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Approach Anxiety
Approach Anxiety Program
Maximizing my social freedom

TOPIC: Maximizing my social freedom

Maximizing my social freedom 13 May 2019 16:19 #317000

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Hey guys, I'm back. Things in life have been going well (better paying job, banged a couple of new girls from online, gym gains, new friends), but my approach anxiety and social freedom have just gotten worse. Not finishing the program was also eating away at me. I've scheduled time to do AA drills at least once a day, sometimes twice a day.

Anyway, for the past week and a half, I've been attempting day 14 with poor performance. First few attempts were me just walking around and not doing anything. Then I tried to build up to the high fives with asking for time -> asking for time + high five, but the majority of the people I ask are walking and don't stop moving and thus aren't close enough for me to high five. It's also worth noting that I do the drills in a somewhat rough metropolitan area where everyone is apprehensive of people harassing them, which makes rejection more likely and adds to the anxiety. The times where I've gotten to 10 high fives before have either been at college campuses or malls.

Today, I finally had a breakthrough, and to anyone else struggling with this day, try this: I told employees of nearby stores that I needed 50 (make this number high to make it seem like a challenge) high fives that day, and asked if they would help me. Most enthusiastically said yes. From there, my social momentum was built and I was able to go for a bunch of high fives as the drill is written. Even though most attempts were rejected, I didn't care.

I'm going to keep trying this tactic to build social momentum. I will report back when I crush this day.
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Maximizing my social freedom 19 May 2019 00:32 #317146

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Day 14

I finally crushed this day and feel good about my performance. I even got to the point where I don't need a warm-up and can go for high fives straight away. The only anxiety I have for high fives now is in crowded areas where I know others may see me get rejected. It's not that I fear the rejection itself, but rather I fear others seeing the rejection. Anyway, I know day 15 is more high fives, so I will tackle this anxiety then. My goal is to be able to high five everyone on a very crowded block here.

Tip for people struggling with this day: high five guys too, it will help build social momentum, and I think there's a lower likelihood of being rejected.
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Maximizing my social freedom 20 May 2019 16:11 #317179

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Day 15 (incomplete)

Today was rapid fire high fives. I did 10 high fives today in about 45 minutes, which is way too slow, and I ran out of time for set 2. There was a stretch where I got rejected seven times in a row and was about to quit, but I forced myself to push through. I also did high fives in areas where others saw me get rejected. Overall, I'm satisfied with my performance.

Unfortunately, the area I'm doing these drills isn't ideal for rapid fire, so I'm going to go to a nearby college and do 10 high fives in under 5 minutes (twice). I also want to do 10 high fives in a very crowded block here. I won't let myself move on until I accomplish these goals.
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Maximizing my social freedom 22 May 2019 16:22 #317222

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Day 15

Yesss. I'm ebullient. I finally beat this day after years of it haunting me (this is where I stopped during my first attempt at the AA program).

Yesterday, I went to a college to do the rapid fire high fives, only to realize that it's summer session and not many girls are there... So instead, I did the drills today in my usual spot with an extreme inclination toward speed. I ran between blocks just to get to girls more quickly. The first 10 high fives took about 15 minutes, which is about a quarter of the time it took me on day 14. The second 10 high fives took about 13 minutes, which is about one third of the time it took me on day 14. I even built up the courage to do the high fives on the extremely crowded block here. I got rejected so many times in front of so many people, but I didn't let it bother me; I just moved onto the next high five.

It feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. Onto day 16!
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Maximizing my social freedom 24 May 2019 16:28 #317280

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Day 16

Today was stationary high fives (20 total). These drills took a while, not because they were challenging, but because there were so few stationary girls. I got so fed up with the lack of quantity that I went to a bus stop, where eight people (both men and women) were lined up, and high fived all of them. Not a single rejection! I felt like a boss afterward. Also, the "challenge" was to high five girls smoking cigarettes, but I didn't find that any harder to do. I got three high fives on girls smoking throughout the day, whenever I saw them.
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Maximizing my social freedom 28 May 2019 16:28 #317426

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Day 17

Today was the ABC drills. I walked around for about 30 minutes until I was able to do one drill, then the social momentum rolled and the drill became easy. Some girls were like "wtf", but the majority giggled uncontrollably. I felt like I made their day. I ended up doing 16 drills instead of the required 12 (cause I thought 16 was the required amount).
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Maximizing my social freedom 29 May 2019 16:02 #317475

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Day 18

Today was time, do you like my shirt, can't decide, keeping tag on. Overall, a pretty easy day, albeit with a lot of quantity (20 total). The first girl I asked if she liked my shirt straight up said "no" LOL. All the other girls after that either said it was good, fit well, or it was alright. It's crazy to think how far I've come since when I first started. Doing this day a year ago would've been impossible.

One thing that I have trouble with is getting girls to stop walking. I have no problem approaching girls who are walking anymore, but they usually continue walking after they tell me the time. I'm able to say the second line (which today was "do you like my shirt?"), and they may even answer, but at that point they've walked away so far that I can't say the third line. Does anyone have tips on how I can get girls to stop walking? I got through this today by approaching a lot of girls and also prioritizing approaching standing girls.
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Maximizing my social freedom 09 Jun 2019 00:46 #317894

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Day 19

Today was hi how's it going, is there a hair salon around here, getting Justin Bieber haircut, and what's your favorite haircut for guys. This day took me a whole week. For some reason, saying "hi, how's it going" and nothing else after gave me a lot of anxiety. I repeated just that bit until it got easy. The Justin Bieber and favorite haircut part weren't hard. Also, my gay voice isn't very good, so that added a little bit of difficulty.

I had a great interaction today. Midway through the drills, I stopped a cute blonde, whose face immediately lit up. She was fidgeting, smiling, and really just feeling me the whole time; a very flirty interaction. It took so much willpower not to ask for her number or actually hit on her, cause I know she would have been down. More motivation to finish these drills...
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Maximizing my social freedom 11 Jun 2019 17:11 #318012

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Day 20

Today was time + restroom + I mean the men's room + I hope it's clean + it's usually gross. I had no issues asking where the restroom/bathroom is. I did have some hangups about saying "I mean the men's room" when the girl previously said I don't know, but I got over it. There was one girl who literally stared at me for 5 seconds after I said that lol.
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Maximizing my social freedom 14 Jun 2019 09:07 #318094

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Day 21

Today was the squeeze drill. Holy shit guys. I went out last night (Wednesday) and it was hard to find a venue suitable for this drill (most didn't even have 10 girls), so I decided to do it the next night (tonight, Thursday). This weekend I already had plans for Friday and Saturday, so I knew I had to do whatever it takes to finish this drill tonight. I went out around 11 and hopped around venues, none were as crowded as I had hoped, but I could've still done the drill had I not pussied out.

Finally, I found a venue suitable around midnight. Got there, pussied out big time. This was by far the most anxious I've felt from a drill. I've gone out solo before, but this was a different beast. I decided I needed a drink... After the drink, I kept trying to pump myself to do the drill. I walked around over and over but couldn't do it. Eventually, I left the venue feeling defeated, thinking that I would have to skip to day 22 and come back to day 21 later. But I vehemently wanted to avoid that scenario... So I somehow got second wind and went back into the same venue, determined to just "get in there" and do it as soon as I entered. That did the trick. I squeezed 10 girls and got out asap. I felt like a boss, like I owned the place. People looked at me weird, but no one said anything. I remember thinking "yeah that's right, you won't say shit." Felt unbelievably good after, like I could conquer the world. This was the most euphoric I've felt from doing the drills.

I want to do this day sober eventually. Whenever I have a free Friday night I'll try this again, but for now it's onto week 4!
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Last edit: by canderson.

Maximizing my social freedom 17 Jun 2019 19:25 #318220

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Day 22

Today was hey + where can I purchase suspenders + my mom says I look good in suspenders + I lost weight so my pants won't stay up. Hardest part of today was saying "hey" and nothing else. The rest of the lines weren't too bad as long as the girl didn't walk away.
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Maximizing my social freedom 18 Jun 2019 23:04 #318264

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Day 23

Today was "do you know how I can get to Sesame Street?" One of the easiest drills so far, except that the volume was tough (had to do 30 sets). Got a mix of reactions, ranging from laughing to staring, but my performance was solid.
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