for a way to get out of my actual problem, which is expressing sexuality and conveying sexual intent to women. I am scared shitless of it if I am brutally honest about it. I am not a virgin, but they have all been online and not from any real life meet/approach->fuck, so this is what I need to target for my own sanity. I know the AA program builds you up to conveying sexual intent by the end, so that is what I am doing this program. I think it is my upbringing that has held me back all this time, but damn me if I don't get over it and move on.
Started my POF account. If anyone wants to look at the images used please message me. I have had a tinder for awhile but I just got rid of it since it seems that the algorithm doesn't like me. There were points a few years back where I had 50+ matches but last months I only got 10, and three responded, 0 dates. Going to see if this app is any better but I really am not super concerned, I know I need to meet people irl.
I had the same problem (expressing sexual intent, etc). Still do to be honest, but its light years from where I started (it took me weeks/upto a month to even mummer to a girl that I thought she was cute, now all my interactions start or at very least end with a sexual compliment). Honestly you are starting off from a much better place than I did; so if I was able to overcome that fear, then I think you can too.
My upbringing was shit too. Every male in my family were absolutely awful at picking up women, I've never seen them even talk to a stranger girl to be honest. Definitely a oneitis family.
So asking for 5 numbers took about an hour. I didn't want to approach girls that I wouldn't be at least interested in fucking. I am attempting to lower my standards so that I can get more experience, but not too far. In any case, first one was easy, went to the restroom, as I am leaving a second girl is going in, I ask her almost instantaneously but she declined (Notable I guess, but it was very polite.) The next three were uneventful, though I did one or two extra for the hell of it.
Still a little annoyed though, pussied out of one approach. Girl was a 9 to me at least, tall brunette long legs good skin, and feminine/pretty face type of girl. Flashed me a smile as she was bending over in a clothing store (I was at her 7oclock and she was looking back towards me, showing me her ass), and I KNOW that was a very interested girl, but when it happened I did a 180 degree turn and walked to a different part of the store. I basically took validation in the fact that she was looking at me, but at the same time I was pissed I wasn't approaching her. Literally bonkers how I want so much validation for how I look vs going for pussy. I couldn't even ask for the time (In my mind) since there was no "excuse" to do so. Just asking for the time needed a "reason" in my mind, when in reality I should need no reason other than "I want to." Whatever, it is the reason I am doing this program, I can't express sexual interest to girls without getting to myself.
I am not really getting to myself though, just want to document how it went so I can look back at progress in a few months. Day 4 complete
First set was easy. Went to a mall (Have 3 within 30 miles.) and did my approaches. This was faster than yesterday, probably 15 minutes or so. Wasn't hard at all. Nothing really notable, did converse with a store employee and we were touching back and forth (Though she wasn't exceptionally good looking, but experience.)
Second set was about an hour or so later, went to a Meijer (Popular U.S. store, like Wal-Mart). Did my approaches somewhere in the ballpark of 1:30 (Minutes, not hours) or less (Think it was more like 1:15 but whatever.) Just a bunch of pretty girls all near each other. One asked me about my watch (Currently wearing a GShock Mudmaster, which is a massive fucking watch lol) but just told her it wasn't working. Gave me a funny look but, really, it didn't phase me at all. Hopefully that feeling carries over to the more difficult exercises later.
Overall, it feels good to actually do something. Been making excuses for a long time not to do this, or to approach at all, etc, and it really feels liberating to actually take steps towards my goals. Day 5 complete
This day was straightforward. Just took much longer than the other drills I have done so far, about two hours, as it was hard finding girls to approach for some reason, all the stores/restaurants/malls were dead. Hit the first 7 or 8 in 30 minutes, then got a weird lethargic feeling, then pushed my way through the rest. Was definitively strange, by the end of it I really didn't care about the outcome, had some girls who were very nice and give a ton of help, while one in particular just walked away as I was asking for her help.
Two things I noticed: One, I need to work on not making excuses as to why I am approaching them. A few times, I went into a detail about how my phone is out of battery (TBF it was) and a host of other things, instead of just asking for the basics. In other words, a mild form of qualifying myself to the person I am asking the question to. This is something I am really planning to be cognizant of tomorrow.
Second thing was my first funny story: Final approach, went up to a girl in line for some food. Was asking for all three things (Time, location, have you been there.) When it got past the time, my brain froze and I asked her if she had been to the place I was at. FUCKIN lol her face immediately went into a grin while at the same time being confused. She asks me what I am talking about. I just power on since I have work in 30 minutes and this was all I had time for:
"Have you been there before?"
She starts really giggling and asking me what this is about. I am kinda embarrassed (But hardly at all?) and just tell her it was a joke, thank her for the time, and walk away. Just was both funny but also interesting. It was almost like I was an outside observer, almost didn't care at all really. Was kinda strange to be so nonchalant through the whole thing.
Day 7: one week in the books
On mobile so I can't say much, but very easy. Just did the drills and left. Had a few girls show a lot of interest. Found a great spot so only took 40 minutes or so. Will be using it again.
One week complete, excited for week 2. Might do two days tomorrow since I am 100% unable to do Saturday unless I run to the bar and do them there @ 10-11pm ( might do that actually, now that I think about it.). We will see, I have to use my free time to get through this program.
So, I am duel posting here and on the killyourinnerloser forums, though I will mainly still post on this one. It is a nice feature having the private from google for these logs, however, it doesn't really matter much to me.
I have completed day 8, pretty uneventful.
Just completed day 9. Went up to multiple girls, and groups of girls. I did the third part maybe 20 times in total, around, 30 girls if you count all the groups. I did approach two mixed groups but I specifically asked the question to the hottest girl (Guys got really defensive when I just kept talking to her). Left a huge impression as to how guys hover but really have no hold over the girls they are with.
Anyway, I might not be able to do the drills tomorrow or Monday. Tomorrow I have work just about all day long, will have a maybe 1 hour period between the job shifts. Monday I am taking my brother to an amusement park since I will be moving away sometime soon and I promised to bring him before I left (He is 10).
Overall, I am extremely motivated to complete this. In many way, I feel like I can go a lot further than the drills are asking me to go. There have been a few times where I have forced myself not to go up and complement the girl + physically screen, so while I am sure the AA program gets harder, I certainly haven't had much problem so far. I have only experienced anxiety once (During day 8, while I went to a mall and approached girls in the oncoming traffic, head on. Stopping them to ask for the time just lol) . So I still have some way to go but it is much less than I initially thought.
Actually found some time this afternoon! Got up earlier than usual to get my work done so I could get the day in.
Started good then pussed out almost immediately on a solid 8. Didn't see her coming and I approached the first girl for the time in the parking lot. Rationalized that asking for the time twice was too weird. Immediately regretted it and was bothered about it,as I was walking into the store I saw the girl turn around and look at me.in the reflection of the sliding doors. She was into me and the pussing out means I missed a good interaction. Did the rest of the drills and had two pairs of mother daughter that I approached, one of them I bailed on since they were acting so weird about it all walking away. Whatever. Did have a little anxiety throughout the drills today so it was a bit challenging but I got it done. Had a great reaction with a girl in the store window where this girl was a solid 9. She looked at me as I was passing her window, I saw it so immediately went in and did the full drill. She was giggling and playing with her hair, smiling, flashing eyes at me. Like I would have asked for her number if it weren't for the fact that the AA program says not to do that. Something that I have noticed is that the hottest girls react the best to this approaching style, where you just barge in and do what you want.
Tomorrow is off but Tuesday will be back to the drills.
Well, decided to go to the indoor mall near my place. Some things that I was really trying to work on today:
- Not apologizing or making excuses for why I am approaching. Did this well
- Planting myself directly facing them, instead of to a 45 degree angle. Makes the approach more intimidating for them but I have found that if I don't do this, some girls will just ignore and continue.
- Speak in a slower, deeper commanding voice. Definitely helped since only one girl didn't stop to give me the time (Though she yelled it back as I was walking away. I think she thought I asked her "Do you have time" which is something that several girls have thought I said.)
OF the interesting things that happened today, I noticed :
- Most of the girls were receptive and helpful. Most were really nice.
- The prettier girls (That aren't super shy) are very helpful as opposed to the less pretty girls.
- A few girls were ecstatic I opened them. They were expecting to be hit on, and they got less and less excited the further they realized I was just asking for things rather than for number or anything else.
Of the things that happened today, I approached one girl at a store while a girl I approached earlier was behind her. The complete confusion of the face of the girl I approached earlier made me burst out laughing (Last approach of the day.) so that was quite funny. The girl probably thought I was in looney tunes land or something. Was quite interesting what I learned though, is that it really doesn't matter. She didn't approach, she didn't make any mention of it, she just made a face, and turned around. I walked away. Nothing actually happened. Learned a lesson there.
Otherwise, yesterday I also went on a date (#2) with a girl I knew 3 years ago. She moved to China for two years to teach, but came back after covid. Moved into the same town as me, I saw her at the store and approached (Obv). She likes me and I kinda like her so I will see where this goes (We haven't fucked yet though, so if it goes on too long it is a pass. Will be seeing her and her friend Saturday to go bar hopping, so interested to see how that goes.
Got it done. Was easily the most difficult day so far. Nothing really to say, the girls all thought it was kinda weird except one. She was just starting college so she was still idealistic. The rest were thinking it was weird. One girl was disappointed I didn't hit on her (Just could tell from after the question/revelation.)
Nothing much to say today other than the anxiety was a tad worse. Would say it was a 3/10 if I had to rate it. Almost pushed it to tomorrow with the rationalization that I didn't have time before work, but I got it done.
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Kratom is next!
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