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Approach Anxiety
Approach Anxiety Program
Maximizing my social freedom

TOPIC: Maximizing my social freedom

Maximizing my social freedom 03 Dec 2018 16:47 #311577

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Day 1 (also did this today)
Made an introduction post (although it seems to need approval from moderators before it's posted?)

Day 2
Signed the AA petition log
Starting my journal (here)

This is the second time I've started this program. Last time I made it to week 3 but had to stop because I got a new job in a new city, requiring me to move. I'm at a place in life where I have plenty of time and motivation to start this program again.

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Maximizing my social freedom 04 Dec 2018 06:18 #311600

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Day 3 (decided to do this today)
Already have a Tinder profile but I touched up some of my photos to make myself look better.

I'm all ready for drills tomorrow! Aiming to go first thing in the morning before work.

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Last edit: by canderson.

Maximizing my social freedom 04 Dec 2018 16:18 #311610

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Day 4
Done. I asked five girls for the time. I was surprised how anxious I was for the first approach, especially considering that I've done this before. I let a good 4-5 opportunities pass by before finally approaching for the first time. I was able to get myself to approach because I saw my "target" from a good 10 seconds away as we were walking toward each other. The fourth girl that I asked for the time kind of ignored me and said "no," but I didn't let that get me down.

I was contemplating repeating this drill, but I know next day's drill is the same thing but faster, so I'll just wait until then.

Areas to improve:
- Not thinking about approaching (seeing the girl and instantly approaching)
- Approaching in situations where we're not walking directly toward each other
The following user(s) said Thank You: AdamHill

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Maximizing my social freedom 05 Dec 2018 16:45 #311642

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Day 5

I woke up this morning feeling like I wanted to do anything but approach. I listened to Chris's audio, made breakfast, and forced myself to go out. I'm glad I did! I made progress today. The first set of five girls that I asked for the time took me 16 minutes flat, and the second set took me about 11 minutes and 5 seconds. The very first girl (who was pretty cute) that I asked for the time was overwhelmingly positive, which rubbed off on me for the rest of the approaches. My reactions throughout the day were mixed, although most were positive. One thing I am noticing is that because I'm doing these approaches in the morning before work, a lot of girls aren't stopping and just tell me the time as they continue walking forward. I'm not sure how to get around that for the next set of drills where I need to ask girls more than one question. Today I managed to ask girls who weren't walking directly toward me (from the side), so I managed to improve in that area. There was still a lot of hesitation before my first approach, so that area needs work.

Areas to improve:
- Not thinking about approaching (seeing the girl and instantly approaching)
- Making girls stop to have a conversation
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Maximizing my social freedom 06 Dec 2018 14:39 #311681

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It's raining hard here, so I'm going to take a break from drills today. It sucks to take a break so early, but it's a marathon not a sprint. Tomorrow should be clear skies.

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Maximizing my social freedom 07 Dec 2018 17:10 #311710

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Day 6 (incomplete)

I unfortunately ran out of time to finish this day. I got to set 3.3, so I successfully completed 8 "reps." Although I talked to way more women than 8 because many just kept walking after I asked for the time, or didn't speak english well enough, so I had to repeat.

In terms of reactions (I know that's not what matters), I got a wide variety. Some girls were extremely polite and helpful, and perhaps even into me, and others ignored me or just said "no" and kept walking. In terms of my performance, I avoided many possible interactions when I had to ask for more than just the time. I need to not care about who's listening to the conversation or what the conditions on the street may be. Asking for just the time was very easy, however, so that's something to be happy about.

Overall, this day could've gone a lot better. I'm going to finish it tomorrow, take a break, and then continue with day 7 since it's a repeat of day 6 but done faster.

Areas to improve:
- Making girls stop to have a conversation
- Not worrying about who's nearby and/or listening to the conversation

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Maximizing my social freedom 08 Dec 2018 18:57 #311733

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Well, that went poorly. I went out with the intention of completing day 6, thinking it would be easy, but today was hard mode. I went out too early, and it being the weekend, there weren't many people out. Since I had to start with the 3.3 drill, I psyched myself out and ended up not approaching until about 40 minutes in. I ended up getting to rep 4.3.

I'm just going to redo day 6 from scratch, this time in a different location and later on in the day. Planning to do this a bit later today.
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Maximizing my social freedom 09 Dec 2018 00:11 #311736

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Day 6 (repeat)

Done! I went to a local college campus and it was MUCH easier. The girls were warm and courteous, and they were concentrated in mostly one area. Going to a college honestly feels like cheating. I'm not sure if I should go there or continue in harder locations (like the malls or popular streets). Anyway, by the last set, I had basically 0 approach anxiety when the girls were in a somewhat secluded spot. In crowded areas, the approach anxiety was still there, but it was lessened. I guess I get anxious when I know other people are listening to my conversation. I'm proud of my performance so I'll move on to day 7 tomorrow.

Areas to improve:
- Not worrying about who's nearby and/or listening to the conversation
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Maximizing my social freedom 10 Dec 2018 00:45 #311773

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Actually ended up taking a break today. My schedule was jam packed, so rather than squeeze a few approaches in, I decided to take a breather.

I will say, however, that my interactions with people in my day to day life has become so much easier. I don't feel anxious talking to random people, and I'm comfortable with small talk. The social freedom is coming!
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Maximizing my social freedom 10 Dec 2018 01:34 #311775

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It's not cheating dude, there are just more young girls packed in a same spot, which makes build social momentum much easier. It varies from person to person though. I didn't find campuses easier. Keep it up
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Maximizing my social freedom 10 Dec 2018 18:11 #311802

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Day 7 (incomplete)

Today was the same as day 6 (time, directions, have you been there) but with an emphasis on GETTING IN THERE. I went out with this mentality and approached the first girl I saw, which prevented me from getting in my own head like I usually do. I was able to finish one set (1.1, 1.2, 1.3) within 5 minutes. Unfortunately, I woke up late today (I slept late last night if you catch my drift), so I only had time for one set. I'm going to try to finish today up after work. I haven't done this program in the dark yet, so we'll see how it goes.

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Maximizing my social freedom 11 Dec 2018 04:07 #311826

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Day 7 (incomplete)

I'm frustrated with myself. I went out after work and approached the first girl I saw. No problem. Then 20 seconds later I approached the second girl I saw. No problem. Then for the third girl, I thought: "she was close to my previous approach, she might've heard me ask for the same thing, I'll skip her." I started making excuse after excuse for each girl that I saw. Soon after, I reached a really crowded area, where there were so many opportunities to approach, but my anxiety got worse because of how crowded it was. It was a downward spiral after that. I ended up walking for another 30 minutes and not approaching any other girl, being completely in my own head. It being night time made it worse too because it seemed like girls were on guard for potential muggers or whatever, so it made me feel like I was being creepy, making me get in my own head even more.

For those reading, how did you guys get over approaching in crowded areas? That's the biggest contributor to my approach anxiety at this point. I can approach hot girls, even groups, without a problem in secluded areas, but I can't do what should be easy in crowded areas. I end up not approaching at all in crowded areas and picking and choosing my approaches. So it feels like I'm making progress in the program, but I'm really only making progress in one area of approach anxiety.

Anyway, I think this calls for a repeat of day 7.

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Maximizing my social freedom
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