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Its really simple, you have some kind of subconscious mental block, try standing meditation to calm your mind deeply right before you go out to do the drill. I stand for 1 hour straight. you won't be able to do 1 hour, but 10 minutes is doable as beginner.
eventually over the course of weeks and months you will slowly find yourself feeling more relaxed and carefree both physically and mentally.
keep trying to do the drills but don't stress over failure, and do standing meditation daily. You will gradually let go of your mental blocks.
and if somehow you still dont after many months, then maybe pro therapy really is the answer, although based on your posts and experiences i don't get that vibe from you.
Believe me when i tell you i also had those thoughts like "i don't really need the time", "this is retarded i have a phone/watch", "she looks busy", and my favorite "i dont wanna bother this woman"...
and yes of course the "this is fuckin weird as fuck what the fuck...."
its all lies an illusions because after doing this time drill literally hundreds of times, those thoughts just don't happen anymore.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
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Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.