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Today was about asking chicks what phones they had and whether they liked it and being somewhat nosy. It was five sets of four approaches, I did another set on top.
The weather was humid, semi-cold and the sky was gray. I was not in a great mood but that's no excuse. Started the drills. Before I got halfway through, my one eye started crying. No kidding. No idea maybe I was rubbing my eyes too hard because I was tired. From then on I was walking around basically half crying, which did not make the drills fun. I considered giving up for today, but I pushed through. What was interesting was that the crying translated onto my mood. You know like when you force yourself to smile, you get in a better mood after a while. Or if you put your body in a powerful pose, you will gain self-confidence. The crying put me in a bad mood. I will keep this in mind and use tricks for positively influencing my mood on shitty days.
This is also a reminder to me that you don't need to be in a good place mentally to do approaches. Sure it is easier if you are. But you also pass up a lot of chances for doing more approaches if you only go out on your good days.
I'm not sure how happy I should be with my performance today. It was not as good as in the past days, I was not as outgoing and with less of a positive vibe. Given the circumstances (the crying eye) it was OK I guess. I'm wondering whether I should repeat this day. Today's drills felt easier to me than the drills of the two previous days, so I think I won't.
Good job pushing through the "crying eye." I get that sometimes too, think it has to do with the weather for me or maybe just stress.
You're definitely right about posture (and breathing) impacting how you're feeling. It's good to push through since as you said you won't be in the mood to approach all the time. But it is best to enjoy yourself as much as you can. Something as simple as taking 5 minutes to meditate might help with the crying eye thing - anyway, you want know what fixes it until you try a bunch of stuff and figures what works for you. I'll be interested in what you explore in that regard.
Thanks Roger for the advice. I'll try meditation. Is is also the weather for me sometimes. When it is cold and windy, it is more likely to happen. Fortunately, I don't have the eye thing oftentimes.
Today was mostly easy. Only the fourth part of each set was hard for me. I chickened out twice and stopped after the third sentence. It felt weird to me to basically give myself a compliment. I did it a few times where I like mumbled it or said it in a joking manner. It became easier when I realized that I should not let the girls talk between my third and fourth sentence and instead say the fourth one right after the third. If you say it convincingly then, then it does not feel as fucking weird as the girl telling you for example what store to go to and then you are like "I'm the sweetest guy ever".
I was not happy with my performance when mumbling or doing it in a joking manner so when I was done with the four sets I did a few more of just the last part of each set and managed to do it in a serious manner. I even managed to do it smoothly at some point.
By now I feel like it is super annoying to ask for the time every time. I like to do it when the drills are hard to get in the flow or to get a conversation started, but otherwise it is really just annoying me and making my conversations seem kinda forced.
One thing I paid attention to today were my hands. Oftentimes when I'm nervous, I will put them in my front or back pockets. Today I instead I tried to leave them hanging besides me or use them to gesticulate. Either looks much more confident.
Today was also one of these days were I had a hard time translating the drills to my language. There is oftentimes not a German equivalent to the sentences. For example, the "random question:" does not have a perfect equivalent. When you translate it fairly literally (ich hab ne ziemlich zufällige Frage:) it works but sounds fairly clumsy because nobody uses that phrase. I still decided to use the literal translation because I am trying to get used to saying things in German even if they are not super smooth. I still struggle with flirting in German. I'm a native German speaker and English is only my second language. Nonetheless, I have always felt like it is easier to flirt in English. The German language is much more direct and does not have such nicely ambiguous statements that are great for flirting. For example, there is no perfect equivalent for "you're cute". There is one that means "sweet" (süß) and can easily be mistaken to be belittling. There is one that means "pretty"(hübsch), but is much more direct than "cute". I'll have to get used to flirting in German though, so the practice is great.
Chris (GLL) used cute, attractive, and sexy somewhat interchangeably - I wouldn't say cute is meant to be indirect per se.
I'd say it's fine to go with a less literal translation for the random question (or other drill phrases) but it shouldn't matter too much. Also if you're in a major city, you could always pretend to be an obnoxious American tourist who only speaks English
Today was about asking girls for where to get good wine, boasting about a job promotion and getting wine recommendations.
Today was incredibly easy for me. When I read the drills, I could not find anything particularly difficult about it. Usually I find some difficult part in the drills.
Of course there was a little anxiety before and during it, but very little. I would say even less than asking girls for just the time on day 1. That made me realize that I have already progressed significantly over the past two weeks. And today didn't even start off perfect, I was tired when I started the drills. But I relaxed inside, started, got rolling and then CRUSHED it.
Today really FELT GREAT. I was happy and extroverted. I was smiling and that made the interactions fun.
I wonder whether it is possible to get to a point of social freedom and inner relaxedness such that full approaches feel this easy. I don't know. But if I can make it to that point, I will love my life.
P.S. Thanks RogerRoger for pointing that out. True, Chris was never about anything indirect. I'll just have to man up! I don't think I can make the obnoxious American work bc of my German accent, even though I spend a year in Texas Yeeehaw
Today was the first physical drill, getting high fives. Two sets of 10. It was rainy and COVID related measures are still going on. I did it anyways.
Approached 21 girls in 1 hour and got 10 high fives.
Approached another 21 girls in 20 min and got 10 high fives.
I forgot to take a break between the two sets so I decided to have a break and do a third set.
Approached 22 girls in 37 min and got 10 high fives. This set only took longer than the second set because there were less girls. The first set mainly took so friggin long because I chickened out a few times and switched locations because I was in the inner city first where there were less girls and they were all wearing masks, which makes this much harder. Especially because I usually ignore the duty to wear masks when there are no cops around so the girls already look at me like I'm some sort of criminal or weirdo. Went to a park where people were mostly not wearing masks. Was much better there.
Many girls seem to be cool about the Corona measures. I counted a few fist bumps towards the 30 high fives, but they were the vast minority. I didn't count elbow bumps, which many chicks offered instead of high fives. Of those that did not high five me or propose an elbow bump, some said something about Corona. Some looked weirded out because of someone wanting to high five during Corona or they were just generally weirded up by a stranger wanting to high five, idk.
Don't get discouraged if you're having a bad streak or something. On my third set, I started out with just one out of nine attempts getting me a high five. It's just random fluctuations.
I didn't anticipate to get about 50% successful high fives. Expected less due to Corona. Was a fun day. Many girls were super happy about the high fives. I'm also always happy if someone randomly high fives me.
Today I also realized how many more opportunities I see for hitting on girls than I used to two weeks ago. I'm going out of my way more and not just approaching women on the same walkway, but also rapidly switching sides of the streets or taking a turn. The AA program makes you want to go for anything you can get in terms of approach opportunities and that really helps me to loosen up.
I think the funniest part about today was that a lot of chicks expected me to hit on them after the high five and from the eyes of some I could tell they were excited about that. But I just kept walking. I WILL DO THE DRILL AS WRITTEN AND LEAVE. lol. When I started the program I felt like this was kinda an annoying requirement but it really lets you chill out inside and focus on your performance and what you want and planned. Great mindset.
Wow I also just realized I approached more than 60 chicks today. If there were multiple in a group, I counted each of them today though, unlike on the other days. Still, that is fucking HUGE. Like who does that? I certainly didn't before the AA program.
It started off "normal". The drill was to give two sets of 10 high fives but in half the time as on day 14. On day 14 I did 1 hour the first time and 21 minutes the second time, so I was aiming for sub 30min and sub 10:30min. I did the first ten high fives in 23 attempts and it took me 15 minutes. At that point I started believing that doing it in 10min was possible at my location with fast walking, absolutely no excuses and a bit of luck.
Now for the crazy shit. I took a break between the sets as I was supposed to. I was almost done with my break and walking to a spot where I wanted to start the second round. The cops pull up next to me. I am not fucking kidding. Three cops, one male, two female, all fairly young (25-30 I guess). They ask for my identification. I didn't have it on me but I offered them to go to my place where I have it, they declined. I asked them why they had stopped me. Now comes the crazy shit. They tell me that a chick that was running through the park called them because a dude high-fived her and she saw him high-fiving other young running chicks as well and thought something fishy was going on. And I fit the description. I was like yeah that's me. I'm trying to get rid of my anxiety of talking to girls and I'm high fiving a bunch of girls my age range as one method of losing my fear. They took down my personnel data and since it checked out that was fine. They said my story sounds plausible and the girls can decide whether they put their hand up so what I'm doing is Ok. They cautioned me to maybe only high-five like every third girl. That was more like advice, not an order. They also said that it would probably be creepy if I did it at night. They said I could keep going but if they were to be called multiple times then they would have to do something about it. They kinda wished me good luck with my endeavors in the end haha. They were pretty friendly overall.
Even though the cops were fairly friendly, it somewhat scared me. Now in retrospect, sitting in front of my laptop, it scared me A LOT and it is still scaring me. Even though they said it's Ok, the fucking police coming up to me for what I did is a shocker.
I sat down for like 20min and tried to cope with what just happened. The sun was shining, someone was playing reggae music so that helped to calm me down. Still though, it hit me pretty hard.
Then I got back up and did the second set. I forgot to count the amount of approaches it took me to get 10 high fives, but it was in the same ballpark as in the first set and on day 14. I did it in 13 minutes, so I missed my goal of 10:30 min. After a short break, I started doing a third set, but eventually stopped. I was feeling super anxious and got rejected like 8 times in a row. My outcome dependence is still real. My fear was also amplified because unlike on the other days, I did two rounds through the park so the probability of meeting the same girls twice was real. It even happened once today. I stopped two girls for high fives and they were like "still not". I am apparently not able to remember all faces from like an hour ago apparently haha talked to too many chicks already. The fear was intensified by the thought of meeting the same chick that called the cops (no clue who it was).
This feels like shit. For one, it is the first time I was not able to do a days worth of drills when I went out. Second, the fear of meeting girls again resurfaced, maybe stronger. I had an uplifting experience when I re-met a chick a few days ago. I mean if I properly think about it, nothing bad happens if I re-meet a chick. But my mind is fucking with me right now.
I guess it really is two steps forward, one step back. My anxiety today before starting the drills was higher than I would have expected since I was basically only doing the same thing as on Day 14, which I rocked. Sunday I took the day off. It's like a mental health routine to not do anything planned on Sundays. Yesterday I didn't do drills either. I was fucking exhausted and the rain was pouring and I got off work late. But it was also partially because I was simply afraid. I guess I forgot that there is day forms and also that AA disappears very gradually.
Right now I am both afraid and angry. The anger is real and these are my thoughts on it:
1. The police gets a call that a guy is high-fiving young female runners and sends out three fucking cops? Do they not have better things to do? The things the cops told me might be intended as good advice, but in reality, I feel intimidated by them and since none of that shit is the law I think the cops have zero business telling me that. Especially telling me if that happens repeatedly, they would have to do something about it. Its clearly not harassment, so I'm pretty sure they can't do squat about it. I don't think I should be worried about it since this is probably the only time anything like that will ever happen to me. And even if it does happen again, there would be no serious consequences. But the fact that my mind does worry about it pisses me off.
2. How damaged or psycho does a chick have to be to call the cops on something like this? At first I wondered whether I looked intimidating or something. Then I realized that over the course of the last 13 days of approaches, I have approached about 400 other chicks. The vast majority of them were happy or indifferent. Those that were not were only weirded out. Not one of them called the cops. It is clearly not a problem on my end. It is important for me to fully internalize that it is not my responsibility to act such that I don't hurt any people. I am doing absolutely OK stuff. It is not my responsibility to step back my life because there are some mentally damaged people out there that might get hurt. I did not cause their mental damage so they have no right holding me back.
3. On a broader scale, I am angry at how narrow-minded people are. To see a guy high-fiving chicks and to then jump to the thought that something fishy is going on. I mean not everybody did, obviously, but I think this was not purely caused from the mental damage of that one chick but also a broader societal mentality. Whenever someone does something outside societal norms, the judgement is swift and brutal. I hate that and always have hated it. But it will not stop me from beating my AA. I will use this rage to fuel me to beat AA. Fuck narrow-minded people.
I will have to repeat the drill since I didn't manage to do it quickly enough. I'm mad about that and it is dragging me down. On all the other days I left with a good feeling of finishing a drill. Today I quit doing the drills because I was afraid. I gave in to my fears. I hate that.
The stuff today scared me to such a degree that I am considering to try some new spots and switch between them eventually, even though my current spot is fucking awesome since it is fairly dense. I mean rationally it is probably a good idea since I'm gonna do this for at least five more weeks at roughly the same time every day. If I do it at the same park every day, I would cross a lot of girls multiple times, which is not helpful. But the fact that I am only seriously considering this today makes me feel like I am giving in to my fears and I hate that.
I thought twice about writing this post. I did not expect to ever have to deal with the police with this program. I mean why would I have to. This is like the worst case fucking thing that happened today I guess. And really, nothing happened. There are no consequences. All the negative stuff is going on inside my head and I will eventually get over it. My experience might scare some guys off that are doing the AA program or are considering to do it. But the most important thing in this community is staying real. So I decided to share it all with you guys.
Sorry to hear about that shit happening but to be clear, you did nothing wrong as the cops pointed out / agreed with.
I don't know German culture but I would expect this has more to do with covid and the world changing with respect to germaphobia - it is dumb people have become so uptight, especially now that vaccinations are abundantly available to anyone that wants them (at least that is the case in the US).
Haha wow man that's a crazy story, it only adds more spice to your log and more layers to your journey's story it's great !
What an experience to remember that the cops talked to you about high fiving girls haha !
I'm sure it will only motivate you more and give you more reasons to finish the program !
Congrats brother, keep going
Yesterday I didn't go out for drills. I was friggin rekt from work and the previous day with the cops stopping me really fucked with my mind and brought me down. Got some extra hours of sleep instead.
Today I went back into town and tried again to get a set of 10 high-fives in sub 10:30min. I failed pretty hard. I didn't even get 10 in total. I didn't count exactly, but I think I got like 5 high-fives out of 30+ attempts. The previous days, my "success rate" was close to 50%. At some point I think it became a negative spiral but overall it was probably because I was still very exhausted. That meant I was not as energetic and happy and did not emanate joy and confidence as I did previously. The police thing also still pulled me down.
It will be important for me to get into a good mindset again, I think this is mostly sleep and stress related. I have been grinding way harder than usual. New city, going from studies to a full time job, starting this program. I have been feeling overstrained recently and I have to be careful to not go too far. I might be taking a few more off days to stay on balance.
Day 15 is gonna be a hard lesson for me overall.
- First off, I have to learn to deal with my own failure and the fear of failure. The fear of not being able to do it seriously holds me back. It kinda reminds me of the fear I used to have of not submitting a good bachelor's thesis. It was paralyzing.
- Secondly, this day does not fully have the "get in, do the drill, get out" structure. You need a mediocrely good reaction in order to finish the drill. I don't think this is a problem in itself, but just makes it harder if you are having a bad day mentally.
- Thirdly, this day is relative to your own capacity. If you took like two hours to get the 10 high fives on day 14, then you have a full hour to get them on day 15. Since I did it in 21 min, I have to be way faster on day 15. In a way, this day forces you to grow beyond your own level, not some general level. Maybe I struggled less with the first 14 days of drills because my anxiety was not as severe as for some other guys. But this program hits everyone hard at some points, and I hit the first wall on day 15 I guess.
I went to the same park this time as last time and did not switch places yet because I did not want to give into my fears of remeeting too many chicks. That was a good decision. The stupid thing is that I need to keep doing this again and again until I finish day 15 because no other place is as dense as this one in terms of girls.
The most interesting thing for today was that I met some other guys doing approaches. They recognized I was doing something like that and waved for me. It was a guy and his coach and his wingman. So apparently, there is a whole pickup scene in my city and specifically in the park I am going to. This kind of pisses me off because that means the chicks there are getting hit on a lot and I have more competition and the girls might be generally annoyed of being approached all the time. On the other hand I have already been playing this competitive field for the past drills and it was totally fine. So no real reason to worry. And I guess if I learn to play this field, I can play many fields. Meeting these guys also means I might be able to find some like-minded guys to share experiences with in person.
Thanks for cheering me up RogerRoger and SamJeu. I really needed it.
RogerRoger I agree, it is Corona related a lot. Germans are not that grumpy in general. Many girls say no and mention Corona. The recent germaphobia is absolutely insane, especially for young people that have an extremely slim chance of seriously getting sick from this virus.
I haven't checked in for a few days, even though the AA program requires checking in on a ~daily basis. I had to take off a few days because I was overstrained. New city, new job, new social environment and not to forget the AA program took a real toll on my stress level. I intended to start doing drills again today, but got sick yesterday. Might be a few more days until I continue AA approaches, I need to reboot. I will be back though.
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