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I've decide to have a crack at the GLL Approach Anxitey program. I have decide to post my logs here, swell as on their own forums. My first Log begins below:
WHY DO I WANT TO DO THIS!
Looking at the AA program, it is kind of daunting at first. 60 days, with tasks throwing right in the firing line of strangers. I spent most of the day reading through the first two weeks of the program and learning my way around the GGL forum. The part of my brain that’s adverse to hard work is find spotting problems and challenges that are working to deter me away from it, but I’m determined to see this through.
This is something I want to achieve. Not because I was a little sticker at the end of it, but because I want to become a guy who can walk up to women and people I’m interested in and strike up a conversation. I want to enjoy every minute of it, I want to be that guy that other guys envy, that girls wish he’d pay attention too. That being said, I’ve decide to compile a list of reasons why I want to do this, and how it will impact my life if I do. I have also compiled a list of the key challenges I will face along the way, along with my methodology for working around them.
Why I want to do this.
To build a better social life. I want to be able to approach interesting and inspirational people and add them to my life.
For the enjoyment and adventure of meeting new people. I want to be excited at the thought of going out and meeting strangers. I want to be able to walk into a room where I know no one, and know I can make friends.
Social Freedom, be able to approach girls and hit on them.
I want to build my self-image as a strong and confident person.
I need to invest the time in this! I work 8 hours a day, with a one hour commute. I expect most of my drills will be done in the evening and at weekends.
Not my number one goal, holding my current job is my priority. I have other hobbies, so I need to train myself to prioritise this one.
I keep telling myself the best time to do this would have been ten years ago, well the, the second-best time then is now!
I live in quite a small town, with only a population of 20,000. There is the concern that I might get caught asking the same person twice for the directions for the nerest pub, so it will be worth driving to the other nearest towns to work on my drills their.
Shame!!! I don’t know why, but the idea that my parents or my friends might find out what I am doing makes me feel incredibly guilty. I need to explore this emotion more.
Create a new GGL account – Done
Read the TnC’s – Done
Introduced myself to the GLL community – Done
Signed the petition – done
Started this log - done
Start a VLOG - ongoing
Started a online dating profile – kind of done
I tried reactiviating my old POF and OKCupid accounts, but it looks like they have both been compromised, I’ll need to go through the recovery system to get them back. In the meantime, to the cold approaches.
Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE – nailed.
For the first set of drills, I decide to go out at night. See how the pubs were in this post lockdown world. I manged speak to two girls on my way to the pubs, but when I got their it was a little tricker than I imagined. A lot of the places had restricted entry, so I was limited to speaking to those who I could approach. Still I managed to find 3 other girls to speak quite easily
In order to tackle the awkwardness of being out by myself, I decide to grab a coke and sit in the corner of a pub by myself for 15 minutes. Old me would have felt ashamed or embarrassed, sitting them by myself whilst everyone else was out have fun. Thing is, no one seem to notice me, no one cared. It felt good to sit their comfortably watching people, in the centre of a world I wish to play more of a part of. I resisted the urge to fiddle with my phone(okay, I fiddled a little) then after 15 minutes I got up and left.
All in all, This was easier than expected. I did something similar years ago following Neil Strauss program, so I have the experience doing thing like this. My major concern was completing this AA program now that I live in a small town. I don’t see many as many eligible women in the street that I’m use too, so I had some apprehension about finding new people to speak too. Thankfully, that didn’t prove a serious issue today. We will see how this plays out in the future.
Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE – nailed.
Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time, but do the drill faster. LEAVE – smashed.
So I decide to try some day game, and found more women to speak to than I hoped for. Their where no shortage of girls or groups of girls to speak too, but annoyingly, most of the eligible ones where with partners. For the second bunch, It took me longer to speak to 5 but I can chalk that up to the scarcity of eligible women in public. When I saw a girl and decide to speak to her, I committed and spoke to her without hesitation, which I felt was the main goal of that drill, so I’ll count that as a win.
All in all, I think stopping girls in the street, even if they are clearly busy or with friends, isn’t something I struggle any more. I’m looking forward to seeing how I can get use to the more advance challenges further on.
Ask one girl for the time, leave. Ask one girl for the time and directions, leave. Ask one girl for the time, directions and if she has been where she recommends, leave. Repeat 5 times - nailed
I imagined this one being like the previous two, just taking longer, and being more akward with all the additional questions. I started asking questions like where’s the best place to get something to eat or where’s the bets place I can sit down for a drink, but when I started to ask ‘Is that place any good?’ I noticed a big change in their behaviour.
When I was asking them for the time and directions, I got a rather automated a response, but when I started asking ‘Is that place any good’ regarding their recommendation, they gave their answer with passion and engagement. As I was walking away, a cute girl even turned around and shouted ‘Try their bacon, butties, they’re amazing!’.
Before I spoke to them, most of them were walking down the street, minding their own business, Lost in their own thoughts or fiddling with their phones. When I stop them and ask them for the time, I dragged them back to the here and now with a innocent and (As far as they can tell) spontaneous question. When I started to ask something personal regarding locations, they still seamed of kilter, but by the time I was asking them about what they thought of the places they were recommending, they were fully engaged in the situation.
I guess a key strategy of the cold approach is approaching them in a innocent and spontaneous way, and them engaging them with what is effectively a meaningful question after you have their full attention. It felt good to connect with these people like this, even if it was just for my drills sake. Hopefully, I can do something more meaningful in the future.
So the purpose of today repeat assignment was the focus on social momentum. This is the idea that when you go out and start to speak to people, you mind enters a state where you begin to become more comfortable and more engaged with socialising. As I was thinking about this idea during this exercise, I definitely noticed it.
When I asked the first person for the time, It felt like a normal drill, but by the time I was on woman number twelve , I was on a roll. The questions and conversations started to flow without hesitation and felt a lot more natural than before. As I was walking home, I had several conversations with dog walkers and other random people in the street, just because I felt like it.
I've always been aware of this principle. Normally when I go out, me and my friends will have pre drinks to start getting ourselves in the mood before hitting the pubs and clubs. Even when I'm by myself, I tend to listen to music and dance around to get myself hyped for socialising.
When you exercise, you need to stretch your muscles and get that blood pumping to get your body in that exercise 'state'. I do similar things at work, I break myself into a hard days work by tackling the easy tasks, and only handle the challenging ones once I'm ready. I expect whatever part of the human brain that handles socialising works just the same.
I really enjoyed this exercise, it showed me how much I enjoyed socialising, It's got me looking forward to the future exercise where hopefully i get to have a more interesting conversation.
Time, Directions, leave
Time Direction, Have you been there?, Leave
Time Direction, Have you been there? Do you like it? Leave
Repeat 4 times.
Today was a good day. I live in a small holiday resort town of around 20,000 people and the weather was great. The promenade by the sea was full of people this evening, so I didn't have far to look far for women to approach. I bumped into a lot of cute french girls but they didn't know where anything was, but I percivered and got the drills done. Didn't feel anxious at all, and once I committed to speaking to them, I went ahead and saw all the drills through.
I'm starting to notice how my own perception of my home town is changing as I'm doing these drills. I use to think it was a boring little town with no one to speak to, but as I'm doing these drills, I'm starting to see the potential adventure and social life I could build here. I want to hold this in my thoughts as I work throught these drills. I want to be in a place where I can draw more happiness from my surroundings, and build a good social life without having to move back to a big city.
Day 9 - Smashed
Time, Have you eaten at [nearby restaurant]?Leave
Time, Have you eaten at [nearby restaurant]? Did you like it?Leave - Smashed
So the purpose of this drill was as Chris says 'To Stick with it' once. I so I went around asking for restaurant locations and I'm glad to say I still felt comfortable hanging around afterwards to ask if they were any good afterwards.
The trick to this week, is your asking them 'Do yo like it?' even if they say no. This is meant to be awkward as Chris describes, but I use to make mistakes like that a lot as a kid, so I didn't have much problem with this.
I did get properly rudely shut down for the first time asking someone for the time. She just didn't brake stride, said no, and kept walking. I felt a pang of negativity, but I managed to brush it off quickly. Glad too see I develop some hard skin. I've spoken to maybe 100 girls now, so the rudeness of one doesn't bother me.
Drill - smashed (Kinda)
Time, do you know if their is a good movie theater here?, Leave
Time, do you know if their is a good movie theater here?, Have you seen any good movies lately? Leave
The purpose this week was to focus on asking questions. After listening to the Audio, I realsied that I have developed a tendency to avoid questions if possible, less I look needy. I'm gonna try and break that habit now. I'm good looking and confident enough that I can turn my question asking into something that comes across as curious and confident, rather than need and attention seeking. All is all, today exercise was pretty easy.
Reading ahead, I've realized I have a 'high fiving' drill coming up. I feel this one would be a bit of a challenge, but with the Covid situation, it doesn't seem like it will be safe or responsible to do it. I'll need to mill on it. I might have to save this one until the pubs reopen fully, and I can high five drunks who won't care.(and wash my hands afterwards)
Time, Random question - do you know anywhere that sells nice candles? Leave.
Time, Random question - do you know anywhere that sells nice candles, My girl friend is coming over, and I want to prepare a candle lit dinner for her, ? Leave.
Time, Random question - do you know anywhere that sells nice candles, My girl friend is coming over, and I want to prepare a candle lit dinner for her, I'm the sweetest guy ever? Leave.
Today's drill took me 90 minutes. Not because I failed to approach, but because it just took me that long to find women worth approaching. As I found out earlier, attractive women around my age a lot easier to speak and converse with than others. When I was speaking to someone attractive, It was nice and easy. I got heartfelt 'aww's' when I mentioned I had my girlfriend coming over. As Chris said, my aim was looking sweet and nice, so hopefully that's how I came across.
The less attractive women, the ones I spoke to simply to make up the numbers, would get awkward around the candles question, making me feel awkward as well to start with the girlfriend line. If I couldn't do it right and come across and nice and sweet as I was meant to. If I couldn't get it right, I didn't count it, and kept looking.
I did starting hitting it off with one of the women I spoke to. We ended up walking and chatting for quite a bit afterwards. It turns out she was from around here, so I was kicking myself for feeding her a line about me from being out of town*. It would have been nice to see where things weren't a guy who I immediate assumed was her boyfriend showing up, so I thanked her and left.
*I live in a small town of around 20,000, I know exactly where everything is, so saying I'm from out of town helps grease the wheels.
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?, Leave
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?,I got a promotion at work today and want to celebrate, Leave
Time, Random question- Do you know anywhere that sells good wine?,I got a promotion at work today and want to celebrate, What do you recommend? Leave
Repeat four times
Thankfully this was alot easier than yesterday. Lot's more people out, the weather was fantastic, lots of people enjoying the beach. I am starting to become more aware of the fact that the attractive women, especially those who look in a good mood, are easier to speak to. Even thou finding them is really hard where I live, I'm starting to believe it might be easy just to avoid speaking to anyone who looks unhappy or unapproachable.
I 'kept to my guns' and asked what they recommend, even if they said they didn't drink alcohol. It felt unnatural saying it, but hey, That's what the drill demands.
Next session is the hive five ones. Following the advice on the GLL forums, I will be skipping them. It's not safe to do so right now, and I'm going to be getting very different results than intended in this current climate.
Sing the ABC stack to four girls
1st girl: ABCDEFG
2nd girl: ABCDEFG HIJKLMNOP
3rd girl: ABCDEFG HIJKLMNOP QRSTUV
4th girl: ABCDEFG HIJKLMNOP QRSTUV WXY &Z!
So yeah, I have been dreading this one from the start. Everything I have done so far I've felt natural and confident. I was previously going up to girls feeling genuine, but this felt like I was just going up and making myself and others feel uncomfortable.
For the first one, it was a couple of older women sitting outside a coffee shop. I said 'hey, can I borrow you for a sec, ABCDEFG.'' and left before I could get a respounce.
The second one was a young attractive women on her phone. I did the same thing, and she started to nod along with me as I was singing it. I then left quickly left before I could gather a respounce
I was then walking for about 5-8 minutes without seeing anyone worth speaking too. I saw a much older women, and thinking that I had to 'get in there' I went ahead and started the routine, only for her to just walk away at G. This kind a killed my confidence in this moment. I felt like I was being rude and weird, making this person feel uncomfortable by singing the ABC's at them. It killed my confidence for the ABC's
I felt kinda ashamed that I was failing this, but I tried not to beat myself up. It's okay to suck when your learning. To try and get some practise in, so I could better prepare to try again, I decide to go up to random people and say "Hey, can you help me? I'm trying to get over stage fright, and I've been told I need to go sing my ABC's to strangers' are you okay with it?" I know it wasn't what I was supposed to do, but I wanted to try and edge my way towards success, the most attractive girls were really nice about it and I managed to make a nice conversation out of it.
I need to sit down, do a bit of reading, get some advice and try again tomorrow.
Hey man, don't worry about it too much. Sorta like lifting, reps to failure sucks but indicates room for growth.
Rather than think of it as being rude, think of it as being silly. You're just messing with them. Some girls will be uncomfortable no matter what you're saying. But for others, they could be getting weirded out because you are feeling weird about it.
Anyway, everyone has their sticking points. For me it was the arnold drill. Once you get past this, you're one major step closer to overcoming approach anxiety.
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I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
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To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.