TOPIC: Gabo's Approach Anxiety Journal

Gabo nice job and good luck going forward! I really enjoyed this post. I can definitely relate to those things you discussed that stem from being a nice guy. One of the really cool benefits of this program is how you desensitize yourself from other people’s opinions. It makes it much easier to stand up for yourself the further along you go with the exposure therapy.

I’ve had similar situations to the one you described with the Brazilian guy. Chances are he’s harmless but yeah, keep an eye on it. Nice job my man.

Day 8
Time, leave (first girl you see)
Time, direction, leave
Time, direction, been there, leave
Time, direction, been there, did you like it, leave
Ufff, this day really stretched me. I finished it but I wandered around for 3 hours. I approached the first girl I saw in my block, she was leaving a restaurant and I waited outside and asked for the time. It is not that hard for me to get in there and ask for the time. It is just the two last drills, it feels so unnatural to ask so many questions in a row, and the questions are a little bit weird themselves.
Also, it's hard for me to gain social momentum, I feel that every repetition is equally hard. They are almost harder, because I get paranoid of people noticing that I'm doing this. I feel anxiety after the drills too, after the did you like it question I spend a good amount of time before asking for the time again. I think it is because I am not an extroverted guy, the longer the interaction the worse. It sucks, but that means I get more from this drills than people who have it easier for Social interactions. Having balls is more important than being extroverted.
BUT I DID IT. At this point I realized that it's just a matter of time or effort. Either I walk more laps around the mall until I or I get my self in there and do the job faster. I did two sets at the mall, then two sets on the street (again, it was a rainy shitty night). I went back home at 1 am lol.
At the mall I did a "move" that I'm trying to learn. I saw a sexy girl with a big, fat ass. I got a boner and immediately used that energy to throw my self in front of her. Of course I can't control my erections but when I get one I must use that energy to take action.
I asked a girl "did you like it?" after she responded "No" to "have you been there?". It wasn't the end of the world. For the first time in the program I'm feeling more outcome dependence when talking to hotter girls. I can have awkward interactions with average girls and still feel cooler, but I feel really weird and stupid if I do it with hot girls.
I told my mom about the program and she said "I don't understand why this is so difficult for you". It put stuff in perspective.
Online dating: It is going well, I'm getting used to talking to girls. Almost every day I have matches with girls that seemed unattainable for my pre-GLL self. It is doing wonders to my sense of entitlement. Right now I'm playing it very safe. The goal is not to get laid, but to talk to girls and go out with them. Making out with cute girls would be a very special thing. Positive reinforcement is critical.

Day 9
Time, Leave (talk to very first girl you see; DONT let her slip by)
Time, Have you ever eaten at [nearby restaurant]?, Leave
Time, Have you ever eaten at [nearby restaurant]?, Did you like it?, Leave
Today it was easier than yesterday, but still stretched me. Location: street. Again, asked for the time to the first girl I saw out of my apartment. Two of the girls that I asked if they ate in that restaurant answered "No", I still asked "Did you like it?". Nothing bad happened. No one is watching or following me, it is just my own shadow.
However, I am not happy with my performance. I took a lot of time (90 minutes) I let slip a lot of girls by, I approached mostly lonely girls. I am repeating this day.
I'm, not happy with my time management in general, I was very lazy this week.
I tried to record one of the drills, but traffic noise made my voice unhearable (next time I will put my microphone right next to my mouth). I will try to start recording at least some drills, otherwise there is no evidence that I'm doing this.
By the way, I'm trying to make the posts shorter and cut the random bullshit.

Day 9 (again)
For some reason I didn't feel good today. I managed to do 1 set, but I walked like 2 hours. I will try tomorrow. This is an easy day, I shouldn't have problems with it.
I'm still hitting on girls online, but I'm starting to face my insecurities. Biggest one right now is swag, I don't know what to talk about, etc. I need to understand that in order to improve swag I will have to talk to swaggy girls, and if talk to cooler girls I will mess up in some way. I need to have confidence in my looks, they compensate for lack of coolness, at least for some girls. Don't be arrogant, don't try to fuck the hot bitches yet.
Good mentality to have: lose the girls, fuck things up. Same with the drills: go prepared for bad reactions and deal with them. I just have to work harder and eventually everything will come together, somehow. For now, I have to get used to the bitter taste.

I was about to take the day off since I had stuff to do but I still asked 10 girls for the time. I started the day feeling like shit, I really struggled at first even with this easy drill. But I pushed through and at some moment the "magic" happened, I felt more socially free, I approached girls that I was about not approach, I approached girls at a shorter distance, I cared less about people around. That is the exact sensation that I must search for in future drills. I even recorded one drill.
Tomorrow I will try again the restaurant drill. Probably I will start doing vlogs, I think it will increase the likelihood of adherence to the program.

I'm stuck at day 9. Did 2 sets in 90 minutes. It was a fairly productive day, but I had stuff to do because I procrastinated so much last week. Did a lot of online though, I set up a date on friday and possibly another one on saturday. I'm facing a lot of lifestyle guilt insecurities. But who gives a fuck if I never had a job?
I'm very upset with my time management in general and my commitment to the program. I've installed a block for tinder, Google chrome and YouTube. The important thing is that I got the ball rolling, from now on I will do my best.

Thursday
3rd date with the girl I met through mutual friends. We went to the park, talked, I kissed her and I touched her (breast), according to 'How to lose your virginity' blueprint. She is a cool girl and gave me green light for everything, she's into me but she doesn't want to be in a serious relationship (I think). Next date I will invite her to my place to 'Netflix and chill'. I hope we have sex or at least I see her naked.
This process is making me more masculine. I'm starting to discover the creep inside me. She even said that I looked at her like a serial killer on the first date (that's a hell of a compliment). Before, I was afraid or ashamed of my sexual instinct, but now I'm more comfortable with it. I was able to shut down the Funny Man bullshit. If I said something funny it was because I was trying to have a good time, not because I was trying to amuse her. I touched her the way I wanted, not in the way that is ' 'correct' according to a set of rules. I screened her physically to see if she was comfortable with being touched in that place.
I got better at time management. Blocks are working. I did 4 more sets of day 9 (Yum Yum). It took me 90 minutes, I was in a bad mood at the beginning (had a fight with my mom), but once I got into the right mood I did the drills I did them fast and easily. Tomorrow it will be day 10.
Here is an 'in field footage' (lol) of me doing the restaurant drill.
I still have nice guy issues. Shaky and lame voice. I said some lame excuse for asking for the time with a phone in my hands, I will work on that. I can't talk to couples or girls with kids.
I didn't have problems getting in there every set asking for the time.
The restaurant didn't have much critical appraisal, I will keep that in mind.

Gabo wrote: . She even said that I looked at her like a serial killer on the first date (that's a hell of a compliment).

Lolz

Gabo wrote: Before, I was afraid or ashamed of my sexual instinct, but now I'm more comfortable with it. I was able to shut down the Funny Man bullshit. If I said something funny it was because I was trying to have a good time, not because I was trying to amuse her. I touched her the way I wanted, not in the way that is ' 'correct' according to a set of rules. I screened her physically to see if she was comfortable with being touched in that place

You're making a lot of progress !

Friday 3rd
Day 10 (movie theater). Today it went surprisingly easier. Took less than an hour to complete 5 sets, but I did the last two sets in less than 10 minutes. I got better at speaking at longer distances.
I still have problems with girls with boyfriends, girls that seem clearly in a hurry and girls that seem to be underage.
Another thing that I struggle with is making a fool of myself. There was a time when I did that. I was very socially retarded back then. Then I kinda turned to the opposite extreme. I thought that being silent was 'cool'. That's when I started the whole 'hard to get' thing. That arrogant attitude absolutely killed my chances of getting laid.
I went out with girl from tinder, we grabbed some beer. The program is making me not only more masculine, but also cooler. I applied all the advice from the audio: it was ridiculously effective. I always thought that I had to say interesting shit, like the conversation was ripped straight from the movie. That made me very socially awkward. The idea of 'firing up' questions is brilliant, and I applied it. This 'what to say' stuff is actually an outward manifestation of your anxiety. I was way cooler than the girl. She was boring, shy and wasn't very sexual. I hinted the idea of going to my apartment (we were one block away) but she declined. And honestly, I wasn't sexually attracted to her. I don't know how to lower my standards with fat girls. I just doesn't happen. I felt that I wasted my time on her, I skipped Muay Thai because of this date.

I almost got laid (masturbated mutually with a naked woman). I will expand on this later. I will not post creep pics because there was no penis into vagina and it wasn't cold approach. But if anyone is interested in a creep pic, PM me. It is not a great photo, I still have anxiety for doing that, it is just evidence.

August 4th
I recorded a vlog. It was very hard to talk to a camera, that's why I did it. It was a social anxiety drill in itself. Also, putting my face out there will keep me even more accountable. If I quit, you can post my face and make fun of me. The content of the video is pretty much venting.

I did 1 set of day 11. It was pretty easy, but dedicated too little time. Awful time management on my part.

I took phenibut, I don't know how much, I don't have a scale. It was a full 1 and 1/4 teaspoon (this is probably a high dose, it has a very bitter taste). This is very irresponsible of me. I have tried lower doses but they didn't do much effect.

Invited to my place the girl that I kissed and touched the last date (this was the 4th date). Showed my place, showed my room, went in there, we talked, and I started touching her. As expected, she didn't resisted, she was pretty much open to sex. She's a cute girl, short, a little bit of fat but not too much. I applied the audio of today (CEO/Executive frame) and told her "Take your shirt off" , "Take your bra off" (I don't know how to take clothes off). Took her pants off, and my pants too. She commented that I have a nice body. I kissed and touched practically her whole body (except her asshole), I really enjoyed doing that, got hard pretty quickly. I masturbated her, since I am very inexperienced I experimented a lot. She masturbated me while I was masturbating her and this was the best thing ever. She also touched my body, I was really sensitive to that, I think thanks to Phenibut. I sucked her pussy a little bit (not to much, I am not accostumed to the smell). I know this is a AA log, not a sex log... maybe I should move this somewhere else.

She had a hard time getting wet, I think it was largely not my fault. I asked and she didn't masturbated very much. I tried to finger her but she resisted, acording to her she lost her virginity but the hymen grew back, she is 18 so I believed her. So it was pretty much mutual masturbation for 1 hour and a half. I couldn't cum (her masturbating me), I had the same problem last time I fucked, please, I would appreciate help with delayed ejaculation. I finally masturbated myself and came. Despite this, I was a very relaxing experience, it cleared my mind.

Then I went to the mall and tried to do drills, but I was there for half an hour. It was late, there weren't cell phone stores open. Phenibut was peaking, and I just had sex so I was very much in state. I remembered the CEO/Executive frame post and I laughed my ass, I remembered the video 'How to get laid pretending you are rich', it is a dellusional but brilliant concept. I really understood how much you can fake status and confidence. If you give orders, people will think you are the boss, it's not the other way round. This was a moment of "concept encounters". I kept telling my self "You are a CEO" over and over. Funny thing is that I was dressed like some young executive (pic related). However, I was still unable to do the drills of the day, asked for the time though. I think it was mostly because of lack of people (my fault), but somehow the phone question made me think that people would think that I was gonna rob them. But I didn't try very hard this day, I must admit.

Later I went on a date with a girl from Tinder. She wasn't a naturally pretty girl, but the dressed very well and was cooler than me (as I thought). We walked, we talked, then we ate ice cream, it was really good. I understood what coolness means (besides the social skills that I'm learning through this program). It is having experience, as obvious as it sounds. It is a very specific set of knowledge. It isn't even knowledge, it is just random data, but you can't search it on google, you only learn it talking to other human beings. It is elusive, it changes, all the time, it changes greatly locally, and it is very superficial. It is related to popular culture, music, films, television, and places in town like bars, clubs. She kept firing this question:"Do you know x?" , I knew about 30% of the things she asked. And she asked, sometimes, "Have you been there?", a question that seemed weird of weeks before, now I know it is a cool question. As I learned the other day, I kept firing questions, I kept talking "Do you have brothers?" "What do your parents do?", "What cellphone do you have, Do you like it?" (I didn't count that as a drill). I was nervous about dates because I had anxiety, yes, but I also knew that I lacked this simple social skills. I think that being a cool person is one of my biggest dreams, even more than having a lot of money. Coolness is such an ethereal thing, it seemed unattainable for me back in highschool. GLL exists since 2013, it was my last year of highschool. Had I discovered this information back then...

Back to the topic, we walked a little bit more. Then I pulled her into a bar, I was insanely extroverted (fucking Phenibut man, it was awesome). I drank a little a bit of alcohol (I shouldn't have done that, I knew that mixing Phenibut and alcohol is bad, I will never do it again, I had a really bad experience the following hours). We had a really good time. We left, then walked to her house. We said goodbye to each other, I wasn't going to make a move, but she kissed me, and she kissed very hard, like she was very into me. Another ego boost.

I had a really good time with her. I can learn a lot from her (she is cool, confident and has higher social status), and she has more balls than I ever did (before the program). I think she is mentally healthy, she comes from a good family, and commented that a guy hit on her in the supermarket, she didn't like it but she was polite to him.

Then I walked back home listening to music, with the moon (quite big) in front of my. I was listening to music loud with my cellphone (something that makes me socially anxious normally). Music euforia is real, guys. I noticed people avoided me in the streets, I used to be scared of people because I thought they would rob me...

August 5th
I woke up 14pm (I normally get up at 8am) and took the day off. One of the worst things that happens to me is that whenever I have a success, I tend to automatically give permission to myself to slack off, instead of searching for more. This effect happens a lot in sports, and it has happened to me all throughout the program. If I want to keep progressing, I must cotinue being the underdog.

August 6th

I completed day 11 (time, do you know a place that sells cellphones, what phone do you have, do you like it). I felt a little bit rusty, wandered around a lot, I took 2,5 hours to complete the 4 remaining sets. I still have trouble with couples, girls with kids, girls that maybe are underage, and drilling a girl twice. I didn't have trouble for getting in there every set and asking for the time, I just wandered around forever for the last two questions. I asked a lot of girls for the time and a place for cell phones and then chickened out. Later I did 1 extra set (total of 6 sets) and felt fairly comfortable, so I'm moving on to the next day.

The drills are not that time consuming, but they pretty much drain your mental energy, maybe it's and excuse but getting in there is quite demanding psychologically. But it wasn't that hard. Another thing that I noticed is that I have a 'normal person mode' and the 'aa drill mode' and the time that I wander around is the time that it takes for the second personality to take control. It is like this two guys are clashing. The nice guy is resisting fiercely, but he will fall.