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I used to have 2-hour showers where I felt like vomiting the entire time, just trying to work up the courage to force myself to leave the house and go ask girls for the time. I often walked around for 4 hours without talking to a single girl, hating myself, hating my weakness, hating the fact I couldn't be a cool, confident guy. I had the worst, most hateful self-talk imaginable; I used to say the most evil things to myself every second of every minute of every hour of every day. I hated being me.
But I pushed through all that and never quit. I refused to give in, I refused to be a failure, I refused to let my insecurities and my fears and my worries be the victor. For once in my god damn life, I wanted to win at something. I wanted to quit a million, billion times.. but I also knew I couldn't quit. I forced myself to do the entire approach anxiety program (FUCK it was difficult) and I eventually forced myself to start hitting on girls and
eventually got laid a tonne.
Eventually I started to like myself, then really like myself... and now I love being me.
All of that can be you too.
"Several people today were staring at me with disgust in their eyes."
This is you
YOU think you're disgusting, therefore you are assuming everybody else thinks you're disgusting too. That's not the case though - you're just projecting.
Your mind is full of negativity right now and I know it sounds insane, but you can't trust your brain right now. You have to take a deep breath and say to yourself "My mind is playing tricks on me and I'm being negative. Nobody has disgust in their eyes - that's me reading too much into things. I might have disgust towards myself, but that doesn't mean everybody else does too. Everything is ok."
You already hit the nail on the head - "Maybe I am being paranoid though". YES YOU ARE.
"The universe doesn´t seem to be on my side at the moment."
You understand the concept of "confirmation bias", right? Right now you're looking out for all the ways in which the universe isn't on your side, and you're keeping track of them. And you're ignoring all the times the universe IS on your side, because it doesn't fit your little narrative of "the universe hates me".
Since you're being such a dick to yourself, I'll show you how to be nice to yourself for a change. Let's list all the ways the universe IS on your side:
- You found Good Looking Loser. That's pretty insanely lucky - this could very well be the turning point that gets your entire life on track (it was for me). The universe handed you the answers to all your problems, and instead of being grateful, you choose to say "the universe isn't on my side".
- You poured your heart and soul out into this thread and your other thread, and people were pretty fucking nice to you. People empathised and told you they'd help you and push you. The universe said "We feel your pain mate, but we promise everything will be ok. We're here for you". Yep, the universe literally told you it's here for you, and you ignored that, instead saying "Nah, the universe hates me".
- I spent an hour writing all this to you when I have a million other things I could be doing. I should be writing articles for my site, I should be working on getting more coaching clients so I can actually pay my bills (right now I can't pay my bills). I'm undercutting myself and giving you all of this for free. I'm sitting here literally losing potential money because I can see that you are in tremendous pain, the same sort of pain I used to feel, and I don't want you to feel like nobody cares. I am the manifestation of the universe saying to you, "I don't want you to be in pain; I don't want you to hurt".
- You managed to, quite easily, find a counsellor who seems to deal with exactly the kind of shit you're going through. And you did that because I told you multiple times you NEEDED to find a professional. That's the universe being on your side.
- I could list 100 more things. You're sitting there saying "The universe isn't on my side" just because you have a couple of little anecdotes. My anecdotes are just as valid as yours. Which shows you,
it's all a matter of framing/perspective.
Focus on the positive; not the negative. I'm really proud of you for emailing a psychologist. The fact you did that shows you're serious and a man who takes action. That, and signing up for the AA program, were probably the two most important first steps you'll ever take in your life.
I'll tell you straight up right now: The next 1 to 2 years of your life
are going to be absolute hell.
You're going to have days where you cry for 5 hours straight, days where you want to quit everything entirely, days where you're convinced you will never ever make it. You are going to have to systematically confront each and every single one of your doubts, fears, insecurities, worries - and each one will seem insurmountably difficult to climb. It will not be easy.
But it'll be worth it.
I was in your position
, and I've managed to achieve things I never in a billion years thought I deserved. You literally can do anything you want, as long as you keep one thing in your head and never let go of it: I. Will. Never. Quit.
I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty about the money thing mate, but I do really appreciate your gratitude. I'm happy to give you some
so you'd actually be putting the money to good use, but the best payment you could give me is a life well-lived.
Don't misunderstand what I wrote - it's not 2 years of hell only. It's 2 years of hell AND the biggest, most profound, life-changing highs you could imagine. I only mentioned the lows, but Jesus you'll have a tonne of days that are so amazing you'll feel like your life is complete.
When I mentioned "1-2 years" I meant that's how long it'll take you to get to a point where you wake up happy every single day, and almost never feel depressed (maybe once every 6 months).
All of this is contingent on you never quitting, of course. If you're stubborn enough to just keep pushing through all the bullshit, you'll get there eventually.
Success is literally inevitable if you never quit.
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
I DEFINITELY didn't think that your hair-loss prevention would fix my hairline. Not in a billion years. It mother fucking did. You saved me a crazy amount of time, a ton of money, unnecessary pain, and destroyed my #1 source of anxiety. DESTROYED IT.
Kratom is next!
To anyone reading this, follow through, read this material, APPLY this material, and enjoy life.