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This is the beginning of my journal.
Today I signed the petition, listened to the audio for Day 2 and created this thread to keep myself accountable.
I might do a combination of vlog and written journaling, but for now, I'll keep writing.
I'm looking forward towards finishing the AA program and coming back here to read all my posts in this thread.
Opened Tinder again after a few good months of no online dating.. Had to upload again some pictures, write some bio and try to look attractive.
Tomorrow I will complete my profile on the other 3-4 apps I have left. Online dating never worked for me.. Maybe I'm too ugly or I have below average photos, but I'll try to go on with it for the sake of the drill.
I really prefer to have a 1 to 1 contact, where I can read emotions, the tone of the voice and everything else you don't get in texting.
The drill for today was: Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE.
It was a success. I have to say that I've done it before (before starting this program, cause I thought it would be interesting to see if I can do it).
It took me like 30-40 mins to do it. I did it on a young gal, on a mother walking with her children, on a girl walking her dog, on another girl walking somewhere else, and on 2 women walking a baby trolley (with a baby supposedly inside).
I have to say it was harder than I've expected. The thing that made it hard? My mind, overthinking and giving a fuck about other people's opinion.
While doing it, in my mind I was like "Should I do it on the first 5 women I see? What if the other girls walking behind me think I am a weirdo?"
I guess the thing I'm missing is a sense of entitlement to talk to people, something to stupidly push me forward even if it wouldn't have any logic.
I was also trying to calm my mind by thinking about "What can it actually happen? Am I doing something wrong?", trying to use logic in a way. It didn't work as much as it did in my past encounters, but in the end I manage to do all 5 drills, one way or another.
I'm really curious how I will feel when doing it again tomorrow.
Ah.. one more thing that might produce anxiety might be the fact that I am living in a foreign country. I do speak some of their language (even though most people tend to have some English speaking competence), but overthinking again messes my head with shit like "What if they don't speak English and look at me like I'm stupid?" and other shit like that.
Today was harder than yesterday... I went out, and it took me 25 minutes to talk to the first girl, and 30 minutes to talk to the second one. I only did these 2 so far. I'm going to visit some friends in some time, and I will try to do the rest.
It feels like I am going against my own very nature. I guess the social anxiety I have is pretty severe (and it probably only got worse with the time). Might be a good idea to go see a psychologist at some point.
Will come back later with the update.
-- Update --
I managed to ask another girl for the time. But this was indeed a very weird approach.
So how did it go? I am walking, and she is walking in the different direction, and I ask her "Do you know what time is it?", which I think kinda scared her. She was eating some chocolate cookie, and then when I asked her, her cookie broke in two, so she had to catch it, and then when she was looking for the phone, when she showed me the time, her hand was shaking..
I think I need to adjust the way I approach girls and signal earlier my entrance, so it feels softer and easier for them to respond. I am trying to make eye contact. but sometimes it is sort of hard to make it, either because she is looking somewhere else or I find it hard in that moment.
If anyone has any suggestions on the body language and signals, please share them with me.
So far I did 3/10 time approaches today, which is half a drill.
I will try again tomorrow, baby steps till I make it and am satisfied with it.
I might also seek professional help. Looked up a bit social anxiety disorder today, and sounds pretty familiar.
Hey Bro first of all, thanks for encouraging me on my log ! It's funny to see that people are doing it at the same time as me !
And congrats on finding the courage to do the program.
If i can give you a tip on your day 5 (Event though I'm no one to give tips) asking the time is nothing and even saying to a girl she's cute is not something wrong to do, so you should'nt be sorry about her cookie and you shouldn't think about your body language for this kind of thing !
Keep going we're in this together and yes if you think you need professional help don't hesitate but don't stop the program !
Had some free time in my hands during the work program, so I went out and approached the first 5 women in 40 mins.
How did it go? Better than yesterday xD
- The first gal didn't understand (or didn't want to, who knows) English, so I had to try my broken Danish, but in the end I got her to tell me the time.
- The second one was a fairly old Middle East lady. At that moment I supposedly thought that she didn't speak English, so I tried again in Danish. Didn't expect anything to happen, but she told me the time and she seemed fairly friendly.
- I pussied out for a few minutes, and didn't do another for probably 7-8 mins.
- The third one was a young girl.. Think she was coming from school, or something. She acted pretty nice.
- The fourth one was young too. Not sure if she was coming from school, but she was older.
- The last one seemed to be in the late twenties. Did the drill and left..
So this is the first part, did it in 40 mins. Later after work and workout, I'll go again and try to do it in less than 40 mins.
I'll come later with an update.
Went out and approached 1 girl, pretty cute, and 2 groups. Did it 3 more times.
The result is better than yesterday, but still didn't manage to do it completely.
I might not have done it, but by making baby steps I will manage to complete the program.
I kinda pussied out for the last few days, and it felt pretty good to let the guilt sink in. I know this program is the right thing to do, and not doing drills for a few days made me feel guilty about it.
Went yesterday out during my lunch break and tried the drills from day 6.
I only did ~30%.. ran out of time, so I had to go back.
I manage to do the first drill completely (nothing surprising, maybe just this one lady who I've asked about the time, and she said 'I don't understand what you are saying' and continued walking.. probably she didn't speak English, so nothing extravagant).
Tried 1 approach from the 2nd drill, but I was so focused on not forgetting to ask about directions, that I forgot to ask about the time.. dummy me. So asked for directions, the young gal explained something to me, and then left.
I'll try to do the rest today... Just finished some work, so I should have time during the afternoon. Will come back with that later.
Went out later during the evening and did 3 more approaches. It was really cold and I dressed up unproperly, which didn't help me with my drills. Will do more later today (Monday).
Girls approached so far: 25 more than your average guy.
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Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.