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Approach Anxiety
Approach Anxiety Program
Maximizing my social freedom

TOPIC: Maximizing my social freedom

Maximizing my social freedom 11 Dec 2018 04:46 #311827

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Crowded places are more difficult, there is no way around it. What helps me to get over that fear is think that the people in the crowd don't know each other, and that reduces the power that they have over you. Hope this helps.
I didn't finished the program yet, so I'm not the best model, but don't stress too much about skipping girls because that leads to a negative spiral as you said
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Maximizing my social freedom 11 Dec 2018 17:45 #311842

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Day 7

Done! The mentality of GETTING IN THERE prevented me from getting in my own head too much, then once I gained social momentum the rest was smooth sailing. I talked to lots of cute girls, and most had really positive reactions! I also didn't skip that many girls (I approached maybe 70% of opportunities).

Thanks @Gabo, I had that mentality in crowded situations and it helped. I'm still not nearly as proficient in crowded areas as I am the rest of the time, so it's gonna take some work.
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Last edit: by canderson.

Maximizing my social freedom 12 Dec 2018 17:43 #311911

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Day 8

Faced some adversity on this day, but I persevered. In the middle of the drills, one girl ignored me completely and walked away with a scowl on her face. I let this get to me and started getting in my own head and skipping many girls. However, I remembered Chris's words of GETTING IN THERE, which got me to approach the next girl. Also, today was the same as day 6 and 7 with one addition: asking "did you like it?" Surprisingly, all the interactions made sense for me to ask "did you like it?", but the girls were still very confused with this question. Still, they answered happily.
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Maximizing my social freedom 13 Dec 2018 16:56 #311948

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Day 9 (incomplete)

Today's drill was asking for the time, asking if they've been to a restaurant, and asking if they liked it, regardless of whether or not they said yes to the second question. I didn't anticipate today being so difficult. I did the first two reps no problem, but 1.3 (time, restaurant, did you like it) was very difficult. I got in my own head thinking about the possibility of the interaction not going smoothly and then got into a negative spiral where I skipped many girls. I adopted the mentality of GETTING IN THERE to approach a couple more times, but both the girls kept walking cause they didn't have the time. At that point I decided to cut the day short. Going to repeat this tomorrow.
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Last edit: by canderson.

Maximizing my social freedom 13 Dec 2018 19:16 #311955

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If you psyche yourself out take a break, go eat something or drink coffee and get back to action later with a fresh mind.What you don't want to do is walk around regretting not approaching girls over and over, I learned this the hard way.

When you approach girls consecutively in a short period of time you get momentum. When you skip a lot of girls in a short period of time you get negative momentum.

You are either approaching girls or you are doing something else, what you don't want to do is to be in a state of 'I want to approach girls but I can't because I'm a pussy' , that's when AA builds up.

Maybe do the first reps in standing targets and then do it on moving targets. Or repeat the first two reps until you've gathered enough social momentum to ask 'did you like it?'. Once you have social momentum bad reactions won't bother you.
AA program: Day 42/64
www.goodlookingloser.com/forums/beat-app...oach-anxiety-journal
Number 1 goal:
Get to 10.000 hours of drawing.
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Cut down to 66kg
23 yo
Lay count
Total: 3
After gll: 2
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Maximizing my social freedom 14 Dec 2018 17:30 #311990

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Gabo wrote: If you psyche yourself out take a break, go eat something or drink coffee and get back to action later with a fresh mind.What you don't want to do is walk around regretting not approaching girls over and over, I learned this the hard way.

When you approach girls consecutively in a short period of time you get momentum. When you skip a lot of girls in a short period of time you get negative momentum.

You are either approaching girls or you are doing something else, what you don't want to do is to be in a state of 'I want to approach girls but I can't because I'm a pussy' , that's when AA builds up.

Maybe do the first reps in standing targets and then do it on moving targets. Or repeat the first two reps until you've gathered enough social momentum to ask 'did you like it?'. Once you have social momentum bad reactions won't bother you.

This all makes sense. I've definitely experienced both positive and negative social momentum. Wanting to approach but continually failing gives you negative social momentum, which gets exponentially worse. Taking a break at that point to go back to neutral seems like it would work. I'll try that next time. I also haven't tried going for only easy targets until I build enough social momentum. That way I wouldn't feel bad for skipping girls.

With all that said, isn't the point of these AA drills to be able to approach at any time without anxiety? I'm not sure if these "tricks" are conducive for that.

Day 9 (incomplete)

Tried again today with better results. Was able to do 3 full sets until I ran out of time. The first reaction I got to "did you like it?" when they said no made me realize the awkwardness wasn't bad at all, so it helped me get through. I skipped a lot of girls though, maybe only approaching 30% of opportunities. I'm going to do 3 more sets tomorrow at a college campus (so I'll have done 6 total, 1 more than the 5 suggested) and then move onto day 10.
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Last edit: by canderson.

Maximizing my social freedom 17 Dec 2018 17:21 #312139

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Day 9 (repeat, incomplete)

I ended up wasting the weekend by doing the drills in bad locations. I wanted to scope out new spots, but they ended up having very few women there (like 1 every 10 minutes or so). Anyway, I did some drills this morning but I don't think I'm ready to move on to day 10. I'm going to keep hammering today until it becomes easy. I care too much about not being awkward, so asking if they've been to a nearby restaurant and asking "did you like it" is difficult.
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Maximizing my social freedom 18 Dec 2018 17:40 #312174

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Day 9 (incomplete)

Did a couple more sets this morning. I feel a rush from the last girl I approached. She was not only the cutest but also the most receptive, smiling and giggling at everything I was saying. She was totally feeling my vibe, and I think she expected me to hit on her and ask for her number. But unfortunately, I can't do that until I'm done with these AA drills. It's great motivation and validation though, knowing that some girls will be super receptive and it's just a matter of finding them.

In terms of my performance, I did alright. As usual, the beginning was tough, but as I gained social momentum, things picked up. I've narrowed down the source of my anxiety to two things:
1) crowded areas, or areas with police officers or security guards
2) girls who keep walking and ignore me

To get over 1), I think I need to set some time aside and ask girls for only the time in extremely crowded areas, like malls or crowded streets. Otherwise, I tend to avoid crowded areas and do these drills in more secluded spots.
I'm not sure how to get over 2). It will probably come with more experience.

I'm going to do a few more sets for this day until I really nail it.
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Maximizing my social freedom 19 Dec 2018 17:57 #312208

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Day 9

Did more drills today. Asking "did you like it?" no longer fazes me. Moving onto day 10.
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Maximizing my social freedom 20 Dec 2018 17:29 #312232

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Day 10 (incomplete)

Today was asking for the time, asking if there's a movie theater nearby, and asking if they've seen any good movies lately. Today was really easy compared to day 9, and I was able to do three sets no problem. I woke up late so I unfortunately couldn't do the last two sets. I will finish this day tomorrow.
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Maximizing my social freedom 20 Dec 2018 22:23 #312249

Keep pushing.
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Maximizing my social freedom 21 Dec 2018 18:27 #312266

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Day 10

Done. I did the last two sets. There weren't too many girls out, so I lost social momentum between approaches, but I was able to push through.

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