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I technically started off the first few days already but didn't sign up since I was away from my PC.
A quick update is required before I progress.
- Signed the petition on the website
- Started my journal (on the iPhone notes app - copied and continuing here - also going to continue keeping a copy in my notes in case there's a day I feel like skipping or I feel like shit I can remind my self of my progress so far).
- Listened to the audio related to day 2 multiple times. Probably gonna go back over all of the audios again at the end of the first week to solidify the key points. Today's was focused on execution.
- Already had OKC (can't link, but basically similar to the POF) and
profiles so I quickly read through Roosters guide and edited where I could, Definitely need to go back and add a bit more personalisation to my about me sections since it was pretty much a copy and paste job as well as fix my shit pictures (hate taking a photo. Also have Tinder but only go on now and then. Any feedback would be most welcome.
- Messaged girls on both sites for about 40 minutes in total. Even though its a number game I doubt I'll get many responses as 1) The message templates from the guide don't seem as something that'll generally spark convo with British girls - but what do I know & 2) my profile is low-quality and I'm not much of a looker. However, I'm not gonna let either of those two points discourage me.
Onto day 4 tomorrow morning (possibly either go to the smaller but more local shopping centre in my area or Westfields depending on how I'm feeling in the morning) .
• Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE - completed
- Despite going earlier out in the day to purposely try complete the drill it wasn't until this evening that I actually got started. I found as I was walking around the small local shopping centre that I have to find a way to quieten the voice in my head otherwise doubts start to creep in. After trying to get myself to do the drill and failing I went back to work but once I was done I was determined not to return home failing the first drill so I decided to get off a stop earlier and take a walk by the river to get it done. Took me about 30-45 mins but that was also due to a lack of people around for some reason. One thing I realised is that on all occasions where people where walking they wouldn't stop. Don't know whether this is the norm with this drill, whether I'm approaching/asking wrong or I'm giving off a I'm going to rob you on the street vibe .
- Another quick point is that I ran a quick test to identify whether I had AA with everyone or just the opposite gender by approaching a random dude on the street. Went up to him totally fine, got the response and wished him a good day.
- Saw a PYT on the DLR (form of transport in London) today and we made eye contact a couple of times. Obviously I didn't make a move but hopefully one day going over and introducing myself will be a walk in the park.
- Decided to start working on holding better eye contact whilst going through the program.
Tomorrow is day 5. Hopefully it goes a bit more smoothly.
Nice job on day 4 Timmy. As far as your POF profile goes I would get rid of the one where you're wearing glasses and the one where you're wearing a hoodie. Sometimes less is more you don't want girls screening you out from photos that don't show you in your best light. Less is more for the written profile too. Don't put that you're muslim unless it's really important to you. Generally anything I have the option to leave blank I do, with the exception of physical traits that make me seem attractive. Remember from Rooster's guide your photos are going to be 99% of whether a chick wants to date you or not.
When I started I was using those Rooster messages as well but I didn't really like using them. Now I basically just start with some form of "Hey, how's it going?". If she's interested she'll respond. Send a couple more like "what do you do for work?" or "where you from?" small-talk type questions. Then follow the rest of the guide with the stuff about having her text you and calling her, etc.. You'll find what works for you, just remember messages, profile info all that shit doesn't matter lol. Get good photos! Theres a lot of info on the forum about how you can get some. I'm definitely no authority but I've done okay online since starting AA program.
You seem like a cool guy. Good luck and no matter what don't give up and don't take days off. You know as well as I do that living with AA is unacceptable.
Thanks LastTrain for the advice. Definitely gonna need to update my online profiles.
Day 5: (A good nights sleep makes a whole world of difference)
• Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE. (0/5)
• Walk up to 5 women again an ask them for the time, but do the drill faster. LEAVE. (0/5)
- My failure to execute let alone complete todays drill all stems from making the stupid decision of staying up till the early hours which in turn meant I got very little, poor quality sleep. I had a groggy feeling all day which I still haven't really shaken off. I struggled to do basic tasks throughout the day and all I could really think about was going to bed. I did actually walk around a few times throughout the day to complete the challenge but tiredness seems to make that little voice of doubt in my head 100x much harder to fight. Furthermore, the longer the day goes on without me starting equates to more pressure on me in turn further increasing my AA. Vicious cycle but a valuable lesson early on.
- Like I stated earlier on I need to find some time (probably this bank holiday weekend) to sit down and personalise/edit my online profiles on POF, OKC and Tinder. Only gotten two responses after God knows how many messages (which haven't gone anywhere) alongside a few messages from girls I have no interest in.
- 100% going to complete day 5 early on tomorrow. No excuses. I'm heading to Westfield to exchange some clothes so I should have ample opportunities to execute and complete. Don't know if anyone's ever combined two days before but I may if the day 5 drills don't pose me too much trouble and get them done before I finish work. Day 6 seems involves asking for directions as well as if they've been there. Seems basic but I already know it won't be.
• Walk up to 5 women and ask them for the time. LEAVE. (completed)
• Walk up to 5 women again an ask them for the time, but do the drill faster. LEAVE. (0/5)
- To start off the day I listened to the day 5 audio again. This reaffirmed a crucial point in my mind of fighting for every inch. If I want to rid myself or at least combat my AA to the point where it's no longer a hindrance then I need to put in the work and tons of it at that.
- Still experiencing failure to execute when presented with an opportunity. Took me a long long time to eventually get myself started. However, once I got started it was like a weight off my shoulder and the approaches just kept happening. Completed the first part in about 20 mins in total. I didn't complete part 2 as I had been walking around for an age (I had left about 45 mins before sunset but now the sun had set and it was now dark out) and my legs were beginning to ache and seeing as I was fairly close to home decided to call it a night.
- It's a bank holiday weekend and despite weather forecasts not looking to promising they're should be more people that fit my demographics around so hopefully that makes it easier (probably won't lol).
- Day 6 tomorrow (few more questions involved) but only if I complete the 2nd part of day 5 within 15 mins.
Haven't posted in a few days due to a death in the family causing me to have to put the program on hold. I'm not sure how much of an effect day-to-day momentum has on effectively completing the program but I feel it's best to just restart seeing as I'm only on the first week and had to take a break (albeit enforced). Also, whilst reading over my notes of the first few days I could see a clear pattern of finding excuses not to execute. Now I don't know whether this is the norm for most or actually underlying social anxiety. What makes this even more weird to me is that in some situations I can hold strong eye contact, flirt and be generally social with women but in others I'm a complete wuss who'd rather scroll through reddit than interact.
With this restart I plan to make completion of the program my biggest priority this summer overtaking callisthenics and language learning.
I plan to force myself to execute consistently by the end of the program but at this point I'm not entirely sure how to go about it without applying too much pressure on myself. Some experimentation is needed.
Listened to all the audio files from day 1-3 again. In case you missed it earlier I need to learn to execute. Do the drill and forget about the outcome. Been messaging a few girls on POF/Tinder these past few days I wasn't doing drill and I'm now getting a few responses here and there. Need to revisit OKCupid at some point (put it to the side as I wasn't getting any responses).
Got a funeral tomorrow morning so the drill will probably be started mid afternoon. Re-doing day 4 should be interesting especially as I think I'm going down to Zara in Oxford Street to try and pick up their perfume which is supposedly an Aventus Creed knockoff.
Finally decided to come back and carry on with the program after a long hiatus. Decided that tomorrow will be day 3 since I’ll be at a wedding from midday so aim to complete it before I go. Also read some of the newer members logs and found it inspiring so hopefully that can propel me to get out there and overcome my AA.
There has to be something wrong with me. The last two days have been total failures and these are the supposedly super easy drills. Yesterday (16th) I only managed to approach one person despite walking around for about 90 mins. Today I went out on two separate occasions but failed to get out of my head and couldn't get started. My feet actually ache slightly but I have nothing to show for it. The first time round doing day 4 felt easier, I wonder whats changed. Not going to give up though got to keep plugging away until I can do the drills with ease.
On a more positive note currently speaking to 4 girls across my dating apps so lets see if I can turn these into dates.
Back again for a 3rd attempt to beat at least week 1 of the program. I refuse to give up even if it takes me a whole year (hopefully not).
I've been keeping up with other peoples logs but not doing anything myself apart from online messaging. This has been a recent them in my life in general where I've had little motivation or energy to do anything. Not sure whats causing this but I need to rectify it as soon as.
a) Beat AA
b) Complete ThenX intro program
2. Find a full time job
The rough schedule I have in mind looks like this:
6 hours sleep - been getting this much recently and I only really get tired when it's evening time
1.5 hours for eating - trying to put on weight - all my boys have at least decent mass making me look even skinnier
5 hours of work - I work part time at weird hours but want to get into full time work so I can move out.
1 hour of random Internet
1.5 hours for gym - currently working through the ThenX intro program
1.5 hour for commute
2-5 hours AA drills - some days I could put in more some less. If going well could try doing more than one drill in a day.
1 hour learning Portuguese - been a project I've been doing for years and a welcome relief from the daily grind whilst still being productive
2.5 hours downtime hanging out/chilling with friends etc
Any recommendations for alterations would be appreciated.
If I can't complete the first week this time round I think I may need to go see a doctor to check for underlying problems. I don't think I have extreme social anxiety but I'm no expert.
Aiming to complete Day 3 & 4 tomorrow seeing as I'll be done with work by 2.
The first days are the 'easiest' because the beginning stages are the hardest. I remember when I started the program 1 month ago that I would struggle with day 6 a lot, the first weeks were an absolute grind for me. But remember that when you struggle the most, that is when you make the most progress even if you don't see the gains yet. The difficulty of the drill itself doesn't matter, what matters is how hard it is for you.
Just force yourself to do it. If you find walking around a lot stop it, take a break and try again later that day. 1 hour of walking turns easily into 2 hours. You have to avoid falling into a negative spiral.
Comfort doesn't make you happy. NUMBER 1 GOAL: SOCIAL FREEDOM. FINISH THE AA PROGRAM/KILL AA
"the problem i have with most things online, as well as in real life, is that the people that talk the most are the people who should talk the least
and the people who should talk the most talk the least because they are busy taking action in real life"
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