TOPIC: Maximizing my social freedom

Day 31

I have plans this weekend on both Friday and Saturday night, so I'm skipping day 30 (the nighttime squeeze drill) for now and coming back to it later. I don't want to kill my momentum.

Today is a day of reflection. So far, the approach anxiety program has been incredible. I've been wanting to kill my approach anxiety for years now. I've gotten to the point where I can approach girls at night on my own, but I've never done a true daytime approach. I've talked to girls indirectly during the day before, especially at college, but I wouldn't consider it a real approach. This is the only program I've found that is easy to follow and slowly builds up to those daytime approaches.

I've noticed that when I'm not doing drills, my social freedom and social skills become much worse. I get in my own head more and don't say what I want to say. When I'm doing the drills, I feel much more free and don't care far less about what people think.

That isn't to say the program is perfect, though. My first critique is that the program doesn't progressively become more difficult. Sometimes the difficulty spikes. For example, I found the Arnold drill to be much harder than the flexing or nerd glasses drill. The other critique I have is that the program doesn't focus on situations (except for the stationary high five drill). Doing or saying different things can affect anxiety, sure, but I find that the environment matters more. For example, it's much easier to approach a girl who's sitting, by herself, in an calm environment where there aren't many people around. It's much harder to approach a girl who's walking, with a group, in a crowded, loud environment. It would be nice if the drills focused situations more (this is something I aim to focus on when I start doing actual approaches).

The days I did the best were the days I had nothing else to worry about (work, gym, errands, etc.) and could focus entirely on the program. On these days, I would go out with the mentality of "I'm going to finish this day no matter what." The days I did the worst were when I was either fatigued or had other things on my mind. On these days, I wasn't able to focus entirely on the drills and made rationalizations to avoid doing them. I can foresee this being a problem in the future, because the end goal is to be able to do approaches during everyday situations, like getting groceries, instead of making specific time to do approaches. This will have to be worked on.

Overall, I'm happy I made it this far and excited to finish the program!

Yeah, you have good insight on the program. I agree with you.

I'd like to create my own version of the AA program some day, updated and modernized. It would be a massive undertaking, but man it would be cool to have a more refined process.

That would be awesome! With tweaking and modernization, it would be far more effective.

Day 32

Today was time, directions, non-sexual compliment. Today was slightly harder than expected, but overall easier than most of the goofy drills. I took today to do drills in more challenging situations: groups, walking groups, and in crowded stores. I made sure that most of the girls I approached for the non-sexual compliment were somewhat attractive, which actually made it easier because I genuinely wanted to talk to them. The reactions were all appreciative, and one girl even blushed. Getting closer to real approaches, which is exciting!

Day 33

This drill was directions, "hopefully I can get there I fell down a few minutes ago," non-sexual compliment, "I need to be a little more careful." I did half the sets yesterday at night and half the sets today. That was the first time I attempted drills at night... I felt more like a creep lol. Anyway, the hard part of this drill was "sticking to [my] guns." I actually think I handled it pretty well. I didn't care how they reacted to anything, I said the next line as planned. When I asked for directions to typical places like Starbucks, and then said the line about falling down, most girls reacted like "uhhhh ok." But when I changed the directions to the hospital, almost every girl was concerned; one girl even freaked out and suggested I take the bus with her lol. I also made sure to do some reps on walking girls. I feel like that's where I still have the most AA. Onto the next day.

Day 34

Today was "ring ring ring, banana phone. hey there do you hear a phone ringing?", non sexual compliment, "I think it's your banana phone," "hey - I think your banana phone is ringing." I got this drill done all today, although it took me 2.5 hours of walking around. Definitely the second hardest drill so far (hardest is still the Arnold drill). Some of the reactions made me feel like a major creep, but I stuck to my guns and kept going as long as they didn't walk away. Happy to be done with this one.

Day 35

I had more free time than I thought today so I did day 35 too. Day 35 is "hey bro" time "u mad bro?", non sexual compliment," u mad bro?", "you really helped a bro out." I went to a college campus for this one. The plethora of women combined with the drill itself made this drill way more fun than usual. I got mostly good reactions, although some girls were put off by "u mad bro?" My performance was great on this one. I did rapid fire reps and beat my anxiety, talking to really hot girls and girls in crowds.

Edit: one note I wanted to add is that after doing this drill I started using "bro" in almost every sentence lol

Day 36

This drill was time, "that's a nice shirt," "those are cool shoes," "that's a cool haircut," "that's an awesome purse." I did this drill over three days: first day I did 10 reps, second day I did 4 with the intention of doing the challenge on the last rep but couldn't, and then I finished it out today. I really wanted to do the challenge but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do it. With more attempts I'm sure I'd get it, but I don't think it's worth the time investment. Overall, this drill got a variety of reactions which is interesting. Some girls were creeped out after the first compliment and started walking away. Some girls were super into all the compliments and said "thank you" with a smile after each one. After this week, I can safely say I can give compliments very easily now.

I know the next drill is the third night time squeeze drill, but I still haven't done the second one. I'm going to go back to these when I get a Friday or Saturday night free. I've tried doing these drills on weekdays but there just aren't enough people out to make it reasonable.

Last note: I think I figured out where the majority of my AA is coming from now. I no longer care about getting rejected or about saying stupid shit to girls. I care about the lack of anonymity. When I do drills far away from where I live, or places where there are a lot of out of towners, or even on college campuses where I don't know anyone, I have insane social freedom. I can do the drills very easily. But when I do drills near where I live, where people I know may see me, I get in my own head much more quickly. For the remaining drills, I'm going to start doing them further away from where I live. Once I've completed the program, I should be able to integrate approaches into my daily life, as long as I don't do 15 in a row like some of these drills require.

Day 38

I'm trying a new style of logging where I write down my thoughts after each attempt at a day.

This day was 10x "you're cute", 10x "hey wait up a second, you're cute", and then repeat. I just finished the first half and am writing the first part of this log now as I take a break. The first rep was the hardest two words I've ever said in my life. I kept telling myself it was just two words. After about an hour 30 of walking around I finally got the balls to do it. The first girl looked at me as if in disbelief and let out a barely audible "ha" with a sly smile. It was glorious. One of the best feelings of my life.

It wasn't easy after that, but I started picking up the pace. I finished the first 20 reps in about 2h30m. I only approached girls I actually found at least a little cute which made it slower. But I'm proud of myself because I approached girls in crowded areas and didn't give a fuck if others heard me. The one area I failed at was approaching girls in groups. That needs to be worked on. Overall, I got maybe 4 negative reactions out of the 20, where the girls looked at me like I was a huge fucking creep. As if they were disgusted. It was hard not to be fazed by this honestly. The rest were either sterile "thank yous" or really ecstatic "thank you"s with big smiles. Even from hot girls! This is the first time I've felt like I've actually hit on girls in the daytime. It only takes big balls and volume approaching to do it. While some girls may be disgusted, others will be enthusiastic. I've learned this from approaching girls at night too.

Writing this after I tried for the second 20 reps. I got extremely tired and my brain basically shut down after 6 reps. My legs were mush and I decided to go home. I will do the remaining reps tomorrow.

Went out again to do the remaining reps. Horrible performance by me. I skipped so many girls. I'm disgusted by myself. I'm going to redo the second half tomorrow.

Redid the second half today (3rd day in a row). Much, much better. Was very tough to get started again, but not as tough as the first time. The first five or so girls all gave me blank, expressionless reactions. Honestly, it was hard to keep going after that. Then I did the drill on a hot girl and got a great reaction, which kept me going. I know it's bad to focus on the reactions, but it's hard when it feels like the girl is rejecting your soul. The second half (the "hey wait up a second, you're cute" on moving girls) was a lot more difficult. But I think I had my breakthrough moment. I did the first drill on a very average chick. Then this complete cute babe started walking toward my direction. My thought process was "wow, she's really pretty and cute, I want to do the drill on her" but I pussied out. AND THEN SHE GAVE ME A BIG CUTE SMILE. I felt fucking terrible. On one hand, yeah a cute girl gave me a smile, unprompted. But on the other hand, I had so much regret. All those times I could've been talking to hot girls, but was too much in my own head, were opportunities gone to waste. This moment really made me realize it. So after that I did the drill on another really cute girl, and her reaction was laughing and an enthusiastic "thank you!" This moment gave me a mindset shift. Even if I get rejected by dozens of girls, it's worth it cause eventually there will be a hot girl who digs me. This motivated me and I finished the rest of the reps not too long after.

Long post... but this was a breakthrough day. I know I can do this. I have to keep pushing!

Awesome!!!
" Even if I get rejected by dozens of girls, it's worth it cause eventually there will be a hot girl who digs me."
I had to go through that realizations a couple of times before fully internalizing it, but the feeling is amazing.

"It only takes one dtf girl to make all the other approaches worth it."

Great progress, keep pushing, you're almost there

Day 30

Finally had a free Friday night to do this drill. This drill was squeezing 10 girls on the arm and saying "nice," then repeating it with "cute" instead. I went to a bar that I know gets super crowded but got there early to avoid a huge line. I ended up waiting for an hour and a half, just drinking water and browsing the forum, till it finally got crowded. I got up to do the drills and got major AA. Took me about 10 minutes of convincing myself to do it. Took about 5-8 minutes per set. I did it sober so I'm proud of myself. It's much easier on a Friday night when it's super crowded and there's some anonymity. I was also getting some eyes tonight, mostly from above average girls and below, which boosted my ego a little bit. I might have tomorrow night free too so maybe I'll do day 37.

Day 30

Finally had a free Friday night to do this drill. This drill was squeezing 10 girls on the arm and saying "nice," then repeating it with "cute" instead. I went to a bar that I know gets super crowded but got there early to avoid a huge line. I ended up waiting for an hour and a half, just drinking water and browsing the forum, till it finally got crowded. I got up to do the drills and got major AA. Took me about 10 minutes of convincing myself to do it. Took about 5-8 minutes per set. I did it sober so I'm proud of myself. It's much easier on a Friday night when it's super crowded and there's some anonymity. I was also getting some eyes tonight, mostly from above average girls and below, which boosted my ego a little bit. I might have tomorrow night free too so maybe I'll do day 37.