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Gabo wrote: August 4th
I recorded a vlog. It was very hard to talk to a camera, that's why I did it. It was a social anxiety drill in itself. Also, putting my face out there will keep me even more accountable. If I quit, you can post my face and make fun of me. The content of the video is pretty much venting.
I did 1 set of day 11. It was pretty easy, but dedicated too little time. Awful time management on my part.
I took phenibut, I don't know how much, I don't have a scale. It was a full 1 and 1/4 teaspoon (this is probably a high dose, it has a very bitter taste). This is very irresponsible of me. I have tried lower doses but they didn't do much effect.
Invited to my place the girl that I kissed and touched the last date (this was the 4th date). Showed my place, showed my room, went in there, we talked, and I started touching her. As expected, she didn't resisted, she was pretty much open to sex. She's a cute girl, short, a little bit of fat but not too much. I applied the audio of today (CEO/Executive frame) and told her "Take your shirt off" , "Take your bra off" (I don't know how to take clothes off). Took her pants off, and my pants too. She commented that I have a nice body. I kissed and touched practically her whole body (except her asshole), I really enjoyed doing that, got hard pretty quickly. I masturbated her, since I am very inexperienced I experimented a lot. She masturbated me while I was masturbating her and this was the best thing ever. She also touched my body, I was really sensitive to that, I think thanks to Phenibut. I sucked her pussy a little bit (not to much, I am not accostumed to the smell). I know this is a AA log, not a sex log... maybe I should move this somewhere else.
She had a hard time getting wet, I think it was largely not my fault. I asked and she didn't masturbated very much. I tried to finger her but she resisted, acording to her she lost her virginity but the hymen grew back, she is 18 so I believed her. So it was pretty much mutual masturbation for 1 hour and a half. I couldn't cum (her masturbating me), I had the same problem last time I fucked, please, I would appreciate help with delayed ejaculation. I finally masturbated myself and came. Despite this, I was a very relaxing experience, it cleared my mind.
Then I went to the mall and tried to do drills, but I was there for half an hour. It was late, there weren't cell phone stores open. Phenibut was peaking, and I just had sex so I was very much in state. I remembered the CEO/Executive frame post and I laughed my ass, I remembered the video 'How to get laid pretending you are rich', it is a dellusional but brilliant concept. I really understood how much you can fake status and confidence. If you give orders, people will think you are the boss, it's not the other way round. This was a moment of "concept encounters". I kept telling my self "You are a CEO" over and over. Funny thing is that I was dressed like some young executive (pic related). However, I was still unable to do the drills of the day, asked for the time though. I think it was mostly because of lack of people (my fault), but somehow the phone question made me think that people would think that I was gonna rob them. But I didn't try very hard this day, I must admit.
Later I went on a date with a girl from Tinder. She wasn't a naturally pretty girl, but the dressed very well and was cooler than me (as I thought). We walked, we talked, then we ate ice cream, it was really good. I understood what coolness means (besides the social skills that I'm learning through this program). It is having experience, as obvious as it sounds. It is a very specific set of knowledge. It isn't even knowledge, it is just random data, but you can't search it on google, you only learn it talking to other human beings. It is elusive, it changes, all the time, it changes greatly locally, and it is very superficial. It is related to popular culture, music, films, television, and places in town like bars, clubs. She kept firing this question:"Do you know x?" , I knew about 30% of the things she asked. And she asked, sometimes, "Have you been there?", a question that seemed weird of weeks before, now I know it is a cool question. As I learned the other day, I kept firing questions, I kept talking "Do you have brothers?" "What do your parents do?", "What cellphone do you have, Do you like it?" (I didn't count that as a drill). I was nervous about dates because I had anxiety, yes, but I also knew that I lacked this simple social skills. I think that being a cool person is one of my biggest dreams, even more than having a lot of money. Coolness is such an ethereal thing, it seemed unattainable for me back in highschool. GLL exists since 2013, it was my last year of highschool. Had I discovered this information back then...
Back to the topic, we walked a little bit more. Then I pulled her into a bar, I was insanely extroverted (fucking Phenibut man, it was awesome). I drank a little a bit of alcohol (I shouldn't have done that, I knew that mixing Phenibut and alcohol is bad, I will never do it again, I had a really bad experience the following hours). We had a really good time. We left, then walked to her house. We said goodbye to each other, I wasn't going to make a move, but she kissed me, and she kissed very hard, like she was very into me. Another ego boost.
I had a really good time with her. I can learn a lot from her (she is cool, confident and has higher social status), and she has more balls than I ever did (before the program). I think she is mentally healthy, she comes from a good family, and commented that a guy hit on her in the supermarket, she didn't like it but she was polite to him.
Then I walked back home listening to music, with the moon (quite big) in front of my. I was listening to music loud with my cellphone (something that makes me socially anxious normally). Music euforia is real, guys. I noticed people avoided me in the streets, I used to be scared of people because I thought they would rob me...
This post is absolutely great mate.
I can feel you're deep in the gll brainwash and the way you talk about everything and those concept encounters... Really good.
I didn't watch your video full of course but it's cool to see what you look like. And brave too, I wouldn't dare.
About phenibut though. This feels great but I must warn you : I abused it whilst deep in depression taking extremely large doses way over than the absolute maximum of what Chris recommended.
The high was good. Meh.
At times People tried to wake me up really hard cause I wouldn't.
I won't go into details I don't want you to freak out but it was Extremely confusing
I eventually had an extremely debilitating anxiety attack which put an end to the abuse.
So I suggest you stick to use it twice a week, otherwise you will have to get higher dose to get the same effect.
And when you take it maximum 4 grams for the whole day.
Also and this is important.
Although the feeling was good it was so because I was depressive, meaning I was hormonally disfonctional at that time.
The high I got when facing my fears recently, the Rush is Waaay better than any dose of phenibut. Really.
Anyway sorry for the freaks but it is important to know the risks.
Gabo wrote: August 5th
I woke up 14pm (I normally get up at 8am) and took the day off. One of the worst things that happens to me is that whenever I have a success, I tend to automatically give permission to myself to slack off, instead of searching for more. This effect happens a lot in sports, and it has happened to me all throughout the program. If I want to keep progressing, I must cotinue being the underdog.
The only advice I can give is to make an effort to do it evenso.
I eventually came to love and impatiently wait those moments around the corner where I would fall, or slow down, or doubt.
Because they used to kill me. Because I used to give up.
Then I decided to never give up and always get up.
And those where moments of struggle so I love them "finally I can fight harder"
You have a target, demolish it.
If you remain a slave to how you feel, you're not going to accomplish much. Scotty
Completed 4 sets of day 12 (Romantic). It was a funny day with funny reactions. However, it was more difficult than expected (but easier than day 11).
Again, I was very much in my head in the beginning, wandered around for 1 hour and did only 1 set. Then social momentum kicked in and I did 3 sets in 30 minutes. Still, I think it is a lot of time, and I let a loot of girls slip by. I will repeat this day, and I will focus on doing it faster, reducing the time where I'm in my head, being less selective and caring less of people watching me. What would be a decent time frame for completing the drills? (Considering that I live in a crowded area).
But it was a good day, anxiety is lowering, I'm thinking less and doing more.
I messaged girls that I already hang out with, I will try to secure at least 1 fuckbuddy, it will be critical for completing the program.
Completed day 13 (time, do you know where to buy good wine, I passed a test and wanted to celebrate, what type do you recommend), fairly easily.
But first I did a social anxiety drill: went to a sex shop and asked about penis enhacement products, they showed me a product analogous to Bathmate but cheaper. I was trying my best not to laugh, so I think it went pretty well.
Then I did another set of day 12 (romantic), again, it was pretty funny and ridiculous. It helped me to take myself less seriously.
Completed 4 sets of day 13. Did it in 90 minutes, but I think I did way better than yesterday, it was a place with less girls, and I let waay less girls slip by, I approached almost every hot girl I saw (except one because of weird dynamics,, I regret it). No girl said that didn't drink alcohol, and almost every girl knew a place where to get wine. This is probably a great place to get laid!
Returned to Muay Thai after a couple of days of skipping it (because of bad time management), it felt great. Did small talk with a girl.
After that, I did another set of day 13, so it was 5/4. Looking forward for tomorrow!
Edit: I will upload the videos from day 12 and 13 tomorrow.
So today it was the dreadful day 14... A lot of anticipatory anxiety before, but managed to get in there quickly, the worst part though was after the first 2 drills because they were creeped out quite a bit, so that got me into my head.
Wandered a while but managed to get it done in 40 minutes. Then I grabbed something for lunch. I read other guys' logs (@killtheinnerloser) and said to myself: "You can do better. You are just a little bitch". I know I shouldn't compare myself to others but honestly, competition and pressure sometimes brings the best out of me. I need a kick in the ass, otherwise I'm lazy. Did it in 9 minutes. Not bad.
About 40% girls gave me a high five, most of them in a very shy way. Of the remaining 60%, 30% where wtf reactions/I will pretend that I didn't hear you, and 30% were seriously creeped out lol. Highlight reaction: I highfived a girl talking on her phone, I heard she saying "A guy just high fived me".
Later this day I went to my fuckbuddy's house. Again, just playing around but I managed to finger her a little bit (one finger, she has a tight young puss) and I could cum while she was masturbating me (I guided her hand), and mostly looking at her body (but also thinking about porn). I came all over her tits, she was cool with it. Then I played for a while with her tits, she has actually I pretty nice body. Again, she complemented my body and touched my abs. We chilled after that, listened to music.
I have came to realise this: I have heard a couple of times that sex is overrated, that it is no better than porn. It is not surprising that this comes from losers friends of mine. They probably don't know how to have sex. It is not so much about learning x technique to make a woman orgasm. It is about ENJOYING YOURSELF WHILE YOU HAVE SEX, DOING WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT, BEING DOMINANT, playing with her tits, slapping her ass fucking her hard even if you cum instantly. That is what alpha males do, not tantric sex.
One could make an analogy between the PUA conception of seduction and the way that tv tells you how to have sex. The same idea "progressing" is present, like, first kiss, then touch breast, wait a couple of days finger her, then have sex. And the reality is, a lot of horny girls would love to get ducked hard in the moment, instead of following an arbitrary set of rules. Even if you could get a hot girl with those bullshit funny man lines, you won't really 'get her' because you won't know how to fuck with her. I'm not there yet, but I experienced a small dose of sexual freedom today. That's all for today.
Fuck myself. Procrastinated the drills all day being semi productive. Did 10 high fives after muay thai in [invalid]. I could have done 10 more but went back home and took a shower to do them later at the mal. Of course I went to the mall almost 11pm and of course there was no one around, stupid piece of shit. I'm so angry right now. I could do so much better.
I am not doing well on Tinder, like 30 swipes and 0 matches, before I would get 2 or 3. Tinder works like shit and girls are stupid.
No more procrastinating, no more thinking beyond bare minimum. No more wall of texts. Execute your fucking schedule, get out of your fucking house, do your fucking job, and write down what you did and how you felt, not your thoughts. Period.
Redid Day 14. I understood the rules wrong, thought that I had to give 10 high fives instead of getting 10 high fives. Anyway, did first set in 15 minutes, second set in 13 minutes. I love/hate this drill.
Went to a kick boxing sparring for the first time, another step towards manning the fuck up.
Attempted day 15 (rapid fire, I was aiming to 7 minutes) but failed. I will try again tomorrow. Got 5 high fives out of 35 (I should have tried 100 or 200 times, there is no excuse). I don't know why I had so many rejections, I had bad luck probably. I tried in the mall, in the street but it was the same.
I have abs, therefore I am superior to these pathetic girls. As always, cooler/younger/hotter girls high five, the ones that reject me are boring/ugly/old. Rejection is always better than being a fuckin pussy tho. See ya tomorrow.
Attempted day 15 bit failed again. I got 7 high fives out of 15 tries. I'm engaging girls better in the drills, I said to one girl "You have to high five me. Don't think about it. You have to do it", just like I say to myself to force myself to do it "I HAVE NO CHOICE". I'm following a set of instructions and girls should follow my instructions too.
I just need to find a location with enough of these cool girls packed in a small space, and preferably walking. I have a few locations in mind. I'll smash to the ground this day, tomorrow.
On tinder: I improved my pictures bit still don't get likes. (here is my profile http://gotinder.com/@gabrielnicogonzalez I think it is a problem with the system. Should I create a new account?
Completed Day 15 (rapid fire). Went to a college campus. Completed first set in 4 minutes, second set in 3 minutes. It felt very good. Most girls were stationary, so I think I won't have problems with day 16 (I will still do it, with challenges included).
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I didn't think the "Get Hung" guide would have girls eyeing my bulge. It did.
I didn't think that your exercise and diet advice would have girls checking me out. It did.
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Kratom is next!
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