TOPIC: Day 20b

Today I:

- Asked a girl for the time
- Asked a girl for the time and if there was a place that sells cell phones nearby
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place that sells cell phones nearby, and what kind of phone she had
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place that sells cell phones nearby, what kind of phone she had, and if she liked it

Only had about 45 minutes today but I figured it's better to do what I can than to do nothing. Managed to finish the rest of day 11. Approaches went pretty well, nothing out of the ordinary. I didn't feel great today but it didn't really make a difference in how the approaches went. It seems like how I feel is having less and less of an affect on my performance as this becomes a routine.

Today I:

- Asked a girl for the time
- Asked a girl for the time and if there was a place nearby that sells candles
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells candles, and that I am planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells candles, that I am planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, and that I am the sweetest boyfriend ever
(X3)

Got through 3 of the 4 sets for this day. The program says that this drill should be easy but I actually found it to be a rather difficult one. I was still able to do the drills normally but almost every conversation felt really weird and it felt like I was trying to get a reaction out of the girl and they could feel it. Logically I know that I should have a mindset of "I'm just messing with them" but it was difficult to do that today. I think one advantage of splitting the days up as I have been doing is that I can see how differently the same drill can go on different days, so I understand that it isn't the drill but rather the way I was thinking about it. Hopefully I can get out of my head when I do the last set tomorrow but we will see.

On a side note, since I have been going to the same college campus for a couple of weeks now (and mostly staying in the same area of campus around the same time of day) I feel like at some point I will start approaching the same girls for a second time. It may have already happened to be honest but nobody has called it out. Anyway, there are a couple of other smaller colleges in the area that I might check out this week just to change up the scenery. If I have to stick with the bigger college I will but might as well check out the other ones and maybe I can change location every couple of days.

Today I:

- Asked a girl for the time
- Asked a girl for the time and if there was a place that sells candles nearby
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place that sells candles nearby, and that I was planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place that sells candles nearby, that I was planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, and that I am the sweetest guy ever

So I really struggled today. I was unable to say the last line for this drill "I'm the sweetest guy ever" twice and when I finally did it I barely got it out and I'm pretty sure she didn't hear it. I struggled mostly because I was extremely in my head today. I noticed that it started before I even made the first approach as I felt like I was going to be bothering people, it's cold outside so nobody wants to talk, etc. I also had a feeling that I was going to see people I recognized because as I mentioned in my last log I have been doing these drills in the same area of the same college campus during the same time of day for a couple of weeks and this is really making me feel like people are going to notice. I'm really not even sure what I would expect them to do or if they would care but it is bothering me for some reason. I think this is coming from a subconscious idea that I am being creepy, so I'm really gonna try to work on developing a mindset that I am just having fun and am giving other people value by talking to them. Also I think I am going to try to switch up locations for a little bit just to get out of my head but I think I will have a difficult time finding as good of a location as this particular campus.

I don't consider this day complete because I struggled so much so I'm gonna do at least a couple more sets of this before I move on.

I agree on do a couple more sets, it shouldn't feel too hard. Definitely could be related to your feeling that you've been in the same spot so much. What's the student population? If it's over 10k, you should be fine for the whole program.

But I get what you mean about being nervous in the same spot for a while. Either use it as an opportunity for growth (you're not being creepy, you're being hilarious) or mix up the locations.

Yeah the population is over 30k but I go later in the evening and I'm near the dorms so I think it's mostly freshman going to and from the gym and some food places in the area. But honestly I should be fine. I'm probably gonna try a different area nearby for awhile just to get through this drill and then I'll go back if I can't find a better location.

Today I:

- Asked a girl for the time
- Asked a girl for the time and if there was a place nearby that sells candles
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells candles, and that I was planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells candles, that I was planning a candlelit dinner for my girlfriend, and that I'm the sweetest guy ever
(X2)

- Asked a girl for the time
- Asked a girl for the time and if there was a place nearby that sells wine
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells wine, and that I wanted to celebrate because I passed an exam
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells wine, that I wanted to celebrate because I passed an exam, and asked what wine she recommends
- Asked a girl for the time

Holy shit, what a difference a day can make! Today was easily my best day yet. When I started I was expecting to struggle again because of how the candle drill had gone previously but I got into a good state right away and just banged the approaches out one after the other. It was like night and day. Each one felt good and I had no outcome dependence. A few girls were rude and wouldn't let me finish but I just said "Bye" as they walked away and went on to the next.

There are a few reasons why I think this day went really well. The first was that I was trying a new location and I think the new environment actually helped give me a "fresh start" mindset as I was really struggling with this drill yesterday. This location is easily twice as good as where I had been going. It's a little bit off campus near a bunch of shops and restaurants, which makes way more sense why students would be there instead of on campus as I do these late in the evening. This helped me build social momentum a lot quicker. I also think that since I struggled so much yesterday it made me a bit angry and helped me to plow through any mental resistance I had when I started today. The last thing I noticed is that I slowed everything down today which made me feel more calm and the reactions seemed better today as well. I walked slower, talked slower, and when I saw a girl walking toward me I would lift a hand motioning "stop" a bit before she actually got there which seemed to make girls more receptive. Also I tried to come off as non-threatening as possible in a confident way, which might best be described as being "super chill." This also helped to calm me down as well and I'm definitely gonna try this more going forward.

Today I:

- Asked a girl for the time
- Asked a girl for the time and if there was a place nearby that sells wine
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells wine, and that I wanted to celebrate because I passed an exam
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells wine, that I wanted to celebrate because I passed an exam, and asked what wine she recommends

Today there were noticeably fewer people out as it was particularly cold and windy. I only got done with one set but if I hadn't passed on a few chances I probably could have done two. Approaches went really well today and I felt great. I really think the candle drill (day 12) pushed me past a lot of the mental blockages I had and now approaches seem super easy. I'm sure I will hit some resistance again at some point but for now I'm riding the momentum and it feels good. The last girl I talked to today was really cute and was really into the conversation. We talked for about a minute (mostly her telling me about liquor stores in the area and what kind of wines she likes) which was really cool. She seemed like she really wanted to keep talking to me and I had no anxiety at all during the conversation. Also college girls probably enjoy talking about drinking more than other stuff in these drills.

Today I:

- Asked a girl for the time
- Asked a girl for the time and if there was a place nearby that sells wine
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells wine, and that I wanted to celebrate because I passed an exam
- Asked a girl for the time, if there was a place nearby that sells wine, that I wanted to celebrate because I passed an exam, and asked what wine she recommends
(X2)

I was unable to do any drills over the weekend but jumped back in today. The few days off seemed to affect me a little bit as I was slightly more nervous than I had been on the last couple of days but overall I can definitely see myself overcoming the anxiety of approaching. It still shows up every now and then, sometimes quite strongly, but my mind understands at this point that I am able to do an approach and have it go well even if I feel anxious so it really doesn't matter much anymore. Today I got out a little late and with the weather getting colder there were definitely less people out. I could have done the drills a bit quicker but I really see no reason to run around trying to blast these out as fast as possible because I like to have a chance to reflect on what I could do better on the next approach and I also seem to do better when I take the pressure off of myself.

Today overall went well. Nothing out of the ordinary. Mostly good reactions, a few weird ones. I'm learning that reactions that I would have previously thought of as bad are very often just girls who are in a hurry or who are shy. Like today I had a girl who was giving one word answers and had a hard time holding eye contact. I previously would have thought "Damn, she was annoyed" but today I thought "She must have been nervous." Honestly it's hard for me to tell sometimes but it's good to be able to frame those reactions in a different way.

Today I:

- Sang "ABCDEFG" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUV" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFG" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP" to a girl

I skipped days 14, 15 &16 because they were all high five drills. I do want to come back to these when the world is more level-headed. Anyway, this day was one that I had anticipated as being really hard from the start of the program and when I was leaving to do these today I was really nervous. However, I found that as with any of the other drills these get way fucking easier once you start. On the first approach I was really nervous so I passed up on a girl standing still looking at her phone. Then I told myself "No fucking way you're gonna do that again" because I know from previous drills that the longer I wait the harder it gets to do the first approach. The second girl I was really afraid to stop but I didn't have a choice at that point as I was gonna take action no matter what. I found that after I stopped the girl and got to about the letter C all the pressure was taken off because she realized that this was not a normal interaction. Basically this drill forces you to surrender to the awkwardness and let the girl react however she can. Most of the time the girls had no idea what to do so they either just stared at me or let out nervous laughter. After awhile it becomes hilarious.

On three occasions girls wouldn't let me finish and just walked away, but I found that it didn't affect my mood at all which is honestly amazing because of how much it used to affect me. I would just say "Have a nice day" and move on. I found that waiting until the girl is fully stopped to start singing helps a lot on this drill. Two of the three that walked off hadn't come to a complete stop and so they realized what I was doing before they were committed to the interaction in any way.

I'm actually excited to finish this drill tomorrow.

Today I:

- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUV" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFG" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOP" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUV" to a girl
- Sang "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ" to a girl

Today was significantly easier to get started than the last day and by the end I was really having fun. I think once you do this drill a few times it actually becomes easier than the last drills because you aren't expecting anything from the girl and you can basically just sing like she's not there until either you finish or she walks away. The weird faces and confused looks girls gave me today were really just entertainment. The cool thing I noticed a couple of times is that when I was able to hold frame and keep singing as if it was completely normal to sing the ABC's to a stranger the girl would start to feel like she was the weird one. I think it's just so far outside of what they expect that they think they must be missing something. Most of the time girls are even more confused at the end when I say "Thanks, have a nice day" because they think there is gonna be a reason for it and they will figure it all out at the end but then nothing happens.

Today I:

- Asked a girl for the time
- Asked a girl for the time and if she liked my jacket
- Asked a girl for the time, if she liked my jacket, and that I had just bought it and couldn't decide
- Asked a girl for the time, if she liked my jacket, that I had just bought it and couldn't decide, and that I was going to keep the tag on it so I could return it
(X3)

This day was not particularly special. The reactions were mostly good but when I asked if she liked my jacket one girl told me "It's nothing special, it looks like every other jacket" which I thought was pretty funny. Doing these drills keeps getting easier, like there aren't too many girls I pass up on these days even if they are in groups. I still have anxiety when I start but it does nothing because logically my brain sees no reason not to approach anymore. "Bad" reactions really don't do anything to me and if anything they keep the drills more entertaining.

Based on my current pace I should be able to finish this program by February. It seems like kind of a long time but I'm just gonna keep chipping away at it and it should be over soon enough. Aside from the drills, I really haven't been doing much with online dating for a few reasons but in the next couple of months I want to start the process of learning that. Mostly I need to get a good camera so I can take some decent pictures.

Exactly! Just keep chipping away at it.

Before you know it a month has gone by, then two months and 'suddenly' you've made serious headway.

Keep it up!