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Day 16a: I did 8 drills (got 4 stationary high fives)+1 challenge (smoking girl). It wasn't too hard today, I just need to go out of my house, stop procrastinating drills and everything is better. I had a lot of rejections (65% rejections) but didn't care. It is nice when girls reject you politely, it doesn't hurt, but the creeped out reactions are the ones that harden your skin the most. I did the drills in the mall, in the park, in the street, in public transport. I got rejected in front of a lot of people and I didn't care.
There was some stuff (school related) that upset me, I had a discussion with my mother, but what the fuck man, you are 22 years old, stop acting like a fucking kid. Seriously, I get down so easily, I need to stop being so fragile, my problems aren't problems. Everything is cool. I guess that the good part is that I went out and did the drills even though I felt like shit.
Again, my fuckbuddy invited me to her place, I didn't fuck her because it hurts too much for her, but it was good I guess. Best thing tho is that she cooked me a meal, she seems very loyal and wants to please me.
Tomorrow I will destroy day 16 in the mall.
(I don't know why I said I did 4 reps, I did 8+challenge I swear)
Edit: I am reading older entries of the log and it seems like it was an eternity ago, like WTF, even though I am only doing the bare minimum I am a completely different person and I just realized that. Despite all my procrastination and laziness this program is working, imagine if I did 2x the amount of drills, I would be way ahead of the game.
“you are 22 years old, stop acting like a fucking kid”
I feel like this a lot. Also, man, you have a fuckbuddy, you are getting laid, use that shit.
This is quite common these days, sadly. We have the luxury of having never-ending teens. It is no way to live. It is comfortable but it is not fulfilling at all. You are passive.
As for the getting laid, I'm not fucking her yet, but I guess I am keeping the neediness under control. I also feel way more connected to the idea of having sex with the chicks I talk to, horniness helps to override anxiety sometimes. I am very lucky to have a fuckbuddy but I know I have earned it.
Well guys, day 16 is history. Did 12 remaining drills. Most were in the mall, I did one in the subway. I made eye contact with her first. I did the challenge again, it was easy. I don't know why smoking girls would be more intimidating (even though I got rejected by smoking girls three times).
Did a couple of extra drills too.
I still have trouble with this:
-Being the center of attention (too many girls in a row, people watching me)
-Couples, girls with kids.
-Older women, tall girls.
But I will move on to the next day because this things are not specific of this drill, they have always caused trouble.
I loved this high five drills, they are quick, easy and painful. It is simple, you can do it everywhere, no excuses. I will build the habit of high fiving strangers every day.
There was a girl that I wanted to talk to at Muay Thai but I pussed out. Next time I will high five her.
Completed day 17 (ABCs). Scary, scary drill on paper, but I am already used to dealing with high levels of anxiety. Once that I got in there the rest was easy. Did 3 sets in the mall, took less than 1 hour, but the last 2 took about 20 minutes.
I said the sequence, then stared at the girl's eyes for 2-3 seconds. Most girls were confused but not creeped, some laughed. Did the challenge twice, on moving targets. One of the challenges was a milf (mid 30's), very pretty, she laughed, she said "Good! You know the alphabet", then "Are you playing a game?" and then she left. I said the alphabet 4 or 5 times. It was very embarassing, there were a lot of people. I think that I got over the fear of making a fool of myself, my ego was destroyed with today's drills. Seriously, this week was great so far, I loved high fives and ABC's. I tried the third challenge on a stationary group of girls but they wouldn't leave, they were laughing but they were telling me to leave at some point haha, I couldn't withstand the pressure and left after the fifth or sixth time. Maybe I will repeat the challenge on one of the experimental days.
Here is me failing the challenge. I tried my best not to laugh but I cracked out laughing
I also did high fives, both stationary and moving, I'm trying to make it part of my daily life.
Did day 18
Time, Random Question - Do you like my shirt?, Leave
Time, Random Question - Do you like my shirt?, I just got it and I can't decide, Leave
Time, Random Question - Do you like my shirt?, I just got it and I can't decide, I'm going to wear it and keep the tag on so I can return it, Leave
* Challenge: Time, Random Question - Do you like my shirts, My boyfriend bought it for me, I think it's gay
Repeat this 5 times today, you will talk to a total of 20 girls (most girls so far)
Easiest drill so far. I did in the mall, execution was effortless. This was THE positive reinforcement drill. Very positive reactions. One milf even said I looked good and touched my arm. On some reps I omitted the time question (I think Chris said in the audio that you could do that, it should be more difficult). A small percentage of girls were creeped out. Did the challenge on all 5 sets, it was hilarious.
I did some high fives too, trying to make them part of my daily life.
I did day 19 (justin bieber).
Day 19 Drill (Level 3) (14:01)
Hi, How's it going? (Listen), Leave
Hi, How's it going? (Listen), Do you know if there's a hair salon around here?, Leave
Hi, How's it going? (Listen), Do you know if there's a hair salon around here?, I'm getting the Justin Bieber haircut, Leave
Hi, How's it going? (Listen), Do you know if there's a hair salon around here?, I'm getting the Justin Bieber haircut, What's your favorite hairstyle for guys?, Leave
* Challenge: Hi, How's it HANGIN'? (Listen), Do you know if there's a hair salon around here?, I'm getting the Justin Bieber haircut, What's your favorite hairstyle for guys?, Leave
Repeat this 4 times today, you will talk to a total of 16 girls;
Do it once talking gay, Do it once being COMPLETELY SERIOUS, Do it twice just being "yourself"
I was feeling terrible today. Not physically but mentally. I felt sad and apathetic without any fucking reason. My brain's chemistry does this from time to time, it is the worst feeling in the world.
I don't know how I managed to do the drills at all, I went through the motions. When I started I felt completely disconnected from people. Not even anxious, it was more on the realm of depression.I could barely ask people for the time, back to square one. I forced myself to do the drills and gained momentum, now I am better. This was one of the days where I pushed myself the most, along with been there and did you like it days. It isn't about the drill itself most of the time but about my mood/state of mind.
The drill itself was harder than expected. Saying how is it going out of nowhere was hard. Faking the gay accent was hard too, I felt like a total creep. I didn't do the challenge.
This couple of weeks I've been trying to overcome addiction to technology and overthinking. I guess this is the way it backslashes. Technology is comfortable noise that covers all the dark shit that is going in your mind.
I will make priority to make friends in college (instead of acquaintances). It is the best cure for depression. The problem is that the friends that I have are depressive overthinkers too. I must have daily concrete activities both productive and unproductive (having fun) everyday that keep me away from thinking too much. You can't go cold turkey, because technology is a distraction that substitutes lack of real dopaminergic activities. It is like porn, not watching it is not enough, you need to have sex with real people. If I cut distractions without bringing in cool activities with real friends, this is what will happen.
I know this is the cause of my laziness, if I fix this the work ethic that I have inside me will come to life.
Was planning to do an experimental day. Took Phenibut but ended up not going outside during the day. Went out at night, did one high five, one abcdefg and 2 how is it going? (And leaving). I want to make this drills daily habits, they're simple and repeatable in any context/dynamic. The how is it going drill is a great stepping stone for approaching.
Went out with a girl from tinder. She wasn't that bad, I was clearly cooler and better looking. But for some reason I pussed out and didn't make a move. Even if she wasn't that sexual, she would have given the green light if I kissed her. We walked and talked for 2 hours. Not good, not good, I must limit the conversation. Get in and get out.
Nah bro I'm just doing bare minimum. Lightweight baby. Seriously I want to switch the mentality from "doing what I'm told", "completing the AA program" to "I WANT TO MAX OUT MY SOCIAL FREEDOM. I WANT THE FUCKING GAINZ".
There are quite a lot of guys that are doing/have done better than me. I might be on the top 50% of good looking losers, but given my advantageous situation (I have a lot of time, I live in a big city, have several bars at walking distance, unlimited streams of pussy, I see like 10-20 hot women everyday) there's no doubt that I have below average willpower/balls. Let that sink in, Gabo. Shouldn't you be more prideful about defending your manhood? No, it seems that I care more about preserving my nice guy facade that I show to people that I will never see again, are frustrated at their jobs and don't have sex very often. I need to stop feeling guilty of being ahead.
At least I don't change the drills and don't make up excuses for being a pussy. I am pretty open about being a pussy, but that doesn't make me less of a pussy tho.
Did day 20.
Day 20 Drill (Level 3)
* Don't Ask Employees or Girls that are Working
Time, Thanks, Leave
Time, Do you know where the nearest restroom is?, Thanks, Leave
Time, Do you know where the nearest restroom is?, I mean the mens room, Thanks, Leave
Time, Do you know where the nearest restroom is?, I mean the mens room, I hope it's clean, Thanks, Leave
Time, Do you know where the nearest restroom is?, I mean the mens room, I hope it's clean, The mens room is usually gross, Thanks, Leave
* Challenge: Instead of saying restroom- say "bathroom" (it's slightly less appropriate)
Repeat this 4 times today, you will talk to a total of 20 girls;
We don't have two different words for bathroom, so I didn't do the challenge. However I decided to challenge myself by doing a set in the street.
In the mall it was one of the easiest drills of the program, but doing it in the street made it so much harder and awkward, but it was just as fine. The 'I mean men's bathroom' was autistic but I don't have a lot of trouble with making a fool of myself anymore. The whole drill was hilarious.
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