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Didn't do drills yesterday and today. I have a painful blister on my foot that prevents me from talking long walks. It is at a pain level where my body signals me that it's a very bad idea to walk on it, not just a nuisance. This is really annoying to me because I want to get this program done ASAP. Hopefully I can continue tomorrow.
Yesterday was about being persistent and discovering different types of chicks by asking up to three times what they want for their birthday.
Going out yesterday was harder than on most days. I'm not sure why. I think it might be related to my new haircut which I can't yet get used to. Whatever, I got my ass up, went out, and after the first few it became easier. Chris wanted this to be done on girls on their own, not in groups and a total of 30 times. Plus a few failed attempts and a bunch of skipped opportunities, this turned out to be a lot of chicks to find so it took me almost three hours of wandering around. I took a break in between as I was noticing a drop in mood and also success. Ate a snack and rested and found a place to pee. I am always amazed how much these basic desires influence your mood and your performance in doing drills/approaches.
I got all kinds of reactions: No answer, sports cars, beach vacations, IPads, health, world peace, furniture, yarn, shoes, trip to south america, a trip to an amusement park, for people to stop being late, a good book and being allowed to throw a proper party next time. No reply was the most common answer, accounted for roughly a third of the cases.
The coolest chick was one that answered upon the first question, which was very rare. It was a skater chick and she didn't wish for expensive shit like sports cars, beach vacations, IPad etc., but for a friggin fanny bag. Fun.
A lot of chicks wished for world peace so at some point I stopped accepting that as an answer and was like "nah I mean something real".
Most unusual interaction: Chick said she doesn't celebrate her birthday because she is a Jehovah's Witness. I was like well what occasion are there for gifts in your faith. She said marriages and wedding anniversaries. She said that she is currently still married and showed me her ring. Her tone implied that that was not for much longer. I asked her what she wanted for her wedding anniversary. She was like the second marriage anniversary would have been soon, once again emphasizing she was not gonna stay married to the guy. Fucking hilarious, she probably wanted me to hit on her. Then she answered that she would take any type of jewelry. If it was to be from her husband though, it would need to be a love letter. I did the challenge on most chicks, but unfortunately didn't have the balls right here. That would have been hilarious: (sarcastic voice) I'll give you a lOve LEtTeR.
It is honestly hard for me to fully be in the "I'm just gonna fuck with her" mindset. My mind is still too focused on my fear of what could go wrong, so I just hope it all goes well.
I have also noticed that I struggle with approaching in very crowded places, like the main shopping street. I feel anxious on a deep, almost subconscious level there. It is quite unlike being in a park or something, which additionally relaxes me due to the nature. I don't have a general problem with a lot of people. I have held speeches in front of hundreds. I'm not 100% sure what the problem is. Maybe also the noise level which makes conversations harder. Talking to girls that are standing locally on the side of the shopping street is no problem. I did try a few times today to stop girls in the middle of those moving masses, but I failed every time to make them stop. I don't know if that is just generally harder or if I am more tense there than usual and that is why it fails. Any thoughts on this?
Went out close to noon and did the lunch drill. A lot of them gave me answers, only about a third of the cases I had to go through all four questions. Whenever I had those cases, I put the challenge question on top. I was surprised how many chicks were not planning to eat lunch at all, seems to be a real thing.
After the day 25 drills I went home, rested and checked out the day 26 drills. I found the scene in the German dub and used those lines. This drill is even dumber for me as a German because a lot of the humor is based on Arnold's voice and he is a native German speaker (like me), although with an Austrian accent. Hilariously, in the dub, another person speaks for him. So it doesn't even have the classic Arnold voice. I'm not even sure how to do the Arnold voice when speaking German, it only really works in English, because his English sounds so dumb.
Went out in the evening but to a horribly empty spot so I wandered around for like an hour without a single approach. Anxiety had build up when I reached a more crowded area. First approach were two chicks that were twins and somewhere from South America I think. Started the drill in German but they didn't speak German so I did it in English. I was so nervous that I said "Who is your daddy and what's his name"
I did 8 more approaches, but I think I only had a total of like 3 ones that were successful, charitably counting (counting one where I didn't restart after an interruption but got an answer in the end). Getting this right is hard. Some I cannot count because I didn't restart every time I was interrupted. A lot of times they said something right before I said "Ready?". Reflecting upon this now, I maybe shouldn't count simple rapport reactions, like an OK, as an interruption. From Chris' instructions: "Make sure you go through the entire sequence, if she rudely interrupts start over from the beginning. You need to do it 3 times or until you get an answer that's not "what?" "huh?" "who is my daddy?" "what are you talking about?" It's not a long sequence, so that shouldn't happen very often." Happened to me all the time. Plus many which I started over on were not rude at all, like OK's.
Another problem was walkaways. I think what is the main trigger for that are the associations with "daddy". I did it once on a group of four walking chicks that I stopped but I can also not count that one since they were fairly talkative and said like single words to each other or to me a few times. I would have had to restart 10+times. Another memorable approach was two sitting chicks. I almost got done, but in the third round, they kept interrupting me and were like "yeah man we understood your words, that's not what our problem in understanding is about" and after I started like 5-6 times they asked me to leave, saying they didn't want to play the game. I'm not gonna be a complete asshole and keep harassing them if they tell me to leave so I couldn't complete the drill. I got one "I'm detective John Kimball" in there tho somewhere in the middle, but it was more of a loud tone than really shouting.
It is also very hard to look at them like you are supposed to, like idiots when they don't get it and like a waste if they interrupt you. The latter might be important to stop future interruptions. It was hard for me I think because this drill is somewhat more complex: Paying attention to every reaction, restarting, giving the proper looks. When I am approaching I sort of go into a tunnel vision and follow a pre-set plan and it is hard for me to be this reactive.
This drill REALLY makes you look like a fucking lunatic. It's not about people not knowing the reference. I mean the movie was released before most of the chicks that I approach were born. Chris mentioned this prank was popular in 2002, I was six years old back then. It's about doing random-ass shit repetitively and not giving any context.
I got some pretty hard laughing reactions out of this drill. Some others weirded out, some annoyed.
Doing these reps and not being able to get many successful ones in there pulled me down quite a bit, that is why I stopped after doing 9 of them. This is once again one of these drills where simply executing doesn't cut it, quite similar to the high-five drill. You need the girls to react in the right way, which is something you can influence to a significant degree. Not getting the desired reactions feels like failure and that pulls me down. This is some real outcome dependency showing here. That was coupled with me simply being tired after walking in the sun for so many hours today, so I called it a day. Doesn't feel good, but I wasn't gonna torture myself today after already having finished a whole day.
Got four days worth done this week. I was planning to do five to six, but couldn't go out on the other two days because of blisters. So given those circumstances, I'm content with how the week went.
Yesterday started of really good. I got up early, had slept well and plenty. I was productive throughout the morning and did sports where I beat my personal pull-up record. I was hoping all this positive momentum would carry over to the drills. Unfortunately, it didn't. Before going out, I was scared af. I prepared by dressing up nice but I still felt not ready and had low self-esteem towards my looks right there and then. I didn't want to keep stalling uselessly and the only thing I allowed myself to do before going out was a breath meditation. I had plenty of time afterwards anyway and I was hoping that would pump me up. It was an energizing breath meditation, I could feel my whole body tingling. It was actually good. I have done these meditations occasionally for a while on the recommendation of a friend and finally got good at it and it became useful. Either way, there was of course still a lot of fear but I went out and just got started.
Because today was such a blast and I highly exceeded my expectations, I wanna share my approaches in detail. The memorable approaches have more detail. I did 27 attempts and 15 successful Arnold reps. Only 10 were required and I didn't even count the ones from my first try. I had a success rate above 50% and that includes failed attempts where the chick was simply on the phone and stuff like that.
(-) The first attempt was on a chick in a mask. After the "Ready?" She said No. I jumped to the interpretation of "no I don't want to play" and walked away. Only realized that that was dumb after the fact. But the approach broke the inactivity and got me rolling.
(1) This attempt was the first successful rep of the day. I was waiting for the train and decided to approach a chick that was waiting at the same train station. I am usually quite shy when it comes to that because I fear the awkwardness of standing there afterwards and continue waiting for the train. So I left my comfort zone. I did it on her three times (the spam-method). She was confused and wanted me to explain it to her after I gave her the third chance. I said I can't and walked off. So I sat there on a bench like 20 meters away and she got up from her bench and started pacing up and down in front of it. She looked over at me, and when we made eye contact she made a fake judgy look and shook her head. A few minutes later she walked past me just to tell me while passing by "theoretically, you owe me an explanation". She said it in a tone of trying to convince me to explain it while trying to conceal how hard she wanted to know it. Fucking amazing. I REALLY fucked with her head
(2) A train came, but not mine and I decided to do it again on the train platform I was waiting on. This time it was a group of three chicks. I once again got it through spam. There were roughly ten people around that saw and heard me. No fucks given.
(-) I can't count this attempt which is unfortunate, because she was super receptive, but I once again asked "who is your daddy and what's his name" She replied with "Klaus" immediately. Well shit happens. The name-slip-up happened to me a lot, not because I was nervous, but simply because this is what is stuck in my brain as the sequence haha. Most of the times I realized immediately though and corrected it.
Between now and the next approach I had a 30min train ride so the social momentum I had gathered died down mostly. Sitting upright and breathing deeply through my nose kept up the mood though.
(3) Did it on a chick right when I exited the train on a platform. Her dad is retired.
(-) She was out upon me saying that we are play a game
(4) Success through spam on a walking chick
(5) Success through spam and did the challenge on her
(-) Had headphones in and was talking on her phone
(-) rather wanted to read
(-) didn't want to play, said it was spooky. The "ready?"-questions gives the girls an easy escape option which is unfortunate.
(6) Success through spam on a walking chick
(7) Two chicks sitting on the grass. One said that the other is her daddy
( Her daddy's name was Andreas and he is a mayor
(9) Success through spam, just 10 meters from the last attempt. She asked me which stag party I was part of. I did the challenge and shouted at her that I am John Kimball which startled her, that was super funny. She didn't get what was going on and wanted me to explain. I told her I can't but that she could ask the other chick I did the challenge on next to her.
(10) I walked up to a group of five chicks that were pretty hot. I succeeded through spam. Feels like a huge achievement because you basically have to manage all five chicks attention and if one goes sour, the whole group can turn but I managed to do it.
Even though I was done with the required drills I wanted to keep going to get more exposure and because it was actually super fun fucking around with these chicks and having so much success.
(-) walking Chick, couldn't stop her
(11) 2 Girls with dogs. Success through spam
(-) on phone
(12) approached two walking chicks that were ahead of me on the street. Had success with spam. One of them only spoke English well so I switched language halfway in. I noticed that they had tags on their chests so I asked them about it because I was curious. I was beyond my required reps so I decided I might as well do some small-talk afterwards. I did not attempt or plan to get numbers, don't want to mix that with drills. Turns out they are missionaries trying to tell people about Jesus. They were surprised because usually they are the ones approaching people. I was like haha I guess it's a UNO reverse card. I think they were impressed by my forwardness in approaching, they didn't seem super extroverted and were probably approaching people in a conservative manner. They wanted me to explain the game but I said I couldn't. Wished them good luck and left.
(-) didn't want to play
(-) didn't want to play, were being approached by people every 2min
(13) I was scared because she looked really hot from afar, but wasn't so much though close-up. She was shy and wanted to move on I think, so I had to be persistent. I succeeded through spam. She said in the end that she is sorry and lost on things like this and that it is generally not her day. Haha she was the one in the end feeling self-conscious and shy, what an unexpected turn of events.
(14) I stopped two GORGEOUS chicks that were walking. They said they needed to keep going to catch the street lights but I was persistent and was like it's only two minutes and said I'll walk with you. The lights turned red so I had them and could continue while standing. I did the challenge on them too, the looks were super confused/weirded out. After the second round one of them replied "It's none of your business" and so it was successful rep.
I headed back to the train station at this point. But I was thirsty for more and wanted to see if I could repeat the success after a break of just walking for a while.
(-) didn't want to play
(-) I walked past a chick standing near an ATM. I turned around and approached her. I was well aware from the start that the guy at the ATM was probably her boyfriend or husband. She didn't want to play and yes he definitely belonged with her and also said they didn't want to play. They spoke poor German, I think they might have even been some poor confused tourists haha. Having the chance to approach a chick while her boyfriend is distracted was such a big chance to step out of my comfort zone that I HAD to do it.
(15) Succeeded through spam. She turned out to be shy but looked like she was in a bad mood from afar so it was scary to approach. Maybe it was just projection of AA. She was wearing a mask which I usually hate to deal with but I didn't even think of it this time.
I stopped myself from further approaching after that. It is like when you are doing sports and trying to acquire a new skill, let's say a handstand. It is better to not practice it until complete exhaustion, because then the last few tries will not be very good because you are tired and you will leave the training session with a negative feeling.
One thing that I did not do 100% properly was the challenge. You are supposed to shout "I'm detective John Kimball". I either shouted "I'm John Kimball" or "I'm John Kimball, no interruptions!". It was not really on purpose but just because I couldn't burp the correct sequence out in the moment and there were not enough opportunities to get the phrasing right. Still happy though about it.
On thing I did slightly different to the original drill is based on translation difficulties: The tense of "We are gonna play a game" doesn't exist in German grammar. I had the option of saying "We will play a game", which sounds weird, and "We are playing a game", which is closer to the assertive nature, so I chose that. It lead to some girls not being sure who the "we" is, but I clarified upon question.
Learnings/ thoughts on the drill:
- doing it on localized girls (standing, sitting) is much easier. Walking chicks are absolutely possible though
- I think putting emphasis on the "what does he do" instead of the "daddy" part can be somewhat effective in preventing walkaways due to the sexual daddy-associations.
- spam does NOT equal doing it fast, quite the contrary. Doing it in a normal speed while consciously using gesture and facial expressions and eye contact is much better in keeping the girls off the though of quitting. It also helps lead the conversation and prevent interruptions
- I think I was this successful also because I had great social momentum and mood. That resulted in friendliness, assertiveness, good body posture and relaxed breathing. There is no way to overstate the importance of assertiveness. If your "we are gonna play a game" has the slightest tone of being a question or asking for permission, your success rate will plummet.
Today was about calling chicks "bro", asking for the beach and flexing your biceps like an idiot. One could choose between opening with "bro" and "hey". I did some with "hey bro" and some with "bro", because "hey" felt easier in comparison and I wanted to challenge myself.
I did the first two on the train platform once again. Then I went to the inner city and ended up doing them in the main shopping street so I was facing that demon of mine as well to some degree. Me flexing must have looked hilarious. I mean I have good definition, but I don't have much muscle mass.
Reactions were mixed, as always. Many found it funny, many just didn't get it, some were pissed. The second chick said "is that supposed to be some kind of joke?", not finding it funny at all. I shrugged and walked off. Another chick stared at me and asked me "are u Ok?" in a way where she was implying I was insane or something. A lot of girls walked off while I was flexing. I did the challenge four times. First one was in front of a restaurant on two chicks that were about to be seated. They left to be seated after like 5 seconds of flexing so I stood there for a solid more 25 seconds just flexing on my own. The other restaurant guests looked at me. The restaurant was packed. One older lady complimented my muscles. On the second challenge the girl walked off immediately, so I just stood flexing on my own in the main shopping street for another 29 seconds. On the third one, the girl was creeped out and said "I'm not talking to you". I stood in front of her, flexing, said "OK" and let her walk off, even though she was standing locally, unlike most girls I did the drill on. Most I approached from the front, they were walking towards me. Fourth challenge I did on three chicks that were putting locks on their bikes in front of a store, so they were there for the whole 30 seconds because they were busy on locking their bikes. They thought it was some kind of bet and thought it was funny although it took a few seconds for them too overcome their confusion and reservation.
The first reps of the first two sets I didn't do the rep properly. I didn't just leave after "I have a question", but said "Oh never mind" and "I forgot it". I redid those two reps in the end. It's crazy to me that those are so hard intuitively for me. I already noticed that on previous days, for example when you just walked up, said "hey" and left. Now I have finally come to terms with leaving business unfinished in these types of approaches and not giving a fuck about what she thinks.
Before today I thought it would be weird tapping shoulders when you are not coming up from behind but it turns out that was not a problem at all. Now it doesn't feel weird to me anymore.
I didn't get into such a zone as I did yesterday throughout the drills. It didn't feel so amazing. But beyond the fear before and while starting, it was fairly effortless. The reps went over quickly and I didn't look forward to them being over excitedly like many times when it was hard. I didn't feel exhausted afterwards, which I usually do after drills. I used the breath meditation to get myself ready and over some of my fear just as yesterday before getting started. I might turn that into a routine but I'm not sure if I should. Maybe doing the drills without being pumped up is an important skill to master. I think I will do the breath meditation occasionally when I am feeling tired, like I did today.
Today was about asking for nerd glasses, acting like a PUA-idiot and asking the girls straight-up whether they would fuck you if you wore nerd glasses.
I had an easier time going out today than the last two times. Didn't need to pump myself up. Tried yet another spot today but ended up doing half the drills at one of my standard locations near the river. Nonetheless I got some variation in there which is nice.
I finished the first regular set but then I got stuck on the challenge for a while. I was really scared of that one. The standard drills today were not special at all. Shoulder tapping had been done yesterday and the rest is just random convo, very similar to week 2 stuff. But asking whether they would fuck me if I was wearing nerd glasses was a real challenge. Had a few approaches where I didn't go through with it. Some had already passed me and were not sticking around for me to do all the remaining lines. Some chicks I was not sure whether they were really 18 so I decided not to do it on them.
I sat down on a bench for a few minutes. A young mom with a kid was walking by, the kid grabbed a piece of dogshit on the floor. Fucking hilarious. She asked me if had some paper tissues, I was happy to help. Random shit happens!
Got back up and found two chicks I wanted to try the challenge on. They were certainly adult and not in a hurry. The approach already started off fucking weird. I came from the front and said "Hey" while reaching for one girls shoulder. She hunched back so I had to really lean in to tap her even though their attention was already fully on me. Did the regular drill and then the challenge on top. They were not amused and had zero humor and both answered "no" in a serious manner.
I was soooo happy I had done it. That shit is huge for me. I had expected like a way worse reaction. Like a "what kind of fucking creep are you?" or something like that. But it wasn't that bad. Plus I had overcome a huge fear, asking for sex pretty directly. I mean it was in a hypothetical sentence but still way more direct than I had done it on strangers ever. When I started off AA, a friend of mine proposed I should just try and go around and ask chicks literally whether they want to bang to overcome my fear of talking to chicks for sexual purposes. Solid idea because it addresses the issue at its very core, but I was waaay too scared to do that. Even the thought of creating an additional AA day for myself with that drill at the end of the program scared me. Now I can totally imagine doing that at the end of AA.
I didn't do the reps strictly in order but did most of the challenge-reps shortly after the first one. I even did a fifth one on top. Reactions for the latter four challenge reps:
- that's a weird question (2 chicks)
- if I didn't have a boyfriend, I definitely would. I was very flattered haha
- we don't know (2 chicks)
- don't like nerd glasses so probably no. They were not the hottest chicks and clearly socially not skilled but the latter was interesting because I think they felt like they had the duty to answer the question, simply because they were asked (2 chicks)
The other drills had mostly good or or neutral reactions. It was just a nice convo with a stranger who was in a good mood and they were happy to help. Same as always.
Somewhat negative reactions I got today were on some of the reps where I tapped the chicks with "Hey I have a question" and then took off. That seriously confuses people or makes them pissed. One was like "wait what's the question? WTF?" another like "haha very funny". I mean I also execute the rep in way that makes it obvious that something is up, so no surprise. I start of like it were a regular convo, then when I have their attention I briefly maintain eye contact, let my mimic go from happy to neutral/ignoring and then just take a 90 degree turn and sharply walk off, never looking back.
I had one really negative reaction. I was gonna do same rep but I got the negative reaction even before I left. She said "Can you not just simply touch me?!?" Interesting how I did this drill on over 20 chicks today and on 20 more yesterday and got only one reaction like that out of it. The girl clearly has issues. Either a bad day, or some traumatic experience, or she is overly sensitive about covid, or one of those "zero touching without consent" chicks, or any other reason. Definitely not normal though.
For tomorrows high-five drill I will head back to the park where I got stopped by the police. Not because that still scares me, that has fortunately passed, but because I feel that chicks in parks are in waaaaay better moods on average than elsewhere. It's just more fun to do drills there. Maybe easier I guess.
Goal for yesterday when I did the drill was to get 10 double high-fives.
I wasn't scared of the day because it seemed tame compared to the other stuff in the back mirror. But I imagined it would involve a fair amount of failed attempts. When doing regular high fives, I usually got 10 out of 20 attempts. So I imagined I would get a lower ratio this time. Chris mentioned in his audio that guys average 18-20 attempts to get this done. He also mentioned that if you need much more then he wants you to redo the drill. I thought I might have to stretch that rule slightly due to the covid circumstances. Turns out I didn't at all.
I got 10/12. Well actually I did 5 more double high-fives so I could claim 15/17, but I wouldn't count them. The two rejections I got were one where I only got a single high-five and the other gave me an air double high-five.
1 walking girl right down my street
4 chicks at once in the park. I didn't count this one because it didn't feel proper. They were standing around an outdoors workout kinda business so might have been artifically friendly. It was funny, when I walked of the two duos of girls both said they thought I belonged to the other two. (technically + 1 guy that was standing nearby bc I felt bad for not giving him one as well).
2 sitting on a wall. Asked me why. No reason! Spreading good mood!
1 Girl that I didn't count because she was approaching me. She was trying to get me to donate for some charity
2 Girls walking. Thought they wouldn't give but I was persistent and asked again and they gave
0/1 only gave a single high-five because she had a phone in her hand
2 walking girls. First gave me a single high-five. I was like: "no, double!" and got it. Had to chase the second girl because she had already kept walking to get the second double high-five.
1/2 girls walking. The one who didn't give had already walked past and was giving me an air double high-five. Might have gotten a real one if I had been persistent.
2 girls on a bench who didn't get it at first but I just asked again and they did it.
10/12. Insane ratio. Not sure if luck or looks or social freedom or less of a covid situation or a combo of all. Way beyond my regular high-five best of 10/18. I really went in there though and was persistent. To put the success in perspective, I did avoid chicks that had both hands full (like food plus phone).
I really don't get why I rocked this day so much, because it was not a good day besides that. I spend most of the day in my head, wallowing in self-doubt and feeling self-counscious. I feel like the rest of my life is a complete mismatch with my AA progress/performance, the rest of my life isn't catching up. Doing the drills is usually the most exciting and fulfilling part of the day, I feel productive. I am otherwise too much in my head and have too little social life which I noticed over the last few days. It will improve in the next days due to family & friend visiting and me visiting a friend afterwards for a couple weeks. And my sex-life is currently dead.
All my being in my head at least made me realize that I have not been serious about my online dating efforts. I have only worked on my style so far, haven't made a serious photoshoot. I also haven't read the entire tinder guide but at least continued now. I now learned that tinder gold and weekly boosts are considered mandatory in Andy/Killyourinnerlosers Tinder Guide. Bought gold and some boost and will start boosting tonight. Also started swiping on a daily basis because the algo seems to punish you if you don't. I now once again remember why I was so keen to get into cold approaching, because I really hate swiping and hoping for matches and all that bullshit.
Tonight I will do the day 30 nighttime drills which I am really scared off. But it needs to be done.
I went out on Friday to finish the nighttime drills. I am writing diary only now because my family was visiting from out of town Saturday and Sunday.
I had been scared of this drill for a while. Since the beginning of the week, the fear had been concrete because I planned to do days 26-29 Monday through Thursday and then day 30 on Friday, so the entire week was a buildup of anxiety and essentially part of the exposure therapy.
The drill was not much different than the day 21 drill, arguably easier. Instead of just squeezing 10 girls on the arm and walking off, you had to squeeze 20, saying “nice” 10 times and “cute” 10 times. It is arguably easier because it is much less creepy than just squeezing and walking off.
Day 21 had been the hardest day for me so far so I wasn’t looking forward to this. The fear was even more irrational than I am used to AA being. Sometimes recently I have had worse fears before going out than right a few moments before the first approach. Taking action was easier than I imagined it to be. This was the same in this case, but just amplified so I had been dreading this drill all week. Insane amounts of fear.
I planned to leave my place at 8, left at 8:15. I wanted to try a new street with bars so that I wouldn’t end up in the same place where the staff could recognize me from last time. Was there before 9. I walked around a bunch but most of the places were dead inside and only people sitting on tables on the sidewalk, a real Covid-phenomenon. I was looking for a crowded place where I could do it inside and wouldn’t be the only person walking around. The latter was an unrealistic and dumb expectation which I found nowhere, not even in the places I ended up doing the drill. Found a reasonably crowded place but it was a private party. Finally found another one after walking around forever but was too scared to go inside so I took a walk around the block and gathered myself. Went inside, but the place was completely booked. Due to Covid, there is a duty to assigned a specific place and they were all occupied and the barkeeper told me they’re sorry they have no space. Retrospectively, I should have at least squeezed a handful of chicks sitting nearby where I was talking to the barkeeper. I kept walking but the only other reasonably full places were full of middle-aged dudes. By then it was 10 o’clock and I decided to stop wasting time and return to the street in the center of the city where I did the drills last time because I expected the places to be more crowded.
Took a subway to that place. I hate wearing masks which you are obliged to do in there. But as usually, I ignored it, taking the risk of being fined. Sat down and like 10m from me there was a good-looking chick that was not wearing a mask either. Super rare. Have been taking the train every time I did drills and only met a handful of people that did that, never a good-looking chick. We smiled at each other repeatedly and I decided to go over and talk to her. I guess it was sort of a warm approach but I wasn’t direct or flirty, so nothing to be super proud of. But I wasn’t planning to approach at all that night so I’m happy I at least walked over. Made some small-talk about the mask stuff, introduced myself. She scooted over and I sat next to her. Continued introducing each other and making small talk. Didn’t ask but I would guess somewhere like 27 yo. I was only riding that train for a few stops so wasn’t a long convo. She proposed exchanging contacts and we did. SHE DID, WTF!? Got out, waved her goodbye, she looked very happy. Holy fuck that shit like never happens to me. And then it happened just on that night. The non-existent god of cold-approach smiled down upon me and boosted my ego in the perfect situation so that I could finish the day 30 drills.
My state was boosted. Walked towards the place I had been to last time. It wasn’t as full as last time but reasonably full. On the way I saw another place that I kept in mind to do further reps later. Sat down at the bar, ordered a alcohol-free beer. Got up and went to the restroom to clear my mind. I was planning to squeeze one chick that was sitting between the bar and the restroom. Came back but chickened out. She was on a 1-on-1 date and was seated 2 meters from me. Sat down and was unhappy about chickening out on that. About one minute later I got my shit together, took my drink in my hand, my leather jacket over my arm, got up, turned around, and started squeezing and complimenting. It was DIRECTLY behind me, maybe 50cm, a table of 3 chicks. As with all the reps I did that night, I stopped, squeezed, looked them in the eye and made the compliment. Stopping and making eye-contact were not required. Went to the next table, squeezed 2 chicks. Went to the next table (4 dudes 1 chick) and squeezed her. Went to another table and squeezed the chicks on it. Then walked outside the door and rested for one minute. Made some smalltalk with the bouncer. 9 reps done, nice. I made a friendly smile with every squeeze and the girls were either confused, amused, or bewildered. Went back inside. The table I had already squeezed a chick one had one more now, she was in the restroom before I guess. Squeezed her, then walked to a table in the corner and squeezed the two chicks sitting there. 12 “nice”-squeezes down. Nice. Wasn’t even thinking quick enough to switch to “cute” at 10 reps. Went back to the bar and sat down. I had squeezed almost every chick in the place, excluding waitresses and people sitting outside on tables on the sidewalk. Only the one chick left that I chickened out on in the beginning. I wanted to do her as well after a break in order to achieve the “major challenge” for the day of squeezing every chick in the place. I chilled for a minute though and then one of the barkeepers asked me to please leave the other guests in peace. I was like Ok sure. Fuck. I guess not doing the major challenge. The barkeeper didn’t say it in a harsh or threatening tone but in very friendly fashion. I finished my “beer” and asked the barkeeper whether someone complained. He was like “yeah. We don’t care but if someone complains then we gotta intervene”. Basically telling me that I could talk to chicks and do random shit unless people were complaining. I got my bet on the two chicks in the corner who had colored hair and were not giving smiling feedback when I did it. But who knows. I was in a good mood nonetheless. I wasn’t kicked out, it wasn’t really bad. The staff treated me well. The only downside to this is that I didn’t do the challenge and that I can’t do the next round of nighttime drills in this place. I like it because noone cares about masks which makes the approaches much “realer”.
Left the place and went to the one I kept in mind. It was not chill about masks so I went in with one. Walked all the way to the back. Stalled for 15 seconds, walking around acting like I was looking for my friends. But really I was scouting the place, looking for a good route to squeeze at least 10 chicks and getting myself mentally ready. Started off with a table of four chicks. Did the “cute”-version. Had to lean in between two of the girls reaaaaaly deep across the table to get the fourth in the corner. Then went to a table 2m away and squeezed three girls. Then squeezed a chick that was on a 1-on-1 date with a dude. Sorry bro, or not. Then squeezed three more and left the place. Almost all of the chicks giggled and one even thanked me for the compliment. 11 “cute” approaches down. I was in and out of the place in like 3 minutes and didn’t even buy a drink.
FUCK YEAAAH DAY 30 DONE!!
After that I decided I wanted to enjoy the nighlife and went to the park nearby where there are partys, illegal due to lockdown rules. Went in a big crowd and up to a group of four chicks asking them who was throwing the party. They didn’t know, it was just a random gathering. Danced with the group of four chicks. I asked them whether they were still in school because they looked really young but they were 19-21. I guess my age-radar is pretty shit. Wasn’t really aiming to get laid that night but would have been nice of course. I just continued making non-sexuall small-talk and stuff, the shit I have always been doing when going out. Of course led me nowhere. But now I am much more aware of how fucking retarded my past behavior was. No wonder I never got laid that way. Kept dancing until the party was crashed by the cops and then went home.
Now onto an interesting observation. By the end of the party, the rush of having the drills done had died down, the adrenaline was gone. Even though I had the drills behind me, I was still feeling scared. Like wtf, it was over, why am I scared? It was pretty much the same feeling as before the drill. I am fairly certain that I am not confusing it with stress or exhaustion. I had similar after-shocks after the day 21 drill, just not as strong. Very confusing. It has even lasted somehow until today, two days afterwards. I was so busy I haven’t fully processed what happened. I think my mind has not yet decided whether it is going to categorize this night as exposure therapy that lowers my fear of doing stuff like this or whether it will categorize the night as so stressful that it is basically a traumatic event that it wants to prevent from happening again.
Really made me think. I wondered whether I was in “too deep” into the program. But I really don’t think so. I finished all the recent drills well and some of them I crushed. I think the nighttime drills are a different category that is somewhat detached from the other stuff. They are such a step-up from all the other stuff. More physical, more creepy, other circumstances/nighttime, unequally harder due to Covid. Overall, the mental pressure of these nighttime drills is insane. I can guess why Andy/Killyourinnerloser gives a guarantee that you will almost certainly finish if you manage to do day 21. It is a huge roadbump. It does not fit well into the otherwise slow and gradual progression of the AA program IMO. Maybe I’m wrong and this is just especially hard for me but I doubt it.
The nighttime drills are great though once you get through them. They really open your eyes to what is possible. Generally, nowadays, freedom is mostly mental freedom. This is no different in the case of social freedom. In order to be free you have to lose your fear of doing what you want to do and a major part of that is simply truly realizing how little repercussions stand on the things you are scared of. You can pull of so much shit without anything happening. It is fucking liberating. This is something you realize on many drills, but especially on these nighttime drills.
Which single drill was the hardest for you?
Day 21 I guess. Day 30 is close. Afterwards day 15, simply because I had set the bar high on day 14 and the whole police story. What bothers me about the nighttime drills is that I wouldn't describe my level of comfort as satisfactory on them. I should probably get much more exposure on those kind of drills.
How are things going so far? Compare yourself on Day 0 to right now.
Holy fuck, much better. I can do shit now fairly easily that I would have been scared off hardcore in the beginning. I even noticed that I am in more extroverted/playful moods sometimes. When I went out partying after the drills on Friday, I just randomly tousled some guys hair because he had funny hair and I felt like fucking with him. Didn't even think of it much. I also noticed that I have a near-automatic execution reflex when I walk past attractive girls.
How does the future look?
Which days did you do your best, which day did you do my worst? What was the difference? Start from mindset.
The mood and mindset throughout the day did not translate as directly into my drill performance as I thought. I had days on which I felt really down and had many self-doubts, but when I was out doing the drills, it was the opposite. One thing that massively influences my performance is sleep and exhaustion.
Haven't had any. As I noted a few days ago, I have not been serious about my online dating. Didn’t even make it until the part in Andy’s Tinder guide that states that Tinder Gold and boosts are mandatory. I have only seriously been working on my style. Used two boosts on Friday and Saturday but only got like 10 likes out of them of which 3 were obese, 1 trans and 2 not in my town. Not happy about that. Will make a few new pics in the coming days and try to swipe daily and boost weekly.
As you can see from my log, all days have been reflection days, so now enough of this shit. Onto week five.
The program used to go up all the way to day 64. People are considering the program finished once you finish day 46 and are able to cold approach via basic guy game. Week 8 has been entirely taken off the GLL site. Does anyone know why? I found the page in the Wayback Archive and at the bottom it even foreshadows a week 9 that develops killer instinct but I don't think it exists. Does anyone know the background to this stuff?
From what I remember Chris had to take down week 8 for legal reasons. Let's say that's related to me too movement. Anyway, didn't matter that much since it's on the wayback machine as you pointed out.
About allusions to week 9, yeah, Chris never posted a week 9. Not sure if he just got busy with other projects or decided that 8 weeks worked well enough for his clients / guys on here. Would've been cool if he had done a step-by-step insta-lay. But once you can approach it's not rocket science...
Definitely get to day 46 and start doing real approaches. I don't remember the drills for week 6 vs week 7 but pretty sure I remember it being pretty fun at that point, when you're actually hitting on girls direct.
I have a friend visiting me from out of town but I told him I needed an hour on my own to do the drills. He's chill so that worked out.
The first two reps of todays drill were just asking for time and for time and directions. I didn't want to do that because it is a pure waste of time, it is hardly exposure at this point. I did the forbidden thing and modified the program. Did the third rep three times instead so I would still get the same amount of required reps. The modification of the drill is making it only harder. I am getting serious exposure this way. For other drills the first rep had some hard aspect for me. For example saying "hey I have a question" and walking off. But there was nothing hard in this case. Let me know in case you think I am cheating. But I think I am following the spirit of the program by getting extra exposure and difficulty.
Did 18 #3 reps and 7 #4/challenge reps. Complimented on shoes, blouses, hair, necklaces, jackets, pants. No negative reactions. Mostly thanks. One compliment back on my leather jacket. Some girls really were happy about the compliment. The less pretty the happier they were. And the more sunny and genuine I was, the happier they were.
I'm not sure how genuine I brought it across. I wasn't as sunny as on some of the more fun week 4 drills. And it was usually just a short compliment when I almost walked off, sometimes when they had already started moving. In this drill it is hard to control the conversation to be slow because the girls think the convo is over after the time answer, then you quickly continue to the directions before they walk off but then they once again think that is the logical end of the convo once they give you directions and then you press in the compliment. Even harder when you press two compliments into the convo. The challenge was a bit challenging for me. The first few ones I just repeated/emphasized the previous compliment. Then I also did multiple on the same group or even on the same girl. Weird to me because at that point they probably think I am trying to hit on them with some indirect BS. And felt weird simply because of my AA.
After a few reps some guy who was walking in my direction said "you've asked that question to six girls" in a grumpy and suspicious tone. Told him what I was up to. He said "girls don't bite" Told him I knew it is an irrational fear. Fucking idiot. He was dressed like shit, in his mid-thirties and has no better thing to do than getting suspicious on guys talking to girls in parks. Fucking no-life. I think it is connected to the German mentality. It is no miracle the Stasi was able to recruit so many informants. Germans are obedient snitches. Lol, enough ranting for now.
The week 5 audio gave me food for thought. I have oftentimes been looking forward to getting the reps over, not thirsting for extra reps. Chris says that those who do way more than required are the ones that beat AA best, those who only do the minimum reps might ir might not beat their AA. I'll start to switch my mentality from "achieve the minimum" as my goal to "expose as much as possible/valuable".
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.